Of Sound Mind the Halfling Way

[the Jester]

The Evaluation

Please answer the following questions. Choose the answer that best describes the way you feel. Choose only one answer for each question. Please maintain silence while filling out the questionnaire in order to ensure an unbiased report on your psychological status. Remember that failing to answer every question with the best answer available is a crime under the statutes establishing the Asylum of Advanced Mental Treatment and is punishable by a fine of up to 1000 gold pieces for each unanswered (or falsely answered) question.

Name:
Race:
Sex:
Age:


1. Why are you at the Asylum for Advanced Mental Treatment?
A. I am sick and need help.
B. I am the victim of persecution or conspiracy.
C. You know exactly why I’m here.
D. I am not certain why I am here.
E. Strange things happen around me.

2. Describe your relationship with your parents.
A. My parents are dead.
B. My parents love me very much.
C. I hate my parents.
D. My parents and I have fundamental disagreements.
E. I will not disappoint my parents.

3. Describe any habits or hobbies you have.
A. I have habits and hobbies only that advance my life’s work.
B. What seem to be hobbies to you are actually very important, if inscrutable, activities.
C. I like to organize things in my spare time.
D. I play lots of games.
E. There is something that I habitually destroy in a ritualistic manner.

4. Describe your feelings towards Bleak.
A. Bleak shelters me.
B. I don’t care about Bleak and Bleak doesn’t care about me.
C. I go to church because I am supposed to.
D. Bleak grants me great powers.
E. I hate Bleak.

5. Which best describes your deepest sexual fantasy?
A. My sexual fantasies involve hurting and controlling others.
B. My sexual fantasies involve being hurt or killed.
C. My sexual fantasies involve my parents or other close family members.
D. I have no feelings of sexuality whatsoever.
E. I hate sex and all it stands for.


6. Do you have any exceptional mental abilities?
A. I can cause strange events to happen with my mind.
B. I am extremely intelligent.
C. I can read minds.
D. I have a talent for numbers.
E. My mental abilities are sub-par.

7. Do you sometimes like to hurt people?
A. Yes.
B. Only those that deserve it.
C. The things I hurt are not people.
D. I prefer dealing emotional pain to physical.
E. It doesn’t matter whether the things I do hurt others.

8. How is your memory?
A. I sometimes forget things.
B. There are big periods of time I cannot account for.
C. I have trouble remembering names and faces.
D. I have an amazing memory that keeps track of everything.
E. I have a remarkable memory for strange trivia.

9. How do you feel about death?
A. I am afraid of dying.
B. I am fascinated by death.
C. It should be a sacrifice to Bleak.
D. People overreact to death.
E. I look forward to experiencing all sides of death.

10. Do you like to get intoxicated?
A. I am drunk or high all the time.
B. I hate getting intoxicated.
C. Intoxication is for the weak.
D. I sometimes indulge in intoxicating agents.
E. I don’t have a problem with intoxicants.

11. How do you feel about other races?
A. They are inferior to my race.
B. I don’t understand them.
C. Different races offer different things.
D. They don’t count.
E. We are natural enemies.

12. Do you feel that people understand you?
A. I am beyond the comprehension of lesser beings.
B. My parents understand me.
C. I don’t understand myself.
D. I believe the doctors here can understand me.
E. I am easy to understand.

13. How do you feel about magic?
A. Magic is a tool, neither good nor evil.
B. We would be better off without magic.
C. It comes from the gods.
D. Magic is the key to power.
E. The potential for abuse of magic regretfully means that we should not use it.

14. Do people have any obligations towards each other?
A. People are obligated only towards their betters.
B. Our lives are nothing but a web of obligations.
C. An obligation is an honor.
D. Many are obligated to me for one thing or another.
E. Obligation is an illusion; we are obligated because we believe we are.

15. When you have a conflict with a friend, how do you resolve it?
A. We compromise.
B. I have no friends.
C. I usually give in; it’s not worth fighting with my friends over.
D. My friends do as I say.
E. Friendship is all about power roles.

16. What is your earliest memory about?
A. I remember suckling at my mother’s teat.
B. Something painful and scarring.
C. The first time I saw blood.
D. Some sort of sound.
E. A person whose name I do not know.

17. What will happen to you when you die?
A. Bleak will consume my soul.
B. I will become a greater being on a lower or higher plane.
C. I cannot die.
D. I do not believe what I have heard about the afterlife.
E. I will somehow cheat death.

18. What is important in life?
A. Material happiness.
B. My family.
C. My soul.
D. Power over others.
E. People other than myself.

19. Does your family have any history of mental illness?
A. A distant relative in a far branch of the family once went mad.
B. Several of my relatives have different forms of insanity.
C. There has never ever been any madness in my family, and I am perfectly lucid myself. My presence here is an aberration.
D. Insanity is just a different point of view.
E. Several of my family members have been considered insane, but only because others could not recognize their brilliance.

20. Describe your diet.
A. I eat lots of rare, bloody meat.
B. I prefer to eat things that are not socially acceptable.
C. I refuse to eat the flesh of an animal.
D. I consume souls in order to power my own apotheosis.
E. I do not think about what I eat.

21. How honest are you?
A. I am always totally honest, but others often misunderstand my meaning.
B. I lie to those inferior to me without a second thought.
C. Since truth is completely subjective, this question is meaningless.
D. I lie whenever it is convenient.
E. I lie only when I must.


“Oh dear,” murmurs Martini, and dips his quill in ink.

 

[the Jester]

Bugbears in the Ruins

8/1/369 O.L.G., 11:30 a.m., in the Brown Hills

Picture three figures, two walking and one on a kocho.* The two that walk are small, dwarfed by the riding bird. The third of them is larger, still smaller than the kocho but not by much. The bird darts its head this way and that, always on the lookout for trouble; but the travelers laugh and joke as they move along, stopping periodically for the big one to check the trail they’re following. They trade off; the little ones sometimes ride, sometimes the big one.

The three figures reach the rest of our heroes not long before noon, and they are greeted cheerily. Martini and Timothy were expected; but the appearance of Thelonious is an unexpected pleasure.

“Where did you get the kocho?” asks Lita, amazed.

“The asylum.” Thelonious explains that, since they got separated near the Buzzing Fens after their journey through the Underdark, he was down with the buzzing bowels for some time, then made his way to the Asylum for Advanced Mental Treatment. It had been some time since the group raided it and set all the inmates free, and word had already come that the party was on trial; so Thelonious, anticipating that he might be able to aid them from within, signed on as a guard.

When Martini and Timothy had been evaluated (with Timothy eating his food of wisdom that had been given to him by a waterfall faerie immediately beforehand), they had both come out as being all right. “The trick, I figured out in the middle,” Martini comments, “was to answer like a Bleak worshiper.” The others nod in understanding.

“The doctor said I’m getting better,” Timothy mumbles.

“Sure you are, Tim,” Martini says comfortingly.

***

3:30 p.m.

The group finds some tracks in the gully they are traveling through. “Humanoid,” nods Thelonious, “but bigger than us. It might be some of the crazy people.”

The group sets out to follow the tracks, and follows them right into an ambush. The trail leads them up to the edge of the gully, to a path along the side of a mountain that seems to lead to the ruin of a town, and then suddenly arrows rain down on them from above! Timothy gives a terrible warbling yell as two shafts sink into him, and he stumbles and almost drops to the ground. Instead he stumbles into the brush and drops down below the level of the bushes, hoping to conceal himself. He crawls, bleeding, over the edge of the path, and drags himself into a completely covered position, whimpering and groaning.

The arrows are coming from a ruined building atop a plateau on the mountain. Bugbears are within it! Most of the party slips from shadow to shadow, from cover to cover, but Boddynock starts shooting his crossbow at the window through which the bugbears are firing. His first bolt glances off the window. Martini is taking a more direct approach, running forward full tilt- and then he reaches the window, and his greatsword thrusts out and stabs deep into the first bugbear’s chest!

Martini rapidly finds himself beset by a pair of bugbears with morning stars, while the last continues firing arrows at Thelonious, who is hanging back and shooting a steady stream of arrows at the foe. Lita keeps darting in for a sneak attack or to lob alchemist’s fire and then leaping back around a corner to hide, and the bugbears seem to be becoming daunted by the fierce opposition these little halflings are mounting. Surely they weren’t expecting that!

A flaming bugbear leaps out of the ruined building, howling, and dives into the brackish water of a fountain that is a few dozen feet further into the ruin, extinguishing the flames. Unfortunately for it, Martini has just hacked down another of its buddies, and Thelonious finishes the one in the fountain itself off with aplomb. The final bugbear gives a last scream as Timothy magic missiles it to death.

Seeing no reason to stop when they’re ahead, our heroes quickly advance and slay several more bugbears. Unfortunately, several of them are already wounded, and by the end of this fight, both Timothy and Boddynock are unconscious, with Timothy about as close as you can get to death without actually shaking his hand and moving in to his house.

In the ruins near the fountain is a well with a large bucket and winch apparatus attached- a bucket big enough to haul a bugbear up or down. Tossing it down the well, followed by a flask of oil, Lita observes a tunnel at the bottom. Interesting, she thinks, and then frowns. The oil will probably alert any other bugbears that might be in there, but at least their bucket won’t be able to haul ‘em up. After a moment’s thought, she tosses the chain it road on to the bottom of the well, too.

“I bet the other bugbears come after us,” Sandy says nervously.

“What other bugbears?” asks Lita.

“What do you mean, ‘what other bugbears?’ There’s always other bugbears! Trust me on this, I’m a seasoned adventurer. There are more.”

Probably, Lita concedes inwardly.

“Well,” she says after a moment, “what do you say we trap the hole?”

They both look at the well. And smile a very halfling smile.

Next Time: Bugbears in the well!


*Kocho are riding birds. They are flightless, mean carnivorous critters commonly used as mounts.

 

[threshel]

Keep up the good work!

J

 

[the Jester]

Bugbears in the Well

8/1/369 O.L.G., 6 p.m., some ruins in the Brown Hills

Lita and Sandy urgently begin planning to trap the well before any bugbears can come out, but they’re too slow. Fortunately, Lita manages to catch the big goblinoid in the face with a flask of alchemist’s fire before it slips on the scum of soap coating the rim of the well, and it screams and falls. There’s a thud from the well and the sounds of some excited voices talking below. Our heroes tense, but after a few moments, the voices draw off.

“They’ll wait until dark,” guesses Sandy.

***

9 p.m.

Their tools are crude and their options are few, but Sandy and Lita have done brilliantly with what they had.

The well, from which they presume bugbears are going to emerge, is covered with a blanket. Large rocks- well, large for a halfling to forage and carry back, anyhow- weight it down on the ground around the well. Atop the blanket is another flask of Lita’s alchemist’s fire. Coating the rim of the well, under the blanket, is a film of moist soap.

“It’ll have to do,” Lita says nervously. “We’re in no shape to fight.”

“We should move off a ways to rest, maybe into the building the first bugbears were in,” suggests Sandy. The two halflings haul their friends’ wounded forms out of sight and try to disguise them with rubble and brush. Then they hide themselves and fade into exhausted sleep themselves.

***

8/2/369 O.L.G., 8:30 a.m.

“I’ll be damned, it worked,” Sandy says.

Their trap is intact. A single arrow is lodged into it from below; it appears to have pierced the alchemist’s fire, burning a hole in the center of the blanket (and likely the archer below). A look down the well reveals two corpses.

“They’ll try again,” Sandy states.

“How do you know there are more of them?” Boddynock asks. He is still terribly wounded, but he is at least conscious. Timothy remains on the edge of death.

“What are you talking about? I’m a seasoned adventurer, and trust me- there are always more bugbears,” Sandy replies firmly.

“Maybe we should just leave, then,” Boddynock shrugs.

“No way!” Lita exclaims. “Maybe they have some inmates from the asylum- or some treasure. Let’s take these bugbears out. Besides, how are we going to carry Timothy?” They all think of their somewhat autistic companion- he’s chubby, and since they have put him on the halfling program (since he thinks he’s a human, all evidence to the contrary notwithstanding) he’s really learned to eat.

“Good point,” admits Boddynock.

1 p.m.

The day is dry and dusty. Our heroes continue to watch the well. Suddenly a series of sounds presages a flurry of arrows from below. The blanket is pierced, and a couple of vials of acid and another alchemist’s fire drop down. This time the arrows continue- clearly there are several archers below.

Once the blanket it shredded, the arrows stop for a moment. Our heroes wait, sweaty in the hot sun, and to their surprise a voice calls up to them. Lita and Sandy exchange a glance and shrug.

“Oh, can’t you understand them?” asks Boddynock.

The halflings turn to the gnome. “You speak goblin?”

“You don’t?”

***

It turns out that the bugbear talking is the leader of the tribe in the ruins. He seems to feel that he’s lost enough people. He wants the group to let his people climb out of the well peacefully, and demands to know who they are and what they want. His folk have no source of food below the well, so they have to come out soon peacefully or no. Surprised by such a reasonable-sounding bugbear, the party (through Boddynock, who acts as the translator) asks whether the bugbears have seen or heard of any of the escaped inmates, describing the hospital smocks they had been wearing when the party released them. The bugbear chief declares that he has several of the smocks, but informs the party that, sadly, their wearers are no longer available.

“That’s a polite way of saying we ate them,” he admits, when pressed.

“Maybe the smocks will be worth something,” suggests Sandy with a sigh.

And so the bugbear chief and our heroes work out an exchange. The bugbears are allowed free the next morning, the party is given the smocks, and they move on, heading back to the Asylum of Advanced Mental Treatment to report in and return the smocks. The new head doctor, Dr. Avendzo, sighs sadly at the new of the deaths- three of them. He clearly finds our heroes’ efforts lacking, especially given that they are responsible for the release of the inmates in the first place.

Nonetheless, our heroes take the opportunity to rest for a few days.

Next Time: What was that about a mass murderer?

 

[the Jester]

8/12/369 O.L.G., 4 p.m., Grey Terrace

The community that our heroes have come to is a small, mostly dwarven town situated on the edge of the Stern Mountains. Here the hills rise up suddenly and dramatically; our heroes recall from their earlier journey through the mountains that some catastrophic geology must have been at work, for the features of the mountain are often sheer and jagged beyond belief.

Lita, once again wearing her noblewoman’s dress and jewelry, easily talks the group’s way past the community’s guards. Our heroes explain that they are seeking escaped lunatics, and the scowling, unfriendly guards allow them in without any trouble.

Grey Terrace is an interesting town. It spreads vertically, up a series of landscaped terraces in the hillside. There are several levels, which one may pass between by a long set of stairs or via a clever elevator basket (for a silver piece). Our heroes take the basket, and the ride is certainly less exertion than climbing the stairs would have been.

On the second level of the town, our heroes approach a farmer and explain their quest. His face grows dark and he snarls epithets at our heroes before turning his back on them.

“They aren’t too friendly here,” comments Boddynock as the party heads back towards the stairs. They’ve determined to go up to the top level and ask around there. Perhaps the mood there is a little friendlier.

It starts to seem unlikely, after a few more people are questioned and prove evasive or hostile; many of them seem to expect the halflings to try to steal from them for some reason. Finally, though, the group finds a dwarf with a little mellower attitude, and they explain their quest to him.

The dwarf- who introduces himself as Zendar- squints at the group for a moment, deep in thought. Then, speaking carefully, he says, “Well, you know, lads, not everyone’s a big fan of that asylum. There are even those that would say that a person locked up in there, well, might not deserve to be. Maybe even some of those people are fine in the head, just- inconvenient to somebody.”

Our heroes look at each other uncomfortably.

“Now, I certainly don’t know of any escapees in town,” Zendar continues, “but if I did, and if that person didn’t belong in the asylum- why, I certainly don’t think I’d help him or her hide out, but I also don’t think I’d help anyone look for him. Can I offer ye lads a pipe?” he inquires politely, extending a bag of Old Tobey towards the group.

“Why, that’s fine halfling tobacco!” exclaims Lita.

“Sure I’ll have a pipe with you!” Sandy cries. The group puffs together for a few moments.

“So you see, lads, I don’t think you’re going to find anyone here in Grey Terrace.” Zendar blows a smoke ring.

“I understand,” Sandy says, passing the pipe to his left. “But you have to understand our position as well. We’ve had a serious fine levied on us- and for each of these escapees that we return, that fine is reduced by 200 gold imperials.”

“I see, I see,” Zendar muses.

“I suppose if we were to ‘find’ 200 gold imperials here, along with serious evidence- such as the word of a good man such as yourself, Zendar- we could leave and not come back and report this place as ‘clean.’”

Amazingly enough, shortly afterwards our heroes find 200 gold imperials, and taking Zendar’s word for things, they leave Grey Terrace behind, not to return.

***

6 p.m.

Just north of town along one of the trails, our heroes stop. They have no remaining leads on the escapees as such, but while in Grey Terrace they heard that there was a murder recently somewhere north of town. Now they decide to see if they can find it. They set off, criss-crossing the hills, the Stern Mountains looming over them only a few miles away.

It’s just getting dark when Lita spots a sheet of webbing strung across the group’s path. She stops abruptly, crying out a warning, and something scuttles forward. Something... wrong. It’s like a spider, but with a fanged wolf’s head.

Lita screams.

The wolf-spider shoots a stream of webbing from its thorax, and Boddynock gives a shout of dismay as he is splattered and webbed in place. The sticky strands are all over him. “Get me out of this!” he shouts, struggling helplessly.

Timothy cries, “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you!” and steps in front of Boddynock, blocking the monster’s approach with his body. And as it scuttles forward on its arachnid legs, Timothy makes a few jerky motions with his hands, calls out a few strange choked-sounding words, and sprays the monster with violently clashing color! The thing gives out a wolf howl, shaking its head and standing, stunned and insensate.

Lita hurls a dart, which sinks deep into the thing’s throat. It howls again, clearing its head, and springs at Boddynock, biting him. The hapless gnome cries out in pain as the fangs pierce and poison him. More clashing colors hit the wolf-spider, but fail to affect it this time. Timothy follows up with a magic missile and the wolf-spider howls in pain and rage, springing at him and savagely pulling him from his feet.

Boddynock, meanwhile, finally manages to struggle free! Gleefully, he casts a magic missile of his own. Timothy color sprays the bizarre thing once again, scrambling away from it. And Lita just keeps hitting it with darts. As it is stunned again, she keeps it up, trying to catch it in the vitals as many times as possible. “We’re wearing it down!” she cries, but then it shakes off the stunning again and snaps at Timothy, bringing him down!

“Uh-oh,” Boddynock groans, barely able to stand. He’s using a tree for cover, but the creature is clearly faster than him...

But it’s also had about all it can take. And to Boddynock’s and Lita’s dismay, it drags Timothy away, off the path, and through a camouflaged cave entrance not far away.

Next Time: Can our heroes save Timothy?? He’s at -6 and dropping!

 

[Droid101]

Those whacky halflings....

 

[Angcuru]

I've just got to page two, and loving it. Stuck it in my sig o' awesome story hours.

 

[the Jester]

I've just got to page two, and loving it. Stuck it in my sig o' awesome story hours.

Thanks!!

 

[the Jester]

Down to the Wire Against the Wolf-Spider!

The cave- really just a hole in the ground- is covered by a trap door of mixed stones, sticks, webbing and bones. Our heroes rush to it, knowing that the seconds are ticking away. Timothy is dying! They have to rescue him- they have to at least try...!

With a gulp of fear, the group pulls the trap door open. A dim tunnel, wide enough for two halflings abreast to have fighting room, descends at a steep angle into darkness. Boddynock casts dancing lights into the gloom and Boddynock and Lita hesitantly, carefully enter.*

The passage, full of loose earth and rocks, leads the two intrepid heroes to a chamber where they can see the wolf-spider wrapping their friend in webbing. He’s sure to be a meal soon! But the two are sneaking carefully, and it is distracted.

Lita hurls another dart with devastating accuracy. It flies true, ending deep in the wolf head’s ear, and the monster howls in agony. It fires a web at Lita and sticks her to the ground. She gives a yell of dismay.

“I’m coming!” shouts Boddynock, almost out of spells, and moves up to try to help Lita throw off the web. But the two halflings, even working together, cannot get the psion free quickly enough. The wolf-spider drops Timothy’s half-cocooned body and starts scuttling forward at Lita, barking savagely. She pulls out her crossbow and starts to load it-

Too slow! The wolf-spider bites her, sinking spider-fangs from a wolf’s head into the poor hapless Lita. She gives a strangled cry and collapses, as the monster’s poison does its deadly work.

“Oh crap,” groans Boddynock.

The wolf-spider scuttles forward towards him. He fires his last spell- a color spray- but the wolf-spider keeps coming. Shaking with fear, Boddynock pulls out his tiny, gnome-sized dagger. He trembles as the monster skitters closer; this is it. They’re all going to die, now. Surely he can’t defeat this thing on his own, with just his dagger! Boddynock groans.

The thing springs at him, and Boddynock ducks under its slavering, venomous jaws and thrusts with his dagger. The blade sinks to the hilt in the creature’s forebody, and it gives another loud yelp and staggers away a pace. Still growling, the creature barks madly at the gnome, then advances again. It attacks!

Boddynock screams as the venom sears him. The thing is ripping him apart! Its jaws latch on to his chest- gods, it’s going to bite him in half!- and tighten.

Then, suddenly, it releases him! With a cry, he drops to the floor.

It staggers for an instant, lets out a plaintive whine, and collapses, bleeding and dying.

Boddynock, unable to believe it, shaking and bloody and weakened from the poison, stares at it. He slowly regains his feet. He’s clutching his dagger in his sweaty fist so tightly that it will leave an impression for hours, and his hand will be sore for days.

But it doesn’t get back up.

Slowly, Boddynock approaches it. He walks gingerly towards its head. Takes a deep breath- and slits the wolf-spider’s throat. It never responds. It was too badly wounded after his stab; the act of attacking him was such a strain that it defeated itself.**

Boddynock hurries to Lita. She’s breathing, her eyes are even open, but she seems paralyzed. She can’t move. It must be the poison, thinks Boddynock. Then, mournfully, he moves to Timothy’s wrapped up body and cuts it free.

Wait... he’s alive! Breathing shallowly, yes, but still alive! Boddynock grins. This isn’t so bad after all! The he looks around and reconsiders. Though it doesn’t look like there is anywhere else for more wolf-spiders to lurk, this is a very grim place to have to rest. “Well, we need to hole up, but this is ridiculous,” he quips. Then he grins. There’s no choice, really; he certainly can’t carry his friends out of here.

***

8/14/368 O.L.G., the wolf-spider’s cave

Two days of resting and recuperating are sufficient for the group to make a search of the wolf-spider’s nest. Among the gruesome, desiccated remains they find about 200 gold pieces and a scroll with the spells command, shield other and lesser vigor on it. Then they head outside to find a better resting place. None of them is fully healed; they are all, in fact, still barely alive, and weak from the poison. Though recovering, they are far from recovered. A little sunlight and fresh air helps a lot.

***

8/19/368 O.L.G., 9 a.m. near the wolf-spider’s cave

At last they move on. They are looking for the homestead where a recent murder occurred. “I hope it wasn’t one of the inmates,” comments Boddynock.

Timothy says nothing.

***

11 a.m.

When the little homestead comes into view, our heroes feel an instant of hesitation.

Indeed they should. Within the shack in front of them is victim #663 for a madman named Manson.

Next Time: The scene of a terrible, terrible crime! The return of the Sheriff!



*They were the only conscious- though battered- pcs present.

**Yep, Boddynock’s stab had reduced it to 0 hp!

 

[Brain]

Indeed, that was a harrowing encounter. Timothy would have been dead, except he stabilized on his own whilst being carried away. All I could do was hope they would prevail, and it looked bad.