Of Sound Mind the Halfling Way

[hippiejedi2]

I recall two suggestions to the tone of Brickneck "you should hump your cousins leg like a kobold as to an orc" and another suggestion to the cousin to submit. I think they both succeeded? In which case this is really the leg holocaust. SHANNANIGANS

 

[the Jester]

Speaking of shennanigans, in preparation for the next update, I thought I'd post a link to a relevent thread that discusses... well... the shennanigans that I'm about to pull on my pcs.

Here, let's talk about awl pikes.

 

[the Jester]

Things Go Awry

9/3/369 O.L.G., 3 p.m., the road to Sritivara

The rest of our heroes’ journey, though not uneventful, was simply a journey interrupted by a couple of enocounters. Neither the bulette nor the river troll caused the party an exceptional amount of distress, though the time required to harvest the bulette’s hide is considerable and delayed our heroes’ journey somewhat. The most exciting part of it was the party’s discussion of the name H.A.M., or the Halfling Action Militia. They collectively like it.

Now, at the gates to Sritivara, the party finds a group of tough-looking guards in uniforms resembling the Strogassian. The guards give them a considerable hassle; apparently, the word that Martini killed the old mayor is out amongst them somehow. The halflings keep themselves from giving too much away or getting too mouthy with the guards, finally suggesting that they aren’t the halflings the guards are looking for. Once inside the town, Ezeekiel insists on checking in with Grizliwentho, the gang leader that our heroes had previously defeated and made into their man, and what he discovers horrifies him.

Two days before, the Black Sea and the Bloody Chum (two ships from Zacradose, the island that was technically the capitol of the Strogassian province including Dyshim) had arrived in Sritivara, disgorging over a hundred marines. The reinforcements the now-dead mayor had been seeking had arrived at last. But their uniforms are slightly different than the standard ones they had worn previously, leaving some of the Strogassian Imperial marks off and making some subtle changes. The former governor of Zacradose has apparently decided that, with the death of the Dark Emperor (still not known to most people, but our heroes read between the lines while traveling with Laodegan), the time is ripe to carve out his own kingdom. Now, instead of Governor Stackler, he sports himself King Stackler. And he has sent several hundred troops to bring his ‘rebellious possession’ back in line.

“Oppression!” curses Zeke.

Unfortunately, while the party is in conference with Grizliwentho, Naomi manages to deal the Green Tigers several insults while the party and the gang leader talk. Finally, she is ejected, fuming, from the safe house they are at to wait in the alley out back. Muttering imprecations to herself, she lights up a cigar, tips her top hat back and sighs. Damn humans, she thinks. They’re so uppity... yet so tasty.

Then, suddenly, pain explodes in her head as someone saps her from behind. Naomi drops like a sack of potatoes.

Inside, Brickneck nearly picks a fight, and he too is ejected from the gang’s safe house. Much like Naomi, he is ambushed and taken prisoner without much fuss.

The others, unaware of the shennanigans in the alleyway outside, continue their discussion with Grizliwentho. “We left too soon after we liberated this place,” states Ezeekiel firmly. “We can’t make the same mistake again.”

Grizliwentho nods seriously. “We’ll do what we can to aid you,” he promises. “My boys don’t like these Zacradosian soldiers any more than you do.”

A few minutes later our heroes head out into the alleyway to look for their friends. Not only are both Brickneck and Naomi missing, but Naomi’s top hat lies forlornly against the wall of the building next to the Green Tigers’ safe house. “She wouldn’t have dropped this willingly,” Federico says worriedly.

Just then soldiers start to pour into the alleyway. With a collective cry of dismay, our heroes turn and flee. Hortense casts obscuring mist, which helps them escape capture- for the moment, anyway. They rush through the streets towards the halfling district, praying that the soldiers won’t receive much in the way of directions from the townsfolk they are newly-oppressing. Unfortunately, whether they are betrayed by an informer or simply unlucky, moments after arriving at the halfling district they find themselves engaged by a squadron of longspear and awl pike-wielding soldiers! Federico takes out a pair of them with a sleep spell, and they are individually no match for our heroes; but they move in ranks, with one ranks of awl pikes behind a double-layered front of longspears. Our heroes try to fall back and pepper their foes with missile fire, and for a moment the formation wavers as Martini slays one after another of the spearmen; but then they form up again, clustering around their sleeping comrades and taking a moment to wake them up.

Federico tries another trick. Using a ventriloquism spell, he attempts to fool the enemy into believing that they are about to receive an attack from the rear. Their sergeant sees through the clever little kobold’s deception. “Fools! It’s a trick! ATTACK!!!” he roars. The spearmen surge forward again.

But the halfling strategy is working, thinning the soldiers’ ranks with arrows and bolts; and Federico shoots another sleep spell their way. The formation wavers again and Ezeekiel charges in with his axe, crying out, “H.A.M.!!!!” He hews about, slashing ahead and to either side, and the sergeant turns to spring towards him, sword weaving in a complex pattern. He never makes it- one of Martini’s arrows hits him in the ear, slaying him instantly.

In a few more seconds the battle is over. The squad is defeated, with the last of the pikemen surrendering to our heroes.

“Where are our friends? What are you doing with them?” demands Zeke angrily.

The man cowers. “They have been taken prisoner. Commander Lender...”

“Lender!” exclaims Martini. That’s the name of one of the major halfling clans, famous for usury. Just to be sure, he asks, “Is he a halfling?”

Their prisoner nods. Grone Lender, it turns out, is actually one of the officers of the invasion force, and according to the party’s captive, he is responsible for instilling the fear of the invasion force into the island. He is a creative and sadistic villain, from accounts the party heard earlier. After learning what they can from him, the party releases him with an admonishment to get out of town. Sandy gripes about letting him go, but Ezeekiel won’t harm a prisoner.

Then things get even more complicated. The battle, which happened in the halfling quarter, was naturally observed by the locals (from within the safety of their homes and the quarter’s tavern). Now one of them emerges, whom our heroes have seen before: Heather Peachtree. Our heroes’ relations with the Peachtree clan have been very poor since once of their clansmates shot out Benjy Peachtree’s eye a year before or thereabouts. Now his cousin Heather challenges the party to explain their actions, and angrily begins to challenge them to a fight.

Jawbreaker has seen enough. He wants her to be his wife.

So he tries to club her over the head and drag her off by the hair.

But things go horribly awry. She turns her head towards the blow he directs with the flat of his axe instead of away from it, and there’s a sickening crack.

Her neck snaps, and Heather Peachtree collapses in a heap on the ground, insensate and paralyzed.

”Jawbreaker, no!” cries Hortense.

“What are you doing!” shouts Ezeekiel is dismay.

“Jawbreaker want wife,” he says. “Jawbreaker thought... is she okay? Uh oh,” he grumbles. This isn’t how things are supposed to turn out! To his chagrin, Heather Peachtree is groaning deliriously in pain, and her head lies at a horrible angle.

”Heather, I’m so sorry!” cries Zeke. “Oh my god, we didn’t mean to...”

A rotten fruit splatters on Jawbreaker. He turns to see several angry young halflings with handsfuls of fruit advancing, throwing at them. This is not a good day for our heroes.

“Retreat to the sewers!” cries Federico.

Next Time: What do our heroes do now? Things are definitely not the best they’ve been for the party. I guess the best next move is... to set something on fire!!

 

[the Jester]

Setting the Town On Fire

Our heroes retreat to the sewers and escape their pursuers. They are worried sick about Naomi and Brickneck- they don’t even know if their friends are still alive! Quickly, they make their way to another sewer grate and escape from the town. By now the sun is touching the horizon, about to start submerging into the sea. Our heroes are wounded and shaken. They wash the sewage off themselves in the sea and then make an exhausted camp for the night.

What are we going to do about Naomi and Brickneck?

***

9/4/369 O.L.G., 7:30 a.m., just outside of Sritivara

Our heroes hurriedly debate their best course of action. They need some kind of distraction to draw the majority of the troops when they attempt a rescue of their friends. The pikemen they briefly held captive had informed the party that their friends were being held at mayor’s mansion at the center of town. Jawbreaker, looking across the water towards Sritivara, can see both Zacradosian warships moored in the harbor. They are swarming with men. “Maybe we can set docks on fire,” suggests Jawbreaker. “Then men stay on ships.”

“It might also draw the other soldiers to help fight it,” muses Federico.

The party mulls this over, and it seems as good a plan as any. Soon Jawbreaker is quietly swimming through the waters of the harbor, trying to stay unseen, only his nose and the top of his head poking out of the water. He stealthily reaches the docks and pulls himself swiftly up to the top, still unnoticed.

He has already chosen his target, and quickly drops a flask of alchemist’s fire on the dock. Then he enters a rage, and suddenly he morphs and changes into a bear!

Now he is noticed. Sailors shout in consternation. Smoke is rising from the small fire. With a mighty bat of his paw, Jawbreaker the bear smashes a large barrel of hot tar into pieces, spreading the tar all over the dock and the flames. It is already hot enough to sear the wood of the dock, and spread out relatively thinly as it is by the force of Jawbreaker’s blow, it begins to catch more of the dock on fire.

Shouts of “A bear, a bear!” are ringing through the air, and someone throws a rock at him; but the bear-halfling leaps back into the water and begins swimming away with powerful strokes. He will rendezvous with the rest of the halflings later; he has done his part for now.

Meanwhile the others attempt to spread a little panic by shouting from the shadows. There is nothing worse, in a town such as Sritivara, than a fire that spreads to be out of control. Soon sailors and soldiers are swarming to try to stop the fire. The two warships are pulling away from the flames, but one of them is on fire. It seems that Jawbreaker’s distraction is phenomenally successful.

Moving through the streets quickly while the fire has everyone distracted, our heroes pass through the town square on their way to the mayor’s mansion. A gallows is set up there. Our heroes hurry.

The mansion is full of soldiers. There are definitely too many for a direct frontal assault to work. “We’ll have to try to rescue them en route to being executed,” Sandy says. “Let’s hunker down and watch.”

Nothing really changes except for the growing volume of smoke.

“I hope Jawbreaker’s okay,” murmurs Federico.

“I hope Naomi and Brickneck are okay,” replies Beau.

They aren’t.

***

1 p.m., the mayor’s mansion, Sritivara

The torture of Brickneck Hot-Metal begins.

***

3 p.m., outside the mansion

There is still a considerable amount of smoke pouring from the docks area, which leaves Ezeekiel very concerned. But the party is on a rescue mission, and will not be distracted.

Finally a wagon rolls out of the mansion’s grounds, accompanied by a formation of guards wielding pikes and spears. As it nears the square, well out of sight and hearing of the mansion, Ezeekiel detects evil on the wagon and finds several evil forms within it.

“For H.A.M.!” he cries. “For Dogtooth!”

“Well, I guss we’re attacking then,” comments Beau, and he casts a mirror image.

Within the wagon, Naomi is bound and hooded. But she hears Ezeekiel’s battle cry and recognizes the best opportunity she is likely to get. “For H.A.M.!” she shouts, tapping her tattoo of energy retort, and then she unleashes a blind swarm of crystals in the direction of one of the voices of the guards with her that she has been hearing for the last ten minutes since boarding the wagon. There’s a familiar tinkling sound as jagged shards of psionic crystal tear through the wagon and one of the guards, and a satisfying scream.

Then Naomi gulps as cold steel slides into her side. She jerks and spasms, groaning with pain, but her energy retort blasts out and destroys her attacker in a blast of electricity. But the other guards inside the wagon are also eager to run her through.

Meanwhile, outside, there are two essential groups of adversaries that our heroes find themselves confronting. First, a large formation of over a score pikemen and spearment attacks the halflings in melee. Second, atop the wagon and immediately around it are a half-dozen archers who pelt our heroes with missiles.

And then Ricklin the blackguard steps out of the wagon’s covered interior. “Kill that bitch and be done with it!” he snaps at the back of the wagon, where the guards are struggling with Naomi. Then he strides forward purposefully, pulling forth a baleful obsidian greatsword. He moves up to Ezeekiel, who is already pressed by the pike onslaught, and with a single mighty blow he breaks Zeke’s arm! The freedom fighter cries out in pain.

“Hello, paladin,” gloats Ricklin.

Freeze frame for a moment. Picture Ricklin: a brown-haired human of moderate height and weight, garbed in fancy full plate armor, with his black obsidian sword clutched in his gauntleted fists. The blade is hateful to look upon, seeming to radiate malice from its edge and tip. Ricklin wears a black amulet. His armor is emblazoned with elemental symbology.

Then we’re back in motion as Ricklin turns and hacks at Federico’s dog, nearly striking him down in a single blow!

Federico, meanwhile, suggests to one of the guards that he bring the prisoner out, and the guard turns and begins clambering into the wagon. Then the kobold turns the attention of his crossbow on the blackguard, who just laughs when the bolts hit him for a meager amount of damage.

Hortense, meanwhile, has healed Zeke’s arm, and the freedom fighter has turned back against the pikement. He stands fast, stepping in and hacking left and right with his Bleak-slaying axe. He glares at Ricklin, but too many of the pikemen are tying him down for him to return to the blackguard just yet.

The pike and spear formation is an effective one, but our heroes vastly outclass the soldiers they are facing, with the exception of the blackguard himself. At this point, however, the guard that Federico influenced with his magic emerges from the wagon with the ugly, portly Naomi in tow.

“What are you doing, you fool?” Enraged, Ricklin strikes the guard down, decapitating him with a single blow and then cleaving into Naomi as well. She grunts, stunned, and blood gushes.

Appalled, Federico shoots Ricklin again. Snarling, he turns to face the kobold, who quails, but Beau touches the blackguard with a shocking grasp that finishes him off! With a cry, Rickling the blackguard falls!

It’s just about mopping up after that, as the sky fills with smoke.

Next Time: Sritivara’s on fire! There are still more soldiers! Who will end up running the town?

 

[the Jester]

The Sea Witch

The head of Ricklin is a persuasive argument when our heroes return to the mansion. Though somewhat battered, Hortense and Federico have managed to heal the worst of the party’s wounds. However, they are covered in blood, since they have been about a very bloody business today.

“Look,” says Ezeekiel to the quaking guards, “we want our friend back, right now. And then we’ll give you twenty-four hours to leave. One of your ships survived. Get on it and get out of here, and don’t come back.”

A few minutes later Brickneck is hauled forth, his eyes haunted. He is not too badly mangled; the torturer had only done a little work on him, hoping to intimidate information out of him by giving him plenty of time to dread what was coming. Still, he’s been horrifically tortured a little, and Hortense immediately sets to tending the dwarf, soothing his pain.

Martini is looking to the sky, which is dark with smoke. In the distance, flames are dancing across rooftops. “We should go help fight the fire,” he says. The party rushes back towards the docks and finds a huge conflagration spreading slowly into the town. Several bucket brigades have organized and are pouring water on it as quickly as they can, and our heroes pitch in and fight the fire all afternoon. They hear crazy stories of how a magic bear 10’ high rose from the water and shot red beams from its eyes that lit the docks on fire.

“Wow!” exclaims Federico in mock astonishment.

Legends grow in the telling.

***

Our heroes spend the next several weeks trying to set Sritivara up so it won’t collapse into anarchy. With the aid of the druid Monli, they begin setting up a framework for elections. Grizliwentho and his Green Tigers help to maintain order; they seem to be switching at least somewhat from being a street gang and becoming more like an informal police force.

Both Naomi and Brickneck bear the scars of their captivity. Though Naomi was not tortured, her capture ruined her eye, thoroughly crushing her piggy little eye. Fortunately (?) it is on the same side of her head as her ruined ear.

Several of our heroes make donations to the Heather Peachtree fund that they set up. Jawbreaker thinks deeply about the incident. Why didn’t things work out? She wasn’t supposed to be paralyzed, she was supposed to be stunned so that he could carry her off by the hair as his wife! That’s how things are done, right? He’s very confused. He did something wrong, and he feels terrible for the girl. But- what did he do wrong?

During this period, Federico befriends a halfling druid named Humphrey. Humphrey and his dog, Bogart, soon are accompanying the kobold everywhere. Bogart wears a collar that lets him speak. More and more, our heroes look like a dog pack with a few halflings along for the ride.*

Monli puts forth a candidate for interim mayor of Sritivara. This is a half-elf who looks like you took a wild man, Tarzan-style, and stuck him in a suit. He is constantly scratching himself, but manages to be personable enough and to seem intelligent enough to earn our heroes’ support. Soon he is appointed interim mayor.

The party is concerned about Dyshim’s ability to defend itself. It has no native army. There is barely a town watch in Sritivara. They need to drum up some potential defenders. Hortense has grown in power, and she has achieved the ability to issue sendings. Now she does, informing the other towns of Dyshim of recent events concerning the Zacradosian fleet. A dialogue ensues with Thane Hilge Urnskurm of the Bloody Fist, a clan of warlike dwarves, which ends when Hortense agrees that Sritivara will send a group of representatives north to talk to her at her home. And, of course, that group is our heroes.

***

10/5/369 O.L.G., 11:45 a.m., up the coast of Dyshim

An hour north of Cod, a small fishing village, our heroes first encounter trouble, in the form of some strange sea-dwelling cat-like monsters. They are fierce and hungry for a halfling supper; but our heroes fight them off successfully.

“I wonder if we’ll find the cave that sailor talked about,” muses Beau. In Cod the party had spoken to a crippled ex-sailor who had told them the story of a terrible witch who had withered his legs. According to him, no one could ever find the hag’s cave again. But after he told his tale, our heroes noted that he had entered the cave at sunset, and Federico had recalled certain tales of magical gateways that open only at certain times. The party has determined, since it’s on their way to the Bloody Fist, to see if they can find this cave. They are adventurers, after all.

Indeed, when the sun sets the group is along the beach, near some landmarks the sailor had described in his tale. As the sun slowly settles into the western waters, the clouds go magenta and then purple. And slowly, a cave entrace becomes visible.

Our heroes enter the cave cautiously. The witch that withered the sailor’s legs had first attempted to seduce him; and he barely escaped alive. They will trust nothing.

Including the fireball that shortly envelopes them all. A huge, ugly woman with filthy skin pockmarked by oozing zits, her hair the color of marsh, screams laughter as the flames billow around our heroes.

Jawbreaker roars at the indignity, and suddenly his body surges forward, growing as he rushes at the witch. He’s a bear! He charges forward, but she clouts him across the temple with her first. Then she grins, whispering eldritch words, and her hand begins to glow with a hazy brown light. She swipes at Jawbreaker’s arm but misses.

“She’s trying to wither you!” shouts Ezeekiel. “Foul witch!” Beaneath him, his mount springs forward, with the witch giving Zeke a clout across the head along the way, and swings his axe at the hideous hag. She dances aside, but winces as it slices along her ribcage. It sounds like he’s hitting steel. His eyes widen.

“You’ll pay for that, boy!” she shrieks. Warily, keeping her guard up, she casts another fireball. Kabooom!!! Naomi staggers, stumbles, falls to her hands and knees, gasps and then finally collapses.

“Nooo!” shouts Federico.

Grimacing, Beau hits the hag with a ray of enfeeblement while Brickneck leaps in and pounds her in the chest. Then Zeke swings his axe in a mighty overhand blow, smiting evil, and there is a crack of thunder when he connects! The witch gives a terrified cry of pain and winces back, staggering to one knee. Ezeekiel smites evil again, and this time his axe crunches through bone and flesh, severing her head at the neck.

The party takes her leg back to the crippled fisherman.

***

10/7/369 O.L.G., 5 p.m., up the coast of Dyshim

It’s the smell of delicious halfling cuisine cooking over the fire that draws the swarms of little lizard chickens, as our heroes come to call them. Dozens of little sharp-toothed beasts, closing in like a huge... swarm. Our heroes are just trying to do what halflings do, just trying to have a nice hot meal. And all these little needle-toothed lizards have to come in and muck it up!

Slowly our heroes pick up their weapons as the little dinosaur swarms start to move in towards them.

“Uh-oh,” says Sandy. There is a flash of teeth.

Next Time: Who will fall in the battle of the lizard chicken swarms?



*Humphrey is, of course, Federico’s cohort- the lil guy took Leadership. He’s a druid who is angling for the Master of Hounds prestige class (homebrewed Cydra prc). The party just keeps getting more dogs!

 

[Brain]

Oh man, more swarms. I've taken to calling Naomi the swarm slayer because she is pretty much the only one with area effects since Timothy.

 

[cold1s]

Lord Sandy?!

After the rescue, as the party went to the mansion housing Brickneck, Ezikiel and Sandy disagreed whether to storm the mansion and kill everyone inside, Sandy's idea or to try to work things out peaceably as Ezikiel would like.

On the spur of the moment, Sandy thinks “We could bluff our way into the this place, a decent regional HQ it would make.” Suggests the 24 hour deadline as a compromise to the above agrument. E- backs this up in parley.

Secretly, Sandy was disappointed that they kept their end of the bargain. One of them had the most interesting teeth...

He was down-right tee'd off when the whole thing was destroyed along with most the town in the fire!

Speaking of angry, those needle toothed em-effers interrupted a perfect decent supper under the stars.

Read on:

 

[the Jester]

In preparation for today's update, here's the party's current class/level breakdown.

Federico- kobold bard 5/sorc 2/jester (homebrewed prc) 1; CG
Martini- halfling rng 3/ftr 2/order of the bow initiate 2; CG
Ezeekiel- halfling paladin 6/freedom fighter (homebrewed prc) 3; LG
Naomi- halfling (ahem) psion 5/elementalist (homebrewed base class) 2; LE
Beau- halfling rogue 4/sorc 5; CN
Chief Jawbreaker- wild halfling barb 7/bear warrior 1; CG
Sandy- stout halfling rog 4/ftr 3; LE
Brickneck- dwarf monk 7?; LE

And the character who will be entering our group shortly, replacing our next pc casualty:

Arthur Ontap, halfling monk 5/drunken master 2; LN

 

[the Jester]

The Needletooth Swarms

Each of the lizards is the size of a chicken. Their scales glint bright green in the light of the cook fire. Their teeth are as sharp as a lizard’s, and they move extremely quickly. Our heroes rise and draw their weapons as the mass of tiny dinosaurs darts forward like a coud of angry bees. Then the battle is joined.

Shouts of pain as the razor-like teeth swarm over the dogs, Brickneck, Jawbreaker, Zeke and Naomi... Sandy tumbles away, jabbing viciously and impaling one of the lizards... the bright contrast of blood with scales as Jawbreaker hews through dinosaurs. The smell of dinner burning as a blow from Brickneck sends a cloud of tiny dinosaurs sailing through the air. There is chaos and confusion. Rally! Rally, and defend your dinner!

Humphrey has not fought beside our heroes for long, but he continues to prove his worth, summoning a flaming sphere that rolls through a clot of the little lizards. Greasy smoke rises from it as Ezeekiel lays into more of them with his axe. Most of our heroes are bleeding, with little lizards crawling on them, or hanging by their mouths until they pull little chunks of meat free.

“Why does everything always try to eat us!” wails Sandy. It’s a rhetorical question, but he gets an answer.

“It’s because we’re so plump and tasty!” Naomi grins a foul grin, trying to focus her mind and unleash a swarm of crystal, but she fails to maintain her concentration. And she becomes even more distracted as the swarm rushes over her again! With the little monsters tearing into them, our heroes find it hard to do anything other than simply pluck them out and try to brush the green little dinosaurs off of them. Though they slay several at a time, these swarms are tough!

Then Brickneck falls, with little lizards chewing on him. Like a swarm of pirannha, they consume him in only a few short moments, ripping the meat free from his body! With shocking suddenness, Brickneck is dead!

Fortunately for our heroes, they have nearly as many dogs as halflings in the group. Barking and growling, their canine friends tear lizards limb from limb. Though themselves covered in squirming little biters, the dogs have done much good in this battle, and blood covers all of our heroes- both their own and that of the swarming monsters. Finally, Sandy, Chief Jawbreaker and the dog pack manages to chase off the remaining lizards- but what a cost! Glumly, they stare at their dead friend Brickneck.

“Well, at least we won’t have any more trouble with the Hot-Metal clan and their sacred marriage chain,” remarks Beau.

The party somberly buries Brickneck. Well, it might be more accurate to say that most of them are somber; Beau doesn’t much care, and Naomi briefly wonders about dwarf meat, but after thinking about the nasty crap they eat she decides to let the opportunity to sample it pass. After a brief moment of silence, our heroes reconstruct dinner, and before long they are in bed. Setting watches seems wise, so they do.

***

10/7/369 O.L.G., 2 p.m., along the edge of the Bay of Dyshim

The afternoon is overcast but warm. Still, winter is coming. Our heroes are heading north; before them is the Bay of Dyshim. It’s a good day to be walking.

As they move along, they spy what appears to be an old, broken-down lighthouse about 150’ out to sea on a small rocky isle. “Hey, look at that!” exclaims Federico.

”I wonder if the tide is in or out right now,” muses Martini. “It is possible that there is a way out there at low tide.”

Our heroes decide to check it out, with Humphrey wild shaping into a fat, sassy sea gull and flying out to check it out. He flies by once and sees something moving inside; after a closer look he wheels back to the party and tells them that someone is within the lighthouse.

Our heroes wait to see if the tide will recede at all; it does, and it gradually reveals a spur of rock that appears to lead out to the isle. However, the water does not fully uncover it. After watching the tide wash back in and out, our heroes determine to wait until the next low tide in the morning and ford the waters.

The next morning they do just that. As they approach the rocky prominetory, soaked to their upper thighs, a figure bursts out of the base of the tower: a halfling, of all things. Quelle chance!, as the elves says.

“HEY!” shouts the newcomer, and then he reels. It looks like he’s about to fall. For a moment, Martini thinks he’s wounded, but then the halfling from the lighthouse lurches forward and calls out again, raising one finger. “HEY! Yer jussht in time! Why don’tchoose- why don’tchoo come in f’r a dink?”

“He’s drunk,” Martini says.

“HEY!” the newcomer says again. “Ssho? Come have one. I’m >urp< Arthur. Arthur Ontap.”

“What are you doing here?” asks Federico. The party warily follows Ontap into the lighthouse. They find that, although it is in need of repair, Arthur Ontap’s living area is surprisingly organized. Set up along one wall is a mass of tubing with a small fire and various things bubbling and dripping.

“It’sh my sshtill,” Arthur slurs proudly. It develops that he’s brewing up a very special batch of liquor from some rare local fruits. “And it’ll be done in about an hour!”

“Well, we certainly can’t turn that down,” nods Naomi.

That evening the party and their new friend Arthur drink hard and long. If it involves eating or drinking, halflings know how to do it right; and Arthur is set up for drinking. Drink the party does, and perhaps party is the best word for that evening. But eventually even the stoutest of them passes out, for none of them is a dwarf. Not anymore.

***

Sharing a drunk is interesting. Sometimes, it takes but a single drunk with someone to forge a strong bond. The kind of bond that makes the drinkers hug and cry out, “I love you, man!” The kind of bond that makes complete strangers into lifelong friends. Whether or not this is a good thing is debatable, as those sort of drinking binges usually involve far more intoxication than judgment. Nonetheless, that’s what we have here: our heroes throw their collective drunk arms around Arthur and cry, “We love you, man!”

So it is that Arthur Ontap joins the party.

***

10/9/369 O.L.G., 11 a.m., along the Bay of Dyshim

The lighthouse is still visible behind them. Jawbreaker has looked pensive for the last few days. Now he approaches Ezeekiel.

“Ezeekiel, Jawbreaker want your help.”

“What do you need, Jawbreaker?”

Chief Jawbreaker sighs unhappily. “I make mistake. Jawbreaker try to make Heather Peachtree into wife, but instead, hurt her bad. Jawbreaker used to have advisor named Timothy. He help me avoid making bad mistakes.” He fixes Ezeekiel with his eyes. “Ezeekiel, you be Jawbreaker’s new advisor?”

Zeke blinks. After a moment, he nods. “Sure... sure, Chief Jawbreaker. I’ll be your advisor.”

”Good. You wise. You help me not make stupid mistakes. You help me find wife!”

Ezeekiel tries to explain about courting a woman. “You have to be interested in her. You have to listen to what she says.” Jawbreaker looks dubious, but seems willing to try it out. He keeps thinking about Grandpa Clubswinger and Grandma Oneeye. That’s how it has always been done, isn’t it? He sighs. He must listen to his advisor- that’s why he has one!

By midafternoon our heroes have moved into a heavy storm. Water beats down on them throughout the night, though the pace of the rain slows with the dawn. Soon the party reaches the town of Rathla. Rathla, on the Bay of Dyshim, is well situated, with a source of plentiful fish at hand, good metals from Dhali’s Fists to the east, and excellent trade thanks to Grunder’s Pass to the northeast, which leads both to the dwarven community of the Bloody Fist and also to the town of Methwo on the northern coast of Dyshim a hundred miles away or so.

In Rathla our heroes arrange to meet with the headman in order to plead for his town to join Sritivara in a free Dyshim. Unfortunately, Naomi shows the halfling prophecy tattooed on her gross thigh to the headman, and he chooses that exact moment to have a major stroke. Is it triggered by the bloated prophecy? Perhaps. It could have simply been his time, but- well, that’s a hell of a coincidence, innit? Any way you look at it, our heroes are escorted quickly away so that the headman’s loyal followers may attempt to tend him. Hortense states that, once she can pray for the proper spells, she is going to go back and attempt to heal him of any aftereffects of the stroke.

Either way, our heroes doubt that he will be very friendly to their cause at this point.

Next Time: Rathla’s Killer Ghost!

 

[the Jester]

10/10/369 O.L.G., 9 p.m., the town square, Rathla

Our heroes settle in. Nobody is willing to rent them a room after their misadventure with the town’s headman, so they are consigned to the square. Naomi consoles herself with a fistful of sausages. All around the party are a collection of statues, a display by the famed sculptor Lelkor. One is a beautiful piece depicting a pair of men in a boat, pulling a great fish from the sea; another shows a proud kocho, ruffled and ready to attack. There are two abstract ones as well.

Local tales claim that a ghost sometimes emerges and kills people in the square. Our heroes are determined to use themselves as bait and see if they can lure it out. After all, everything seems to want to eat halflings- they are so plump and juicy!

But nothing obvious happens. The party lays about, yawning and sleeping in shifts while keeping a close watch. But their vigil among the five statues is unrewarded. While they watch, several of the halflings admire the art, but nothing assaults them. As morning creeps closer the party wakens again.

“Maybe it doesn’t eat halflings after all,” Sandy says, disappointed.

“There’s no accounting for taste,” comments Naomi.

“Stupid ghost,” growls Jawbreaker.

“HEY!” yells Arthur On-Tap. He is already in a haze of alcohol. “HEY! Theresh shomething- HEY!” He weaves over to the statues, glaring at them. “Theresh not enough. Or more. Or something.”

“What?” Beau cocks an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

“The statues. There’sh not... enough... of them.”

“The kocho, the fishermen, the two abstracts-“

“There were three abstracts when I was on watch,” Sandy says suddenly.

Pause for a beat.

“Where did it go, then? Where’s the missing statue?” demands Beau.

“Jawbreaker track,” the Chief grunts. His feathered headdress looks splendid on him in the early morning predawn light. He scampers through the square to where the third abstract had been and finds weird tracks leading to a manhole cover.

“Sewers,” Federico says apprehensively. For a few moments our heroes debate whether to follow the tracks into the town’s sewers. It would be stinky, and their dogs would not be able to maneuver down the hole and out again if necessary...

“Why we follow this thing? We go to dwarves,” Jawbreaker decides.

“Good choice, Chief Jawbreaker!” cries Federico.

Before they leave Rathla, Hortense insists on going to visit the headman, where she restores him to his faculties. He is gripped by a combination of anger, humiliation and gratitude to Hortense. The anger and humiliation win out, and he orders the party banished from Rathla. Unhappily they leave. “So much for that town,” comments Beau with a shrug.

The party thus departs, heading along the road that eventually becomes Grunder’s Pass through the mountains. They climb into the mountains by midday, and it’s early afternoon when they encounter a group of magma mephits that fly out and attack our heroes. The little beasties are easily defeated, and soon the survivors are fleeing for their lives.

***

5:30 p.m., the foot of the Bloody Fist

Hortense issues a sending announcing the group’s arrival to Hilge, Urnskurm, the leader of the dwarves of the Bloody Fist, and receives a terse reply: We will send a scout to meet you.

The sky is growing dark. Our heroes set up camp and start cooking dinner.

***

10/12/369 O.L.G., 8 a.m.

The scout arrives and leads the party up the stony trail to a cave. Into the cave the scout leads them, and through a long delving into a dwarf-cut hall. The party is led past wondrous stonework of a quality far exceeding any they have seen before. Arthur shares his liquor with the scout, managing to get a grim nod of respect from the dwarf for the potency of it.

Soon our heroes are brought before Hilge Urnskurm, whom they at first take for a man. Her lush, thick beard is braided with small gems and gold wire. She looks them over sternly. “I did not know Sritivara was a halfling city,” she says ironically.

“Uh, it’s not,” admits Ezeekiel.

“They why would they send a halfling embassy?” The dwarven thane shakes her head. “What are you really here for?”

Hilge is skeptical of them. They spend a good amount of time trying to persuade her that they are bona fide representatives of the town, and she finally agrees to at least discuss the issue with her council. She also tells them that her dwarven forces smashed the northern prong of the Zacradosian fleet’s attack. “They tried to lead troops against us,” she sneers. “We smashed them against the side of the mountain. There’s a reason it’s called the Bloody Fist.”

“Is there anything we can do to prove ourselves to you? We are powerful adventurers,” Sandy offers.

Hilge seems to consider the offer for a moment. “Maybe,” she finally says. “We will have to discuss it in council.”

Our heroes are given accomodations and allowed to wander freely. Mostly they spend time along the Avenue of Exchange. That is where most of the shops, craftsmen and services are. The party finds a good selection of metal and stone goods, but not much in the way of good food.

And, four days later, Hilge summons our heroes to ask for their help.

Next Time: What do the dwarves need help with? What will they do for the cause? And why will our heroes beat up dwarven miners?