[OT] Confessions

[Marius Delphus]

Chiming in with the general thrust of the responses so far:

On publishing your work: go for it. (SHAMELESS PLUG TIME!) I helped to write the little (NON-collectible) card game featured in my .sig (everyone buy a copy, now! ) and through the perseverence and dedication of my co-authors it was lately brought to market and still stands as my only published work. I don't take any credit whatsoever for "Management Material" being printed up and published/distributed; had it been up to me, I imagine I would have let it wither rather than spend the effort required. (Also there was a money issue....)

However, having something I helped write in print is one thing I'm quite pleased with, and possibly even proud of (though as I say, the game's *printing and publication* cannot be credited to me). We had a booth at Gen Con 2002 (and AFAIK we plan to have another at Gen Con 2003), and as a co-author I have to tell you watching people play and laugh their way through it was a terrific, irreplaceable natural "high." I still don't know anything about the d20 market (other than what I see at my FLGS), but from what I experienced I certainly do recommend taking the plunge and getting published if it's feasible.

If you haven't done so yet, check out our Web site; the game is an absolute laugh riot, IMHO. Also check out the review in Nodwick #17; though we're not affiliated with Aaron Williams or Dork Storm Publishing, we think they're *really really* cool. (END SHAMELESS PLUG!)

On dating: go for it. I'll echo Taren here and note that at the time I first asked her out, my now-wife had been wondering when I was going to do so. And here we are, 14 years and 2-1/2 months later....

Of course, I have an "abject humiliation" story too, but I'll spare everyone.

 

[tarchon]

If I don't find love to last a life time, I don't want to live past 40. I see no reason in living in a decaying and breaking body till im 100. It doesn't seem like a good thing.

There is this girl at my place of employment ... she is a short asian girl, she must be 5 feet tall or less. But she is really cute ... I want to get to know her, but it's awkward.

Dang, that's picky.
I recommend avoiding asking out people you work with unless they've really demonstrated a strong and unmistakable interest (and maybe it isn't such a hot idea even then), but otherwise, "when in doubt, ask her out."

 

[Leopold]

motto: Don't $h1* where you eat.

By this never ask out a coworker as it can turn downright ugly and nasty if things go sour, unless it's a HUGE (thousands) of employees and you guys don't work in the same area/department/floor. If you guys are seperated by the above stuff then go for it. Makes life easier if you don't have to see her everyday if things don't work out.


Oh and if you are just downright lazy like me try www.match.com I found my current GF there and i am 10X happier than i once was.

 

[CTD]

Re: Don't $h1* where you eat?

Bah humbug!

Dating at the workplace is quite common in adult life. The trick is to be an adult about it. Ask her out. You'll regret it forever if you don't. When you do you must be mindfful that you are at work, this is true, but you can be mindful of the business place, and still ask.

Just be direct. "I was wondering if you would like to have dinner at resturant XYZ on Saturday?".

If she says "No." Just say, "Ok, thanks anyway." and smile, keep your voice even. Don't be angry or sound like a child that just skinned your knee.

If you ask the question in a direct, but friendly tone, and take any response in the same tone you are fine. If she says "No." you just leave it at that. If she says "Yes." you do not behave as if she is your girlfriend, you simply say "Great, how does 7:30 sound?" and set the date in a business like fashion.

During the meal you can be more casual and normal. While you are at work and asking you need to stay business like. No matter how the date goes, you remain business like at work. Even if she takes you home and does not let you go until 15 minutes after you were supposed to be at work, or if she blows it off. No matter what, the office requires office behavior.

In the Army we called this "military bearing". No matter the situation, when you were on duty, you were mindful of it. Off duty had different rules than on duty. Even if you were dating one of the few women in the unit. It's all lovey-dovey off duty and professional when on duty.

You can seperate the two and behave appropriately in both environments. Just don't stalk the girl if she says no!

Final advice, if you get the date, don't talk about work. If she asks quesitons, give honest, but simple answers. Don't bad mouth other employees. That can bite you in the rear later. Far better to ask about her and let her know you are interested in her as a person, and not her staple collection at work

 

[Talath]

dude.. honestly? the trick is.. ask her out. if she said no.. it was not meant to be. if she said yes.. then wahoo!!

personally.. I don't like Schrodinger's Cat situations.. so I open the box. Makes moving on a lot easier.

See, that would be cool ... need to work up the nerve first, but then, you gotta take risks in life, right? Nothing ventured, nothing gained

 

[Talath]

On the criticisism from friends issue ...

Are any of your friends game designers or writers, who are interested more in real success than patting themselves on the back?

If not, you will probably never, ever, get worthwhile criticism from them, because they don't understand what that is.

Chances are they sincerely like what you've done, and are giving you honest advice. They just aren't capable to identifying negatives that really need to be pointed out.

Doesn't matter how much you explain that you need an honest critique that includes negatives. You'd have to be incredibly lucky to get it from a friend.


..And, I don't give advice regarding women on the internet.

That's what my thoughts were as well ... it's good to know I'm not nuts

You know, I at one time thought I didn't need advice for women, thought I had it figured it out

Heh, being with a woman quickly dispelled that notion

 

[AGGEMAM]

See, that would be cool ... need to work up the nerve first, but then, you gotta take risks in life, right? Nothing ventured, nothing gained

Just do it man!

A word of wisdom though, do not work up that nerve by intaking alcohol, okay ?

 

[Talath]

Just do it man!

A word of wisdom though, do not work up that nerve by intaking alcohol, okay ?

Alcohol would truly be a bad thing ... since we cannot drink while we are working at my place of employment

 

[AGGEMAM]

Alcohol would truly be a bad thing ... since we cannot drink while we are working at my place of employment

Off course.

Well, let the Hive know how it turns out..

(Can you feel the pressure ? )

 

[Talath]

Talath,

The first time I asked the woman who was to become my wife out on a date, I saw her in the mall. We were acquaintences in high school, but not extremely close. I said my hellos, we caught up on our lives, reminisced old times a bit, and I went to the mall bookstore, picked a quiet corner, and beat my head against a bookshelf.

Then, I screwed up my courage, called her later that night, and asked her out to a movie.

Twelve years later, I have the love of my life. If I had not asked her out, nothing would have come of it.

The hardest part about asking someone out on a date, is that we are thinking about how cute/adorable/gorgeous they are, and how unappealing we are, while we are doing it. That whole Dao of Steve thing about being desireless really does have merit -- the more comfortable we are with ourselves, and the more comfortable we are with the other person as a human being allows us to be ourselves, and gives a much more favorable first impression.

SECOND - what's this tripe about not wanting to live past 40?!?!?! As corny as it sounds, happiness in life should not be connected to finding

A) The one true love
B)The perfect job
C) Perfect health

Because ALL things go south sooner or later. Relationships can sour, jobs get eliminated, and no one was born with the perfect body. We must be happy with ourselves first, because nothing outside of us can KEEP us happy. Also, coming to peace with yourself means you will exude more confidence and more harmony with other people, which means that we can deal with girlfriends, employers, health info, etc. better. It's a vicious little Catch-22, but it is in my experience an Undeniable Truth of Life.

Take all this useless info for what it's worth to you.

Finally, COUNT on perfect strangers being more honest with you -- they don't have anything invested in you, relationship-wise, nor are they clouded by pre-existing experiences with you, and therefore what you get is more objective.

That is a very neat story Henry

The whole not past 40 thing ... I don't really see myself wanting to live that long ... I see myself accomplishing my life goals past 40 ... but then again, things may change and I may need the extra time.

I really like being my age, I like being young. I'll miss that. But I understand what you are saying. I have become happy with myself and harmonius with everything around me. Sounds like a monumental task.

I rely on perfect strangers for suggestions and comments on my writing, they know what they like, and if they see something bad they aren't coy about saying it, they will just say it. I really like that.