[OT] Hurting. (I warn you, this is *very* OT

[Uller]

and that we all know the child would be in better hands with him, a non-cheater, than her, a cheater.

What crap.

All else being equal...

She has demonstrated a serious lack of concern for her child by taking the most selfish course of action imaginable. I have children and I would never consider "cheating" on my wife, not just because of my love for her, but because of my love for my children. How could a loving parent tear apart the lives of his/her children for a few moments of pleasure? Even if my wife and I were having problems (and we do have problems...all marriages have their challenges...it is what that whole "for better or _worse_" part of the vow is about), I wouldn't respond to it in such a destructive way.

Besides...I believe I said that Kyle needs to take a course of action where BOTH parents are able to be actively involved in the life of their son. He needs to know that both partents love him and neither are abandoning him. Kyle needs to make sure that happens, and it will likely take a lawyer to do it.

 

[machine]

We all want the best for you man. What's the word?

Hey Kyle!

Another vote for hearing from you. Hope you are doing OK.

Take care of yourself.

machine

 

[Joust]

Kyle,

I won't recount my own story here, but understand that I know exactly what you're going through. Just a few words of insight:

- Don't act on your impulse of violence. Pick up any book on infidelity, or talk to anyone who has experienced this, and you'll see that this is a very common feeling among those who have been betrayed. Just don't do it. Stay cool--know that things will get better.

- As your wife is LDS, she should have a very clear understanding of the gravity of her decision. Because of the seriousness of adultery, many LDS people who commit this sin begin a steep downward spiral as far as their character and morality goes. I'm not saying this is what is happening with your wife, but you need to be aware it could happen. I've seen it in my own situation. If you have the opportunity to speak with your wife and she seems open or willing to hear advice from you, recommend that she go to her Bishop and tell him what's going on. Don't use this as a weapon, just suggest that it would do her good. It could help her, you, and your child to get this situation addressed immediately.

- The advice on this thread is excellent, but don't let it replace the need to speak with someone. If possible, speak with the Bishop in SLC where you lived with your wife (I assume the Bishop knows your wife and you?), or if you're not comfortable with that another member of the clergy or a professional counselor would help as well. Maybe picking up a book on the subject would be a good idea also.

- Don't become obsessed with the situation. You're probably wracking your brain asking, "How could she do that? What did I do so wrong? What could I have done differently?..." Just recognize that, while no spouse is perfect, those who choose to forsake their marriage vows make that decision on their own. If your wife chooses to blame you for the entire situation, just be assured that it's false blame. At this point, she probably can't internalize what she's done, and the seeming illogical behavior she may exhibit will probably be an effort to keep from facing her bad choices.

- Don't let this terrible situation become who you are. You are more than this problem, and have the power within you to live a wonderful, fulfilling life. That's the lesson I've learned over the last couple of years. If your situation ends in divorce, know that being a father is among the most rewarding, important roles you'll ever fulfill.

Kyle, I live in Salt Lake City, and would be happy to help you find someone to speak to. Just email me if you need to communicate with someone. (I mean that.)

Joust