Parental advice needed

[DarkMaster]

Might not be the right place to ask this type of question but I assume at least a few poster here have children so they might have went through what I went through this weekend.

My son is about 28 month year old and very articulate. I was sitting in front of the TV with him and fell on the begining of the return of the mummy. I quickly watched the begining where the Rock (don't know his real name) lead his army to battle. I looked at my son and wonder for a few seconds if I shouldn't switch the channel, problem is I wanted to see the begining of it. So I watched for a few more seconds the begining of the fight, my son was watching very intensivily. He asked me who the guy was and I answered "Le guerrier" which is french for "the warrior". That's all I said and then things got a bit more violent so as a good concerned father I switched channel. I few minutes later he went and grab the small shovel that comes with the broom and he started swingning it in the air saying "Le guerrier tape avec son epee, il tape" which is "the warrior hits with his sword, he hits"

My wife saw that and got concerned. I got concerned too but somewhere inside I was also proud (my gamers self I guess ). I never told him about sword and he knew about them.

I received as an inheritance from my grand father a bunch of antique weapons that I hid in the basement. And then It got me wonder if he was aware of them. So I asked him if he knew where my sword where and he went downstairs and showed them to me. Again mixed feeling.

Do you think that watching these types of movie so young can have a bad influence on him. I started playing roleplaying game at around 8-9. I still remembers going to the movie with my father to see a vampire movie when I was around 4 ( I was scared of Vampire for quite a while after that). and I don't think I turned out to be a violent decensitive persons (my wife thinks that watching these movie so early could lead to such a behavior).

 

[DragonLancer]

Firstly, I'm not a parent.
Second, you are the best person to know what is and isn't suitable for your child.

My opinion is that these things don't affect kids as much as people like to make out. As he grows up he'll pretend that he's a knight or cowboy, or whatever, waving a sword in the air a pretend gun, killing imaginary bad guys. Kids like those sort of movies as well. I've never known anyone who watched violent/horror/fanatasy films as a kid and turned out funny.

I'd be a little concerned about keeping a sword in the house just in case his curiosity gets the better of him, but I'm sure you have it locked away safely.

 

[Yalius]

What's worked well for my 5-year-old is to not hide things from him. That way he isn't unnaturally attracted to things he shouldn't be. But he definitely knows that he isn't supposed to touch them, and he knows why-- because he could hurt himself. So far, that seems to have been sufficient to keep him from doing dangerous things.

Happily, he also knows that I serveas a good example of the things not to do. Since the number of times he's seen me cut myself or burn myself is so high, he knows not to do what I do.

 

[mmadsen]

Killing Monsters: Why Children Need Fantasy, Super Heroes, and Make-Believe Violence

I suggest that you read Killing Monsters: Why Children Need Fantasy, Super Heroes, and Make-Believe Violence by Gerard Jones. From Publishers Weekly:

Violent entertainment is good for kids, and demonizing it can do great harm to their emotional development, claims Jones (Honey, I'm Home!) in this provocative and groundbreaking work. Drawing on his experience as a parent and as a creator of children's cartoons, as well as interviews with dozens of psychologists and educators, Jones forcefully argues that violent video games, movies, music and comics provide a safe fantasy world within which children learn to become familiar with and control the frightening emotions of anger, violence and sexuality. He debunks studies linking violent media with violence in society and argues that children clearly understand the difference between pretend and reality. Providing realistic and helpful advice, Jones says parents need to learn to differentiate between what violent games mean to children and what they mean to adults, and to stop imposing their understanding of them on children. Adults may be horrified at the literal meaning of a video game, but children are far more interested in its emotional meaning; "through identifying with a fantasy figure who displays intense sexuality, wields destructive power, and exudes heroism, kids can help themselves feel more control over these forces." Jones speaks to adult fears of the power of popular culture and cautions that "entertainment has its greatest influence when it's speaking to something that isn't otherwise being addressed in a child's life." To lessen the impact, adults should "model nonaggression, empathy, respect, a clear distinction between fantasy and reality, and the integration of aggression and other scary feelings."​

 

[Varianor Abroad]

I am a parent of two (one boy, one girl). A movie like this will not "stunt his growth" or lead to increased violent tendencies. Little boys have those naturally, as do little girls. However, I found that around 30-36 months that my kids got bad nightmares from watching certain adult-themed movies. Heck, Disney's Black Cauldron still bothers my daughter, who's my oldest at 8.) So actually, I think you did the right thing. Pick up a bunch of Disney movies like Aladdin and Fantasia if you want to stir his enjoyment of fantasies. When he's older and you can explain some of the themes in the movie is the right time to let a little kid watch that sort o fthing without getting bad nightmares.

 

[francisca]

My five year old has been told what not to mess with and why. So far that works. We still keep sharp knives, etc... in a hard-to-access for him spot, because he's also an independent soul.

I have noted that after watching any sort of show with lots of physical activity, he plays harder and rougher than other times. I think this is more of a function of the adrenilin, rather than the violence, though we keep a tight rein on violent content as well. The issue with him is that he is a head and a half taller, and 5-10lbs heavier, than the rest of the 5 and 6 year olds in his kindergarden class. If he gets over-exhuberant, some other kids could get hurt, but not out of malice, simply because he is a big physical kid, with all of the clumbsiness that comes with long limbs and big feet/hands.

 

[BSF]

I am a parent and I just try to keep it clear to my son why certain behaviors are acceptable and others are not. Swinging a sword to kill the bad guys is fine as pretend. Wanting to swing a sword to kill people at school is not. That sort of thing. I don't want to encourage violent, aggressive behavior toward other people.

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

I have a 5 year old daughter and a 27 month old son, so I understand your concern. Will seeing these movies make your son into a violent sociopathic killer? I seriously doubt it. Will your son mimic things he sees in the movies in his play? Absolutely, My son does the exact same thing. Will that form of play cause problems? Perhaps. The daycare my son goes too is pretty strict about pretend fighting, and I can't say I blame them since my own kids have on occasion come home hurt from one of the other kids pretending to be a Power Ranger, or a Jedi Knight or whatever. It is usually an accident, and I don't get overly upset about it unless it keeps happening or seems to be malicious.

It is tough, but in the end I do go with the idea that there are ratings for a reason. PG movies do need a certain level of maturity to really understand where the line is drawn between pretend and reality. I think people lay a little too much blame on the influence of movies and video games, but there is a line to be drawn. For now I avoid letting my kids watch PG or higher movies, and keep the video games to non-violent ones. I will loosen my control as they get older and I feel they can understand the differences and be able to exercise control over their behavior.

Good luck

 

[Umbran]

Not a parent, but I am an educator.

The link between images seen and future behavior has not been proven, so nobody can really tell you for sure if it will, or will not have an effect. However, I personally subscribe to the idea that parental involvement trumps TV imagry. The movie is a passing thing, and you are there always in your child's life. In the long run, you win.

The big problem isn't that the kid sees violence. The problem is that the kid sees violence, does not understand the context and moral messages, and gets the wrong idea. If you are there to explain why violence is usually bad, and only good in some very limited cases, the movie won't be able to cause harm.

 

[Ourph]

I was 8 years old when I saw Conan the Barbarian (at a drive-in theater no less ) and I thought it rocked on toast.

The year before I saw The Wizard of Oz on tv for the first time and had the worst nightmares of my life for a week.

Kids get freaked out about strange things sometimes. As long as they have an involved and loving parent to help them through, those difficult times will be growing experiences that help them become good, well adjusted people. If a kid wants to pretend to slay imaginary monsters with a toy sword I think that's awesome. If the same kid starts hitting his friends with the sword and his parents don't do something to put a stop to it immediately, that's horrible.

The only other comment I would make is that some violence in media has no morality attached to it. IMO, this is dangerous for kids. In most cases, violence is either "good" (i.e. killing the bad guys) or "bad" (i.e. the obviously bad guys killing obviously good guys). Movies, books, video-games, etc. that portray violence without a clear moral context and explore "shades of grey" concerning the morality of violence can send mixed messages to kids and are probably too "adult" for them. For example, I would gladly sit down and watch The Magnificent Seven or Silverado with my niece and nephew (both movies with a clear moral context to their violence), but I wouldn't expose them to The Unforgiven or High Plains Drifter because (excellent actor and director though he is) Clint Eastwood likes to explore ambiguous morality in his "hero" characters and as a result, his movies are IMO too "adult" for children.