Random Thoughts & Observations of Mine

[Buddha the DM]

Useless information is often the most interesting kind...

and nothing is useless if you're ever on a game show...

How very true.

 

[Buddha the DM]

Here you go kids.. Another random bit from your's truly...

<a href="http://24.58.101.90/misc/rt-001.html">Is Role-Playing Pointless?</a>

 

[emergent]

Here you go kids.. Another random bit from your's truly...

Is Role-Playing Pointless?</a>

I'm with you. Not that I am giving it up or anything, but I have radically cut back the time I spend involved in rpg related activity over the past few months (GenCon is the exception). I have got the dissertation I am trying to start and finish before May, which takes up lots of my time and creative energy. The rest of my time and energy is spent with my wife. There is just not a lot left for rpg stuff.

Ideally, what I'm looking for is to play in a game that is good, but "light." Maybe you could look for the same?

I don't think it's pointless, but I do understand the waxing and waning of energy for gaming.

 

[Buddha the DM]

I have no group to play with here.. A couple of the guys that I do know here in town that to play rpgs, I don't have a good history with.

 

[cptg1481]

Role Playing Pointless?

Hummmmm

All the worlds a stage my friend we all play several roles every day. I play the role of a dad, a husband, a soldier, etc. Most of those roles are not really me.


Ah well perhaps it is all pointless....we shall find the answer in our passing.

 

[Buddha the DM]

I meant role-playing as in role-playing games....

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

Here you go kids.. Another random bit from your's truly...

<a href="http://24.58.101.90/misc/rt-001.html">Is Role-Playing Pointless?</a>

Assuming you game the way my boyfriend and I game...slightly more than most people, I don't know what to tell you.

I think most people who know me from my posts know that being independent is a very big deal to me, and if someone asked me to give up something I enjoyed to spend more time with them, I wouldn't do it. I know alot of folks disagree, but to each , their own.

My boyfriend games with me and it's something we spend a lot of time talking about and doing together. He has a lot of hobbies that I do not; as I do as well. The thought of asking the other to not do one of these other things would never cross either of our minds.

I was with someone for a long time who wanted me to give up the things I enjoyed to "spend more time" with him. I did and I was miserable, depressed and it showed in everything I did. You have to do what makes you happy. I've also been on the other end. For many years , before I played D&D myself, I was seriously involved with a guy who gamed (less than I do now!) but at the time...I wanted him to drop gaming and spend every saturday night with me. Looking back, I respect him for not doing that. I will never ask that of anyone ever again. That was 7 years ago.

Now if being with this woman makes you happy, then by all means try to reach a compromise. But it sounds like it might be time to sit back and rethink some things in your life, and figure out what you want. My advice is do what YOU want; don't do what she wants just to keep her happy, because you can only hide from yourself for so long. Trust me there are women out there who will respect your hobby.

One thing I've learned is that some people require more "attention" from their signifigant other than others. MojoGM and I both fit into "needs very little" attention category. It's not a bad thing, but it is something to consider when thinking about compatability.

After being with someone who tried to force me to stop being me , I get really concerned when I hear that one person in a relationship wants the other to give up anything.

Unless, of course, it reaches an unhealthy level.

NOW ...if your gaming habits are such that they are excessive to the point where you are completely ignoring other things like friendships and
work , and your health, and I know there are gamers out there who do that (the minority but there are a few) then you might need to get some help, or at least give up gaming so much and cut back.

But I suspect you fit into the normal category. And I think it's best you talk to her and reach a compromise. But don't give up on gaming completely unless YOU want to.

Is gaming pointless? No. Are sports pointless? No. Is art pointless? No. Is theater pointless? No. Are movies pointless? No. Is my collection of weird lps from the 50's pointless? No. Are my dog's collection of chewed up dog toys pointless? No.

Nothing is pointless if it brings you joy.

 

[Buddha the DM]

Before she asked me to cut back I had like 1 or 2 games a week, plus a group meeting. Mind you this was all when we were both still in college a few years ago. I have been gaming on and off for around 12 years now, and I admit that it has been a great source of fun as well as a superb creative outlet. My girlfriend on the other hand has never gamed at all, she has just observed a few games that I have been in.

Now I have tried to get her to play but she insists that she can't handle the math that would be involved in gaming. The most that I have gotten her to do is make a couple characters (a Half-Elf Ranger, a Human Cleric, and her latest a Half-Elf Druid).

Now I cut back partly because I wanted to make the relationship work out and last (we're having our 4 year anniversary together on Sept 23). Had I known then that I would be this miserable about the lack of gaming, and not so concerned with making things last with her, I would've tried to reason with her so that I could still game a reasonable amount and still have some quality time with her. But the thought to reaching a compromise about my amount of gaming didn't even occur to me then.

So now my only role-playing game related outlet is running my rather pathetic website which is currently named The Lost Souls Archive. I have put a major portion of the material that I have created for the d20 system on my page, and I am slowly working on getting the rest of it up.

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

Before she asked me to cut back I had like 1 or 2 games a week, plus a group meeting. Mind you this was all when we were both still in college a few years ago. I have been gaming on and off for around 12 years now, and I admit that it has been a great source of fun as well as a superb creative outlet. My girlfriend on the other hand has never gamed at all, she has just observed a few games that I have been in.

Now I have tried to get her to play but she insists that she can't handle the math that would be involved in gaming. The most that I have gotten her to do is make a couple characters (a Half-Elf Ranger, a Human Cleric, and her latest a Half-Elf Druid).

Now I cut back partly because I wanted to make the relationship work out and last (we're having our 4 year anniversary together on Sept 23). Had I known then that I would be this miserable about the lack of gaming, and not so concerned with making things last with her, I would've tried to reason with her so that I could still game a reasonable amount and still have some quality time with her. But the thought to reaching a compromise about my amount of gaming didn't even occur to me then.

So now my only role-playing game related outlet is running my rather pathetic website which is currently named The Lost Souls Archive. I have put a major portion of the material that I have created for the d20 system on my page, and I am slowly working on getting the rest of it up.

I don't think that 3 days to yourself is excessive. You have extended the offer to her to join you and I don't think it's really fair of her to ask you to cut back on something you enjoy.

Not being able to handle the math sounds like an excuse. I have a severe (I can not stress severe enough) learning disability and at age 26 can barely do math at a 2cnd grade level without a lot of help.

She too, had the option of backing away from the relationship over the years and has not. She can't expect you to change for her. I know it's hard and I don't mean to play the devils advocate but you asked for opinions...I think you really need to tell her what YOU want and ask her if she is willing to accept you as you are.

Don't try to change yourself for anyone. Trust me, I know from experience it doesn't work. Like I said before I was with someone who wanted me to give up not just fantasy and gaming but virtually everything I did that he wanted no part of and I did and I was miserable. My boyfriend has been in situations in the past where women have wanted him to give up gaming and whenever he did, he was miserable and went back to gaming afterwards and was happy again. In fact, just about everyone I know has been in relationships with either people they've dated or people they've been friends with that have been like that.

And like I said, I was on the other end once as well. So I know where she's coming from but that was 7 years ago and looking back, he was right and I was the one who was being selfish and immature.

I think you really need to step back and ask, is it worth it? 4 years is a long time and it's hard to think about letting someone go after so long, but I really think you and she need to talk about this because you seem very , very unhappy.

 

[Buddha the DM]

I will take your advice and consider it very carefully.