Ashrum the Black
Explorer
I received a call last week from one of my players. She was calling to tell me that she would no longer be gaming with us. When I asked why she told me that she was tired of being patronized by the group and how nobody respected her abilities as a gamer.
(sigh) The thing is, she’s right, up to a point. People don’t respect her as an accomplished gamer, because she truly isn’t by the groups definition. She’s been gaming for the last 13 years and has gamed all over the world, and she has been met with rave reviews by all she’s gamed with. But at my table she’s the poor man’s gamer. The reason is because she loves to role-play, but doesn’t know the rules of a given system to save her live. An accomplished gamer to my mind, and the groups, should make a point of trying to excel at both. Or at least know the rules enough to play her own character without having to ask constant question. She also loves to be the center of attention while gaming. This has led to some wonderful role playing moments, but can also be a real drag when I’m trying to involve the others in what’s going on.
Part of this is my fault, because I been just as guilty of this behavior as the rest of the players. But a part of this is also her own. She’s constantly telling everybody in the gaming group that are “newbies” the way things work. “Don’t us any divination, the DM will only screw you with it or make it so obscure you’ll never figure it out.” After I’d spent the whole night trying to get the group to do some divinations to move the story along. And of course on of the “newbies” has been gaming for the last 3-4 years with us, but is still treated as a beginner in her “vast” frame of reference.
She just returned from being abroad for the last month. While she was gone she gamed with others and apparently told them about our little group. Some of my house rules (you want to make a new character, then it comes in two levels lower than your current character) where considered “barbaric”. All of my house rules where given in writing to the players before we began gaming, and my reason’s for each was explained at the time. In addition she made a point of telling me that she was amazed that when she began to talk in character everybody shut up and paid attention to her.
I’ve also been accused of favoring two players in the group as well. To be fair one is my wife, the other is my brother. I don’t think I favor them, but I’m willing to concede I might sub consciously. The problem is, I’m not sure how I’ve favored them. Each character is in the 16-18 level range and through adventuring has a minor artifact. The groups paladin, played by another player also has a minor artifact is hugely more powerful in terms of dishing out damage on a regular and consistent basis. She complained that it was unfair that her character was 5 level behind the rest of the party. She has an has the machine template from one of the dungeon adventures that is ecl+3, and she left the group to game with another group for 2 months. During that time her character gained no experience and I felt it unfair to give her exp that she hadn’t earned to bring her up to the rest of the group. Though in that it was announced at the end of a gaming session that left off in a real cliff hanger that this was her last night because she had the “gaming opportunity of a life time”.
When shed first called I tried to convince her to come over the next time we game and to talk to everybody. Air this out and see what we could do. We’re all supposed to be friends and adults. I warned her though that she would need to approach this from the perspective that she would need to bend as well. (ie. Stop trying to rub the “13 years” in the others faces and they’ll stop ignoring her suggestions. ) By the time she was done I had no interest in trying to patch this up. I’ve already talked to my wife and one other player (the paladin) and they both would rather we just cut her loose. (My wife is more upset about this than I am since this lady was supposed to be a good friend, but evidently my wife’s patronizing, both in and out of game, is to much for this person) But I can’t help but feel this is something I could have nipped in the bud if I’d just said something to everybody before this.
Thanks for listening and any advice would be appreciated.
(sigh) The thing is, she’s right, up to a point. People don’t respect her as an accomplished gamer, because she truly isn’t by the groups definition. She’s been gaming for the last 13 years and has gamed all over the world, and she has been met with rave reviews by all she’s gamed with. But at my table she’s the poor man’s gamer. The reason is because she loves to role-play, but doesn’t know the rules of a given system to save her live. An accomplished gamer to my mind, and the groups, should make a point of trying to excel at both. Or at least know the rules enough to play her own character without having to ask constant question. She also loves to be the center of attention while gaming. This has led to some wonderful role playing moments, but can also be a real drag when I’m trying to involve the others in what’s going on.
Part of this is my fault, because I been just as guilty of this behavior as the rest of the players. But a part of this is also her own. She’s constantly telling everybody in the gaming group that are “newbies” the way things work. “Don’t us any divination, the DM will only screw you with it or make it so obscure you’ll never figure it out.” After I’d spent the whole night trying to get the group to do some divinations to move the story along. And of course on of the “newbies” has been gaming for the last 3-4 years with us, but is still treated as a beginner in her “vast” frame of reference.
She just returned from being abroad for the last month. While she was gone she gamed with others and apparently told them about our little group. Some of my house rules (you want to make a new character, then it comes in two levels lower than your current character) where considered “barbaric”. All of my house rules where given in writing to the players before we began gaming, and my reason’s for each was explained at the time. In addition she made a point of telling me that she was amazed that when she began to talk in character everybody shut up and paid attention to her.
I’ve also been accused of favoring two players in the group as well. To be fair one is my wife, the other is my brother. I don’t think I favor them, but I’m willing to concede I might sub consciously. The problem is, I’m not sure how I’ve favored them. Each character is in the 16-18 level range and through adventuring has a minor artifact. The groups paladin, played by another player also has a minor artifact is hugely more powerful in terms of dishing out damage on a regular and consistent basis. She complained that it was unfair that her character was 5 level behind the rest of the party. She has an has the machine template from one of the dungeon adventures that is ecl+3, and she left the group to game with another group for 2 months. During that time her character gained no experience and I felt it unfair to give her exp that she hadn’t earned to bring her up to the rest of the group. Though in that it was announced at the end of a gaming session that left off in a real cliff hanger that this was her last night because she had the “gaming opportunity of a life time”.
When shed first called I tried to convince her to come over the next time we game and to talk to everybody. Air this out and see what we could do. We’re all supposed to be friends and adults. I warned her though that she would need to approach this from the perspective that she would need to bend as well. (ie. Stop trying to rub the “13 years” in the others faces and they’ll stop ignoring her suggestions. ) By the time she was done I had no interest in trying to patch this up. I’ve already talked to my wife and one other player (the paladin) and they both would rather we just cut her loose. (My wife is more upset about this than I am since this lady was supposed to be a good friend, but evidently my wife’s patronizing, both in and out of game, is to much for this person) But I can’t help but feel this is something I could have nipped in the bud if I’d just said something to everybody before this.
Thanks for listening and any advice would be appreciated.
Personally, I wouldn't have brought it up sooner. Bringing it up would only bring the issues to a head. That's not necessarily a good thing; sometimes these issues aren't a big enough deal that they should be brought to a head, sometimes they just work themselves out on their own.
