Removing yourself from a gaming group

[werk]

I've left several groups becasue I move around every so often and gaming groups are a great way to meet people and get some inside information on your new home...but not always.

I always say why I'm leaving and then leave. Reasons have been complete disregard for the rules in favor of whatever house rule the DM wanted to create on the spot and forget about the next round, cancelling with no notice or notification, repeatedly, wasting my time talking about MMO's that less than half the group play, and super stinky awkward players that magically appeared my third session with the group.

But, you never hit a home run if you don't get up there and swing.

 

[Hussar]

I've quit a couple of groups. The first was pretty final - just couldn't hack the DM anymore. Gamer funk was brutal. Somehow worse when you play on a Sunday afternoon - I mean she could have showered in the morning.

The second was fairly recent. Very amicable. Just a difference in play styles. The members of the group had changed and the style took a hard right turn with the new blood and I just stopped having fun. Great DM though.

 

[pawsplay]

Many years ago, I started dating someone who was in an established Champions game. As a perk, they let her bring her kid, who would typically play in his playpen for a couple of hours before falling asleep. I got invited to attend and check it out, and somewhat to my surprise, once I got there, they encouraged me to make a character right away. Well, if you know anything about Champions, you know that can be somewhat time consuming, so I was pretty happy to be done in thirty minutes, impressing them not only with my decisiveness but my skill with fractions. I made a moody ex-special forces guy who wore bulletproof armor and fought escrima style.

That's when things got funky. My character joined the super team. Since one player was out, they didn't want to advance the main plotline, so instead, they decided to roleplay the characters hanging out. My date had a couple of background characters, but primarily played the one. The other players, however, each had, apparently, a dozen or so characters. So they would talk. And talk. And talk. sometimes they would even talk with themselves. Other times, they would change characters so quickly you couldn't tell who they were. The characters decided to hop into their superjet and fly to Vegas for some fun, and my character, as the new guy, got dragged along.

So they went to Vegas. One of the players, a middle-aged man, allegedly heterosexual and definitely of average, not very striking appearance, was portraying a flirtatious female bombshell type, and she starting flirting with my character. Well, I had already decided my character was recently divorced, fairly straight-laced, and becoming something of a heavy drinker, so he brushed her off. Another female character, played by the female player, joined in the act, before becoming frustrated and moving on to easier prey. The original flirter redoubled her efforts.

At this point, I am feeling extremely weird. This guy probably did community theatre or something, or just really got into the idea of being a hot seductress in brightly colored spandex.

Anyway, long story short, I roleplaying that my character drank himself into a stupor and had to be carried to bed. I was informed that when he awoke he felt like he had been... something. Anyway. Around that time I announced it was getting late.

I went home. I told my date I didn't feel we were a good mesh. She asked why, and I explained I just overwhelmed by the soap opera storyline, annoyed by the personal-space-invading flirtation, and somewhat bored by standing around talking in character for a couple of hours, when the characters are two-dimensional superheroes. I just didn't go back, even though I received a standing invitation, and then not long after, she stopped going to.

 

[Ferrum]

Shortly after joining the military I got into my first D&D game, AD&D actually.

I can't even remember what I was playing, probably a human fighter. The PCs were protecting a caravan and the caravan was ambushed. While most of the PCs got right into the fighting, one elven archer type decided to climb a tree and hide. During his second round, he produced a small bag, defecated and urinated in it, and then applied his "poison" to his arrows.

The DM allowed all of that to happen in one round, which in 2E 1 minute rounds is somewhat possible, but not likely. That and the idea that while he was doing all of that, he remained hidden, and didn't fall out of the tree. Then, in the third round when he actually shot an arrow, his "poison" did something like 1d6 extra damage. Huh?

while all of this was going on, he was cheered by the other players and seemed to be quite pleased with himself. I was 18 at the time and still felt the entire act was too childish and crude for my tastes. At the end of the game I found out the tree-climbing archer would be the DM of the next game, and I answerred with a simple "No Thanks".

 

[Emerald Lich]

I left a gaming group after playing with them for about 8 years. Over time, it became apparent that my playstyle wasn't compatible with the rest of the group. Two players got all of the plot hooks and action... the other players were relegated to "supporting role" parts at best. There were a lot of other things going on, too, but it's water under the bridge.

I had a similar experience - I'd been playing with a group for 2-3 years, and while the playstyle of the group initially matched my own, the group's playstyle slowly evolved into something that didn't particularly interest me. Additionally, it became clear after a while that one player was essentially driving the direction of the campaign, and the rest of us, for all practical purposes, were relegated to "sidekick" duty. (And yes, there were also a bunch of other issue going on that probably contributed to my dissatisfaction, but the details for them aren't important.)

After 3-4 evenings of game play where I found myself really not enjoying the game, I talked to a few of the other "sidekick" players about my frustrations, and found that they didn't share them - they acknowledged that my concerns about the game had some valid points, but didn't find them to be a big deal, or at least didn't see them to be the detriments that I did.

So, after that, I showed up for one last game session - and at the end of that, told the DM and the other players that the game wasn't all that fun for me anymore, and that I thought it'd probably be best if I stopped gaming with them. This led to a little discussion, but after it became clear that things really weren't going to change - mostly because the DM and the "main" player didn't see the "sidekick" issue at all, let alone that it could be a problem - so I left, and didn't come back.

It was a little uncomfortable, but I've found that being open about gaming issues tend to work in the best interest of a group. I still talk to most of the people in that group, and am still good friends with a few of them. I just know better than to game with them ... or at least all of them, and in that particular configuration.

 

[jezter6]

I had a similar experience - I'd been playing with a group for 2-3 years, and while the playstyle of the group initially matched my own, the group's playstyle slowly evolved into something that didn't particularly interest me. Additionally, it became clear after a while that one player was essentially driving the direction of the campaign, and the rest of us, for all practical purposes, were relegated to "sidekick" duty. (And yes, there were also a bunch of other issue going on that probably contributed to my dissatisfaction, but the details for them aren't important.)

After 3-4 evenings of game play where I found myself really not enjoying the game, I talked to a few of the other "sidekick" players about my frustrations, and found that they didn't share them - they acknowledged that my concerns about the game had some valid points, but didn't find them to be a big deal, or at least didn't see them to be the detriments that I did.

So, after that, I showed up for one last game session - and at the end of that, told the DM and the other players that the game wasn't all that fun for me anymore, and that I thought it'd probably be best if I stopped gaming with them. This led to a little discussion, but after it became clear that things really weren't going to change - mostly because the DM and the "main" player didn't see the "sidekick" issue at all, let alone that it could be a problem - so I left, and didn't come back.

It was a little uncomfortable, but I've found that being open about gaming issues tend to work in the best interest of a group. I still talk to most of the people in that group, and am still good friends with a few of them. I just know better than to game with them ... or at least all of them, and in that particular configuration.

I played in a game for almost 3 years where the plot 'finale' if you will was exactly that. The DM's best friend was to become the new prophesised elf king.

In spite of the fact that this was obviously slanted, our group had a blast the whole time. We just had to roll with the fact that we needed to protect him, and in the end, he would be the great king and we would just be regular people. It was still fun and rewarding. Sometimes it's fun not having to be the one getting the attention.

 

[Lanefan]

I was the one who wrote that.

While not a deal-killer, it's a flag for me. First off, all that note-passing is basically hiding entertaining things from the other players, which seems counter to the point of play, IMO. Second, I think all-too-often it's facilitating an unhealthy kind of PvP play.

There's nothing at all wrong with secrets within the party. Just like in real life, who tells *all* their friends *everything*? And, PvP play is not always unhealthy; sometimes, it's better than the adventure!

Never mind that the occasional random fake note can really ramp up the paranoia factor!

Re: Leaving

I don't think you should have to give an in-character reason for leaving. I'm not my PC. If I'm having a bad time, I'm getting out, my PC be damned.

Fair enough, but I'm there to play my PC...and, it's *my* PC, so if I'm leaving I'd prefer to take it with me. Out of consideration for the game, finding an in-character rationale just makes sense.

Lanefan

 

[cignus_pfaccari]

Sometimes it's fun not having to be the one getting the attention.

I have to say, I enjoy not having the plot revolve around my character. It's always more fun if it's revolving around someone else. That way I can screw around more.

Brad

 

[rgard]

One note I would add...

I don't think I would stick around long enough for a round of combat if the other players were attacking my character. Sounds a little like "taking my toys and going home" but I'm a very vocal advocate of the cooperative nature of the game so if someone attacks my character, its time for me to leave...without resolving the combat one way or the other.

I could have done that, but I can be stubborn at times and genuinely thought my MU could lay waste to theirs. As soon as my MU was out of immediate harm's way, there wasn't much of a gamble on my part.

Thanks,
Rich

 

[Emerald Lich]

I played in a game for almost 3 years where the plot 'finale' if you will was exactly that. The DM's best friend was to become the new prophesised elf king.

In spite of the fact that this was obviously slanted, our group had a blast the whole time. We just had to roll with the fact that we needed to protect him, and in the end, he would be the great king and we would just be regular people. It was still fun and rewarding. Sometimes it's fun not having to be the one getting the attention.

Oh, there's nothing wrong with that if that's what you like. Not at all. That was actually one of the points I tried to make when I left - I didn't really *want* them to change the style or direction of the game, since for the most part, the rest of the group seemed to be enjoying the game just fine. It just wasn't quite my taste, though, so it was easier to bow out of that particular game.

I definitely agree that sometimes it's fun not having to be the one getting the attention ... but I would emphasize the word "sometimes". When "sometimes" becomes "never", though, I don't care for that. I prefer games where the spotlight, so to speak, can shine on any of the characters in a group during a given adventure. Everyone should get the chance to be the main hero every once in a while, assuming that's what the players want ... and if you never are given any chance whatsoever, I'd rather not play in that type of game.

YMMV, of course.