Sammael
Adventurer
It does solve the problem, but the original post seems to suggest that sexism does exist and that it's an issue he's willing to explore. And I think it would be a pity not to explore it...You could always just adjudicate that sexism doesn't exist in your game world. That solves the problem right there.
Though she is a female spy, do try not to use the "seductress" archetype. Yes, she will have probably used her sexuality sometimes to achieve her goals; no, it shouldn't be her defining characteristic because that's not a leadership quality. As a good leader, she must be a good judge of character - and because she is a fallen paladin, she probably has a penchant for discovering and eliminating threats. Perhaps she's a little paranoid, and perhaps she sometimes tests her own troops for loyalty - rewarding those who prove it, and severely punishing those who don't. Maybe she doesn't forget slights but allows the offenders to grow complacent before she takes revenge. It's hard to tell without more information about her... but maybe you can use Amanda Waller (DC comics) as inspiration?