Roy and H.G. do RttToEE

[hong]

This is a continuation of the Secret Diary of Padma Illindra, but from a slightly different perspective, shall we say. It's likely to be incomprehensible to everyone except us Austrians, and those who remember Roy Slaven and H.G. Nelson's The Dream, from the Sydney 2000 Olympics (they're also at Salt Lake 2002, with the Ice Dream).


Elemental Evil Smackdown, or Roy and H.G. do RttToEE, Pt 1


H.G. Nelson: Thank you Roy, and welcome back, viewers, to the Return to the Temple of Elemental Evil, or Arteeteetee'o'ee'ee for short, live here at the House of Monte. Think they could have shortened the title at all, Roy?

Roy Slaven: Not really, H.G. See, Wizards don't have Gary Gygax anymore, but they still have to deal with the legacy he left behind. And that legacy can be summed up very succinctly, H.G. -- syllables. Lots and lots of syllables. He was one for the polysyllabic words, was our Gary. But he isn't here anymore, that's the problem. Only he could use syllables in the way he did, the way they flowed off the tongue, but his legacy is that gamers everywhere demand, yes DEMAND, H.G., that D&D products must use lots and lots of syllables regardless. Because gamers are a discerning lot, you know. So the designers have taken the next best route: instead of using a few words with lots of syllables each, they've used lots of words with a few syllables each.

H.G.: Hmm, yes indeed, Roy.

Roy: And you know what? It works, H.G., it really works! Say it with me: Arteeteetee'o'ee'ee. All those syllables moulded together into a smoothly mellifluous sound that just rolls off the tongue. Okay, it's not quite the same as what our Gary could do -- "Zuggtmoy" is still my favourite Gygax name ever -- but the tonguing is what counts, and as long as you're getting some tongue action going, who care's how it's done?

H.G.: That's exactly right, Roy. I can just see hordes of gamers now, getting the tongue in, thanks to Monte Cook. And for viewers who have joined us late, here's an update on the campaign. The party have returned to the Temple of All-Consumption -- isn't that just a brilliant name, Roy, lots of tongue action there -- after getting their party member Brathariel the necromancer raised from the dead. You may remember that Brat, as he's known to his friends, took an overdose of the angry pills last week after he was drained to 2 Wisdom. I spoke with Brat during the break; he didn't seem very pleased with his enforced downtime, Roy.

Roy: Didn't he?

H.G.: No. I was rather surprised, because I thought he'd jump at the chance to get some hands-on practical experience, so to speak, with his field of expertise. But he pointed out that being dead isn't the same as controlling the dead.

Roy: Hmph. I guess that being dead puts a crimp in the rate at which you can create more undead, so I can see what he's getting at.

H.G.: Oh yes. Anyway, the party's at the main entrance to the dungeon now, and here's their first challenge. The stone doors are shut and covered in spider webs. Big, hard, sticky ones too. The party doesn't seem too happy, Roy.

Roy: No, H.G. And you can see why. You wouldn't want to be touched by big, hard, sticky things all the time, would you? It's just not on.

H.G.: Hmm, yes.

Roy: I mean, once in a while is okay, maybe once a month or so, and maybe even more, depending on what goes on on the footy field. But the point is you have to be ready for it. You have to be prepared, and able to handle what's coming. You don't want to be surprised by things getting hard and sticky on you from out of nowhere. It's just not cricket.

H.G.: It looks like the party's decided on a course of action, Roy. Yes, after much discussion on tactics and strategy, they've come to a decision. They're going to charge straight in, and to hell with whatever made these 10-foot-high webs with strands as thick as cables. I've got to agree with that decision, Roy. It's probably going to get them all killed, but by god, I love the sight of a good, old-fashioned frontal assault. It warms the cockles of my heart.

Roy: Yes, H.G. The party's decided that this dungeon has a pest control problem, and they're the cleanup crew.

H.G.: Yes, the cleanup crew. They've cut away the webs and opened the doors and what's waiting for them on the other side...? Let's have a look... it's a group of MONSTROUS SPIDERS! Well by god, that was unexpected, Roy.

Roy: Totally, H.G. A too-smart-by-half DM would have used some other monsters besides spiders, since any player who isn't totally stupid knows that webs means spiders. We'll have none of that reverse-psychology nonsense from our Dungeon Master. Webs? Spiders. Spiders? Webs. That's the way it should be.

H.G.: The party deploys for battle... Padma's sword glows with cold energy, Duncan the ninja goes invisible... the fighters heft their shields and draw their swords as the spiders close in. Oh, and Brat's CHARGING INTO BATTLE ONCE AGAIN! Those angry pills he took last week obviously haven't worn off. Didn't they spend the money to get his Wisdom restored, Roy?

Roy: Yes, H.G. They should demand their money back, if you ask me.

H.G.: And Brat SCORES A HIT with his vampiric touch spell!!! The crowd goes wild! Oh, but he's in trouble now... the spiders get to strike back, and he's bitten twice, and poisoned!! His Strength is reduced to zero, and he goes down like a sack of spuds!

Roy: Or one of Madame Lash's girls. I was just talking with one of the barmaids in Rasta the other night --

H.G. Hang on a minute, Roy, there's something big coming up behind the spiders... it's another spider! It's a TWENTY-FOOT WIDE MONSTROUS SPIDER! It's twice as big as the other piddly ones. The cleanup crew have a job on their hands now, and they know it. I can see the brown trousers from here, I can smell the brown trousers. There's no smell quite like it in the world.

Roy: Yes, they got a bit cocky there, H.G., just barging into the dungeon like that, with no thought for what they might face. They can't have expected to get away with it, not with this DM. He was smart enough to anticipate their fancy-pants reverse-psychology tactics, and now he's used it against them. He's got a few tricks up his sleeve.

H.G.: That's not just a spider, it's the mother of all spiders. How are they going to deal with it? Here they go... Jayse lets off a lightning bolt! Galadhriel casts a fireball! That's got to hurt. The pyrotechnics are on display tonight, here at the House of Monte, Roy.

Roy: Don't forget, that's Galadhriel with an H. And Duncan's gone invisible again.

H.G. He's planning something, Roy. They've killed off all the kiddie spiders now. Padma's going to the flank, and the fighters are forming a shield wall to block the mother of all spiders. The mother of all spiders attacks... it hits Kondara! She's poisoned, and wouldn't you be, with a Fortitude save DC of 31. That poison is just evil, Roy.

Roy: Technically I think it's neutral, H.G.

H.G. Let's not get into an alignment debate now, Roy. Uh-oh, Kondara's in trouble... she's down! She's been reduced to 2 Strength, which isn't enough to support the weight of her armour. This could be the end of the road for Kondara the knight. It's not looking good for the cleanup crew.

Roy: Not good at all.

H.G.: Padma leaps into the fray! She strikes the mother of all spiders... that's a good hit... but not good enough. It's still standing, or should I say, still crawling. Wait a minute... it's Duncan the ninja! He's tumbled to a flanking position, and now he SNEAK ATTACKS the mother of all spiders for an AMAZING 60 POINTS OF DAMAGE!! The mother of all spiders is DOWN! The cleanup crew WINS!!! It's bedlam here at the House of Monte!

Roy: Yes, a great double-team from the cleanup crew here at the House of Monte. They're still in a spot of bother, though. Actually, they're in more than just a spot of bother; they're in, to use a technical term, the sh*t. They have two party members down, one of whom is paralysed, and they don't even have a cleric.

H.G. Although Padma does have a few shaman levels.

Roy: Only three levels, if I remember correctly. That's just poor planning, for me. In fact, it's more than poor planning, it's stupid. And now they're paying the price for their stupidity, because they're in the sh*t and they don't have anyone who can cast restoration. What are they going to do now? Sit around in the sh*t and wait for the monsters to sniff them out? I wouldn't be surprised! That's STUPID, and this party is STUPID!

H.G.: It looks like the cleanup crew have made a decision, Roy. And we'll be right back at the House of Monte, after these messages!

[to be continued]

 

[hong]

Self-abuse is good for you, or Roy and H.G. do RttToEE, pt 2


[THREE DAYS LATER]

H.G.: Welcome back to the House of Monte, as we continue with the adventures of the cleanup crew in the Arteeteetee'o'ee'ee. You're right, Roy, that does flow quite well off the tongue.

Roy: That's what I said, H.G. Practice is all you need, really. You've just got to keep exercising the tongue, over and over again, if you want to get your tongue action right. Just keep tonguing over and over, that's the way to do it. It doesn't matter what you tongue, how you tongue, or who you tongue, as long as you tongue.

H.G.: Wise words, Roy. For those of you who have just joined us, the cleanup crew has spent the last three days playing cat-and-mouse games with the dungeon inhabitants. In that time, Padma's been frantically casting lesser restoration spells on the party members who have lost Strength points. Not only that, but the wand of cure light wounds has been getting a severe workout as well. In fact, it's got a severe workout every time they've been into this dungeon. I wonder just how that wand actually works, Roy?

Roy: Well, it's quite simple really, H.G. A wand is simply a piece of wood that can be used to cast a spell up to 50 times. All wands use what's called the "spell trigger" completion method. From the System Reference Document, this means that casting a spell from a wand is usually a standard action that doesn't provoke attacks of opportunity. To activate a wand, a character must hold it in hand (or whatever passes for a hand, for all you nonhumanoid creatures out there) and point it in the general direction of the target. So basically you point your piece of wood, or your wand, at someone, and then you activate your wand by whatever means it takes -- rubbing it vigorously with your hand, for example -- and your wand comes to life.

H.G.: It's almost like the wand has a mind of its own.

Roy: Yes. I asked Skip Williams -- the Sage -- if wands can overheat if used too much, but he never gave me a definitive answer.

H.G.: He sounds like a goose, to be honest.

Roy: Now that's a bit harsh, H.G.

H.G.: Do you think so, Roy?

Roy: I do. Now I grant you, it's true that Skip doesn't know anything about D&D. He also doesn't know anything about 3rd edition. In fact, I don't think he knows anything about anything at all. But that's not his fault. He's a burnt-out shell of a man from too many years of answering questions about topics best left unsaid. He used to be a brilliant man, mind you. He was one of the brightest stars in Wizards' firmament -- there's some nice tongue action for you, Gary -- but not anymore. And that's why his name is on the credits for 3E. It's a mark of respect for a once-great man, who started the ball rolling, and without whom D&D would not be the game it is today.

H.G.: Yessss. Maybe they could get Russell Crowe to play him in a movie, "A Beautiful Sage". Getting back to the party, Roy, there's been some pretty intense roleplaying discussions since last week. Let's run over them now. First up, Padma has been giving Duff the Doughty a talking-to over his -- and this is a technical description coming up -- not being able to hit the ocean from a dinghy, as it were. He calls himself a fighter, but I don't think he's hit anything so far this week. In fact, I don't think he's hit anything at all since he was hired.

Roy: Although I remember that Padma made a complete dog's breakfast of that jump at the water temple last time, so I don't think she has any right to lecture him on performance.

H.G.: You have to admit, Roy, he's been a complete dud. He's a failure, a waste of the time spent rolling up his stats. They should have saved those rolls for something useful.

Roy: Yes, but we've got to be fair. It's just not on to browbeat someone like that. It's totally over the top. Everyone goes through bad spots, and we've got to have the capacity to give people the benefit of the doubt.

H.G.: Except when it comes to Skip.

Roy: Oh, of course, that goes without saying.

H.G.: And Padma herself hasn't been such a smashing success either.

Roy: You said it, H.G. There was the dog's breakfast of a landing, as you mentioned before. Besides which, she's spent her entire adventuring career bouncing up and down like, oh, I don't know, one of the Super Mario Brothers or something. I ask you, what use is that? It's not like there's a Donkey Kong rolling huge barrels at you in most dungeons, is there? Maybe you could use it to set off traps! On the floor, and on the ceiling! Up, down, up, down! Now there's a useful tactic!

H.G.: I should mention that it's done wonders for her thighs, Roy.

Roy. That is true, H.G. Thighs are everything in athletics these days. If she ever retires from adventuring, maybe she could become a short-track speed skater. Or a figure skater! Now there's something where jumping around might be useful!

H.G.: She does also have a more... aerodynamic profile than most adventurers have. Streamlined. No protruding bits, you know what I mean?

Roy.: Bullet-shaped. Big thighs, pointy head. Speaking of pointy heads, did you notice what she did when they fought that gray ooze?

H.G. Yes, Roy. She knew the ooze could dissolve things, she'd seen it dissolve Duff's weapon, and so she starts hitting it with her bare hands... I'm not sure what was going through her mind at that point.

Roy: NOTHING! Nothing was going through her mind, H.G.! Just blankness, a void. It's a monster, therefore I must hit it. Never mind that she's doing the ooze's job for it, she was obviously operating on autopilot. I really don't know how she bumbled her way through that fight. She's just lucky the rest of the cleanup crew aren't as STUPID as her.

H.G.: That's right. Moving on, it looks like there's some friction in the crew, Roy. Jayse and Brat -- that's the wizard and the necromancer on angry pills, respectively -- have formed an alliance against Galadhriel with an H. It seems to be professional rivalry at work, Roy. Jayse and Brat don't think much of sorcerers, in particular not sorceresses with huge Charisma and not much else upstairs.

Roy: And who can blame them, H.G.? For so long, wizards have been ruling the roost when it comes to arcane spellcasters in D&D. Sure, bards could also cast spells in 2nd Edition, but no-one ever played a bard, because as a class, they were utterly and completely useless. They even named the company after wizards. Now all of a sudden, there's a new class in town, playing the same tune, and with more boom spells per day, to boot. It's hard not to feel some jealousy in a situation like that.

H.G.: So you don't think they should tone it down, Roy?

Roy: Well, maybe just a little bit. It's not like sorcerers are THAT much better than wizards. They're a LITTLE bit better, but really, it's not anything to make a big fuss about. And I'm sure it'll be a long time before sorcerers replace wizards and their obsolete pseudo-Vancian spell mechanics completely, so they should just put it out of their mind and concentrate on the job at hand.

H.G.: Finally, Duncan is insisting he's not a ninja, he's really a Night Knife. For those of you who aren't as familiar with Faerunian geography as Roy and I are, the Night Knives are a guild of thieves from Sembia. Duncan was once a member of the Night Knives, although it should be said that that was some time ago.

Roy: I think he's worried about the connotations attached to the "ninja" label, H.G. See, the thing is that I know Duncan, and he's a humble man. Just a self-effacing, unassuming bloke who doesn't want to draw attention to himself. He only wants to blend into the background, and not hog the limelight.

H.G.: That's why he got that ring of invisibility.

Roy: Absolutely right, H.G. And ninjas tend to hog the limelight, because, well, they're ninjas. That's just what they are. It's a highly visible, high-profile occupation -- everyone knows about ninjas, I'm sure. Ninjas and subtlety just don't go together, I'm afraid. But I say, if you're a ninja, you should be proud of it. It's an occupation with a long and famous tradition, both in Japanese folklore and modern culture.

H.G.: I'm with you, Roy. Being a ninja is nothing to be ashamed of. Don't let a few WHINING NAYSAYERS put you OFF YOUR GAME, Duncan! You're better than that!

Roy: If there's one thing I want to say, Duncan, it's that H.G. and I are on your side. So don't worry, you'll always be a ninja to us.

H.G.: Although maybe we should respect his wishes, Roy.

Roy: You may be right, H.G.

H.G.: Now then, it looks like the cleanup crew has finished recuperating from the fight with the mother of all spiders. They're breaking camp. Which way will they go from here...? The last two times, they went in a clockwise direction, via the earth temple, and we all know how that ended up.

Roy: It looks like they're going to go in a counterclockwise direction this time. They must have got tired of being ambushed by those earth elemental terrors. I don't know why, to be honest. They were doing great. Sure, a few people got dragged into the earth, and had to eat their way out, but they survived. And if you ask me, it's not like the earth around here tastes that bad. I've tasted worse, believe me.

H.G. Well, that's the way they're heading. A reminder to our viewers, the party is heading to the fire temple this time, having thoroughly trashed the water temple on their last visit. What will happen to them on their journey? We'll find out, after these important messages!

[to be continued]

 

[madriel]

I'm glad this wasn't any longer than it is. Otherwise I would've died laughing instead of just laughing myself silly.

more, More, MORE!!!

(and you can take that any way you want)

 

[Scarab]

BAHAHAHA! I love it!

 

[CoopersPale]

You'd may Roy and HG proud...

You should send them the URL of your thread

PLEASE,
keep posting.

It's GOLD baby GOLD!

 

[Marauder]

Great stuff! Do your players know they're being victimised?

 

[hong]

Great stuff! Do your players know they're being victimised?

Actually, Geoff W's the DM. I'm just one of the boofhead players.

 

[hong]

A Spot of Biffo, or Roy and H.G. do RttToEE, pt 3

H.G.: And welcome back viewers, for more tongue action, live from the House of Monte. We're following the cleanup crew in the Arteeteetee'o'ee'ee as they search for the elusive fire temple, and it's all action here, I can tell you. For starters, the crew had a vicious fight with the mother of all spiders right at the entrance to the dungeon. Then they were confronted by a gray ooze, and just a few minutes ago, I'm told that they had another fight with some wandering creepy-crawlies.

Roy: Deepmantles, according to this note. It's some newfangled aberration introduced in 3rd Edition. Personally, I miss those piercers from 1st Edition. Incredible penetrating power for their size. When they penetrated you, you knew you'd been penetrated, all right.

H.G.: Vermin, oozes, aberrations -- do you see a pattern in all this, Roy?

Roy: I'm definitely seeing a pattern, H.G., and if there's one thing I've got to say, it's this: this dungeon really needs a good spring clean. I've seen some dungeons in my time, and none of them even come close to this one in terms of lack of hygiene. It's absolutely disgusting. You can't get anywhere without tripping over some filth, and if it isn't spiders, it's slimes and oozes.

H.G.: Speaking of slimes, don't forget those pools of green slime lying on the floor at the water temple, right where anyone could fall into them. These people obviously don't know the first thing about keeping a tidy dungeon.

Roy.: I had to personally fight off several ochre jellies who attacked me on my way to the studio today. Of course, they didn't succeed, because I'd learned a thing or two in my rugby league days about fighting off someone trying to slime you -- that's the great thing about rugby league, it teaches you all sorts of life skills. But it's the principle of the thing. And you know, there's only one word to describe a dungeon like this, H.G.

H.G.: I think I know what that word is, Roy.

Both: [simultaneously] This dungeon is a TOILET.

H.G.: It's ATLANTA ALL OVER AGAIN! It's a disgrace.

Roy: It is. In fact, I think that Atlanta -- yes, even Atlanta -- wasn't as bad as this dungeon.

H.G.: Is that so?

Roy: For one thing, you weren't liable to get attacked by 20-foot-wide monstrous spiders on your way to the swimming.

H.G.: True, but there was that business with the bomb....

Roy: Well, that's Americans for you, always blowing up each other for one reason or another. Someone probably took a few too many of the little blue pills that morning.

H.G.: Yes, too much blowing going on for my liking. Here we go, Roy, the cleanup crew have made their way around to the southern part of the dungeon, and now they've come to the pit where those pit fights take place. They're talking to the gargoyle in charge... it looks like they're laying down the law. They're here to clean the dungeon out, and the gargoyle can be cleaned out with the rest, or he can leave.

Roy: The gargoyle isn't just going to bend over and say aunty, I hope.

H.G.: No, definitely not... he's challenged Padma to a duel! If he wins, they have to leave the dungeon. If she wins, he'll leave, and he'll even answer some questions for them. What can Padma do here?

Roy: Well, she won't be bouncing her way out of this one, that's for sure. I mean, she's hopeless. A complete joke. She completely forgot to use her Smite ability last time, and of course, she made a complete goose of herself at the water temple. She should have stayed outside the dungeon and guarded the horses. Or maybe they should be guarding her, she's that bad.

H.G.: The duel starts... Padma's bumbling around like an idiot... the gargoyle closes in... Padma lands the first hit! She somehow manages to point the sharp end of her sword at the gargoyle, and sticks him for 16 points of damage! Now it's the gargoyle's turn... he claws her twice, for 10 points! Oh, it's too painful to watch.

Roy: She's a joke! A complete joke! Get her off before she kills herself!

H.G. And now she's almost tripped over herself! The gargoyle's so busy laughing, he's let his guard down! She scores a CRITICAL HIT WITH A SMITE! The gargoyle FALLS ON HER SWORD FOR 39 POINTS OF DAMAGE!!

Roy: The gargoyle's saying aunty, and I can't blame him. If they kept this up, he would have died of laughter!

H.G.: They're questioning the gargoyle closely... he's drawn them a map of the fire temple. That should come in handy, Roy. But wait, I spoke too soon... the cleanup crew looks confused. From the sounds of it, none of the features of the map match what they've seen so far.

Roy: Don't tell me the gargoyle's trying to double-cross them? You can't have villains going back on their word! That's just not on!

H.G.: Hang on, Padma's just realised she's been reading the map upside-down.

Roy: Typical. What a bloody joke!

H.G.: The cleanup crew continues on their way... you know, Roy, I think they were being extraordinarily civil in that encounter. Would you agree?

Roy: Totally, H.G. If it was me, I'd have been rolling for initiative as soon as I saw that gargoyle.

H.G.: Just to let our viewers know, Roy and I are from the old school of gaming. In our day, you knew what a dungeon was, and you knew what your job was: to die. If you were a player and you went into a dungeon, you knew you wouldn't be coming out on your own two feet. And if you were a DM, you measured how good your dungeons were by the body counts. On a good day, you could rack up a century before lunch! That's how it was done!

Roy. Yes, H.G. But see, that's the great thing about modern gamers. The game is so different from our days, when basically all you did was kill things and find treasure. It didn't really matter exactly how six dragons managed to fit into a 10-foot room. The important thing is that you kicked the door in, and you killed everything in sight. Today's gamers want more than that. They demand consistent worlds. They want believable characters, characters who aren't perfect. They want a milieu -- there's some more vigorous tonguing for our Gary -- in which their actions make sense, and enemies who are even more despicable because they're human.

H.G.: Mm-hmm.

Roy: What I'm saying is that instead of senseless violence, today's gamers want carefully crafted, intelligent, sensitive violence. And that's a good thing.

H.G.: Speaking of carefully crafted, sensitive violence, Roy, the cleanup crew have come to a door... they can hear voices on the other side.

Roy: Can they understand it?

H.G.: It seems not. So they're falling back on plan B, which is to kick the door in and kill everything in sight.

Roy: Oh, good. If there's one thing I like to see, it's a spot of biffo.

H.G.: Here they go... the fighters break the door down! Brat, the angry necromancer, casts a scintillating sphere into the room! But hang on, they're kuo-toa, and they're resistant to electrical damage! They laugh off the scintillating sphere! The monsters are doing a lot of laughing lately, Roy.

Roy: They are, H.G. And the brown trousers are coming out again for the cleanup crew.

H.G.: Padma the joke trips over her own feet, and tumbles into the room... Duff the D*ckhead and Kondara follow... Duncan the ninja, I mean Night Knife, slips on his ring of invisibility. That's a good move... but what's this? The kuo-toa have detected something! Ah, I'm told that they can see invisible creatures! Duncan obviously didn't know that, and now they're surrounding him!

Roy: He isn't surrounded, H.G., he's in an XP-rich environment.

H.G.: You could say that, Roy. And now BRAT'S CHARGING THE ENEMY AGAIN! Yes, the necromancer on angry pills is showing everybody how it's done. The crowd loves it, here at the House of Monte. The rest of the cleanup crew aren't going to let him show them up either. They're lining up now; Brat hands off to Jayse the wizard, who passes a slick one to the joke... I can't believe this, the kuo-toa are reeling! The wizards gang up on one of them, and he goes down.

Roy: Clubbed to death by a wizard; how humiliating. He'll never hear the end of it in the change rooms.

H.G.: The joke almost stabs herself with her sword, but manages to turn the pointy end around in time to take down another... Duncan and the sorceress with huge Charisma finish off two more. And there's just the fullback to beat! A kuo-toa cleric appears and casts a hold person spell! But it fails miserably; that's what happens when everyone has at least a +5 bonus on their Will saves. He's quickly surrounded, and GOES DOWN!

Roy: A marvellous bit of teamwork there from the cleanup crew, H.G. I thought that Duncan was pizza when the kuo-toa surrounded him, to be honest. Positive thinking is always good, but even ninjas have their limits. But Brat came charging in like, oh, like a necromancer on angry pills, and took the kuo-toa completely by surprise. Because there's some things that you just never expect, and one of them is a crazy wizard charging you with a club.

H.G.: Yes indeed, Roy. It looks like they've picked up some good treasure from that encounter too. Where will they go from here? To find out, join us after the break, here at the House of Monte!


[to be continued]

 

[Always_a_DM]

Hong, please please please do more of Roy and H.G. It's utterly fantastic.

 

[The Furious Puffin]

A classic, an absolute classic

He isn't surrounded, H.G., he's in an XP-rich environment.

LOL!

Priceless