Sagiro's Story Hour: writing style
I'm with nemmerle on this one. The in character dialogue is great, but seeing as how it is a D&D story, I like less OOC stuff... not that there has been very much, just expressing my opinion. Either way, I really enjoy reading along with your story, Saigro.nemmerle said:
Thanks for the hard work,
Jason
The last few Story Hour posts have been really great with the extra dialogue. In a solving-the-puzzle situation (or should that be failing-to-solve-the-puzzle? 
) as opposed to combat or other derring-do, the transcribed dialogue vividly conveys the party's to-ing and fro-ing, the mounting frustration, the ideas suggested and discarded, better than any summary could.
However, I ended up choosing the "Don't get carried away" option, in spite of my innate desire to know everything that happens in your campaign... I think it would get tedious if every little obstacle and decision the PCs faced was described at the level of detail used for getting into Het Branoi. (Indeed, I noticed that in the latest posts you're still paraphrasing in parts, despite the amount of dialogue included. This is a Good Thing.)
I'm another one who blinked a bit at the "three rings" quip -- funny, yes, but really out of character for this Story Hour. Up until now, jokes and asides like this have always been presented outside the main postings (usually in posts by the players). If you're going to include them in the main Story Hour posts, my suggestion would be to separate them out and present them like your occasional DM-ing comments, like this:
Apart from this slight reservation, the only effect of the new-style Story Hour posts has been to make me even more anxious to find out what happens next...
) as opposed to combat or other derring-do, the transcribed dialogue vividly conveys the party's to-ing and fro-ing, the mounting frustration, the ideas suggested and discarded, better than any summary could.However, I ended up choosing the "Don't get carried away" option, in spite of my innate desire to know everything that happens in your campaign... I think it would get tedious if every little obstacle and decision the PCs faced was described at the level of detail used for getting into Het Branoi. (Indeed, I noticed that in the latest posts you're still paraphrasing in parts, despite the amount of dialogue included. This is a Good Thing.)
I'm another one who blinked a bit at the "three rings" quip -- funny, yes, but really out of character for this Story Hour. Up until now, jokes and asides like this have always been presented outside the main postings (usually in posts by the players). If you're going to include them in the main Story Hour posts, my suggestion would be to separate them out and present them like your occasional DM-ing comments, like this:
Apart from this slight reservation, the only effect of the new-style Story Hour posts has been to make me even more anxious to find out what happens next...
LightPhoenix
First Post
I'm just going to add my voice to the people saying that it adds more depth to the characters. I really like the added insight into the way the characters think. It makes the storyhour more interesting when you have an idea how a character should act in a given situation. I think Zad summed up my feelings much better than I could have.
One complaint - we need more Scree!
One complaint - we need more Scree!
porthos
Community Supporter
I think the added dialog certainly does add more character to the story, but I think it reflects the *players'* character more than the in-game characters. I could be wrong, but I never imagined the characters of Aravis and Grey Wolf as particularly wisecracking. However, when using player dialog, that comes out.
Any who can blame anyone for jokes around the table? That's what makes the game fun. But it may certainly changes the story hour vibe.
That being said, your players are pretty funny, so the story hour is still quite enjoyable, just in a different way. Now it has more of an insider's POV rather than a 3rd person narrative.
Ultimately, I think it depends on what *you* want to it be, Sagiro. Both styles are enjoyable for the reader, but I think they are significantly different in tone and pacing. The "old style" reads like a good book, the "new style" reads like a good D&D game.
Perhaps switching back and forth as the situation depends on it like StevenAC suggested would be the best route. But, in my opinion, it's really about what vibe you want for your story hour, readers be damned. ;-)
Any who can blame anyone for jokes around the table? That's what makes the game fun. But it may certainly changes the story hour vibe.
That being said, your players are pretty funny, so the story hour is still quite enjoyable, just in a different way. Now it has more of an insider's POV rather than a 3rd person narrative.
Ultimately, I think it depends on what *you* want to it be, Sagiro. Both styles are enjoyable for the reader, but I think they are significantly different in tone and pacing. The "old style" reads like a good book, the "new style" reads like a good D&D game.
Perhaps switching back and forth as the situation depends on it like StevenAC suggested would be the best route. But, in my opinion, it's really about what vibe you want for your story hour, readers be damned. ;-)
MavrickWeirdo
First Post
It depends
If it is a "puzzle" scene, where they are trying to figure out a password, or a prophecy then include every word.
But in an "action" scene you should be more selective of what dialogue fits the mood.
IMHO
If it is a "puzzle" scene, where they are trying to figure out a password, or a prophecy then include every word.
But in an "action" scene you should be more selective of what dialogue fits the mood.
IMHO
Wulf Ratbane
Adventurer
There was no poll option for "Henceforth all updates will be Seussian."
Vymair
First Post
I chose I don't like it....but I do think it was appopriate for the puzzle solving nature of the recent posts. It may be come very cumbersome to maintain, in general I'm willing to accept that you are summarizing events for the most part.
I would like some additional dialogue so if there had been an option for use it sometimes, but don't get away from your normal style I would have selected that.
I'll definitely keep reading however you choose to proceed. I love the story and the characters, they are what has kept me interested all this time...
I would like some additional dialogue so if there had been an option for use it sometimes, but don't get away from your normal style I would have selected that.
I'll definitely keep reading however you choose to proceed. I love the story and the characters, they are what has kept me interested all this time...
Zaruthustran
The tingling means it’s working!
I like the expanded dialogue, but please don't go overboard.
What I like most about reading your story hour is the sense that I'm *there*, like some kind of observer who is both distant and close. It's the same feeling I get when I read a really good book or a watch a really good movie. My love for the verisimiltude of your story hour should come as no surprise, since for over a year I've been clamoring for a novelization of your campaign.
So that's why I voted "could get tedious". The out of character comments, or too much meaningless back and forth, pull me from the imagined reality of your world and remind me that I'm looking at the glow from an electron gun on a computer monitor while at work.
I hate being reminded that I'm at work.
That said, I also really enjoy the out-of-character behind-the-scenes stuff. That's like the "bonus features" on a good DVD--like witty and interesting commentary. But you don't want director's commentary on your first viewing of a movie, and I don't want out of character or mechanical stuff in the post update.
Hope this feedback was valuable. Thanks for the thrilling entertainment, and keep up the great work!
-z
What I like most about reading your story hour is the sense that I'm *there*, like some kind of observer who is both distant and close. It's the same feeling I get when I read a really good book or a watch a really good movie. My love for the verisimiltude of your story hour should come as no surprise, since for over a year I've been clamoring for a novelization of your campaign.
So that's why I voted "could get tedious". The out of character comments, or too much meaningless back and forth, pull me from the imagined reality of your world and remind me that I'm looking at the glow from an electron gun on a computer monitor while at work.
I hate being reminded that I'm at work.
That said, I also really enjoy the out-of-character behind-the-scenes stuff. That's like the "bonus features" on a good DVD--like witty and interesting commentary. But you don't want director's commentary on your first viewing of a movie, and I don't want out of character or mechanical stuff in the post update.
Hope this feedback was valuable. Thanks for the thrilling entertainment, and keep up the great work!
-z
Sagiro
Rodent of Uncertain Parentage
Hey all,
Thanks for all the great feedback! Most of it isn't too surprising, but it's nice to have so many well-thought-out opinions about what people want to read. A few points of my own, having read this thread:
- The only OOC comment I've included is the "three rings" quip, which I half-heartedly "marked" as OOC by using the phrasing "Aravis may or may not have then uttered..." I agree that it was jarring to include, but I'm a sucker for well-timed LotR humor.
It won't happen again. If I ever include more pure OOC table talk, I'll be sure to offset via formatting, as StevenAC suggests.
- Zad's comment about Morningstar made me realize that, until now, you've really been seeing an incomplete, slightly cardboard-ish version of some of the characters. Morningstar (for instance) really does have a sense of humor. Her increasing willingness to make jokes, and do things like give herself secret treasure-baths at night, mark a fascinating evolution of her character. When the campaign started she was quite uncomfortable and introverted, untrusting of her party-mates and hating being out under the sun so often. Showing that she's occasionally willing to crack wise with her friends is, I think, something that I didn't do often enough when I was writing purely representational dialogue. (If I felt like putting in a funny one-liner, it would typically go to Dranko, Flicker or Ernie. If I wanted a pessimistic line, Grey Wolf would get it. Etc.) As a result, there may be some lines that people are thinking are OOC, but which really are in character -- and it's been my own failure up until now that's causing the misjudgement. Porthos, for instance, mentioned that he hadn't imagined Grey Wolf and Aravis as making jokes. Truth is, both characters most certainly have senses of humor, and make jokes quite often. Grey Wolf usually drops one-line asides, half to himself, about how things are likely to go spectacularly wrong. Aravis has a clever and wry sense of humor among his friends, though he's always straight-laced and proper when interracting with strangers. I hope this sort of thing will come out more now that I'm including more authentic speech.
- I think the most recent update (part 192) is best representative of what I should shoot for. I didn't include every single spoken line, not by a long shot. There were about 15 minutes of tape, for instance, where the characters talked about what spells they'd prepare for the next day. Instead of including a lot of boring talk, I gave a quick narrative summary, and included a few choice bits of actual speech that seemed appropriate.
Enough rambling. Thanks again everyone for letting me know what you think. I'm more appreciative than you can know to have readers enjoying my campaign.
-Sagiro
Thanks for all the great feedback! Most of it isn't too surprising, but it's nice to have so many well-thought-out opinions about what people want to read. A few points of my own, having read this thread:
- The only OOC comment I've included is the "three rings" quip, which I half-heartedly "marked" as OOC by using the phrasing "Aravis may or may not have then uttered..." I agree that it was jarring to include, but I'm a sucker for well-timed LotR humor.
It won't happen again. If I ever include more pure OOC table talk, I'll be sure to offset via formatting, as StevenAC suggests.
- Zad's comment about Morningstar made me realize that, until now, you've really been seeing an incomplete, slightly cardboard-ish version of some of the characters. Morningstar (for instance) really does have a sense of humor. Her increasing willingness to make jokes, and do things like give herself secret treasure-baths at night, mark a fascinating evolution of her character. When the campaign started she was quite uncomfortable and introverted, untrusting of her party-mates and hating being out under the sun so often. Showing that she's occasionally willing to crack wise with her friends is, I think, something that I didn't do often enough when I was writing purely representational dialogue. (If I felt like putting in a funny one-liner, it would typically go to Dranko, Flicker or Ernie. If I wanted a pessimistic line, Grey Wolf would get it. Etc.) As a result, there may be some lines that people are thinking are OOC, but which really are in character -- and it's been my own failure up until now that's causing the misjudgement. Porthos, for instance, mentioned that he hadn't imagined Grey Wolf and Aravis as making jokes. Truth is, both characters most certainly have senses of humor, and make jokes quite often. Grey Wolf usually drops one-line asides, half to himself, about how things are likely to go spectacularly wrong. Aravis has a clever and wry sense of humor among his friends, though he's always straight-laced and proper when interracting with strangers. I hope this sort of thing will come out more now that I'm including more authentic speech.
- I think the most recent update (part 192) is best representative of what I should shoot for. I didn't include every single spoken line, not by a long shot. There were about 15 minutes of tape, for instance, where the characters talked about what spells they'd prepare for the next day. Instead of including a lot of boring talk, I gave a quick narrative summary, and included a few choice bits of actual speech that seemed appropriate.
Enough rambling. Thanks again everyone for letting me know what you think. I'm more appreciative than you can know to have readers enjoying my campaign.
-Sagiro
Similar Threads
