Chapter 1: The United Way Golf Tournament
London calling, see we ain't got no swing
'Cept for the ring of that truncheon thing
The Clash, London Calling
Setting: The 2070 Greater Seattle MetroPlex United Way Golf Tournament was held at the Broadmoor Golf Club on the north end of downtown Seattle near Union Bay and Lake Washington. The white-wall ed facade of the three-story building had been well-maintained over the years along with the red tile roof of the clubhouse. This 146 year-old club featured the sort of immaculate greenskeeping that took an army of minions and bespoke the wealth of its members.
As Slone marched up the driveway from the bus stop a mile down Foster Island Road, he knew this gig was going to be trouble.
First, the other golfers that day were all driving to the club – no walking for the corporate salarymen coming to the golf outing.
Drek, thought Slone,
this place doesn’t even have a sidewalk.
Second, almost no metahumans were present. The few metahumans were either token elven lackeys … or servants.
Looks like the golf club is keeping up with its fine traditions and values, thought Slone, as he passed an ork lumbering towards the cart area weighted down with golf bags.
But the most important reason Slone felt uncomfortable was the security. It didn’t help matters any that Slone was packing his Ruger Super Warhawk under his windbreaker. As Slone approached the squat redbrick security shack, a uniformed Knight Errant Security Specialist came out of the building to confront him.
“Can I help you?” the human security specialist asked Slone.
“I’m here to golf,” stated Slone.
“Right,” said the SecSpec.
“Here’s my invitation,” continued Slone as he waved the print-out Shelly had given him. Slone wasn’t exactly good with commlinks and for some inexplicable reason he couldn’t get his to function properly that day.
The SecSpec gingerly took the print-out between two fingers and asked, “What am I supposed to do with this?” Paper print-outs were not exactly in vogue.
“Read it.”
“Right,” said the SecSpec.
“Look,” said Slone, “Why don’t you check your guest list? I’m Darien Slone.”
The SecSpec spent a moment muttering under his breath, but Slone knew that the guard was talking on a subvocal mike to the central security office.
"Where's your commlink?" asked the SecSpec.
"Its busted," said Slone.
"It's policy to keep your commlink subscribed to the club house WAN," stated the SecSpec.
"What do you want from me? The commlink's busted," shrugged Slone.
The exasperated SecSpec took out a small optical hand scanner and pointed it at Slone; the scanner captured Slone’s facial patterns and fed the resulting data back to the security office. There, the image was instantly transformed via facial recognition software into a data packet which was cross-referenced against a Social Identification Number(SIN) database located half-way around the world.
Slone knew the SecSpec was waiting to see if there were any warrants – UCAS or Corporate – under his SIN.
Honestly,
Slone also was curious if there were any warrants attached to his SIN.
After a moment, the SecSpec said, “Alright…sir…please step over here for your security screening.”
Must be all clear, thought Slone with no small amount of relief.
The guard motioned for Slone to follow him over to the back of the security building away from the other golfers whom gave Slone the stink-eye as he made the walk of shame with the Security Specialist.
The guard quickly patted Slone down. But Slone knew all the tricks of corporate security and had hidden the Ruger well. When the SecSpec was satisfied, he pointed out the tournament registration desk to the troll. “Have a good tournament, sir.”
“Right.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Alexander got dressed that morning, he looked in the mirror and thought to himself,
Damn you’re a handsome SOB! The dapper elf wore some knickers, a golf cap and even had argyle socks.
After a hearty breakfast, Alexander took a taxi to the Broadmoor and waved to the security guard as he made his way into the club.
Alexander sauntered over to the registration desk, casually greeted the attendant and sent her an ARO (Augmented Reality Object) with his e-vite to the tournament, along with a text message offering drinks for afterwards. Smiling, the attendant accepted one, but not the other.
Prude, thought Alexander.
Alexander made his way to the starting area where all the golf carts were lined up waiting for the participants. The carts were arranged in numerical sequence with each golf-pairing assigned to the same number.
The attendant had given Alexander an ARO which indicated his cart. As Alexander walked down the path, his commlink displayed the ARO in the visual field of his smartlenses as if the ARO where hovering over the appropriate cart, thus eliminating the anxiety of finding one cart amongst dozens of identical buggies.
I love modern technology, thought Alexander.
As Alexander approached his cart, he spied a large troll standing about with a confused look upon his face.
“Caddy, are my clubs on the cart?” asked the elf as he slipped a 5 Nuyen tip to the troll via his commlink.
The troll gave Alexander a stoic look and said, “Sure thing, boss.”
“Good boy,” stated Alexander as he turned away to find his golf partner.
A moment later, Alexander registered surprise because he received an error message indicating the tip hadn’t gone through.
Commlink Not Found? How does the caddy collect his tips? thought Alexander.
Slone moved to the golf bag behind the cart the elf had pointed out, unbuckled the bag from the storage area and placed it on the ground immediately behind the cart.
Let’s see the scrawny leaf-eater attempt to golf without his fracking clubs, thought Slone.
After his minor sabotage, Slone went looking for his cart. Without the aid of his smartgoggles (for some reason Slone could not get them to turn on this morning), the troll could not apprehend Augmented Reality. Sadly, the registration attendant had sent Slone’s golf cart ARO for naught.
Fortunately, Slone was saved from utter humiliation when a human came up to him and shouted, “Darien Slone! Dang glad to meet you! I’m Tommy Toledo!”
The human came up to Slone and shook his hand vigorously, “Have you found your golfing partner?”
”No”
“Well, I’d like to introduce you to Alexander McQueen”
Slone glared at the nonplussed elf.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you were a caddy. I work for Horizon Media,” said the elf as he recovered his composure. The elf extended his hand and gave Slone a genuine smile.
Slone took the elf’s hand in his giant paw and said, “Don’t sweat it.” For a moment, Slone felt some remorse for duping the elf; but not for long.
“So, with those long arms, you must have a killer drive,” said Alexander.
Grinding his teeth, Slone replied, “Yeah, I have ta’ watch out for things since my knuckles constantly drag on the ground.” Slone glared at the elf.
“Now, now, my good man,” interceded Tommy Toledo, “Let’s save it for the course. How about a friendly wager? 100 Nuyen a hole?”
Grunting, Slone shook his head; he knew better than to throw good money after bad. Slone really stunk at golf – at least in the simulators he had played before – Slone had never been to a real golf course.
Not discouraged the elf said, “You’re on!”
At that moment, a cartgirl drove by in drink-cart offering the golfers beer and hard liquor (along with other, less diuretic, beverages).
“Alright, now we’re talking!” exclaimed Tommy, “Give me a cocktail – make it a double and spare the ice!”
As Tommy knocked back his drink and ordered another, Carlito wandered over to the golf cart area near Alexander and Slone.
Alexander extended his hand to the Filipino, “Hello, sir, I’m Alexander McQueen, Horizon Media Corporation.”
Carlito simply stared at the elf and kept his hand at his side.
Slone grunted and thought to himself,
Smart Man.
“Hey, you’re Carlito Lontoh, right? You must be with Evo Corp!” shouted Tommy as he walked back from the cart with his breath reeking of a multiple-double whiskey and sodas.
Carlito glared intently at Tommy, but still said nothing.
Slone snickered to himself,
Oh Joy, this is going to be a fun-fun day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And a fun-fun day it was.
As Tommy Toledo became more intoxicated through-out the first nine holes, his game progressively grew worse.
At first, Tommy merely hit his balls into the rough. Fortunately for Tommy, modern golf balls contained imbedded RFID tags which were subscribed to the golfers Personal Area Network (PAN). Therefore, the balls displayed AROs hovering over the ball in Tommy’s smartlenses and he could find the balls in the rough easily enough.
A few drinks later, Tommy’s balls started landing in the water traps. No RFID tags would help in that situation, so the commlink automatically blocked the frustrating popups. Of course, a submersible drone paddled away underneath the water to collect the errant balls and hoard them in a wire basket to be retrieved by the greenskeeper at the end of the day.
Finally, Tommy was swinging his clubs into the ground after every stroke. “Frackin ‘eadwind. Did you see ta’wind take tha’ shot? Bulldrek!” Tommy’s behavior grew so erratic that the Pilot program on the golf cart eventually took over driving and refused to let the human steer around the course. Nevertheless, the AI’s coup d’etat of the cart controls was so subtle that Tommy hardly noticed as the golf silently whisked him from hole to hole.
Yet it was Alexander whom was truly suckling at the hind-teat of the golf god’s pig. First, Alexander’s titanium shafted club set went missing and he had to share a set with Slone. With the foreign club set, no matter how hard Alexander tried, his balls sliced to the left. Once, Alexander even struck his ball towards another golfer heading in the opposite direction on an adjacent fairway. (“FORE BITCHES!” yelled Tommy.) After that stroke, an ARO in the shape of a holo-caddy popped up sternly warning Alexander to play on his own fairway and the respect the rules of golfing etiquette.
Slone had some natural talent, augmented by muscle toner bioware, but he ended up losing all the complimentary balls the course had provided. Luckily, Slone was adroit at spotting balls left in hidden foliage by errant golfers of days gone by. Even with RFID technology, some golfers were too lazy to hack in the rough after loose balls. So by the end of the first nine holes, Slone was only down 2 balls net. Lacking his smartgoggles and commlink, Slone blithely played through the day without the inconvenience of listening to Augmented Golfing Tips.
However, Carlito did better than he expected.
Study hard and always be prepared, Carlito’s mother would say.
Yes, Mother.
Therefore, Carlito had a few tricks up his sleeve – he had spent some time perfecting a nano-factory schematic to build a set of golf clubs balanced to the near-atomic level made by hard nanites in his lab. The beauty of nano-manufacturing was that entire complex machines could be manufactured in place as single integrated unit by the nanites – no bolts, screws or welds required. A machine composed of multiple pieces, no matter how well crafted, could not compete with the performance of a device built by nanites as a single unit – it was a simple fact of material science.
Unfortunately, Carlito did not realize the fundamental conundrum of golfing technology – the more refined and accurate your clubs, the more the clubs magnified your errors.
This truth was not lost on Tommy whom roundly criticized Carlito when balls flew off with strange trajectories. By the end of nine holes, Tommy had already thrown three clubs – once at the group waiting in line behind them. “Who do you think you are? I work for the UCC, that’s right, the United Corporate Council, Go ahead call security, you frackin’ punks!” slurred Tommy.
Although Tommy grew increasingly drunk and belligerent, he nonetheless worked the group containing Alexander, Slone and Carlito. Before the first hole had been played, Tommy had sent and received v-cards to both Alexander and Carlito – Tommy seemed to already have data on Slone.
There were another four golfers in the cart immediately ahead of them and Tommy would tear off periodically to chat with them too.
In fact, by end of the first nine holes, Tommy had spoken with every person in both teams. Often, Tommy would switch carts in between holes, ride with one individual or another and have quick conversations with each member of the golf-pairing
Tommy would say things like, “Hey, I heard you got laid off from your corp, you lookin’ for work?”
And,
“I make 15K plus benefits PER MONTH – that’s right you frackin’ wage-slave, I’m my own man!”
And,
“Cartgirl, more liquor! Don’t you know how much I have in my expense account?”
And,
“Of course I have insurance – I’m a Doc Wagon Gold Card member – why do you think I drink so much – I’ve got another liver growing in a vat!”
And,
“No, I don’t take orders from no damn middle-manager – I work directly for the UCC.”
And,
“What kind of work? The kind of work where I don’t asking any frackin’ questions, got it?”
And,
“Look if you can handle some moral…eh…whatever…Look, I might have a spot open for you as a contractor. An independent contractor.”
And,
“The Law? Who gives a drek about UCAS law – only corporate law matters!”
Finally, Carlito had had enough. When they stopped to rest after the first nine holes, Carlito pulled Alexander and Slone aside.
“This is not right, I think we are being setup,” stated Carlito.
“What do you mean?” asked Alexander.
“Have you heard this Toledo fellow, is he for real?” replied Carlito.
Slone stated flatly, “My boss told me they would be offering me a job, but this guy’s a train-wreck waiting to happen.”
Alexander mentioned, “Oddly enough, I agree with you on that count. Yet, Tommy has not come outright and offered me a job; he’s being amazingly evasive for someone whom is supposed to be so drunk.”
And being as vague as possible to allow for a defense of plausible deniability, thought Alexander.
“We are soooo…being set up for something and I don’t trust those other guys, they wont even introduce themselves to us!” replied Carlito.
“Just keep your eyes open,” replied Slone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Unfortunately, by the time the round had completed eighteen holes, Alexander, Slone and Carlito were more confused than ever.
Alexander ended up losing 500 Nuyen after the 18-hole round of golf. Tommy tucked the money away in the “special’ account on his commlink.
Smiling, Tommy left them with a final enigmatic comment, “I’m taking the Downtown to Renton ferry tomorrow night at 9 pm if you’re interested in tearing up the town on the other side of Lake Washington! I gotta spend some of this hard-earned money!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” queried Alexander to his golfing companions as Tommy staggered back to the parking area.
Nothing but Trouble, thought Slone.
The ice age is coming, the sun is zooming in
Engines stop running and the wheat is growing thin
A nuclear error, but I have no fear
London is drowning-and I live by the river
The Clash, London Calling