Sky blue Short Stories - Current story: Fair Maiden - Finished!

Cerulean_Wings

First Post
Get it? Cerulean... sky blue... no? Okay, I'll go back to hiding.

I'll write two disclaimers as an introduction. A short one for those who don't need/want to know the details about my idea to write short stories, and a longer one for those who do.

Short explanation

I used to want to write a novel for every single crazy idea that popped into my mind. No more! Now those crazy ideas will be manufactured into short stories. The theme, duration and setting of the stories will vary, and even I don't know which ones will have sequels (in the shape of short stories, that is).

Extended explanation

I used to write a novel in this forum, Unforgiving Lands. Thing is, I got a massive writer's block, and the story was left unfinished. A shame, yes, but at the same time a blessing, for I don't have much free time nowadays (curse you, real life!). So then I wondered about what I wanted to do next: another novel, different setting and new story? I had a couple ideas in mind, but none of them seemed possible to accomplish, for they would require loads of time (which, again, I don't have). Therefore the prospect of making more novels was turned down.

One magical day, an idea popped into my mind! If I couldn't write long stories... why not write short ones? I felt both giddy and silly, the latter because I couldn't believe I didn't think of it earlier on. And that's how I came with the idea of writing short stories :)

/end disclaimer

For everyone to read

I hope you enjoy these short stories as much as I enjoy typing them. The first one, Righteous Nova, is a sci-fi one, and not only is it my first short story I ever wrote, but it's the very first sci-fi story I ever wrote. I'll be posting it shortly once I've done the finishing touches to the first part of two. I could potentially add more parts, but we'll see ;)

Note: I don't like constructive criticism. I love it. So please, read 'em, tell me what you think, if you have the chance :)
 
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Cerulean_Wings

First Post
Star Clash

Part I

Killing is easy: you point your plasma pistol at someone’s face, say “Blow up, will you?”, pull the trigger, and that’s what they do. What’s the best part? The sound of sweet, sweet victory. That’s the sound I’m looking forward to when I find Rayne and blast the bastard into nothingness.

The corridor leading to the Seventh Heaven pub is just like all the others I’ve been through: white, with dozens of highly detailed multicolored paintings of pure beings. The Ascendants’ insatiable desire to make building walls look remarkable seems to go hand-in-hand with their insatiable desire to prove themselves better in any way than the rest of us “normal” humans in the galaxy.

Rayne Zetrus, leader of Sacred Earth as the Crest of Purity, better known as the Righteous Nova. He could be the King of the Universe, for all I care; He’s going to die as soon as I make it to his bar where he’s having a drink, probably celebrating another planet of “alien scum” being destroyed by his guild.

Another guard passes by as I walk forward. He grunts at me, sounding disgusted rather than awed at my presence. Not surprising, since my reputation as the Scourge proceeds me practically everywhere in the galaxy.

Siding yourself with the Triumvirate does that to you.

My microcom beeps once, loud enough for only me to hear it, but I ignore it; I told my crew that I would be gone for some hours, and that they shouldn’t try to contact me. It seems like my simple request has been disregarded in the record time of twenty minutes and forty seconds.

They worry too much; It’s not like I haven’t pulled off this whole “go in all by myself and kill the bastard who sabotaged our operation” deal before.

I turn to the right, following the golden sign that points towards my self-righteous victim’s location. Seventh Heaven may be under control of Sacred Earth, but I’ll be damned if that’s going to scare me from doing what needs to be done. My posture is straight, completely erect, a grand display of confidence and composure, with rage simmering right below the surface, ready to jump out at my call.

Still, the fingers in my left hand, the shooting hand, twitch, and I’m forced to steady them by flexing them slowly. Up to this date, no one who messes with Arken’s Zealots lives for long; I make sure of that with the help of my Leviathan X3, one of the best plasma guns in the galaxy, securely attached to a holster on my hip.

And more to the point, no one messes with me, Arken Shane, and brags about it for more than a solar cycle before I bring down the hammer on the fool who dared to cross my path.

Ah, there it is!

The double megatanium doors leading into Seventh Heaven (which is going to be renamed to Seventh Hell once I’m through with my business there). No sentries at the entrance, of course; Sacred Earth wants to make it look like they don’t expect people like me to want to go in and make a slaughterhouse out of their bar.

Maniacs, all of them.

The nigh-impenetrable doors slide open in the blink of an eye as soon as I approach, and the smell of incense greets me like an overwhelming host who just loves to please. The place is nice, but in an Ascendant type of nice, so not nice at all for me. Exotic shaped chairs with extra pillows and drapes of all colors, tables designed to resemble halos, holographic candles on top of actual sources of light, and more things than one could possibly register with a quick glance.

There’s patrons everywhere scattered around the tables of the large pub, but mostly orbiting around one, that of their beloved leader: Rayne. Too bad their proximity will get them caught in the impending blast.

Y’know, I’d tell him that his security ‘bots just plain suck if it wasn’t for the fact that I want him gone from the face of the galaxy; I can spot their stealth fields several feet away without the help of my gizmos.

“Excuse me” I say casually as I slide through waves upon waves of patrons, each dealing with their own affairs, each completely oblivious with what I’m about to pull off, what no other has dared to perform before. It’s like a magic trick that no illusionist is brave enough to perform, but when one daring mage does it, he becomes a legend, a star. That’s the history of famous people, or at least that’s my take on it.

Try as I might, I just can’t stop the nagging fear deep in my mind that warns me of my victim becoming even more famous in death. Aw, to hell with it; Rayne Zetrus is a dead man. And if I’m wrong-nah, impossible. No point in worrying about “what-if”s.


Thirty feet. Getting closer, oh so slowly. Die Rayne, die.

I can see the bastard from here: tall, skinny, shoulder length fire-red hair tied in a ponytail, short moustache and beard, and although his coat that identifies him as the Crest of Purity is pearl-white, it’s more like a bulls-eye for me. I walk around in order to get him from behind.

Twenty feet. Rayne is dead.

I hear the buzzing of plasma weapons being drawn and activated, ready to fire their cargo at any time; seems like the organic bodyguards around Rayne are smarter than the ‘bots, since the latter still haven’t made a move, remaining in their useless stealth fields. As I pass by another table I “sneeze”, seizing the moment to cast a quick glance around, counting the guards, robots excluded.

Ten feet. Ten guards. Rayne is no longer with us.

Still no movement from any of the bodyguards, surprisingly. Are they that confident? Is Rayne that confident? They all look my way with empty looks, and I pretend they’re as fascinating as black holes; I can’t allow myself to become distracted, not now when I’m so close. Mister Purer than Thou is sipping his beverage just like he would any other day; it doesn’t seem as if he’s aware that his lifespan has been reduced to mere seconds because his sentries allowed me to get this far.

Five feet. Goodbye Rayne, it wasn’t nice knowing you.

The nut case whirls about with his chair one hundred and eighty degrees in order to face me, although I don’t remember intending to give him the slightest hint of my presence. He’s smiling that big, serene smile that begs “Punch me, you’ll feel good about it”, and it’s with impossible self-restraint that I refuse to yield to that compulsion.

“Arken, what a surprise. What brings you to my humble abode?” he asks, never leaving those gray eyes of his from mine, one hand still holding his drink. How I manage to not jump over him and bite his face off amazes me.

“I’ll give you a hint” I begin, clenching my fists and jaw at the same time, my tone barely concealing the surge of violence beneath “Your cronies messed up with the air tanks of our Colossus Plates, replacing them with poisonous gas. Imagine our surprise when we realized that just after a Vestii squad reached my ship with murderous intent.”

He doesn’t respond, or at least not initially. Rayne shakes his head slowly and sighs, a very condescending gesture. “My dear Arken, how could you come up with such a preposterous notion, hmm? Sacred Earth would never do such a thing to your combat equipment. We only confront space vermin, for the benefit of the galaxy, as you should already know.”

“Along with everyone else who dares defend aliens from your blood-stained hands!”. The words come out harder than I intended, and I have to straighten myself, for my upper body is leaning forward, my face mere inches from my nemesis’. Rayne looks amused.

“Sacred Earth doesn’t like the Triumvirate and their ‘play nice’ policies that include aliens, humans and Ascendants, that’s no news” I go on, keeping my anger in check. “The Vestii couldn’t have sabotaged anything since they don’t believe in subterfuge, only in getting rich by killing other species”.

By now nearby people who have (or want) nothing to do with this give some worried glances in my direction, and some even go as far as moving to another table as stealthily as possible.

I extend my right hand with my index finger pointing at Rayne accusatorily. “Who else but you, Rayne Zetrus?”.

Of all the things he could’ve said and done in retort, the bastard chose to clap his hands and chuckle at my detective prowess.

“And you came all the way to my bar in order to tell me this, hmm? Arken, dear Arken, if you knew this for a fact, why bother coming to the wolf’s den, instead of taking the hint and finding a hole deep enough where I can’t find you and your Zealots?”

Ah, so the curtains are lifted and the charade blown away as quick as lightning. I guess it’s my turn to tell him that…

“Nobody messes with me”. My Leviathan X3 is out and saying “hi” to Rayne’s forehead as soon as I finish pronouncing the first word. He doesn’t even flinch; typical of a man who considers himself invulnerable. The guards and robots, on the other hand, all react as one and make a move to take aim with their respective weapons. A split-second later they realize that such actions won’t be beneficial to their leader, not with my weapon mere inches from his face.

Rayne still looks amused, never ceasing to smile. Someone yells in surprise somewhere in the tavern, and the sound of patrons getting up hastily emerges at long last.

“Arken the Scourge always comes for those who cross his path, Rayne, as you should already know” I state, using his earlier words as my own. A drop of sweat descends from the back of my head like a lone raindrop to the canyon wall that is my back. My muscles feel like they’re made of jelly.

What the hell, this should be easy; I’ve done it like a thousand times, why is this one any different? Why won’t he stop smiling?

Time comes to a standstill. Rayne’s life hangs by a rope which I’m holding with a finger, my trigger finger, and he knows it. Yet he keeps looking at me as if it was all a very entertaining performance.

So be it, then: let this be the end of the show for Rayne Zetrus, the Righteous Nova.

I pull the trigger of my Leviathan X3. There’s the low hum that comes a split second before the shot, followed by the white and gold beam of light emerging from the tip of the weapon.

And then there’s sound of sweet, sweet victory.
 

Megapurrr

First Post
I don't believe you...

This can't be the first short story you have written... it's too good.

You have pictured a very angry man excellently. From the beginning, after I read the first paragraph in the story I felt the man's anger towards his enemy, his boldness towards his actions, and his self-consciousness about what he is capable of doing. I love how you pictured his feelings and thoughts about his surroundings.
You have made an excellent short story of a very simple plot.
You could describe this story as: "An angry man walks into a place, holding a pistol and subtly approaches his enemy. When he is too close for the enemy's bodyguards to do anything, he kills him". But you have made it into something more, and something worth reading.
Keep them coming!

MP
 

Cerulean_Wings

First Post
I'm glad you like it, MegaPurr, thanks for posting your input :)

As for the next installment, it might come by today or this weekend, depending on my availability to sit down in front of the computer and type ;)
 

Cerulean_Wings

First Post
I haven't abandoned this project, no siree! I've been busy with real-life roleplaying business, and so I didn't update this before. I'll be uploading the continuation to Star Clash, part II, today, and then I'll probably get to work on another short story, unrelated to this one :)
 

Cerulean_Wings

First Post
Star Clash - Part II

Star Clash - Part II

Rayne’s head blows up in a shower of-metal? Circuits, metallic chunks, wires, all fly away from Rayne’s body like confetti at a carnival. Spontaneous understanding ensues.

Now I know why he was smiling like a madman and why the guards didn’t bother to stop me as soon as they saw me. I’d say “Sorry, my bad” and turn around to leave, but since I’m outnumbered ten to one by armed goons I somehow don’t think that’s going to do it.

From one of the stealth fields (the ones that I could spot a mile away, no less) comes the real Rayne, dressing exactly like the ‘bot had, and for a moment I have the sickening feeling that there’s no difference between machine and man. But then I notice the dreamy look on his face, and the feeling is washed away.

“Rayne” I say, the effort spent in keeping my tone steady bigger than I had imagined.

“Arken” the bastard replies casually, apparently unmolested by the robot’s demise. He takes a couple of steps to the side, glancing at me sideways as he does. While I look like a defeated warrior, he in contrast resembles a victorious leader after a decade long campaign.

While this happens, patrons are getting the hell away from us (or the bar altogether), some screaming, some fleeing in mute horror. In their eyes, Rayne Zetrus just got a headshot from a plasma gun, after all. They’re probably going to notify the local authorities as well.

Damn it all.

“Why are you here, Arken?”

The question takes me completely off-guard, and I shake my head briskly, hoping that I heard him wrong.

Did he inhale something recently?

My brow pushes down my forehead’s skin, forming a frown. “I came here to kill you” I hiss through gritted teeth. Despite my appearance and tone, the statement sounds like a whine, much like a kid would complain when he doesn’t get the toy he wants at a store.

“You wish me dead?” Rayne replies, a measure of surprise obvious in his voice. The nutcase shakes his head slowly, as if in denial. “Judging by your course of action, you have succeeded in killing no other than yourself, Arken the Scourge.”

Will the gloating never end? It seems like an eternity for one such as me.

He stops pacing and turns his body to face me directly; he’s barely ten feet away, and if it wasn’t for the bodyguards with the plasma weapons, he would be dead. Again.

“The moment you walked into my establishment-no, the moment you had the mad thought to dock your ship on this planet, that’s when you forfeited your life. And all because of what?” he says with a shrug, gazing helplessly at the ceiling as if it held any answers. His gaze returns to my face in a flash, a look of sudden anger clear on his previously relaxed features. “Because of your pride, thinking yourself capable of ending the life of the Crest of Purity! Your sin has, at long last, become the end of you, Arken the Scourge, and you will be put to justice in this very floor where you had intended to kill me, the leader of the noblest organization in the galaxy”

Why won’t he stop with the preaching and get on with the executing? Is this the way Rayne tortures his victims?

“Arken, I would’ve forgiven you of your past sins had you decided to join Sacred Earth, but now the chance is gone, and judgment must be passed” he says with a tone of grim finality and sadness at the same time, like a judge forced to pass off a death sentence to someone he dearly loves.

Quite the act he’s pulling off; he almost convinced me. Almost.

The guards take off the safety triggers from their weapons, and that’s the moment when I put up the act and smile back at the madman dressed in white. “Me? Join Sacred Earth?” I ask, pretending confusion. “Not in a million light years, you disgusting maggot, son of a-“.

I keep going with the name-calling for quite a while before Rayne finally makes a gesture and the bodyguards take aim at my body. He doesn’t look amused anymore.

What can I say? It’s been fun, this thing we call life.

Orphaned by a Vestii armada that destroyed the solar system I lived in.

Killed more people for money than I can keep track of.

Worked for the Triumvirate as their strike team...

that’s my life right there.


And to top it off, I almost got to kill the galaxy’s real scourge. Almost.

The inevitable sound of weapons being fired emerges at long last. Except that this happens behind me, by the entrance doors, rather than right in front of me. Disregarding the immediate threat, I yield to my curiosity and take a quick peek over my shoulder.

Kadil! I told him not to follow me! Never mind that, how in space did he get his Colossus in here?! How did he get past so many guards unnoticed?

The Colossus that somehow-fits-in-the-pub is basically a 6’ tall robot that looks like the Zarr that pilots it: a cross between a human and a grasshopper, even color-wise; apparently, Kadil wanted the resemblance to be almost uncanny, and so the thing is a mixture of yellow and orange rather than the typical metallic grey.

In an instant, Kadil’s twin Quake 360 plasma-cannons shoot the guards nearest to the entrance, killing them instantly, and the subsequent beams do the same with the goons closest to me. The fact that he risked such a close-shot angers me, and despite the whole situation, my irritation goes up a notch when the sunnavanalien waves at me with the Colossus’ mechanic arm and yells “I got ya covered, Chief!”.

Note to self: administer an extensive smacking session for Kadil to serve as an example for the rest. If I make it back. Sigh.

I don’t need to be told twice: I fire several beams of hot plasma at the guards closest to me, artfully adding several extra air holes for him to breathe with, while simultaneously performing a perfect back flip that takes me behind a table that has gone vertical. Not really good against plasma, but hey, better than thin air.

Rayne would’ve been the ideal target, but the bastard somehow disappeared in the sudden turns of events.

“Wahooo! Boom, you go, BOOM, gwahaha! Go boom, baddies!” the maniacal engineer that is Kadil yells while shooting a barrage of plasma in random directions. This, naturally, causes the remaining (and most unfortunate) patrons to duck for cover, scream in fear, jump away, and all sorts of improvised evasive maneuvers. Chairs, tables and other furniture is blown to bits all over the tavern.

The wreck this inn will be after he’s done with it will be impossible to describe with words. Heck, they’ll probably invent a new word for this type of mess: “kadilism”.

As I shoot with my pistol from behind the table I activate my microcom in order to express my feelings to my right-hand alien. “Damn it, Kadil, we need to get back to the ship ASAP! It will only be a matter of time before the entire city guard is here!

Much to my surprise and relief, the uncharacteristically wild mannered Zarr stops with the random violence and leaps (yes, leaps, large Colossus and all) towards me, bends down in order for me to get atop the mechanical shoulder, and off we go. Leaping.

“How in the hell did you get over here without getting caught? Whatever you used, you better be able to do it again” I yell towards the robot’s head in order to get my message through above all the noise, mainly from screams and plasma beams shot at us. More than one such shot hits the Zarr-Colossus, but the thing is made of Megatonium, and it holds for the time being.

He makes the Colossus shrugs in response, as if it wasn’t that big of a deal. “Photon shield, chief” he says via microcosm. “I’m the hax, remember?” he adds, making me perform a face-palm.

“It’s ‘hacker’, you crazy Zarr!” I shout, mostly to cover my amazement at Kadil’s skill in somehow installing a Photon Shield, the best stealth technology developed so far, with a freakin’ Colossus. It’s not like the little guy needs any more encouragement for his demented creations, no sir.

Kadil takes us through the tunnels back the way we came, and around the bend there’s a large squadron of security guards forming a barricade, easily twenty of the buggers. The ones up front carry large Matter Shields, the fancy kind that blocks any attack, physical or energy, while the others behind have the biggest and deadliest pulse rifles trained in our direction. One shot of those and, armored or not, you’re a goner.

Too bad they can’t see us, thanks to the Photon Shield.

Kadil takes advantage of the taller tunnels to leap over the blockade, and not even the guard at the back of the formation notices the 1-ton robot landing right behind him, all thanks to the Shield.

I barely need to move my lips and whisper via microcom in order to transmit my message to Kadil “Good job, Prime Zealot” I say in a perfectly serious business tone, my eyes looking straight ahead at the corridor we’re in. “We might just make it back to the Black Nereid in one piece.”

“WAHOO!” Kadil screams. I sigh.

So much for stealth.

"They have a stealth field! Activate your Piercing Visors!” one captain orders the troops.

The alarm is sounded yet again, and the chase is on; a shame that no one here owns a Colossus as fast and agile as ours, and we actually make it to the docking station after a short while of jumping and wall running, leaving our pursuers far behind, with little security to bypass up ahead.

“Did you get the big baddie guy, Arken?” Kadil asks in a whisper, having learned his lesson at keeping quiet while maneuvering the robot around people and ships in order to reach ours undetected.

I shake my head. “Nah, not this time” is my response. My eyes are drawn towards the plastisteel window that allows me to get a look of space. Somewhere, in another sector of the galaxy, a star reaches its end, blowing up in a spectacular supernova, and I can’t see it happening, but I know it’s happening, somehow, out of intuition.

Does it mean the same thing: having Rayne die, even if I’m not there to witness it?

“Maybe next time, eh, Chief?” Kadil asks in a conciliatory tone. I can’t help but nod and half-smile.

Nah. If I’m not there to pull the trigger to blow him into bits, it doesn’t count. I’ll get you Rayne; maybe not today, but tomorrow. The Righteous Nova will come to an end, consuming the organization it created.

And for once, the Scourge of the galaxy will overpower the Righteous.
 

Cerulean_Wings

First Post
This thing ain't dead yet! *casts Heal on thread*

I haven't updated because I've been busy. Okay, I didn't have as much time as usual. Fine, alright, I was having fun in that thing we call life! Happy now? :D

Busy times ahead of me, but I'll give my best to upload the next short story if I get the chance. No more procrastination from me, no sir.
 

Colmarr

First Post
Just thought I'd drop in and give my 2c worth on the first instalment.

I've put them in spoiler blocks so as not to distract readers who aren't interested in my comments and just want to read the excellent fiction.

[sblock=Internal monologue difficulties]I'm a very amateur writer myself, so take my criticism/advice with a grain of salt, but there were a couple of times in the first instalment where Arken's thought patterns and/or internal monologue seemed not to match his emotional state. Specifically, I noted that his monologue at times was quite verbose and articulate whereas emotionally he was frothing with rage.

"Rayne Zetrus, leader of Sacred Earth as the Crest of Purity, better known as the Righteous Nova" is an exceedinly complex sentence even for a calm and collected person. Likewise, "And more to the point, no one messes with me, Arken Shane, and brags about it for more than a solar cycle before I bring down the hammer on the fool who dared to cross my path" is a laboured sentence that I can't really imagine anyone being able to think/speak without pausing to take a breath.

I personally like to represent rage or anger with short, explosive sentences. You've done so in some cases, especially the EXCELLENT 'range' sentences (eg. "Thirty feet. Rayne is dead"), but IMO you've let the sentences run on too long in some areas, and that takes away from the sense of rage.[/sblock]

Overall an excellent story, and one I'd be very happy with if I'd written it myself.
 
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Colmarr

First Post
Ok. I'm back with some comments on the second instalment:

[sblock=General]This instalment seems to me nowhere near as polished as the first. It's hard for me to put into words, but you seem to slip out of "Arken telling a story" mode and into "me telling a story about Arken telling a story" mode.

More specifically, Arken seems to slip out of character on a number of occasions:

"The Colossus that somehow-fits-in-the-pub is basically a 6’ tall robot that looks like the Zarr that pilots it"

The "somehow-fits-in-a-pub" seems out of place here, both structurally and thematically. While Arken may be surprised to see the weapon suit in the pub, it strikes me as jarring that he refers to it that way. Similarly, it seems jarring to me that he describes it using the word "basically". We (the reader) may not know what a Colossus is, but Arken does.

While I wouldn't dare try to re-write your story, an example might be appropriate to explain what I mean: compare your version with "The Colossus is stationed just inside the front door, plasma weapons blazing. I can't even begin to imagine how Kadil managed to sneak a 6 foot tall weapons suit into a heavily guarded establishment in a civilian area, especially one so outlandish as his." It conveys the same information but doesn't use what I hesitantly refer to as "flippancy" (the hyphenated term) or modern youth slang short cuts ("basically").

"and all sorts of improvised evasive maneuvers"

Again, I think this comes across as out of character for Arken. I would have preferred that you leave this clause out of the sentence altogether. It seems like a gag line in a non-gag story. If it was intended to be a wry condemnation by Arken of the civilians' panic, I think you need to expand on it more.

"while the others behind have the biggest and deadliest pulse rifles trained in our direction"

You've shown earlier in the story that Arken knows the names of weapons (his plasma pistol and the Colossus suit), so it seems odd that immediately after specifically naming the Matter Shields, he refers to these weapons so generally. I think you would have been better off giving them a specific name. The following sentence adequately describes what the weapons do, so there's no need to stress in this sentence that they're big and deadly.[/sblock]

Aside from those thematic issues, I did notice a few pedantic bits that I'll throw out there. Consider this proofreading more than criticism :)

[sblock=Pedantic stuff]"Unmolested" - I don't think this is the word you were looking for. "Unperturbed" or "unphased", perhaps?

Safeties on weapons. If the guards had their safeties on, why did Rayne come out of the stealth field? The guards weren't in any position to stop Arken firing again. Similarly, why didn't Arken kill Rayne when he emerged? If the answer to that question is that Arken didn't know the safeties were on, why doesn't he react when he realises he missed such a prime opportunity?

I think you need to put some more work into this issue, either by removing the reference to safeties altogether, or by expanding its impact on the actions of the characters.[/sblock]
 
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Cerulean_Wings

First Post
Colmarr, first of all, thank you for stopping by an posting :)

I accept your criticism whole-heartedly, and I appreciate you pointing out those flaws in the story. I admit that the second part was less in-character than the first, for whatever reason, and I'll keep that in mind if I make other installments for Star Clash.

As for the "weapon safety device" deal... it happens when I attempt to write a sci-fi story for the first time in my life and don't bother with proof reading the story :p

Thank you for the comments, and I'm glad you've liked it. I'm almost done writing the next one (not a continuation to this one, and very different in setting and mood) :D
 

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