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<blockquote data-quote="Darraketh" data-source="post: 194225" data-attributes="member: 847"><p><strong>Here's my submission.</strong></p><p></p><p>The Broken Lands </p><p></p><p>[zoom into a map of the Daemonforge setting] </p><p></p><p>Despair </p><p></p><p>Ruin</p><p></p><p>Devastated by evil </p><p></p><p>[scrolls an image of some battlefield/battle/army across the screen, has to look evil enough] </p><p></p><p>The gods are dead… </p><p></p><p>mortal races beaten. </p><p></p><p>Yet... </p><p></p><p>Hope remains</p><p></p><p>[Pan up to some vast mountain strongholds]</p><p></p><p>Refuge </p><p></p><p>The last of the mortal races…</p><p></p><p>[An image of heroes/adventurers/PCs/y'know/thingy]</p><p></p><p>are on a quest for survival. </p><p></p><p>[Daemonforge smashes into the screen with appropriate sound effects] </p><p></p><p>[A glowing d20 logo slowly appears, followed by a 'Click to Enter' link to the main page] </p><p>**********************************</p><p></p><p>1. That last line may need something better.</p><p></p><p>2. As I said before using the word "Welcome" doesn't seem to lend itself to something gritty so I dropped it.</p><p></p><p>3. I like the impact of a single word, "Despair," "Ruin." The mind will conjure up the worst and fill in the blanks.</p><p></p><p>4. If we go with "Devastated by evil" then show a battle field image most people will assume there was a war. No need to spell it out.</p><p></p><p>5. I've changed the order of ending by saying that there is "hope" then hinting that it is the strongholds by putting the image next. I think panning up a mountain to a stronghold gives it more impact.</p><p></p><p>6. Again one word "Refuge" and the mind will draw it's own conclusions and put two and two together.</p><p></p><p>7. Now the line: "The last of the mortal races… are on a quest for survival." is to let eveyone know that it isn't over. Some alternatives to this last part may be:</p><p></p><p>"are locked in a struggle for survival."</p><p>or simply</p><p>"struggle to survive."</p><p></p><p>Well that's my 2 copper pieces.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Darraketh, post: 194225, member: 847"] [b]Here's my submission.[/b] The Broken Lands [zoom into a map of the Daemonforge setting] Despair Ruin Devastated by evil [scrolls an image of some battlefield/battle/army across the screen, has to look evil enough] The gods are dead… mortal races beaten. Yet... Hope remains [Pan up to some vast mountain strongholds] Refuge The last of the mortal races… [An image of heroes/adventurers/PCs/y'know/thingy] are on a quest for survival. [Daemonforge smashes into the screen with appropriate sound effects] [A glowing d20 logo slowly appears, followed by a 'Click to Enter' link to the main page] ********************************** 1. That last line may need something better. 2. As I said before using the word "Welcome" doesn't seem to lend itself to something gritty so I dropped it. 3. I like the impact of a single word, "Despair," "Ruin." The mind will conjure up the worst and fill in the blanks. 4. If we go with "Devastated by evil" then show a battle field image most people will assume there was a war. No need to spell it out. 5. I've changed the order of ending by saying that there is "hope" then hinting that it is the strongholds by putting the image next. I think panning up a mountain to a stronghold gives it more impact. 6. Again one word "Refuge" and the mind will draw it's own conclusions and put two and two together. 7. Now the line: "The last of the mortal races… are on a quest for survival." is to let eveyone know that it isn't over. Some alternatives to this last part may be: "are locked in a struggle for survival." or simply "struggle to survive." Well that's my 2 copper pieces. [/QUOTE]
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