Stuff D&D players never say (except when they do)

[Evilhalfling]

11) Does this head belong to one of your allies?"
- places head of dragon on table, while talking to a similar dragon.
see signature for the dragon's response.

 

[JamesonCourage]

12) I don't blame them, but I do hate them.

 

[Hand of Evil]

• I have never failed at lock picking!
  -- Said by elf rogue. Said by barbarian half-orc that bashes doors open.

• We go in by the sewers, no one is watching them and should be safe.

• When did we have to worry about the law?
  -- Said before the characters found out the "bandits" was big family in the area.

 

[Mark Hope]

These are from my Mage: the Ascension chronicle, not D&D, but thankfully players saying daft things transcends system boundaries :

"Well, what's wrong with a small nuclear reaction?"

"Yeah, I think we're gonna win and we don't need much of a plan!"

"If you don't have Paradox, you're doing something wrong."

 

[underfoot007ct]

"your are all too damn slow, I'll read that scroll", ...BOOM !!!

 

[Jon_Dahl]

This quote from our previous D&D-session doesn't poke fun at the game but still it certainly fits the thread title:
DM: "This creature is mainly a human."
Player: "What?! It's some sort of tranny!"


Mod Note: For anyone who takes offense - Jon here rather graciously apologizes later on in the thread, when informed of how offensive some folks find the language, even when he intended us to be laughing at that player's cluelessness. So let us leave that be, and go on to the silliness, okay? Thanks. ~Umbran

 

[Dordledum]

"I failed my spot check, so there must be a shadow dragon somewhere"

 

[kimble]

NPC: I slept with you!
PC: No, you didn't. You slept my evil twin brother!

 

[SkidAce]

"They're just kobolds"

and

"What a useless scroll. It just says, HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR over and over again..."

- Famous Last Words, Dragon Magazine #?

 

[(Psi)SeveredHead]

This thread is to collect the lines of in-character dialog that thoroughly poke fun at the D&D genre.

1) We captured an assassin in Monday's game. Recognizing him by reputation, I warned my companions, "Careful guys! He's very dangerous. He's a bard."

Is this a Dark Sun campaign?