The Acrimonious Adventurer Association

[Hairy Minotaur]

Preparation G

The morning of the party arrives; Haimish again did not get much sleep if any. Doopa as well did not get any sleep, his nose constantly picking up the scent of fear from Haimish, kept his adrenalin levels too high to get any restful sleep. Menthos however slept hard and slept in.

Xanthos awoke first and after hearing of Menthos’ plan yesterday, decided he wanted to take a quick look at the secret entrance they found a week and a half ago. Changing to the form of an owl, Xanthos ascends into the fall sky, still dark enough to be called night but lighting up to the east, the direction he flew.

Xanthos flew over the ruins first, and glimpsed a bevy of movement below. All sorts of food items and linens were being taken out of carriages and brought below, amidst the ever watching eyes of four large ogres and six large trolls. Xanthos glided past them and then turned southeast, after a few miles he located the cliff he sought.

Twisting in a slow circle upon the updraft, Xanthos spies a small camp site just outside the cave entrance, curious, he dives in low and now picks up the faint smell of smoke and sees a thin trail of the odiferous substance rising from the wet remains of a burnt log. Xanthos loops in the air and aims for the cave, hoping that whatever was at the campsite was still in the tunnel somewhere.

Xanthos hoped to catch proof that Menthos had already led the Temple of Kador here and that they were planning a raid on the party when it would do the most damage. Xanthos didn’t like Menthos and didn’t trust the Kadors and that just made for a bad recipe. As the druid neared the entrance, his owl senses spied a dozen small green feet, confused Xanthos pulled up to avoid flying into the tunnel, just as a dozen arrow shafts spring forth from the hidden bows attached to those feet. The arrows all miss Xanthos, but the attack left him shaken and disturbed. Xanthos rose on the updraft and headed back to Highcastle with his findings.

“So, the goblins never left, they just went to the escape tunnels and are waiting there to retake their home? Probably tonight? Great! There goes my planning right out the latrine.” Haimish bemoans

“No, it’s worse than that.” Menthos objects

“How could it be any worse?” Xanthos inquires

“You guys really need to get out more; it’s been in the paper for the last four days. A group of goblins calling themselves The Raiders have offered a 500gp reward for the capture alive or dead of the adventurers responsible for decimating their tribe ten days ago.” Menthos relates

Turgar springs from his chair and rushes outside the Scholar’s Inn looking for a street vendor.

“Damn, if I knew it would only take the truth to get him to leave, I would’ve told him how ugly he is days ago.” Menthos comments

“What are we going to do now?” Haimish wallows

“You should’ve told us this when you saw it! Look what you’ve done to the poor man.” Kessen states pointing at Haimish

“What? They’re goblins. Who cares?” Menthos responds

“They apparently have received some training else why would they call themselves a proper name?” Xanthos asks

“Just because you can change into a satyr, doesn’t mean I’m going to come looking for you for honeymoon tips.” Menthos insinuates

“I fail to see your logic.” Xanthos states

“Just because they call themselves something, doesn’t mean they’re good at it. Look at Kessen; he calls himself a scout but is he any good at it?” Menthos replies

Kessen slams a fist into the back of Menthos’ head, causing the teifling to lose consciousness and his head to plop into his breakfast of oatmeal, “Scouted out the back of your head pretty good there didn’t I!” Kessen shouts as he stands up from the table and shoves his chair to the floor then exits the Inn amid stares from other patrons.

“Won’t he drown like that?” Haimish asks looking at the submerged head of Menthos

“Yes.” Xanthos says looking away at the entrance for Turgar to return

“Shouldn’t someone save him?” Haimish asks

Xanthos feigns deafness and ignores Haimish’s question as Doopa is distracted, retrieving a nose goblin from the back of his throat through his nose with two fingers. Their serving wench stops by and fills their cups with water and removes Menthos’ head from the bowl and drops it onto the table. Menthos’ sputters and spits out oatmeal as his head’s collision with the table has jarred him awake.

“Wha?” Menthos asks

“Wha indeed.” Haimish answers

Turgar flings open the Inn door and shouts, “They’re not selling the paper yet, we need to get one from yesterday!”

The table looks around for anyone with a paper; Doopa spots a halfling at the table behind him reading a paper. The ogre reaches back and snatches the paper from the halfling’s hands.

“Hey! What’s the big idea? Get your own you %&*@@#! Jerk. Give that back!” The Halfling shouts

Doopa stands up and puffs out his chest, “Doopa need to use toilet thank you for letting me borrow paper.” He says in his most intimidating voice

The Halfling stares up at the barbarian, small bones and discarded scraps of long forgotten meals dangle in the face of the small man. The stench of unwashed ogre and dung gag the halfling’s nostrils and the man sits back in his chair, “fine keep the thing, I’ll get another.”

The party stares on in bewilderment as Doopa hands over the halfling’s paper.

“Wench! I need a new menu!” The Halfling shouts as Doopa hands the halfling’s former menu to Haimish

“No thanks, I already ordered.” Haimish replies

Menthos cleans himself up and heads out into the day, telling Doopa he’ll be back shortly after lunch to pick him up for their journey to the secret tunnel.

Menthos’ first stop is the warlock store front.

“Do you have any items that might assist me in a tunnel, battling about a dozen or so motivated goblins?” Menthos asks

The gnome silently rocks back and forth while his brain goes through the store’s inventory, “Have you my patented pit finder?”

“No, all I ever got from you was a dwarven ale chute and a whole lot of grief.” Menthos says

“Ah, I wondered where that thing finally went to, I was looking for it the other day and thought someone stole it, I guess I wasn’t far off.” The gnome states

“What? You sold it to me for 171 gold.” Menthos complains

“Highway robbery at that price.” The gnome replies

“Yeah, well based upon our last meeting, I’m thinking I’m going to be walking out of here with a pit finder.” Menthos laments

“You could do worse for yourself; let me demonstrate it’s usefulness in preparing your body for a fall.” The gnome starts

“Wait. What? I thought you said it was a pit finder shouldn’t that mean it helps me find them so I can avoid them?” Menthos asks

“You’d think that wouldn’t you.” The gnome answers, “Let me strap this onto you like so and we’ll get down to business.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. This seems a little too kinky for me; you’re not strapping anything to me so we can get down to business.” Menthos protests

“Shut-up bitch of Skarn.” The gnome replies

“Hey, leave my patron out of this!” Menthos objects

Twenty minutes later the gnome rocked slowly back and forth in his rocking chair, smoking an imported brand of pipeweed, “Try it again, this time you have to remember to bounce it a little more after you come in contact with the floor. The secret is to be able to check every six inches and to do that you need to make sure you’re bending on each step and in-between.” The gnome coaches

Menthos felt silly with a harness around his abdomen and a ten foot metal pole attached at a forty-five degree angle, its end resting just above the shop’s floor, “This is really stupid.”

“No, what’s stupid is you falling into a pit trap in a goblin warren while the rest of your party merrily skips by all the while laughing at you and your misfortune, while you spend two days climbing out of that piss hole, only to discover your fellow friends have looted the place silly and left you with a flaming bag of goblin dung.” The gnome blasts

“You’ve got some serious deep rooted emotional issues, I think you should find a couch and lay down. I could bluff up a good psychiatric doctor for you.” Menthos offers

The gnome stops rocking and gets a pained look on his face

“Or not.” Menthos finishes.

Menthos tries another thirty minutes to get the hang of it, but just can’t seem to get it right, looking over the contraption, he gets an idea. Loosing the support along the bottom of the harness, Menthos pushes the contraption down to his waist, where he tightens it again.

“What are you doing?” The gnome inquires

“Look! I now have a ranged pregnancy attack!” Menthos laughs, “I’m totally getting this now.”

Amid a flurry of objections, Menthos overpays for the Pit Finder and walks out of the store 254 gold lighter than when he walked in, although not with the Pit Finder attached.

Menthos then heads to the Temple of Kador, where he meets with Helle and informs him of the goblin squatters at the tunnel entrance.

“Do not fret; I planned for resistance at some point. I will be bringing a pentagonal force along with me, I assure you a couple of fireballs and there won’t be a goblin resistance.” Helle explains

“Your foresight amazes me, are you bringing five pyromancers or five near death suicide fodder?” Menthos inquires

Helle laughs and introduces the five that will be joining him. Menthos’ eyes wander over each man until resting on the last individual, a female in full plate, “And what’s your name?”

“I am Fyrhe Delengrade; I have been looking forward to this mission all week. I will not let you down.” The woman answers

Menthos gives Helle a quizzical look, after the woman implied that Menthos was leading this mission for the Temple of Kador.

“They are all up and comers in the Temple, this exercise will weed out those not fit to serve the Reign of Fire.” Helle answers

Satisfied with that answer, Menthos turns back to the female and raises her visor, “You’re pretty hot in that.”

“I welcome the fire, it cleanses my sins.” Fyrhe answers

“That wasn’t a question.” Menthos replies, the woman gives him an odd look

“I meant you look sexy in a full metal jacket.” Menthos tries again

“I bet you say that to all the girls.” Fyrhe responds

“Only the hot ones.” Menthos answers

“Menthos, the cloistered know no one of the opposite sex until their training is complete.” Helle states

“Oh I know.” Menthos answers slowly rapping his fingers upon his ten foot metal pole, “Oh, I’ll be bringing an ogre friend of mine, I figure he’s good for a few rounds of soaking up melee attacks while we get down to business.”

“A fine plan indeed, shall we leave then? Please lead the way Menthos Lyptus. May the burning desire of Kador immolate our enemies this day.” Helle states

“Amen” The Kador priests respond once Helle is finished.

 

[Hairy Minotaur]

Dark Speech

Menthos, Doopa, and the Kadorians left Highcastle just after three in the afternoon. It would be a five hour trek to the secret entrance and then another three hours of walking the tunnel to get back to the party. Menthos figured an hour of killing and looting goblins would fit in just right for them to be in the party near midnight.

Halfway into the walk, Helle struck up a conversation.

“I appreciate your willingness to allow us to accompany you. Kador will see a sight tonight.” Helle states, the acolytes shout “Amen” in unison at the end of his sentence.

“It’s not a bother, besides, a couple of fireballs are just the reality a bunch of ego stroking goblins need to wash down their throat of denial. Then again, it gives me a chance to test the mettle of that fire fox Fyrhe.” Menthos answers

“I wish you luck in that endeavor then.” Helle replies

“I don’t need luck; I have a ten foot pole.” Menthos giggles

“Doopa not know why Menthos needs giant toothpick to get armor off girlfriend.” The ogre speaks; startling Menthos who hadn’t heard him approach from behind

“Heh, you’re pretty wily there Doops, but I don’t need this pole to break her hard outer shell, I need the pole.” Menthos tried to think of a word the ogre was sure to have not heard before, “to go spelunking.”

“What’s that?” Doopa asked

“It’s when you go lunking with a spiel, all the rangers are doing it, and it’s the latest in dwarf fashion.” Menthos answers, a confused Doopa slows down and scratches his head trying to force his brain into grasping Menthos’ meaning.

“Why again is he here?” Helle inquired

“You’ll see I need a big enough distraction that I can create and use initially, but that will continue to cause distractions long after I discontinue its use.” Menthos replied

Menthos sped up to walk side by side Fyrhe.

“So what time do you get off work tonight?” Menthos asked

“I do not go off duty.” Fyrhe replies

“Oh come on now, surely you have to eat, sleep, use the latrine?” Menthos inquires

“Yes, but I remain ever vigilant while doing so. My goal is to follow in Ailena’s footsteps and command my on force of righteousness for Kador.” She stated

“Wouldn’t that include practicing your healing technique? There’s got to be some wounds you’ve never had to heal before.” Menthos stated

“I am not a healer; you will need to speak with Helle if you are injured.” Fyrhe responds

“Oh, so you like the rough stuff, I’m down with that. I’m told the flame of Kador burns with more passion than a thousand year love story.” Menthos continues while swinging his metal pole from his left hip, “I see you’ve noticed my pole, I’m looking for someone to test that passion theory of Kador’s out. You wouldn’t know anyone I could speak to about that, seeing as how you’re the “Y” to my Yin Yang?”

Although she didn’t reply Menthos noticed the subtle change in her breathing from focused to annoyed, and if her could get her unfocused, then he could get her other places too. Menthos returned to alongside Helle.

“I don’t think she’s going to ace the program.” Menthos whispered

“No, but you are.” Helle thought to himself

A half hour from the tunnel, the group slowed to try and figure out a way to approach the entrance without being noticed until they were within spell range. With the entrance being at the bottom of a cliff face, they though the best way would be to get to the cliff as quickly as possible and then approach from the west side of the entrance staying as close to the rock face as possible.

Once they were within a couple hundred feet of the tunnel, Menthos turned to Doopa to begin his plan.

“Go kill some goblins Doopa, they’re all yours.” Menthos said pointing towards the tunnel entrance

Doopa rushed forward, a blood raging scream escaped from his lips as the muscled man leaped into the air and cam crashing down in from of the entrance ready to pounce on the first sign of movement. Doopa peered through the darkness looking for anything other than rock. It took his ogre brain a couple of seconds to realize that’s exactly what he was staring at.

Menthos saw Doopa’s shoulders relax and the ogre stood up from his crouch and reached out with his club and began to prod at something hidden from all but Doopa just inside the opening.

“What is it?” Menthos asked

“There’s no tunnel.” Came Doopa’s reply

The party raced up to Doopa, Menthos whizzed every kind of scenario through his head as he tried to come up with a plan “B” that would get them to the party on time if in fact there was no tunnel.

The group skidded to a stop next to Doopa and saw the clear signs of a tunnel roof collapse, along with several scrapes and scratches along the wall and ceiling just in front of the collapse.

“Looks like your goblins didn’t want to be bothered. Not a problem, we’ll just have to give them a little surprise.” Helle said as he smiled

The Pyromancer walked up and stood directly in front of the collapse; he raised his arms out wide and then looked back to the rest of the group, “You might want to back up.”

The Kador acolytes back up beyond thirty feet from Helle as Doopa and Menthos stand pat and watch Helle work. There were two sounds; one from Helle’s mouth, the other seemed to come from the tunnel collapse itself. Menthos had never heard the word that erupted from Helle’s lips, by he was sure it was vulgar and that made Menthos all the more eager to learn what it was. The rock blocking the tunnel seemed to respond back to Helle, only instead of a coherent word, the rocks crumbled into pebbles and dust.

Menthos whistles as the blockage has been removed from the tunnel, he takes a step forward to get a better look and realizes that even the ground he was standing on as been cracked and the first few inches of dirt crumble beneath his steps.

“What did man say?” Doopa asks, Menthos just shrugs his shoulders

“Doopa thought he said Catherine.” The ogre answers his own question

“Must be an ex-girlfriend, maybe she had an open door policy?” Menthos replies

“Come on.” Helle waves on the group, as he does so Menthos catches a glimpse of Helle’s face and notices that Helle’s face has changed. His veins show black beneath his skin and his eyes are cat-like and glow red, taken aback, Menthos hesitates.

“It will pass, let’s go kill some goblins.” Helle states, that gets Doopa motivates and he charges forward into the tunnel.

Menthos pauses another second and then follows suit.

 

[Jon Potter]

The party stares on in bewilderment as Doopa hands over the halfling’s paper.

“Wench! I need a new menu!” The Halfling shouts as Doopa hands the halfling’s former menu to Haimish

That bit was hilarious. Is that you misinforming the player or the player doing a good job of RPing a low Wisdom?

“A fine plan indeed, shall we leave then? Please lead the way Menthos Lyptus. May the burning desire of Kador immolate our enemies this day.” Helle states

His name is really Menthos Lyptus? Does he come complete with penetrating vapors?

 

[Hairy Minotaur]

That bit was hilarious. Is that you misinforming the player or the player doing a good job of RPing a low Wisdom?



His name is really Menthos Lyptus? Does he come complete with penetrating vapors?

That was a "I look around for anyone reading the paper"

Me: There's a halfling seated behind you looking over some papers

Player: "I take it and dare him to do something about it."

Me: "As you wish."

Yep, that's his full name, his last character was Tehas Baggerous (you can see all the references to his brother in the story hour) and of course before Tehas he was Paquito Flaccido

 

[Hairy Minotaur]

Bluff on, bluff off

They entered the tunnel and found evidence of a recent goblin presence; discarded rodent bones, feces, soot marks along the tunnel’s ceiling, but no bodies. Cautiously advancing up the tunnel, they spot numerous barefoot goblin tracks, and even a discarded spear shaft. However, three miles into the tunnel with light beginning to glow from ahead and the faint sound of organized chaos, Menthos and Helle realized that they’d arrived near the end of the tunnel and were close to the party.

Grrrgggrr

An alien sound echoed through the quiet passageway.

“What was that? Light!” Helle spoke and the dim glow on his holy symbol flared up washing the tunnel with a reddish light for thirty feet up and down the tunnel.

Nothing new was revealed in the light.

Grrrggrgr

The sound was right on top of them

“It must be on some weird demi-plane, my holy light isn’t revealing the creature to me.” Helle spoke low to Menthos

“Maybe that’s because the creature is in Doopa’s stomach.” Menthos replied sarcastically

“Doopa sorry, Menthos not say it would take all day!” Doopa pleaded

“That’s annoying; we got to get him something to eat.” Helle replied

“Don’t you priestly types have spells for that?” Menthos responded

“Other priests do, my spells don’t do that.” Helle replied truthfully

Helle’s meaning is lost on Menthos as the teifling prepares to enact his plan.

Meanwhile topside, Kessen, Haimish, and Turgar enter the party. Xanthos in disguise as an upper end middle-aged well-to-do elf arrives via an opulent carriage. He exits and hands the first ogre he encounters his invitation.

“Greetings my large fellow, I’m am Lord Delhaunt of House Silverleaf.” Xanthos announces

“So?” the ogre responds

“Shouldn’t you announce me to the Lord of the party, as is customary in these civilized parts?” Xanthos states

“Oh, Hey Morty!” The ogre shouts

“What!” A hunchbacked troll shouts back

“Lord Delhump is here to meet the Lord of the party.” The ogre replies

“Excuse me that’s not my na.” Xanthos attempts to correct the ogre

“So?!” The troll shouts back

“Pass it on!” The ogre replies

“There, you’ve been annunciated get downstairs before I throw you downstairs.” The ogre instructs

“Such rudeness from such a simple creature, I shall have you reported to the slave master at once.” Xanthos huffs

“Yeah, you do that fairy. Be sure you tell them where to find me.” The ogre answers as he shoves Xanthos forward

Xanthos reaches the bottom of the steps and the smell of cooking and wine permeate his senses. He quickly notes the rest of the topside party ahead of him pushing their way into the hallway beyond the cloak room (former room where the three goblins were cooking rabbit). The walls were covered in tapestries, most of which looked like they could bankroll an entire war.

Xanthos picked out a waist endowed opulent looking human male who appeared to be alone and made his approach to him.

“Hello good sir, I was wondering if you knew whether Lord De Lite had arrived yet?” Xanthos asked

“Who? Don’t know him. Who are you?” The man asked

“I sir am Lord Delhaunt of House Silverleaf, returned to visit my teachers at the School of Ancient knowledge.” Xanthos responds

“You a merchant?” The man asks

“No, as I explained, I am from the …” Xanthos noted the man lost interest and wondered away immediately after the word “no”

The rest of the topside party moved from room to room looking for Lord De Lite, Haimish stopped in each room to listen to the minstrels play in each room. In the farthest room from the entrance (a room not entered by the party when they were here last) Haimish watched as a slave girl danced to a whirling beat inside a circle of merchants. Her hair whipped about her as she twirled and bounced around the circle, she’d stop every so often and tease the man she stopped in front of. Haimish recalled seeing the trick before in his adopted homeland. He wondered how much merchant money the “slave” girl would be walking out of the dance with tonight.

“Ooh a professional dancer?” Kessen asked

“Oh she’s professional alright, but not really a dancer, think sticky fingers.” Haimish answered

Xanthos decided to try a different tactic and attempted to move near different conversations, subtly changing his skin tone to blend in with his surroundings, he would try to listen first before speaking.

As Xanthos moved out of the cloak room and into the hallway, he felt someone brush against him from behind. He turned to look back and as he did he heard the words “The pieces are in place sister, strike when the well is hot, listen for the call of the moon.” Xanthos spin his head around but there was no one near enough to him to be considered good suspects for the speaker, perplexed, he continued onward.

Below, Menthos led his party near the edge of light. Smells of roast pig and pheasant wafted into the hallway, along with the smell of citrus and aging vegetable matter as Menthos spied a large pile of refuse near the end of the tunnel. Doopa’s stomach told Menthos that quick action would be needed before the barbarian raged his way into the kitchen and ruined any surprise element.

“What’s the plan?” Helle inquired

“I don’t have one, I thought we’d be chasing goblins all the way here and then we could bluff our way in with a chasing the uninvited goblins out story, I didn’t think I’d need a plan B.” Menthos answered

The disappointed look on Helle’s face was quickly turning to frustration. Menthos wondered how long he could keep both the trigger happy priests and the starving ogre at bay. Feeling the temperature rise behind him, Menthos decided to act now instead of after a barrage of fireballs.

“Come on Doopa, the rest of you stay here.” Menthos advised

“What? Where are you going?” Helle pressed

“I’ll be back for you.” Menthos stated and left the Kadors in the tunnel

Bursting into the bustling kitchen came a wild-eyed ogre and a thin teifling; they stood out like a demon in Olympus as the kitchen staff were all garbed in white shirts, white pants, and white aprons, with white poofy hats on their heads. Dirtied from their miles of walking through a dirt tunnel and then through the heap of garbage piled at the tunnel entrance the two definitely did not look like they belonged.

“Excuse me, no one but staff is allowed down here! Guards!” A cook shouts

“What? Don’t you know who this is?” Menthos asks incredulously

“No, I do not and you’re not supposed to be down here! Guards!” The cook shouts again

“This is the ……. Overlord’s taste tester, come to inspect the food before he arrives at the party.” Menthos wings it

“You lie, I happen to know the Overlord’s personal food tester is a halfing.” The cook contends

“Oh sure, in the palace, but he’s too valuable to let out of the palace. Kidnappings and assassinations notwithstanding, that’s why he employs expendables for when he travels outside the palace.” Menthos answers

The cook opened mouth to reply, but caught himself as he realized the teifling’s words were logical before carefully selecting his next statement. “Why wasn’t I informed of this?”

“So you wouldn’t put the poison in the food after we arrived, or maybe charm him, or interrogate him, or bribe him, all before we got here. Duh!” Menthos answered

“Hmm, yes I see your point on that, but I simply can’t have an ogre running around my kitchen eating food. It’s not sanitary.” The cook replies

“He’ll sit on the floor next to the open pit, in fact if you drop food on the way upstairs, throw it at him and he’ll still test it. The only thing better than an ogre food tester is a troll one and we both know how much that would cost.” Menthos says while winking knowingly at the cook

“I don’t know about this, let me see your credentials.” The cook asked

“First yours, how do we even know you’re a cook. Have you been taught the fine art of hygiene? Do you know the optimal temperature to keep a rack of pork ribs at, when cooked over an open fire of oak and cherry wood? How about the number of times you should wash your hands after handling the liver of a Dusk Giant?” Menthos retorted

Stalemated the cook and Menthos stare each other down.

“Sir.” A lithe human female called out to the cook, “the guests report this has a bad taste to it.”

The cook turns and eyes the woman, before getting an idea. “Here have the supposed food tester try this, if he can tell me what’s wrong with it. I’ll believe your story.”

“Fine.” Menthos answered and took the glass of dark colored liquid from the cook’s hand. Menthos swirled the liquid around the inside of the glass, then sniffed the contents. “He can’t drink that.”

“Why? Because you’re imposters!” The cook shouts

“No, because goblins urinated in your wine supply.” Menthos answered

The disbelieving cook grabbed the glass from Menthos’ hand and took a swig of the liquid, then retched and spat it out. Gasps erupted from the gathered kitchen help.

“Crack open the reverses of wine and get Ohlsen to go into town for more, this stuff’s no good.” The cook hacked

Menthos opened his arms before Doopa, who grabbed the roasting pig off of the spit with one hand and then cracked open it’s abdomen along the sternum and pulled the ribcage apart, “Ribs” was the only intelligible word that Doopa got out before he tore into the meat.

“That’s amazing, how’d he do that?” Fyhre asked

“It was Atlantean wine, it’s very delicate. Vigorous swirling or shaking of a bottle cause the whole bottle to go bad and taste like urine.” Helle replied

“He’s brilliant.” Fyhre’s admiration was beginning to melt through her steel façade

“That’s why Kador thinks he has potential.” Helle replied

“Do you think he’ll learn the words?” Fyhre inquires

“One task at a time.” Helle answers her

Menthos bows to the hidden priests and then makes his way around the pit heading for the stairs up to the first floor.

“Where are you going? You can’t just leave him down here unattended.” The cook protests

“What? He’s fine, I assure you he’s not going anywhere for a long time.” Menthos smiles and turns back around amid continued protests from the cook

As he reaches the far side of the pit, Menthos catches a glint of steel in the darkened stairway. Followed quickly by the twitching body of a male waiter as he is dragged bleeding from the throat by an elven female dressed in all black studded leather.

Great, thought Menthos, we’re not the only ones here with a mission it seems. Although she did look good in that leather and studded is how I like ‘em.

Unseen by Menthos is the obese form of a Thellios priest as he too sinks away from the staircase and follows the assassin down a short hallway to the left of the stairs and through a barred door.

 

[Hairy Minotaur]

All hell's breaking loose

Menthos creeps to the hallway the assassin dragged the dead body down, it ends with a closed stone door. Menthos can feel a cold breeze blowing from around the gaps in the door frame and concludes it must be a makeshift walk-in freezer. He tries the handle and finds it is not locked, opening the door slowly he feels the blast of icy air wash down the hallway. Racks of pigs and sides of beef hang silently; Menthos begins to step inside the freezer when he notices a small blood trail winding from the door back to the far right corner of the room. The faint phosphorescent light coming off the natural moss on the ceiling gives the tiefling’s vision an image of two men one slumped over against the wall, the other standing over the slumped man, frantically stripping him of his clothing, both men appear to be identical or nearly identical silhouettes.

A low shuffling sound, not unlike a foot being slowly dragged across stone, emanates from a space next to Menthos. Startled, Menthos looks up at the two figures, the slumped one has fallen over on his side while the upright one has turned to look directly at Menthos. Menthos pushes on the door to widen the gap; however it hit’s something solid that prevents him for opening it any farther. The upright silhouette begins walking toward Menthos.

“Sorry to have interrupted you, I know how exciting meat lockers can be on the libido.” Menthos says as he closes the door, and then hurriedly searches through his pockets for a thin piece of metal.

Producing a fork, Menthos bites off one of the prongs and quickly locks the door from the outside, taking the prong he jabs it into the keyhole. He then rams the pommel of his longsword into the keyhole for good measure, “that ought to do it.” Menthos says aloud.

“Hey! What are you doing down there?” It was the head chef again

“I’m trying to open this door, it’s stuck.” Menthos replies

“By beating on it with your sword?” The chef asks incredulously

“I’m a health inspector dammit, not a rogue. I can’t figure how it’s supposed to open.” Menthos answers

The head chef starts down the hallway as the door’s handle turns in Menthos’ palm, the teifling applies all the pressure he can muster but is unable to stop the handle from turning.

“Step aside, I have the key.” The head chef commands

Menthos hesitates, not wanting to let go of the handle.

“Move!” The chef yells and shoves Menthos out of the way

The door handle flies up, but Menthos’ jam job holds and the door fails to open to whoever is shoving on the other side. Bone-jarring thuds are heard against the door as the chef steps back confused

“Is somebody in there?” The chef shouts as he tries to get the key in the door, only to find it no longer fits, “this is the right key, I don’t understand.”

“Let me go get someone from security, they’re bound to have a crowbar or some manpower to pry this door off.” Menthos states

“What about the ogre?” The chef inquires

“Nah, he’s only good for one thing and if I tell him what’s behind this door, not only will he open it but you won’t have anything left to serve.” Menthos answers

“Hurry then, they’ll freeze in there.” The chef commands

Menthos runs to the stairs leading up to the party level and as soon as he’s gone up a couple of steps and is out of sight from the freezer door, he slows to a nonchalant walk and pushes the thought of finding someone to open the door out of his mind. Whistling an old orc battle tune, he mingles with the other guests as he emerges from the stairs.

Meanwhile the rest of the party members catch a minstrel show put on by a thri-keen, while Haimish marvels at the creatures ability to play three instruments at once the rest of the party wanders the large gathered group looking for Lord De’ Lite.

Xanthos’ shifted ears pick up bits of conversation none of them however include Lord De’ Lite’s name, Xanthos works his way out of the room and spies Menthos heading towards him. Xanthos waves him down to get his attention, Menthos however walks by without noticing. Xanthos reaches out and grabs his arm to stop him as he passes in front of the shifter.

“Hey, hey, hey. I’m not one of the help; go find a servant to annoy!” Menthos tells the elf as he rips his arm from the elf’s grasp

“Menthos it’s me, Xanthos”

“How do you know my name?! Charlatan! Witch! Doppelganger” Menthos yells and points at the wealthy dressed elf

The guests in close proximity to Menthos and Xanthos turn to look at what the dirty dressed teifling was yelling about. Thoroughly annoyed, Xanthos tries to back away from Menthos and leave the immediate area, however now several people had been looking directly at him and he feared his cover was blown especially if Lord De’ Lite was in the room disguised.

Menthos walked on uncaring of the opinions floating around him, “Ha, ha, loser.” Menthos thought as he found Haimish, Turgar and Kessen taking in the minstrel show.

“I will never understand this modern music, who would listen to a bug play a harp?” Menthos asks aloud

‘Shh! The man is brilliant.” A guest turns and tells him

“Man? Looks like an enlarged starving cockroach, where’s a hill giant when you need a big shoe.” Menthos comments

The thri-keen finishes up and the people start to file out of the room, Menthos catches the rest of the party and informs them of Doopa’s whereabouts and of the assassin locked in the freezer.

“I think we should interrogate this assassin and see what she knows.” Kessen suggests, Haimish and Turgar agree. “And keep an eye out for Xanthos, we lost him a couple rooms back.”

“He’s busy doing damage control, someone shouted doppelganger so he went to investigate.” Menthos explains

As the group exits the room, Haimish catches a glimpse of a small green figure slashing into the calf of a party guest and then disappearing down the hallway away from the damage. The man reaches done for his calf and pulls his blood soaked hands away.

“I’ve been stabbed!” Was all the man ever got out as he began to convulse and crumpled to the floor

Haimish alerted the present group members about the goblin, “looks like a poisoned blade too.”

But, as the party began to force their way through the throng of startled guests, Kessen stops them, “What is this is a diversion? One goblin cuts a random man’s leg? Too fishy for me.”

The party considers his words and agrees, they turn around and begin flowing with the mass of people streaming away from the murder scene. Up ahead near the entrance, Xanthos was fuming over Menthos’ comments and trying to calm himself down before returning to his mission. He spots three large minotaurs coming down the entrance steps and exiting the entry room. The minotaurs are dressed as city guard but Xanthos spots a tattoo on the backs of each of their right hands. Recognizing the tattoo as the mark of Carnak god of slaughter, Xanthos decides to follow this new development instead as there seems to be quite a few people running away from the center of the party further down the hallway.

The minotaurs’ wide bodies force the party guests to squeeze against the walls as the minotaurs walk side by side through the hallways and finally to the steps leading down to the kitchen area. Xanthos prepares to follow them but is met with the rest of the party who inform him of the goblin’s attack, Xanthos relates the minotaur appearance and the party starts downstairs.

Screams and the sounds of breaking dishes erupt from the kitchen area the party hustles down the stairs to find the minotaurs cutting down the kitchen staff and have backed the remaining survivors into a hallway off the pit area that leads to the small cooking stoves and the food preparation areas, the party knew there was no escape from that area.

Doopa sat absentmindedly poking a dead waiter, “W-a-t-e-r, Doopa want water.” Doopa looks up as Menthos calls out his name, the ogre waves to the rest of the party, it is only then does he notice the carnage that just transpired around him. Wondering how he had noticed the minotaurs, he remembered he was eating a particularly good piece of lamb. It’s juices were dripping down his chin and the smokiness from the fire made his mouth water, he momentarily forgot about the minotaurs and began looking for more lamb, then remembered he was thirsty.

The party engaged the minotaurs from behind as Doopa looked around for something to hit them with, forgetting where he had laid his club down at, he finally decided on a burning piece of hickory from the fire pit. The footing was treacherous as the fallen bodies and pooling blood made traversing the distance to the minotaurs slippery at best and nearly impossible without bigger feet at worst.

The minotaurs had blocked the rest of the kitchen help from escaping, a lone kobold and a mangy dog began to direct fleeing servants into hiding places within the kitchen, and the kobold then turned his sling on the minotaurs to divert their attentions on him instead.

The party managed to end the minotaur threat before any further loss of life occurred, Xanthos striped the bodies looking for further signs of duplicity.

“I assure you they are deceased.” The kobold spoke

“I assure you you’re living because of us, what are you doing here?” Menthos asked

“I’m helping with the party, me and lunch here spotted the three brutes heading down the hall, so we funneled the people into hidey places.” The kobold replied

“Good thinking, but I don’t think these guys were part of the party guys.” Xanthos spoke

“Duh! Are you sure? They look like part of pleasure show, or maybe a jug band?” Menthos replied

“I haven’t forgotten what you did upstairs, you nearly blew my cover with that stunt!” Xanthos retorts

“Hey, I just found a doppelganger down here, I couldn’t be sure if it was you or not.” Menthos responds

“Doopa found leg of lamb, it was good.” The ogre interjects

“Where is this doppelganger?” Kessen inquires

“Locked in the freezer, I’ll show you.” Menthos answers and begins to lead the party back towards the freezer.

Helle and the pyromancers are waiting for them when they exit the hallway from the food preparation area.

“What happened?” Helle inquires

“Bunch of Carnak followers, see for yourself.” Xanthos informs him

“Yep, there’s a mangy kobold down there with his dog that seems out of place too.” Menthos advises

“I shall investigate.” Helle replies and heads towards the battle scene

He motions for the pyromancers to stop at the minotaur bodies and search them, Helle then continues onward towards the kobold.

“Is everyone out and safe now?” Helle asks

“Yeah, that should be the last of them.” The kobold replies as a couple of cooks flee back down the hallway.

The kobold, who’s back was turned to Helle, turns to face Helle, as he does Helle grabs him by the throat and sets the creature’s head on fire before he could utter a call for help. The dog begins to bark and Helle shuts it up with a searing light spell.

“Tell your god, he’s lost his place at the table.” Helle speaks to the incinerating kobold.

Helle drops the body once the head has been reduced to ashes, as he returns to the down minotaurs, the kobold’s body continues to slowly burn away to nothingness.

“Mark this one for return, we’ll need to question it, the other two can burn.” Helle commands pointing out the most pierced one for saving.

 

[Jon Potter]

Xanthos picked out a waist endowed opulent looking human male...

Is that the Politically Correct way to say that he's fitness challenged?

The kobold, who’s back was turned to Helle, turns to face Helle, as he does Helle grabs him by the throat and sets the creature’s head on fire before he could utter a call for help. The dog begins to bark and Helle shuts it up with a searing light spell.

“Tell your god, he’s lost his place at the table.” Helle speaks to the incinerating kobold.

Damn... that's not nice.

It's also awesome. There's a lot going on at this party, and I may need a meta-recap of what all is afoot at some point. I'm looking forward to some more.

 

[Hairy Minotaur]

Hey man, I'm so stoned

As Helle’s Pyromancers were dragging the minotaurs out of the kitchen hallway, Xanthos had a thought cross his mind and he approached the pile of dead half-bulls. Sifting through the mass, he located the left hands of all the minotaurs and picked out the one that displayed the symbol of Carnack most clearly on the back of the hand. Finding one his was pleased with he served the hand at the wrist and placed it in a bag around his waist. He then returned to the rest of the group near the walk-in freezer as the Pyromancers returned from the kitchen to begin burning the bodies. The largest minotaur was removed from the pile and placed in the secret tunnel prior to the burning.

“Well, looks like you know how to lock a door, too bad you can’t unlock one mister rogue.” Kessen intimates

“This only proves I’m so good at my tasks, that even one as great as I cannot reverse what I have done.” Menthos responds

“This reminds me of a time I left the wax from a candle on the shelf leading to a troll’s den; I can tell you there were quite a few pickles drained from that lager I assure you.” Haimish added

“Doopa likes pickles.” The ogre states

This gives Menthos an idea.

“Well, there are pickles behind this door, along with dozens of racks of ribs.” Menthos pauses for dramatic effect, “still hungry?” he finishes with a raised eyebrow

Doopa needs no further provocation as he bull rushes the door and blasts it off of its hinges. The doppelganger inside, who had been trying to work the lock from the inside, is knocked back prone from the force of Doopa’s charge. Using it’s ability to hide even while in plain sight, the doppelganger quickly recovers it’s footing and spying a swaying side of beef, it scales up the hanging slab opposite the side the adventurers are on.

“Brr, a little cold in here.” Turgar issues

“It’s a meet locker; it’s supposed to be cold. Don’t want maggots in your steak.” Kessen informs the shaman

Doopa selects the nearest side of meat and tears it off its hook and shoving as much of it as he can in his mouth with one fluid motion.

“Isn’t that a tad raw?” Haimish asks

Doopa shrugs as his mouth rips into another bite.

“Doopa’s tribe has yet to master fire, so this seems normal to him.” Turgar says

Kessen enters the room, bow drawn and arrow notched, “Where’s this assassin of yours?”

“Hiding obviously.” Menthos replies

“Everyone fan out, and keep sharp. Shoot anything that moves.” Kessen instructs

“Does that include you?” Menthos asks

Kessen ignores the teifling as he sprints to the last side of beef hanging opposite the door and peeks around the meat to get a look at the wall opposite the door, “Clear along this wall!”

Doopa continues to eat while Turgar and Haimish follow the nearside wall heading towards the back of the room, Haimish looking forward and Turgar looking into the hanging maze of beef.

Deftly the doppelganger descends from its hiding spot and quietly creeps to the open door, only to pull up as Xanthos’ frame appears in the doorway, blocking an easy escape.

“Who… ?” Xanthos gets out before the doppelganger flicks two daggers at the shifter. Both missing their target and bouncing off the wall behind Xanthos’ head.

Menthos turns back to catch the glimpse of the attack and shouts “Assassin!” to the rest of the party.

The doppelganger flings two more daggers at Xanthos, this time hitting the shifter in both shoulders. Xanthos stands his ground however, forcing the doppelganger to retreat back into the maze of hanging meat.

“It went back into that row of …. Oh my god! The horror! What is this room?” Xanthos exclaims, realizing for the first time what the room contains

Kessen cuts through the rows of beef and quickly gets disorientated as the party’s shouts appear to come from all directions, “Where is it now?”

Haimish dives to the floor to look for it’s feet, mistaking Kessen’s feet as the doppelganger Haimish calls out, “It’s right in the center of the room, it appears to be confused as it’s moving in a tight circle not going anywhere. Turgar and Menthos push their way into the hanging slabs headed for the center of the room.

“I should be right on top of it, where is it now?” Kessen yells

Recognizing that the adventurers are headed in the wrong direction, the doppelganger shoots from its hiding spot, aiming to overrun Xanthos. Doopa spies the fleeing doppelganger and using the only thing he had in his hand, crushes the doppelganger beneath four hundred pounds of meat.

“Doopa squashed bug.” The ogre announces

“Great Doopa, now go find the assassin.” Kessen answers

Confused, Doopa shrugs his shoulders and gnaws into another side of beef.

“Doopa killed the assassin.” Xanthos calls out

The party makes their way back through the meat to inspect the body.

“*whistles* that’s a lot of daggers” Haimish notes as Kessen pulls two dozen off the gray thing’s body.

Xanthos scours the body for any tattoos or brands of affiliation, however he finds nothing of that sort.

“I wonder who the target was.” Xanthos asks aloud

“I don’t know, but we’re losing time down here. Kalen’s bound to be here by now.” Haimish advises

The party agrees and leaves the doppelganger behind as they meet Helle at the stairs leading up to the party. The faint scent of burnt charcoal permeates the room.

“Ready?” Menthos asks, Helle nods and the two parties head upstairs

Most of the hallway is clear, as boisterous noises can be heard coming from the room at the far end of the hallway. A throng of people have gathered all trying to get a glimpse of whatever is in the room.

“Appears are options have limited themselves.” Xanthos states

The groups head down the hallway and pause just behind the line of party goers trying to push their way into the room.

“He’s got to be in there.” Haimish hopes

“It’s packed pretty tight, how are we going to get in there, let alone be able to operate in there?” Kessen wondered

“We have our on path maker, Doopa please clear us a path.” Menthos asks

Doopa tries to barge his way through the crowd but it is still too tight for him to budge through, he gives up on trying to muscle his way in and starts chucking patrons back down the hallway. Once he’s thrown a dozen or so and the surrounding masses of people see him going to work, they voluntarily move out of his way.

“Excellent!” Haimish exclaims

The two parties squeeze into the room and try to get into position to see most of the room.

Haimish grabs Menthos’ arm, “I’m going to go find Kalen, here, you hold the vial here by the door in case he tries to flee.” Haimish shouts as he presses the vial into Menthos’ hands.

Haimish melds into the group of party goers, however the hand-off did not go unnoticed by Helle, the priest begins shoving his way back through the crowd towards Menthos.

Xanthos cranes his next and spots Lord De’ Lite leaning against the far wall opposite the only exit to the room. Xanthos gets Kessen, Turgar, and Menthos’ attention and hand signals where he sees the vampire.

Haimish passes the midpoint of the room and hears a shouting voice rise above the shouting throng of guests.

“You won’t believe her beauty, I challenge any man to look her in the eyes and tell me she is not the loveliest thing ever created!” A crescendo of shouts drowns out any other words the man may have said.

Haimish stops and tries to see what all the commotion is about and spies a gnome standing next to a hooded robed figure.

“You want to see her?” The gnome shouts as the people scream, “Well then feast your eyes!”

Haimish began to form the sound of an “M” as the robed figure raised her slender arms and pulled back the hood revealing a writhing mass of black snakes on her head and glowing green eyes. That was the last thing Haimish saw.

 

[Jon Potter]

Yeah... I definitely need a recap.

Wow, your game has a lot of stuff going on simultaneously.

Plots within plots.

And I've definitely lost track of all the players. Do we yet know who the doppleganger might work for? Who the kobold was? Who brought a medusa to the party?

My head, it is spinning.

 

[Hairy Minotaur]

Wow, your game has a lot of stuff going on simultaneously.

Plots within plots.

And I've definitely lost track of all the players. Do we yet know who the doppleganger might work for? Who the kobold was? Who brought a medusa to the party?

My head, it is spinning.

Doppleganger - The PCs get an idea although they're unable to follow up on it.

The Koblod - This was a new player who lasted 1/2 a session, I've killed him this way to set up what happens in the morning after the party. Motovations become clearer then, and you'll probably have to reference the party posts to sift through it.

The medusa - well, this is still a topic for discussion and one of the PCs makes it their mission in life to find out who/what/when/where/how/ and why on the medusa, and it just gets more interesting in the next post (re: the medusa)