AUTHOR'S NOTE: So, this is my first story hour. I've done archive binges on several of the story hours on here, and since my group and I just started a new campaign, I figured I should give back to this great community by starting my own. I've got no idea how this campaign or story hour will turn out, but it'll be at least amusing if the first session is any indication.
Quick background information. It's an Eberron campaign, starting out in the city of Zarash'ak in the Shadow Marshes. For those unfamiliar with it, it's a wretched hive of scum and villainy. On stilts. We are all members of the Finder's Guild, which is run by House Tharashk. The Finder's Guild mission is to find and retrieve items and people for other people. Essentially, they are the patron saints of the fetch quest. Because of our group's busy schedules, the campaign is set up as a bunch of one-offs so that characters can be swapped in and out depending on player availability. So expect characters to cycle in and out between adventures.
But enough blabbing. Let's get down to the painful deaths!
Theren adjusted his bow as he looked out at the caravan. A half dozen goblins strained to load several large crates onto the last wagon, while an orc took delight in motivating them by kicking them every now and then. Not exactly his kind of people. At least he had Theta on this mission, though the warforged wasn’t nearly as good at alleviating boredom as he was at horribly dismembering people. Theren checked the message from the Finder’s Guild one more time.
ESCORT DRAGONSHARDS TO SHARN <STOP> TRAVEL WITH CARAVAN TO URTHHOLD <STOP> CONTINUE BY SHIP TO SHARN AND MEET WITH HOUSE CANNITH <STOP> WILL BE ASSISTED BY LYANWHYTE <STOP> SORRY ABOUT LYANWHYTE <STOP>
That last part worried him. Theren looked around for someone in charge and spotted a well dressed hobgoblin with a large scar on the right side of his face standing next to an ogre. As they started toward the hobgoblin, Theta nudged Theren. Theren looked around to see a surprising and confusing sight.
A tall, rail thin half-elf who looked like he was dressed by a blind clown was striding toward the hobgoblin. The spectacle stepped up to the hobgoblin and casually flipped hair that stood a foot high on his head. “I am the Lord General Lyanwhyte,” the monstrosity said bowing, “a humble minstrel. Do you require my service?”
“Take it elsewhere,” said the hobgoblin.
Theren and Theta hurried up to the hobgoblin. “We’ve been sent here by the Finder’s Guild.”
“Me too,” said Lyanwhyte, much to Theren’s dismay.
The hobgoblin grunted. “Right. Don’t see why they need to send extra protection; we’re well outfitted.” He gestured toward the ogre. “I’m Azeron by the way. Two rules. Don’t get in the way and don’t talk to me. Got it?”
Theren and Theta nod.
“Of course,” said Lyanwhyte. He spun and pointed at one of the goblins loading crates. “You. Follow me.” The goblin took a few steps toward Lyanwhyte before shaking his head and returning to work, where he received a good kick from the orc. Lyanwhyte raised an eyebrow. “I think I shall name him Cabbagehead.” Lyanwhyte turned back to Azeron. “How much for young Cabbagehead over there?”
Azeron looked irritably toward Lyanwhyte. He gestured to the ogre. The ogre grabbed Lyanwhyte and lifted him into the air.
Lyanwhyte looked at the ogre. “I think I shall name you Snuggles.”
The ogre tossed Lyanwhyte several yards away.
Theren shook his head. It was going to be a long trip.
*****
The first several days of travel were uneventful. Lyanwhyte busied himself trying to co-opt the unfortunate Cabbagehead into his service, while Theren and Theta busied themselves ignoring Lyanwhyte. On the third night though, something finally happened.
They were camped out near a circle of standing stones in a forest clearing. Theren performed his morning stretches, having awoken from his nightly trance an hour before. Theta stood like a statue, exactly where he had stood when they had set up camp several hours before, whilst Lyanwhyte slumbered in his bedroll dead to the world. Theren heard them only an instant before the enemy was on top of them. A swarm of giant rats descended upon them, jaws snapping hungrily.
Theren grabbed his bow and rolled away from the two coming for him, and before he was even on his feet, he had sunk an arrow into the skull of one. “Theta, on your guard!”
Theren’s warning was unnecessary as Theta had already cleaved one of the beasts in twain with his axe. Theta was still facing down two more of the rats as well as their master, a grungy wererat using a nearby tree for cover.
Lyanwhyte jolted awake as another rat bore down on him. “Invaders!” He drew his sword, a glittery, tasseled thing to match his outfit, and stabbed the monster through the chest from where he lay. He stood still in his bedroll and called, “Cabbagehead, to me!”
A goblin curse was all that answered him.
Theta slashed at another of the beasts but met nothing but shadows, his eyes unaccustomed to fighting in the dim light of the moon.
The dire rat snapped at Theren, but he ducked away and buried an arrow into the beast’s side. The rat snapped and kept coming. Lyanwhyte cracked a sunrod and came to Theren’s aid as he loosed a scream powerful enough to rend flesh from the beast’s bones. Theren finished it with an arrow to the beast’s eye.
The rats tore into Theta, managing to find purchase among the warforged’s armor plating. Theta repaid them by cutting them in half. The wererat’s bite struck home as well, leaving a festering wound on Theta’s arm.
With only the wererat left, Theren and Lyanwhyte began blasting at it with song and arrow though their attacks found little more than the wood and foliage of the tree. After trading blows for half a minute, the wererat realized it was outmatched and tried to flee, but Theta struck the final blow before it could escape.
The battle done, they checked on the rest of the caravan. The rats had been handily dealt with by the goblins while the ogre was slowly grinding another of the wererats into paste against a standing stone.
“Well that was exciting,” said Lyanwhyte. “I’m going back to bed.”
Theren watched Lyanwhyte return to his spot before going to tend to Theta’s wounds.
He did not like that guy.
Quick background information. It's an Eberron campaign, starting out in the city of Zarash'ak in the Shadow Marshes. For those unfamiliar with it, it's a wretched hive of scum and villainy. On stilts. We are all members of the Finder's Guild, which is run by House Tharashk. The Finder's Guild mission is to find and retrieve items and people for other people. Essentially, they are the patron saints of the fetch quest. Because of our group's busy schedules, the campaign is set up as a bunch of one-offs so that characters can be swapped in and out depending on player availability. So expect characters to cycle in and out between adventures.
But enough blabbing. Let's get down to the painful deaths!
EPISODE II: THE INTRODUCTIONING
In which our heroes meet and wish they hadn't.
In which our heroes meet and wish they hadn't.
Theren adjusted his bow as he looked out at the caravan. A half dozen goblins strained to load several large crates onto the last wagon, while an orc took delight in motivating them by kicking them every now and then. Not exactly his kind of people. At least he had Theta on this mission, though the warforged wasn’t nearly as good at alleviating boredom as he was at horribly dismembering people. Theren checked the message from the Finder’s Guild one more time.
ESCORT DRAGONSHARDS TO SHARN <STOP> TRAVEL WITH CARAVAN TO URTHHOLD <STOP> CONTINUE BY SHIP TO SHARN AND MEET WITH HOUSE CANNITH <STOP> WILL BE ASSISTED BY LYANWHYTE <STOP> SORRY ABOUT LYANWHYTE <STOP>
That last part worried him. Theren looked around for someone in charge and spotted a well dressed hobgoblin with a large scar on the right side of his face standing next to an ogre. As they started toward the hobgoblin, Theta nudged Theren. Theren looked around to see a surprising and confusing sight.
A tall, rail thin half-elf who looked like he was dressed by a blind clown was striding toward the hobgoblin. The spectacle stepped up to the hobgoblin and casually flipped hair that stood a foot high on his head. “I am the Lord General Lyanwhyte,” the monstrosity said bowing, “a humble minstrel. Do you require my service?”
“Take it elsewhere,” said the hobgoblin.
Theren and Theta hurried up to the hobgoblin. “We’ve been sent here by the Finder’s Guild.”
“Me too,” said Lyanwhyte, much to Theren’s dismay.
The hobgoblin grunted. “Right. Don’t see why they need to send extra protection; we’re well outfitted.” He gestured toward the ogre. “I’m Azeron by the way. Two rules. Don’t get in the way and don’t talk to me. Got it?”
Theren and Theta nod.
“Of course,” said Lyanwhyte. He spun and pointed at one of the goblins loading crates. “You. Follow me.” The goblin took a few steps toward Lyanwhyte before shaking his head and returning to work, where he received a good kick from the orc. Lyanwhyte raised an eyebrow. “I think I shall name him Cabbagehead.” Lyanwhyte turned back to Azeron. “How much for young Cabbagehead over there?”
Azeron looked irritably toward Lyanwhyte. He gestured to the ogre. The ogre grabbed Lyanwhyte and lifted him into the air.
Lyanwhyte looked at the ogre. “I think I shall name you Snuggles.”
The ogre tossed Lyanwhyte several yards away.
Theren shook his head. It was going to be a long trip.
*****
The first several days of travel were uneventful. Lyanwhyte busied himself trying to co-opt the unfortunate Cabbagehead into his service, while Theren and Theta busied themselves ignoring Lyanwhyte. On the third night though, something finally happened.
They were camped out near a circle of standing stones in a forest clearing. Theren performed his morning stretches, having awoken from his nightly trance an hour before. Theta stood like a statue, exactly where he had stood when they had set up camp several hours before, whilst Lyanwhyte slumbered in his bedroll dead to the world. Theren heard them only an instant before the enemy was on top of them. A swarm of giant rats descended upon them, jaws snapping hungrily.
Theren grabbed his bow and rolled away from the two coming for him, and before he was even on his feet, he had sunk an arrow into the skull of one. “Theta, on your guard!”
Theren’s warning was unnecessary as Theta had already cleaved one of the beasts in twain with his axe. Theta was still facing down two more of the rats as well as their master, a grungy wererat using a nearby tree for cover.
Lyanwhyte jolted awake as another rat bore down on him. “Invaders!” He drew his sword, a glittery, tasseled thing to match his outfit, and stabbed the monster through the chest from where he lay. He stood still in his bedroll and called, “Cabbagehead, to me!”
A goblin curse was all that answered him.
Theta slashed at another of the beasts but met nothing but shadows, his eyes unaccustomed to fighting in the dim light of the moon.
The dire rat snapped at Theren, but he ducked away and buried an arrow into the beast’s side. The rat snapped and kept coming. Lyanwhyte cracked a sunrod and came to Theren’s aid as he loosed a scream powerful enough to rend flesh from the beast’s bones. Theren finished it with an arrow to the beast’s eye.
The rats tore into Theta, managing to find purchase among the warforged’s armor plating. Theta repaid them by cutting them in half. The wererat’s bite struck home as well, leaving a festering wound on Theta’s arm.
With only the wererat left, Theren and Lyanwhyte began blasting at it with song and arrow though their attacks found little more than the wood and foliage of the tree. After trading blows for half a minute, the wererat realized it was outmatched and tried to flee, but Theta struck the final blow before it could escape.
The battle done, they checked on the rest of the caravan. The rats had been handily dealt with by the goblins while the ogre was slowly grinding another of the wererats into paste against a standing stone.
“Well that was exciting,” said Lyanwhyte. “I’m going back to bed.”
Theren watched Lyanwhyte return to his spot before going to tend to Theta’s wounds.
He did not like that guy.