Interlude: Ship of Fools Part VII. The Confession of Joachim Driftwood
<Late afternoon, due east of Grand Base Island, 3 days from port at Narayan:CITY.>
Throughout the day Joachim's slurred, frantic, muttering is heard throughout the ship; from aft to stern, hold to crows nest. "I must tell her! Consorting with demons! Could it be an infernal affair? Damn the family honor! And their souls... ah the flames! The madman saw! And what of our love? And why the f--k does she want to help the man who got me pressed? Could she really be related?"
It's accompanied by hushed yet plainly audible whispers of the crew and refugees. "Will they marry? What of the soul-transference ritual? Will she do it? Will it work? Just what did the baker see?"
Even Captain Revi's voice is heard: "Will I be court-martialed? It's hard to say."
Delphine asks the crew to leave Joachim be. "He'll talk when he's ready. And that better be soon."
Late in the day, Joachim Driftwood, acolyte of Kruetzel, and sous chef at the Narayan Arms Hotel, stands at the prow and begins to speak.
"I'm tired of all the talking behind my back." He turns to glare at those who begin to gather round, in particular Rackhir, Dr. Wu, and Mallus Lovesworn.
"Technically it was talking all around you; above, below, front and...." Mallus observes.
"Shut your dirty mouth, Erisian, or I'll shut it for you," Joachim raises his holy rolling-pin shaped mace. "And get me a drink!"
Mallus is silent for a moment. "I didn't think you had the scones," he says, slowly passing his own flask to the angry young priest.
The Lady Delphine St. Sous pushes through the small crowd of rough sailors and the nuns sworn to pleasure them, wrapping Joachim in a fierce embrace. "Just tell me...umm...us, the truth."
Next to Mallus, Sister Inferior Eva Longinus practically squeals with delight. Her hips begin to sway as she makes obscene guestures with her delicate hands. She incants.
"There's no need for your spell. I'll speak loud and clear." says Joachim.
Eva stops moving. The sailors behind her let out an audible sigh. "Spoilsport." she says.
Joachim ignores her and takes a long drink from the flask. By now, the entire crew has gathered round.
With a surprisingly loud and commanding, if not exactly sober voice, Joachim tells his story.
"I was preparing a feast for honored guests, in the basement kitchens of Delphine father's estate. Her father may not like me, but he loves my tarts".
"And you love his," remarks Sister Eva. Joachim shoots his fellow cleric a murderous look.
"I was making traditional Narayan fare: curried snails, vindaloo cordon bleu, crepes-paneer...."
"If he doesn't get to the point soon, I'm going to start masturbating", says Sister Eva out of growing boredom.
"If there's anything I can do to help," begins Mallus.
"...when I heard a sound coming from above. It was Sabot. I could tell by his shoes. Fancy, bad fitting things the Lady St. Sous gave him as a joke. He was stumbling along toward a big black carriage with two noblemen at his sides. I'd seen them before around the estate. Friends of Delphine's father. I think they're art dealers. Always talking about art, especially from Ajakhan....
"So I figure they've gotten poor Sabot, who can't walk straight in those f-----g shoes to help carry some priceless vase or something. The carriage door flies open, and Sabot goes in. One man goes in after him, the one with the funny jeweled walking stick. The other stands outside, pacing. He must have a dozen bottles of wine under his cloak from the racket he made. Probably from old Pavur's own cellars.
"Then everything gets real quiet, and the whole inside of the carriage goes red for a minute, like I was looking through blood. When it cleared I saw her face through the carriage. A demon, from one of the Hells."
"She's going to damn my beloved's family."
"And instead of telling them, I ran away to help the greengrocer and feed some halfwit foreigners."
Joachim gets down on one knee by virtue of falling. "So, Magnaeta Delphine Laxsmhi St. Sous," he fumbles for the ring he doesn't have, and instead offers his holy symbol, "Will you marry me?"
There is a brief moment of stunned silence throughout the ship, broken only by the sound of NE7 singing a gentle chromatic melody to his dog. It's surprising that the madman has such a sense of pitch. The song sounds alien to the Ajakani ears, but after a moment Burne recognizes it as a children's song...what were the words again? Something about a lazy mouse who refuses to get out of bed...although it isn't explicitly stated in the lyrics, he seems to remember that the mouse is too lazy to even run away from a cat, who promptly eats him.
Frowning slightly, Burne throws a puzzled look at the madman. Even more puzzled than usual. "Omen? Or insight?" he wonders aloud.
<Joachim Driftwood and Delphine Laxshmi St. Sous were married at sunset in a small ceremony attended by strangers, sailors, and ecclesiastical harlots.>
