The Font of Useless Knowledge

[Gez]

-Most contributions to the Table of Useless Knowledge are useless, but not knowledge.
-While the Font is supposed to always be accurate, it has been fed many lies or setting-dependent facts that may not be true for your own world.
-Nobody remember Xugryactan, a language that was spoken by two long-dead insane hermits and never written in any way.
-Brimbolo the Evoker always used his own name as activation word for the wands he made, none of which have survived to this day.
-Brimbolo's real name was "Booyah".

 

[Wystan]

- Elves are secretly plotting the downfall of mankind. However due to their long life spans and short attention spans the plans will not actually come to fruition until long after mankind has already passed from the face of the planet or evolved into a hive mind consciousness.

- Feeblemind spells do not make fighters stronger.

- Do not lick the yellow mold

 

[PaulJohn]

15. There are currently 44 women in the world named Zinna.

As soon as I read this, I thought it should read...

15. There are currently 44 women in the world named Zinna. Wait, now its 43.

 

[Random Axe]

84. Alcohol is both the cause of, and solution to, all life's problems.
85. Fighting tarrasques may be dangerous to one's health.

 

[Biren Firebelly]

86. The Font of Useless Knowledge trumps the Magic 8 Ball

 

[darthkilmor]

-The oldest Llving Orc is named Zitspit of the Mudeater Tribe. He is a hermit, 1200 years old, a sorceror, and has dementia. His cats' name is Poofykins.
-Elves used to harvest Black Puddings and make wine out of them. Their techniques have been lost.
-A wand created from the wood of a Ssisarcal bush costs 20% less experience to imbue with spells. The Ssisarcal bush was harvested to extinction by the Netherese.
-All haflings named Bilbo are eaten by dragons before the age of 30.
-Any dwarf that sleeps more than 6 hours in room 21 of the Dancing Devil Inn won't wake up with a hangover, no matter how much alcohol they drank before going to sleep.
-Any elf or half-elf that sleeps more than 10 minutes in room 21 of the Dancing Devil Inn will wake up with a hangover, regardless of whether they've drank any alcohol.
-Exactly One out of every 12,000 dire bears is born with the ability to see into the ethereal plane but is otherwise blind. Druids consider these bears blessed, and take care of them.
-A kobold dies, on average, every 8 seconds. A kobold is born, on average, every 7 seconds.
-The sun is infested with parasites from the Elemental Plane of Fire. These parasites can cast Faerie Fire at will, and are harmless.
-Stone is denser than magma and sinks into it. Ice is less dense than water and floats on it.
-The moon is inhabited by a magically powerful xenophobic race of 20 foot tall humanoids that kill any intruders on sight. They have excellent vision.
-A stone circle exists within 200 miles of this location that can grant anyone who casts an arcane spell inside it, during a full moon, while naked, the ability to turn a horse into a unicorn. Any unicorn created from this ability is chaotic evil.
-The quasielemental Plane of Paper is diametrically opposed to the quasielemental Plane of Ink. ( i hope i used those words right. )

Ok thats probably enough for now.

 

[Whizbang Dustyboots]

There's a lot of these suggestions that aren't useless at all.

 

[darthkilmor]

Gah, I can't stop!

-There is a single word that can instantly transform a fully charged Wand of Fireballs into a fully charged Wand of Magic Missiles. Unfortunately anyone speaking this word also dies instantly.
-The milk from a Night Hag can be made into a cheese that is a delicacy to Drow. Its current fair market value is 2400 gp/lb.
-27 wands exist that can instantly transform the wielder into a Lich. 26 of them have no charges left.
-There is a giant mushroom that a small cult of 25 humans worship as a god. The only spell this divine mushroom will grant its followers is Hypnotism.
-Phase spider silk can be woven into a net that can be used to catch creatures on the Ethereal Plane from the Material Plane. Phase Spiders cannot be caught with this silk-net.
-Hound Archons do not play fetch. Ever.
-The wealthiest prostitute ever was a Nymph named Madam Butterfly. She retired after running a brothel for only 3 years.

 

[darthkilmor]

There's a lot of these suggestions that aren't useless at all.

Its the spaghetti approach. Throw everything at the wall and see what sticks.

Which aren't useless ?

 

[The_Gut]

Hmm, I thought this information was customarily given out as bardic knowledge checks.....