The Funniest RPG Moment

[LordNightwinter]

We've all had those moments much like Cards Against Humanity where you get that certain card combination that your brain has a hard time processing. The one you can't stop laughing at, you laugh so hard you cry. I've had quite a few at the RPG table. I could use a good laugh so share your favorite funny RPG moment... and try to keep it clean!

My favorite: The Minotaur Thief
Setting: AD&D 2e, Custom World
So in one of my games a guy I know decided he wanted to roll up a Minotaur Thief. Dumb as a box of rocks, stealth was not his forte, but a bruiser he was! So he was attempting to sneak in to a castle for his party so he could open a grate down below in the sewer system. Needless to say he failed his check. This is a verbatim transcript:

Minotaur: I want to sneak past the guard and try and go through the door across the courtyard. *Rolls and fails*
Guard: Halt! By order of the Duke of...
Minotaur: I charge at the guard, grab him by the tunic, lift him up off of the ground and put his face really close to mine and yell "YOU DIDN'T SEE ME!" *Rolls and succeeds*
Guard: Nope, I didn't see nothing!
Minotaur: I put him down, walk past him in to the door and then turn around and ask menacingly "You have kids?"
Guard: *nods*
Minotaur: "They didn't see me either."

I don't think I've ever laughed so hard at the table, I'll be honest.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Situation: high-level 2Ed game, party has already been roughed up, and has just encountered an immense pyrohydra.

Wizard player: "Damn! I'm not taking any chances! I'm casting a Prismatic Sphere to protect the party, and dropping it" gesturing at the map, "...riiiiiight...here."
DM: "OK, your sphere is up."
Me: "Ummmm...and what side of the Prismatic Sphere is my Paladin on?"
Others: "Uh-ohhhhh..."

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Also from the Wayback Machine:

We were attacked by Harpies, and the quick-thinking Druid hit them with an Entangle as they did a strafing run through some foliage- snagged them all!

That was when the dice went sour.

We only had a few PCs with ranged weaponry- a guy with a bow, a guy with a throwing hammer, one with a sling, and the Wiz had a dagger.

The guy with the Hammer is venturing into the area of the Entangle to retrieve his hammer and the Wiz' dagger.

Most of the to-hit rolls were low. When we did hit, no attack did more than 3HP damage. We finish off the first Harpy just as the Entangle is starting to expire...

So the Druid does Entangle #2...and our futility continues. The dice continue to stay as low as a soldier under fire.

The guy with the Hammer is, by now, having to venture into the area of the Entangle to retrieve arrows that have missed. The PC with the sling is now using rocks.

Harpy #2 is near death but still fighting and Harpy #3 is untouched when Entangle #2 is expiring, so the Druid pops Entangle #3.

My PC and the hammer-thrower are apologizing to the Harpies- in character- for the cruel deaths that we are inflicting upon them...especially after the hammer-thrower retrieved the Wizard's dagger out of the still-living Harpy#2 so the Wizard could throw it again. But he doesn't leave the Entangle area until after he stabs the dying Harpy with that dagger to finish it off.

By now, all of the arrows have been used, either striking the Harpies or being broken downrange. EVERYONE ELSE IS THROWING ROCKS.

The last Harpy dies just before Entangle #3 does.

All of this time, our DM has been flabbergasted- absolutely red faced and flustered- at the action. "F$%^&ing Entangle! That spell is broken!" *rant*rant*rant*

To which the Druid's player huffily responded "Well, it was either that or Create Food & Water! The Harpies could have had a meal and a bath!"

LOLs abounded.

From the same DM and campaign as The Battle of the Brutal Slaughter of the Harpies came another classic incident.

He had our party encountering a tribe in the wilderness, and he was struggling with the Chief's welcoming speech, which had a part something like "We are a tribe of hunter-gatherers...well, more hunters than gatherers...um...well we gather a lot too..." I interrupted (mimicking his "Chief voice") with "Argh! "more hunters than gatherers?" Who wrote this speech? Bring me the royal speechwriter's head! This is CRAP!"

My shenanigans started a gigglefest that took a good 15-20 minutes to end.

*****

At a later date, we were playing RIFTS, and one player had lost track of the fact that someone else had already found what the party was looking for and was bugging out. He burst into the camp's mess hall, all fierce, black and deadly in his captured SAMAS armor...only to encounter unarmed kitchen workers. They had no clue as to what he was looking for, despite his demands and threats, backed up with displays of physical violence (breaking tables, firing his weapon, etc.) FINALLY, someone in the group got his attention and told him we had accomplished the mission and he left.

We chose that moment to break to get drinks for the kitchen, and I started with: "Imagine these guys, 10 years from now...(w/Mexican accent- we're in Texas, after all) "Miguel, Lupe and I were just minding our business, when some madman burst into the mess hall firing his big gun and making threats. We had no idea what he wanted...I think he was high!" "Yeah...maybe he had the munchies something fierce...and he was all like "Where are the Oreo Cookies? C'mon M-F! WHERE ARE THE OREO COOKIES!"

At that point, everyone lapsed into similar accents and "role-played" aspects of his attack as a stoner in SAMAS with the munchies...with him supplying the appropriately altered dialog for his PC.

We laughed like it was a Cheech and Chong movie, and didn't game for the rest of the night.

"WHERE ARE THE OREO COOKIES!" is still a show-stopper for that game group.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Just a few years ago, our DM had to deal with this:

He described evidence of a orcish border invasion and noted that- conspicuously different from the other mountain passes- there were no orcs in the northern pass. Several of us subbed those words into Chris Rock's "No Sex in the champagne room"

Later, the DM described a scene with some salient room details being described as "on the dais"

One player thought he hadn't heard it clearly, so asked, "On the dais?"

That's when my inner 12 year old went full on Falco.
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