The Wednesday Knights Story Hour

[Goonalan]

THE WEDNESDAY KNIGHTS

SESSION I- Part 1.

Satyrday 1st Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

The Pub Launch.

Outside, in the village of Amberdale, a thin mizzle soaks everything, inside the Birchwhistle Inn a group of incompetents and malcontents sit and nurse their half-pints of “Old Scrotum”. In the far corner Endrin (Bard 1), a ladies-man, a fop by any other name, plucks softly at the strings of his lyre so as to hear what the incompetents and malcontents are saying…

Felix (Druid 1), the raggedy dressed Dwarf, eyes the assembled crew and speaks slowly, as if he were addressing children, “ I am Felix.”

“The cat?” offers Liandri (Rogue 1), a thin and profoundly ugly elf, and then ss behind his hand.

Felix shoots him a glance and continues, his voice rising to crescendo by the end “I have just returned from adventuring deep beneath the surface of the Oerth. I have travelled twisted tunnels filled with dark hideous creatures unknown and unseen by you…”, he looks at their expectant faces, one by one, “surface dwellers.”

Felix shifts in his seat and fixes his stare.

“So.” says Mallaria (Barbarian 1), a stubborn looking warrior maiden with the touch of elvish about her. “Why should I care?”

The question hangs in the air.

This is better Felix thinks- I don’t have to trust these people; I will not trust these people.

“So. I wish to return there”, his voice trails to a whisper as he leans forward inches from Mallaria’s face.

“I will repeat the question, Dwarf, why… should… I… care?” Mallaria hisses back.

Good, good, thinks Felix- she is strong.

“I wish to gather power so that when I return… all will know my name, and it will be the last word on their lips before Moradin takes them down to his fiery furnace to make them anew.” Once again the Dwarf takes to shouting and thumping his tankard to make his point.

Silence engulfs the table even the Bard has stopped his strumming, Felix leans back and folds his arms over his massive chest.

Mallaria shakes her head and looks around the table and then back to the surly Dwarf- “So, is it just me, but wha…”

“I think he wants us to accompany him…” all eyes, bar those of the Dwarf, turn to stare at Endrin who finds himself the centre of attention, “I mean, probably not directly. I think he wants us to go adventuring- to seek out new lives, to bravely go where…”. His left arm reaches to cradle the neck of his lyre, his right is about to sound the first note (actually the opening chord of “Going Underground” by the radical Sulean folk trio “Sticky Berry Paste”)

“Enough, pansy.” Growls Mallaria, “Is he right, Dwarf?”

Felix nods his head slowly so as the barbarian will understand.

“Then I will go, but no man will lead me, nor <SPITS DRAMATICALLY ON THE FIRE> any Dwarf.” With that Mallaria rises and strides over to the bar. There she wipes the trail of saliva from her chin, and frizzes her tight perm for affect.

“I’ll go,” Endrin scans the Dwarf’s face, “if you’ll have me?”
Felix nods, and half-smiles then turns to look at the others- Bob (Ranger 1) the gangly seventeen year old quickly nods, Liandri smirks while Xeolus (Monk 1) slurps his Milk-Squiffy (non-alcoholic) and nods eagerly almost displacing his frothy moustache. The deal is done.

“Meet back here- 5 A.M. tomorrow morning- bring your gear, we’re busy. Does any of you know what a Kobold is?”
“Vicious”, comments Bob.
“Pathetic”, adds Mallaria.
“That’s as maybe… here, 5 A.M. and be ready.” And with that Felix leaves the Inn.

And so the adventure begins… the road goes ever on, or so some damnable halfling once said- here follows the tale of the Wednesday Knights a shambolic gathering of misfits and loners brought alive by a shambolic gathering of… you get the idea.

Dramatis Personae

Felix, Dwarven Deep Druid (subterranean Druid) gruff and grouchy.
Endrin, Human Bard a ladies man.
Liandri, Elven Rogue obnoxious and generally nasty.
Bob, Human Ranger young and stupid.
Xealous, Human Monk very young, a crusader.
Mallaria, Half-Elven Barbarian vicious and mean.

Coming soon… Farmer Brown and the Kobold Potato Bandits- your spuds or your life.

 

[robberbaron]

Nice start.
What is it with female barbarians? They are always sooooo aggressive.

 

[Goonalan]

THE WEDNESDAY KNIGHTS

SESSION I- Part 2.

Sunday 2nd Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Guard that Potato.

The rain comes down and within minutes the party are soaked, hunched and miserable they blow clouds of cold air and stamp their feet- Liandri in the puddles, much to the Mallaria’s annoyance.

“STOP THAT.” Each word a solid blow.

Liandri mooches away from the petulent Barbarian, “make me”, he whispers under his breath, but only when he is sure that no one is about to hear his challenge.

Five minutes later Felix arrives.

"Where's Xeolus?"
"Bed. He says he didn't get to sleep till late and he thinks he's got a bit of a snuffle, so it's best he rests up." Endrin states, unconvinced.
The group looks elsewhere as Felix shakes his head.
"Bloody kids." He lets the statement hang in the air.

With a damp shrug and a backward wave he leads them out of town- there’s no one around to see them go.

“Where are we going?” Endrin pipes up chipper despite the hour and the downpour.
“Farmer Brown’s place.” Felix says without breaking stride.
“What’s there then?”
“Potato’s”
“What?”

The other members of the party stop and stare at Felix’s receding form. The dwarf walks on until he is certain their footsteps have stopped- at which point he turns to face the group his hands in the air, ready to placate and if possible explain.

“Right. Farmer Brown is paying each of us £3 to deliver his Potato’s to town- his farm has been attacked by Kobolds twice in the last week, they stole a chicken and a pig.”

[DM’s note- the currency of the age is the Golden Dollar ($’s) ($1 = 1 Gold Piece, $5 = 1 Platinum Piece, 50 cents (c’s) = 1 Electrum Piece, 10 cents = 1 Silver Piece, 1 cent = 1 Copper piece). Except for Dwarves who don’t hold with Dollars- using the above exchange rate change Dollars to Pounds (£’s) and cents to pennies (p’s). Dwarves are just strange like that- they invented money afterall.]

Bob shrugs, “fair enough” and walks on- the others briefly look around and then follow suit, Endrin smiles broadly at Mallaria who stands statue in the centre of the road- “Potato’s… Potato’s? Xeolus got it right. Sod that, I’m off back to bed- you can keep your spuds.” With that she turns and trudges off back to Amberdale and the warm mattresses of the Birchwhistle Inn.

“She’s a miserable bitch”, remarks Endrin.

From six the party is reduced to four, apparently Potato protection is not everyone's cup of tea.

A wet and muddy hour later they arrive at Farmer Brown’s, in the yard Old Tom the carthorse is being hitched to the cart that Old Bill “Filthy Hoe” Garvey and Terry “The Spade” McGuire have just finished loading. Farmer Brown sees the group and waves them over while Mrs. Brown fetches them a good strong brew…

The tea drunk, Farmer Brown leaps onto the cart and with a courtly gesture invites the group to join him, there are spaces for two other party members. Liandri rides shotgun, while Endrin hitches a ride on the wagon’s tailgate. The rain has almost stopped and bruised cotton wool clouds frame the sun. Endrin whistles a happy tune as he follows behind the cart, Felix and Bob stride off in front- outriders.

Three hours later the first load is done, and in good time, they are back at the farm and ready for the second run- only a half-load left after that.

On the second run about two miles from the farm Old Tom (the carthorse) draws to a halt, snorts at the air and begins to toss his head back and forth- his left front leg paws the dirt of the road. Felix, walking ahead of the cart checks the balance of his staff, Endrin notches an arrow and scans either side of the road, Bob half-draws his longsword, and Liandri begins to get a little nervous. The silence folds in upon the party like the clouds around the sun, Farmer Brown mutters something and keeps his eyes on Old Tom- the horse continues to make his mark in the dirt road. There is a palpable charge to the air, a light drizzle begins- the tension is unbearable for some- Liandri is now stood in the wagon his bow drawn, hands shaking- wanting and yet not wanting to let go, waiting for something, anything, to happen…

Silence except for the rain, except for pained whinny of Old Tom the horse, except for the slap of Felix’s stave on his open hand, except for low creak of Bob’s leather armour as he twists to stare frantically in all directions, except for Endrin’s piping staccato whistle through his dry lips, except for the strangled cough of Farmer Brown hunched and low.

Silence except for the chitter of the arrow hard against Liandri’s bow, the tension in his hands through his wrists holding, holding, holding… the colour draining from him, white fear.

Silence.

Suddenly an explosion of sound causing the cart itself to vibrate, followed by a dull wet thud- like a body dropping into a muddy puddle.

Coming soon... Liandri and Old Tom make a pile...

 

[Goonalan]

THE WEDNESDAY KNIGHTS

SESSION I- Part 3.

Sunday 2nd Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Minimalist style panic ensues.

Felix growls and shakes his staff at no-one in particular, Bob strains to find out what’s going on, Endrin shuffles nervously non-plussed his tune and cheer gone. Liandri, Liandri keeps his head down and sobs as quietly as possible.

Farmer Brown breaks the silence his muffled cough turns into a laugh that in turn becomes a roar, head back he kicks his legs in the air and rocks to the rhythm of his joy.

Felix and Bob look back at the strange Farmer and immediately spot the huge steaming pile of dung, nearly a foot high, that Old Tom (the carthorse) has just deposited on the puddled road.

“First of the day”, the Farmer guffaws.

The horse nods, Bob swears later that it also smiles and winks, the cart moves off, the Farmer grasps the reins and wipes the tears from his eyes.

Behind Liandri squats down, looks left then right, and then leaps over the side of the cart and waddles/shuffles into the woods holding his backside- he’s as white as a sheet.

Farmer Brown stops the cart looks puzzled, sniffs the air and then looks back to where Liandri was sat/stood- Liandri has left his mark.

The Wednesday Knights gather to offer support for the beleaguered Elf,

“First of the day, Liandri?”
“I’m not eating them potato’s now.”
“I thought you said you wuz a crack shot with that bow, more like a cack shot.”

Then from the woods.

“Fetch me one of them Potato sacks… NOW.”

Five minutes later Liandri appears from the woods wearing the Potato sack as trousers, actually more like a sarong or skirt. After the wolf-whistles die down the party are on the road again.

When they reach Amberdale for the second time Liandri uses all of his Rogue talents to enter the Birchwhistle Inn unnoticed shimmy upstairs and collect fresh trousers and underwear.

Of course on the third journey when spirits are high at the thought of £3 each- easy money, the group are somewhat less surprised when Old Tom (the carthorse) stops again, Endrin’s giggles are silenced by Liandri’s stiletto stare.

However things change suddenly when two small creatures emerge from the woods ahead of the wagon, one with his/her/it’s hand in the air- as if to offer parley, they look a bit like scaly (and ugly) dogs except they walk upright.

“Kobolds” whispers Bob.
“MMMuuuuMMha” agrees Farmer Brown.

Two more of the creatures emerge from the woods behind the cart.

Time stops.

Endrin shuffles furiously the two creatures approaching him look menacing and are wielding short spears- well, looking as menacing as they can at just over three feet high, they growl in a squeaky way. In a fit of peek Endrin takes this as a personal slight draws his bow and fires- the arrow whizzes past the Kobolds who are stunned for a second, they grasp their half-spears and rush to attack screaming in Draconic.

“Death to the biggums.”
“Prepare for a spearing you long tall streak of…”
“Go for the knees.”

Felix and Bob at the head of the wagon hear this, shrug and charge forward, they simultaneously roll natural “1’s” (there first attack roles ever). Felix’s staff skitters out of his sweaty hands and lies well out of his reach on the floor, Bob prepares a huge overhead blow, alas his grip is also loose- his longsword sails off into the distance, landing some thirty feet beyond the momentarily stunned Kobolds.

They share a pained expression, as the Kobolds rush forward and attempt to stab them with their spears, both miss. Once again entirely in synch the two bundle into the creatures. Bob has instant success (natural “20”) his blow sends the Kobold spinning to the floor- dead. Felix displays rather less elan and falls upon his opponent and kinda rabbit punches the thing into unconsciousness shouting, “for Mash get Smash”, as he fights.

A sudden flight of crossbow bolts from both sides of the woods, fortunately no one is hit, although the cart develops a pincushion effect.

Back at the back Endrin takes on two of the creatures, sword drawn- eventually killing one before the second flees, he has a slight cut for his troubles.

While this is happening stuck in the middle Farmer Brown shouts and points all the while- “That wun ‘ad my !” (male chicken, think about it), and, “Get orff my land”- before sitting down abruptly when a crossbow bolt fired from the woods strikes him in the shoulder. Old Tom (the carthorse) likewise is hit although the bolt does little damage. Farmer Brown keeps Old Tom from bolting as Liandri makes balance checks and fires back into the woods- killing Kobolds as they pop up to aim.

The conflict is soon over with Bob and Liandri dashing either side of the road whooping and hollering and generally giving chase.

Soon after they regroup and begin to drag the five Kobold bodies into the woods, Liandri meanwhile ties up the one left unconscious.

A few minutes later Farmer Brown is packed off to Amberdale (swiftly) with his potato’s intact and one ko’d Kobold hidden in the back.

The group follows Bob, the expert Ranger, into the forest on a mission to hunt down and destroy the dreaded Kobold Potato Bandits.

Coming soon… to Koboldly go…

 

[Goonalan]

THE WEDNESDAY KNIGHTS

SESSION I- Part 4.

Sunday 2nd Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Tree Pain

Five to ten minutes later in hushed silence the group trail through the woods in search of the Bandits, following Bob.

Bob: “What are we looking for again?”
Endrin: “Kobolds.”
Bob: “Ohh.”
Endrin: “Why?”
Bob: “Mmmuh?”
Endrin: “I said why?”
Bob: “Mmmuh ohh it’s just that I haven’t seen any tracks for anything for ages- I’d forgotten what we were looking for… have you seen any?”
Liandri: “Oh… You… ”

The group retrace their steps back to the road and then head in the opposite direction into the woods, soon after they pick up a trail- Kobolds. About 30 minutes later, deep into the woods, the group have espied and silently moved in to have a look at a large Oak tree that has been hollowed out at the base to create a den of sorts. The party creeps back a distance to form a working party.

They each have a plan- this will prove to be a mistake later.

The attack commences- Bob creeps up a bit and then rushes in screaming, right in front of Liandri, who lets an arrow fly- it jams into Bob’s back, stuck in his armour, but deals no damage. Endrin rushes into the bole of the tree, forgets to duck and discovers that the den has only four-foot headroom he whacks his head almost knocking himself out and scattering his sword. Felix has better luck the Kobolds attempt to flee from around the other side of the tree, Felix is waiting- he swiftly cuts two down. Bob and Endrin also get good hits in while Liandri picks off those that are attempting to flee into the woods.

There are nine Kobolds when the group arrive, soon after there are six dead bodies and three more fleeing through the woods. Bob is in hot pursuit, actually he’s only just in the same post code (zip code) as them but let’s leave him for the moment- he’s happy.

A thorough search of the den locates a few pennies, a collection of sheep’s teeth and a sack of Farmer Brown’s patent potato waffles. High fives all round, the group hoist there ill-gotten gains and trudge back to Amberdale, alternatively back-slapping each other and ribbing Liandri for his pant filling problem.

In Amberdale they retire to the Birchwhistle Inn for Latte’s and Ginger Snaps- safe in the knowledge that everywhere (Amberdale and surrounding commuter farms) potatoes will sleep safe in their beds in the knowledge that the Kobold Potato Bandits are no more. However new dangers lurk at every corner for healthy fresh new potatoes- the spuds keep their eyes peeled.

The Kobold captive has been sent to the Amberdale gaol (actually cell- singular) for a debriefing, sorry beating.

The group spends their three Dollars/Pounds each on fine wines (actually fizzy lager) and suckling pig (cheesy wotsits). Before each charms a lusty, busty courtesan and takes them aloft for a-pleasuring (your Nan).

The first day of adventuring comes to an end, the Wednesday Knights, or at least four of the six, are put back in their boxes to dream of riches beyond their wildest... well dreams. For Liandri it's waterproof trousers with a safety mechanism for quick egress, for Endrin it's maidens that need rescuing (from their virginity), for Bob a nightmare of hard sums, joined up writing and learning how to track, Felix dreams are of glistening solid gold bars… fried potatoes- Dwarven chips.

Coming soon… Ratatouille.

 

[robberbaron]

LMAO .
I like the way you spin a yarn.
Had to stifle a loud guffaw (sitting at desk in an open-plan office) when Old Tom did his business, and several times after.

Keep it up.

BTW, what did Mallaria's player do while all this was happening?

 

[Goonalan]

LMAO .
I like the way you spin a yarn.
Had to stifle a loud guffaw (sitting at desk in an open-plan office) when Old Tom did his business, and several times after.

Keep it up.

BTW, what did Mallaria's player do while all this was happening?

Actually Session 1-1 was a made up happening that we did when we rolled up the characters, Session 1-2 was actaully the first game night.

Kev who we call Gimli (in real life, he looks like him- don't ask) who plays Xeolus didn't turn up, and Emma who plays Bob had to work, however Tommo who plays Mallaria turned up late but without his character sheet (he'd lost it without actually ever using it) thus he chose to play Bob.

You wish you'd never asked.

I think you could describe the sessions as either 1) a Hodge-Podge, and 2) a semi-drunken Hodge-Podge.

Thanks for asking.

 

[robberbaron]

I think you could describe the sessions as either 1) a Hodge-Podge, and 2) a semi-drunken Hodge-Podge.

The latter has often been my favourite kind of session, usually sending the GM somewhat barmy by the end.

 

[Goonalan]

Robberbaron on your first comment you started with LMAO- what does that mean, it's just that I've never been in this room before, and I've never been on a messageboard before. Well not as far as I can remember.

Er that's it, thanks again- spread the word, work permitting I'll keep writing.

Per Ardva Ad Astra

 

[robberbaron]

Robberbaron on your first comment you started with LMAO- what does that mean, it's just that I've never been in this room before, and I've never been on a messageboard before. Well not as far as I can remember.

Laughed My Ar5e Off. I think I've seen it used before but, as I'm not completely au fait with the vast range of acronyms used, I could have just made it up.

I will spread the word, have no fear.

Per Aardvark ad Astrid