This is why I game

[Rechan]

This didn't happen to me, but I love telling this story.

You have your adventurers standing outside a room full of goblins. They're trying to decide what to do. Finally, the mage looks up and goes, "Just send in the minotaur. He's expendable."

The minotaur looks at the dwarf and asks, "What does expendable mean?"

The dwarf, without missing a beat, says, "Handsome. Strong. Good with the women."

With a roar, the minotaur kicks in the door, charges into the room, swinging his axe and bellowing, "FACE ME, I'M EXPENDABLE!"


I was running a campaing where everyone were wandering gypsy con artists seeking their lost caravan. One of the characters was a swashbuckling elf that slept with everything. He just couldn't help it.

While they were at a party trying to disrupt some espionage, I noted that there was this really, really smoking elven woman. Naturally, the swashbuckler made a bee line for her. They go off.

I write a note, and hand it to the player. "You wake up. You are a girl."

The resulting session was all about tricking the fae that had stolen his manhood into giving it back.

 

[Vayden]

This afternoon, for whatever reason, as the party was wading into the first room of Yuan-ti from the 12th-level section of dungeon delve, I had one of the Yuan-ti say "It is a strange and fortunate day brothers! We have no need to go and find sacrifices for the Emerald Dawn today! The sacrifices have come to us!" All perfectly normal villain patter. Then for whatever reason, I had the second Yuan-ti Abomination respond "Brilliant! We can stay inside and catch up on our Soaps today!"

Next three rounds of combat consisted of the Yuan-ti and the PC Cleric of Cyric arguing over whether or Joan was really a whore, or if it wasn't her fault because it was her robot double who was hypnotized to cheat on Bobby. Some strange fit of madness I guess.

 

[pawsplay]

I played an abjuration specialist in an AD&D game. I had played a streak of dashing, amoral players, so I decided to play something more whimsical, less moody or scoundrely. I rolled up my stats and had one good score, Wisdom, but I was not interested in a cleric. I noticed that even with a mediocre Intelligence, he could qualify as an abjuration specialist with his Wisdom and still be a pretty good caster. What did a high Wisdom look like? I decided to make him fairly Chaotic, and from there hit upon the idea that he was very wise and insightful, but also unpredictable and not very logical. It did not take long the for the other players to react very strongly to him. Eventually, just about everything he did caused the other players to either erupt into laughter or to start complaining about his odd behavior.

He was just plain nuts; he ran around in white robe with a pair of light blue mittens. He was known only by the name Mister Mittens, and frequently conversed to and from his mittens as though they were puppets. The right mitten was fearful, nervous, and sensitive, and spoke in a falsetto. The left mitten was aggressive, cynical, and prone to offering very severe advice in a growling, snarling voice. No one was quite sure if he was delusional or was just acting out. He had a propensity for flaming spheres. While adventuring in Castle Amber, after braving many dangers through a combination of cunning and wild audacity, he was distracted by a patch of white tulips. Falling behind the group, he bent down and impulsively, sniffed them.

The GM said, "You're stopping to smell the flowers? In this castle?"

I shrugged. "I guess so. I already called it."

So he did, whereupon the white flowers drained his blood and turned into red flowers. He became a vampire. The GM decided to enlist me to continue playing him, secretly, as a vampire. The campaign ended before anyone else found out precisely what happened.

So my attempt to create a more whimsical, light-hearted character ultimately ended up as a deranged vampire, hiding among his former comrades.

 

[Sparafucile]

This one's a little gross. . . but the story was too funny not to share.

My wife and I had a baby 6 weeks ago. A few weeks prior to that, we were running the climax to my campaign (I decided to stop DMing for a while, for obvious reasons), and before we settled down to play, my wife had apparantly been taking to one of the other players about a certain procedure (enema) that they often give to women in labor to prevent accidents, etc.

Anyway, during the final, tense moment that was meant to widen the scope of the campaign, the party was negotiating with a guardian Lammasu tasked with awarding an ancient artifact to those that were worthy.

Meanwhile, my wife is in the other room, on the phone with her sister (who has three kids of her own), discussing her own labor experiences.

After each of the party came forward and presented their case, the Lammasu decides to ignore the prophecy he was charged with, and awards the artifcat to them, with a stern warning and the foreshadowing of a new threat to the PCs (when I start Dming again).

Then, at the most climactic moment, my wife runs into the room and says, "Well, my sister just sh-t on the table."

Yikes.

 

[Rechan]

Sparafucile, I have to say that you're lucky to have wed your wife first, because that's my kinda woman.

 

[Ulrick]

I game because:

I like the fellowship from a group that works well together.

The bragging rights that come from completing a difficult encounter.

Its a creative outlet. I like telling stories and roleplaying.

Escapism.

And my favorite quote about D&D:
"D&D is writing "Dead" next to a god's name in your Dieties and Demigods book. "
--Pale Writer, Necromancer Games: 3rd Edition Rules, 1st Edition Feel messageboards

 

[Hussar]

Maybe not one of my most memorable moments, but certainly the most recent for me.

I've recently started playing (instead of DMing) in a weekly Shackled City game. The game has been going for a while, so, I got to start up a little higher level than first. Aha, says I, a perfect opportunity to continue a character from another campaign, a gnome binder with a new coat of paint to fit into the new campaign. Whee.

Anyway, early on in the new campaign, I bind a vestige called Dantallion. Now, when a binder binds a spirit or vestige as it's called, there are certain physical manifestations that result in that binding ritual. With Dantalion, you gain a mouth in your stomach that can talk, although you have no control over it.

Now, Dantalion gives out all sorts of knowledge skill bonuses and stuff like that, so, I figured that the mouth in my stomach was telling me things. Here my gnome is, sitting down, staring at his own crotch and having a conversation. My descriptions was, "Garwin appears to be talking to his stomach. At least, that seems to be the general direction he is aiming for..."

Well, the "talking to Mr. Microphone" jokes started rolling in. And it went downhill from there.

Like all gaming stories, it was funnier when it happened.

 

[Remathilis]

So we're in the Dread Crypt of Srihoz (DCC #25), and the PCs encounter a portal with a cryptic clue that every third thing placed in the portal goes to a different point than the first two (and then resets). Most of the PCs figure it out, but are unsure if they mean organic creatures or merely anything. So the Artificer takes the risk of hopping on his effigy-dragon mount (pretty much a medium-sized dragon golem) and rides through, triggering the dragon (mount) as 2nd and he (rider) as third. The artificer appear on a cave 200 ft above sea-level over a day away from the dungeon, taking him out of the game for now. He's the team's only trapfinder.

The remaining 5 PCs (wizard, ranger, 2 fighters, cleric) press on, blundering into the remaining traps and finding a secret passage that has hundreds of 2-inch holes in it (big enough for gaseous forms to pass). They only have 3 potions of gaseous form, and the wizard doesn't have it in his spellbook, so they decide on a second route, the wizard stares through the correct hole (found with search check) to study it, teleports three members of the party, and the ranger uses a potion to ooze through the hole, and all of them would appear on the other side ready for combat.

Buffs applied, potions drunk, the wizard grabs the two fighters and cleric and BAM! Rolls random mishap table, rolls 98%, which is similar location. They appear in a crypt, but an undead free one back on the mainland in the city they started the adventure in, (5 days away via elemental galleon). The ranger seeps through, doesn't see his friends, and using his gaseous form high-tales it OUT of the crypt post-haste, making several wrong-turns, until he finds his way out of the dungeon, back to the boat, and decides to call it lost and sail back home.

24 hours later, sendings are sent, and the PCs all regroup at the city they began the adventure in. They are currently deciding whether or not to go in there and finish it as a matter of pride or wait until they're 20th level and THEN go do it.

Srihoz hasn't laughed like that in thousand's of years.