Arg. Every fiber of my being tells me to stay away, 'cause I'll either (1) get sucked in or (2) get emotionally worked up, or (3) offend someone. But the first two are my own lookout, and for the third... well, I'll just hope I roll high on Diplomacy...
As the base for my thoughts, a few things: I am male; I am straight; I am in a committed, long-term relationship (the wedding's 4 October!); and despite all that, emotionally, I often gender-identify as female.
Most of my friends are female. Two out of three of my groomsmen are female. Some of these female friends I have been attracted to. Some of them I have flirted with--and some of them I still do, depending on your definition of "flirting." By said same definition, though, I also flirt with my best man, who is another straight male.
Part of the problem is that there are several words in this thread--"love," "friend," "flirt," "gender"--that cannot be adequately defined by the board as a group, because each person must define them himself or herself. "Love," to me, is sacred, but also available freely to more than just those whom I "shag" (a word which can, I think, be adequately defined). I love my friends, and while some would say "like sisters and brothers," I would say, "No, like friends." I love my sister quite differently.
"Friend" is more difficult to define, even individually. Like many others, I have varying levels of friendship, from people who know my absolute deepest secrets to people who I'll say "hi" to on the street.
"Gender" is even more difficult for me to define, and this is where some might be offended--but keep in mind this is only my opinion/feeling. I do not divide humans into two genders; I divide them into three. There are the "typical males" and "typical females," who together make up 80-90% of the populace. And then there are the rest of us--and probably most gamers fall into this category. These are the people who do not manifest stereotypical qualities of either gender--or manifest qualities of both. The sensitive males, the women who are willing to not be annoyed at sports, the people of both gender who are less concerned with their appearances, hormones, and possessions and more concerned with their health, personal morality and, most important, minds--these people all fall into that last category.
All of my friends fall into that last category. They are neither female nor male in my mind, except in the sense that some of them have different bits than others.
So, I guess the initial question was "Can men and women be friends?" I'll assume that the question covers biological men and women, rather than my categorization. And the answer is an unconditional yes.
Can they be friends without being sexually attracted? Certainly. Can they be friends, be sexually attracted, not have anything happen, and still remain friends? Absolutely.
Can they be friends without flirting? Does it matter? Flirting is harmless, and to my mind at least, there's no difference between minor flirting between me and one of my female friends, football players slapping each other on the back, and women gossiping at the beauty parlor.
Can they be friends even
after being in a relationship that is "friendship with fringe benefits"? Of course, assuming the breakup is amicable and mutual (and before you ask, while I've never been through said sort of breakup, I've seen several sets of friends do so and remain friends with each other).
Am I unusual? Bizarre? Probably.
And I've got no problem with that.
Well. That was anything but concise. Thanks for reading.
