What do I do about this player?

[Hypersmurf]

i'm the president of our local chapter.

Est. 1974.

-Hyp.

 

[Steverooo]

I spoke to her yesterday about it, and she explained to me that she has a short attention span and tends to zone out when she's not directly involved...

She explained that she's having trouble envisioning scenes...

I really want to find a way to bring her in. How do I do it?

1) Involve her. Directly! Have NPCs speak directly to her. Ask her, specifically, what does she want to do. Instead of saying "The man tells you he's taking his cow to the barn," say "The man tells you 'My name is Hiram, and this is Bossy, my prize Milch-cow. We're going to the barn for a good milking, aren't we, girl?' The Man then pats old Bossy, who moos, contentedly."

2) If she's having trouble envisioning things, then you need to be more descriptive... Next time they do a dungeon crawl, start by getting up and turning off the lights. Then narrate.

You enter the doorway, leaving the light of the sun behind. The room you enter is full of palpable darkness... There is no sound here, except for what you make, yourselves. The air is dank, and stale, with a musty smell that permeates everything. You can see nothing past where the light of the sun enters through the doorway, behind you. The dark stone of the floor seems to soak up the light. A chill breeze blows past you, out the door you just entered, as though it wishes to escape this place...

After reading them something like that, ask each of them to roll Initiative, and then ask them - in order of Initiative, "What do you want to do?" Once someone lights a torch or lantern, turn the lights back on, and return to your seat, narrating the rest of the adventure, likewise. That usually gets the attention of everyone, even if they hate set-dressing.

3) Bring her in at her own speed. If she's having trouble envisioning things, use better descriptions, maps, and illustrations of the creatures met... To many people, "Kobold" conjures up an image of Telly Savalis, if anything at all...

If she's having troubles envisioning what to do, then you're just going to have to be patient with her, until she figures out what her PC wants to try. Once she does, if it isn't adventure-wrecking, it's best if you just let "her idea" succeed. That will probably produce more interest, and more ideas.

If she's not into all the aspects of RPing, but more a Hack'n'slasher, then maybe combat is just easier for her to understand... It has a clear-cut beginning, ending, and generally simple rules... You could try running something else that she can do in a similar fashion. If she just wants more combat, work in more combats with larger numbers of lower-level opponents, instead of fewer higher-CR critters, and let her enjoy combat.

 

[Cerubus Dark]

My group is made up of players who've played very little D&D. We've gone four sessions now, and everyone seems to have tons of fun except one player. I spoke to her yesterday about it, and she explained to me that she has a short attention span and tends to zone out when she's not directly involved. During the last session, for instance, she was into the final combat and a scene involving her and another PC being attacked by a pair of homebrew magical mountain cats (her favored enemy is magical beasts), but she zoned during the buying stuff segment and the scenes in which the party was fishing for information and having a palaver with the half-silver-dragon leader of the local band of kobolds.

I've explained to her that she doesn't necessarily have to just stand and shoot in combat, that she doesn't have to stand around while everyone talks to the same guy, etc., just giving her an idea that she has more freedom of action and to explore the things her character is interested in. She explained that she's having trouble envisioning scenes, and so everything comes down to a roll of the dice for her. I asked her to think about her character and decide who her character is and what she's interested in doing, and to let me know so that I can weave some of her personal plotlines into the world.

Of course, D&D doesn't mesh with everyone, and I have no problem with her if she doesn't enjoy playing. The problem is that her boyfriend is very much into it, and I don't know if he'll keep coming if she doesn't, and I certainly don't want her to play just because her boyfriend is into it. I'd like to either find a way to get her more involved and excited or a way to explain to her that I don't want her to feel like she has to play without it sounding like I don't want her to play.

Has anyone else had a similar situation with a player? How did you resolve it? I obviously can't eliminate all the "boring" parts of D&D, because everyone else in the group really enjoys them. I don't want to run modules or set up encounter chains at the expense of role-playing for the rest of the group.

One of the other players told me that he's enjoying the game 99.6%, and that the 0.4% missing is because he looks over and sees that this girl's not digging it. I really want to find a way to bring her in. How do I do it?

Three questions:
1. Is she cute?
2. Is she single?
3. Is she cute?

If the answer is yes to any of the above don't do anything with her, send her to me!


Really though, try using images from books or hand drawn things. I had a player who was kinda like that until I started using visuals to help hinm focus on the scene around him. Pluse switching to minis for combat helped too.

 

[diaglo]

since you say she has trouble with envisioning...

well props are good. so are minis. so are other visual aids.

have everyone dress in character one session.

not armor and real weapons( if you don't want ) but say...a headband for a helm or a handkerchief, or a toga or other quick and easys like sticks or halloween costumes.

make rolled up scrolls. buy the gold coin chocolates.

pass notes for her to read instead of speaking to her when she sees or hears something others don't (this will give her something to look back at to refresh her mind)

 

[SnowDog]

You've gotten a lot of good advice here -- here's a couple more comments.

- Do not discuss this with her in front of the group. She'll feel pressured.
- When discussing it, be careful not to put the pressure on her at all.
- Be open, be honest, and be ready to accept that she just might not enjoy the game the way you guys play it.
- Bring genre into it. Maybe she'd be really into a modern game, but can't relate to fantasy.

It sounds like she's given you great feedback about what's missing, but she's also aware that some of it is her fault (attention span issues). You may be able to adjust your game style to fit her personality, and if you can, that's great. Or you may find that to make her happy would require gutting your game so much that none of your other players would be having fun.

Instead of boring you with my long "my wife tried to game" story, I'll supply you with a single quote that helped me understand the schism between people who have been playing D&D all their lives and the "rest of the world" .

We were watching Fellowship of the Ring, and my wife turned to me (I forget the scene) and said, "I just realized ... this is what you guys are picturing when you're playing your game."

Well, duh, yeah!

But clearly that jump had never happened in her mind. As fantasy fans, we rely on a lot of shared experiences for our shorthand with each other. That shorthand means nothing to people outside our world.

Think about that next time you're describing a village, an Inn, or a battlefield. If necessary, map it to something outside our normal shorthand. Describe the tavern as being similar to the Pub you've all had dinner at. Describe NPCs by comparing them to actors in movies, or friends, or celebrities. Call out the similarity between a battlefield and a scene in a movie. If she hasn't seen it, you know you've got work to do. Etc.

 

[fusangite]

I'm with Joshua. There is no DMing problem here; there is a social problem here. One member of a couple wants to include his SO in a hobby she doesn't really like. This is no different from taking her to a sporting event in which she is not interested. Try not to take this problem on yourself or to think that if you somehow GM better or more sensitively it will fix things. You are dealing with a problem internal to a couple; explain your concerns to her boyfriend and how you really want to keep him in the game but worry that his girlfriend is not into it. If it is anyone's business to figure out what it will take to make her happy, it's his.

 

[diaglo]

Try not to take this problem on yourself or to think that if you somehow GM better or more sensitively it will fix things.

but still try to figure out if you can get her involved. don't give up so easily. if you are worried about losing both your coworker (her) and the one she brought to the game (her boyfriend, whom you know b/c of her); you should make every effort to get her involved.

 

[Gundark]

talk to her and her boyfriend. ecplain that you think that she isn't enjoying it and that you feel like she is only coming because of her boyfriend. Tell her that you don't want her to quit but that if she isn't enjoying it then you don't want t oforce her. Also tell her boyfriend (you may want to do this seperately) your concerns about his girlfriend and that you want him to continue to play even if she chooses not to. ....Or.....you could do nothing, it sounds like she'll quit on her own, if she's not enjoying it then she won't keep coming. Like has been mentioned before D&D isn't for everybody, some people just find it boring no matter what you do. Then you'll just have to still talk to her boyfriend to keep him coming.

 

[Kichwas]

Sometimes you get a player who's really just along for the ride. (Obviously, she's there because her boyfriend is there.) The important thing is: There's nothing wrong with that.

But there IS something wrong with that.

Why don't I just sit here and play by myself? Because I roleplay as a social event -a shared story crafted by everyone there-. Everyperson who actively participates brings up the group enjoyment, and by converse everyperson who does not participate brings it down. She's muddying up the engine, keeping it from going along smoothly.

When you get together to game you want everyone to be engaged and helping to make it more fun for all. You don't need any dead weight in the room dragging you down.

 

[CaptainCalico]

Let me get this straight: She is into combat, but her attention wanders a bit when the party is shopping and negotiating with NPCs. On talking with the GM her only complaint is that she is having trouble visualizing the world and so is more focused on the die rolling part of the game.

This does not mean that she does not like gaming and there is some “problem internal to the couple” going on. It just means that she is like many new gamers who latch on to combat and die rolls before they get caught up in character building and interaction with the GM’s world.

Frankly as a DM I would rather deal with someone who needs a little coaxing to get into character than a prima-donna (female or male) who hogs attention from other players. If a few tweaks to the DM’s style will help a player jump in with both feet I would think it would be worth the effort. It certainly seems that she is willing to talk about the problem. The real danger sign would be if she insisted everything was fine while her participation gradually got even less.

Give it a few more sessions before you vote her off the island.