D&D 5E What to do about flakes?!

[Eltab]

I've DM'ed with as many as 10 players and as few as 2. I was part of the game shop's public-relations campaign so I couldn't cancel.
What I did when I had only 2 people show up was have a chat session of what they liked / didn't like about my play style, what they wanted to see more of / less of in the campaign.

If you have a few unreliable people ... don't rely on them to show up. Plan without them, and if they DO show up you can add an extra monster* to the evening's encounters.

* or an over-the-top Grimtooth Trap that triggers only on THEM.

 

[Irda Ranger]

There's really two questions here which should be addressed separately, because focusing on the discrete problems helps find better solutions:

1. What do you do about your D&D game?
2. How do you handle the social relationships with players?

Question 1 is a lot easier, IMO. As the DM I always require that players send me their character sheets when they level up, and at the end of gaming sessions I log their current HP, slots, etc. I have a form for this I make them fill out as they leave (which takes 10 seconds). So at the start of next game, we know their exact current state. If 1-2 players no-show, I can hand out their sheet for someone else to play that session (in addition to their own PC). Or if too many people no-show, there's always board games or Nintendo. I always stock beer & wine, and there's always a choice of games to play, so game night is always "On".

(Side note: if you're the kind of person who's super possessive/secretive about their character sheet, my game isn't for you. I don't need your full character bio on the sheet, you can keep that secret, but everything in "the rules" needs to be on there. I don't find this to be an issue very often, but I have encountered it.)

Question 2 is harder. A lot depends on the personalities involved, and also how closely knit the group is outside D&D. Gaming with personal friends is different from running a table at the FLGS. Also, some people are a lot more easy-going about no-shows, while some get offended easily. Part of that being of course why the no-show didn't show; a broken down car or sibling's birthday party is a lot more understandable than treating your D&D "friends" as a back-up plan if nothing better comes along.

But all that being said, one thing I find very helpful is that I, as the DM, do not agree to play the middle-man in your cancellations. My rule is simple: If you are going to cancel, you don't just tell me. You have to send a message to everyone in the group, individually, with your apologies. People who apologize to everyone get 1/2 XP for the missed session, otherwise you get 0 XP.

I find that this basically fixes the no-show issue entirely. People are only willing to send a half-dozen apology notes for "real" reasons. And for people who were never serious about treating the D&D game as an actual obligation to show up, this rule gets them to quit on their own, because it's not worth the hassle to them.

 

[ccs]

My friends are not replaceable.

Neither are mine.
But just because Josh & I are friends doesn't mean we can play D&D together. At least not in an ongoing weekly campaign way. His absence wasn't the hard part. That never hindered wether we played or not. It was his random presence because he never had any clue (despite available updates & weekly recaps) of what was going on beyond "Stab that monster". Eventually the group decided that playing D&D with him wasn't fun.

 

[Wednesday Boy]

Neither are mine.
But just because Josh & I are friends doesn't mean we can play D&D together. At least not in an ongoing weekly campaign way. His absence wasn't the hard part. That never hindered wether we played or not. It was his random presence because he never had any clue (despite available updates & weekly recaps) of what was going on beyond "Stab that monster". Eventually the group decided that playing D&D with him wasn't fun.

I had a friend like that. He would follow the other characters around until it was time to roll some dice to stab a monster or check his skill. But he wasn't interested enough to prioritize gaming over the rest of things in his life. Since he was our friend and was fun and non-disruptive in games, our solution was to have a seat available for him but not plan around him. His character wasn't crucial to the plot and didn't round out the group. We didn't spend effort to explain his character's presence or absence. He'd pop in, contribute like an NPC, the GM would throw in a few extra foes for that session, then his character would disappear for a few sessions.

It made that one element of our campaigns disjointed and not perfectly cohesive like a novel but since we got to play with our friend with minimal stress or effort on our part, it was worth it.

 

[jasper]

My friends are not replaceable.

I have friends who I play D&D with but don't go to the movies with.
I have friends I talk politics with but don't game with.
I have friends I play D&D and go shooting with.
I have friend I game with but would not be on the same range if they are shooting.
I have replaced friends due to moving, family, and life. I have discover some friends are such a pill when they sit down at a table I don't DM them.

 

[Ilbranteloth]

With our group, we try to play weekly, so that everyone is immersed in the game, and we can look forward to kicking butt after a tough work/school week.

everyone in the group understands and agreed to make this a sort of committment, but we all understand that emergencies happen, and things come up, so its cool if people have to cancel from time to time. But this should not be often, we agreed on that.

i find the hardest part about being the DM is the logistical nightmare that comes with getting people to show up sometimes. Now, i must admit, my players do show up regularly and they enjoy the game, when we play. But sometimes, it just bugs me that players cancel their attendence at the last minute!! This literally ruins it for me and other players who could have planned to do something else instead of waiting around and planning to host this game. Other players feel the same way.

Now we have still went on with a player missing, no big deal. But sometimes, two players cancel at the last minute, and its horrendous for evryone else! Or, they tell me all week long that they are going to show up only to cancel the day before!

This is by far the suckiest part of D&D! Especially when that player is an integral part of the storyline, which i try to do using thier backgrounds and such as to make thier characters "come alive" as an important part of the game, instead of some murderous hobo.

When i have to tell the other players that the game is cancelled because a few people cant come at the last moment, i just know it bugs them. It hate it myself. This is because ive set aside time out of my busy week to host a great game at my place. when it gets cancelled (especially at the last moment), im often left with nothing to do and stuck at home because i could have joined other friends doing something cool or gone out with my family or just not be hyping all the other players up for something thats not going to happen.

how do you guys deal with flakes?

D&D is such a fun game, but i swear, i just hate it when players cancel at the last moment! it makes me want to stop playing sometimes!

Yep, one of the toughest parts is finding a group that's committed and won't do that unless there really is an emergency. If it's a routine issue, then clearly they aren't committed to making it happen. Which usually means that I'll need to talk to them and just have them drop out of the game. Most of the time it's not as big a deal as you might think it would be.

If there's a week where there is an emergency and somebody can't make it, then the PC is played by another player, usually with help from the group (including me). We generally have a decent idea of what a given character will do.

If a couple of people can't make it, I'll let folks know, and leave the decision to the table. Sometimes others decide that they'll take the week off too. Most of the time we just play something else. Munchkin, Monty Python Flux, MtG and Legendary Encounters are common, or several something elses. Largely it becomes a time when we can spend less time focusing on whatever game we're playing and just hang out. So it usually works out to the benefit of the group, since when we are playing we try to keep the out-of-character socialization to a minimum.

 

[Ilbranteloth]

Playing on nights is often bad. We have early starts and sometimes its a rough day at work and can't be bothered doing anything.

Agreed. But since the last game consisted initially of a bunch of people who all worked at the same place, the only time we could guarantee everybody could make it was 9:30 pm. So that's when we played. But again, it's a matter of the people involved making that commitment. A couple didn't maintain it, and we just mutually agreed it wasn't going to work. Didn't mean we can't be friends, can't do other things, or occasionally have a short-term commitment every once in a while to join in.

 

[Morrus]

I have friends who I play D&D with but don't go to the movies with.
I have friends I talk politics with but don't game with.
I have friends I play D&D and go shooting with.
I have friend I game with but would not be on the same range if they are shooting.
I have replaced friends due to moving, family, and life. I have discover some friends are such a pill when they sit down at a table I don't DM them.

You have a very wide social group. You’re a lucky person!

 

[ro]

Some of the players in our group can't come every time, others get sick, or things come up. We just pretend like their characters don't exist. When they come back the next time, the DM makes up a brief story of "the character was sick", or asleep, or got lost, or was locked in a closet the whole time, or whatever. There's usually some funny roleplaying for a minute when the character rejoins the group, but mostly we just ignore it and play on like normal. One player suggested we turn him into an NPC familiar-like creature when he's gone.

If you have people who can't come consistently, I'd say talk to them and ask them to say to the group, "I can't come al the time, but I'll be here whenever I can." For story elements, avoid building completely around individual characters and instead use there backstories as side features that can be brought in or left out of the story as convenient.

 

[Flexor the Mighty!]

We have 5 players, and will continue with any game that three players show up to. Whoever is missing, one of the the players who showed up plays their character as well as their own. It's worked fine for us for years now.

For us, friendships are way more important than the game. we're not going to kick someone from the game because the difficulties of life get in the way sometimes.

Exact same for me. If I have 4 of 6 we game. Missing players PC are NPC who are overcome with a fit of violent recklessness. Its drove me crazy until I said, it is what it is. Now if I wasn't gaming with friends I've known for 20-30 years I'd be different I"m sure.