Chris, I've been working through meditation and guided visualization, and I can get rid of headaches, speed up the healing of normal injuries, and enhance the flow of vital energies through the body.
I've also recently learned some distance healing techniques that allow me to use my abilities without being anywhere near my intended recipient.
I'm saying this because I'd like to give you the chance to take advantage of a very special offer. For a limited time, I'm trying to make some side money, and I'm willing to use positive Chi visualization to improve your dice-luck.
Basic Service: $29.95/month
I will meditate at least three times per week and attempt to uncurse your dice. I'll visualize the dice rolling higher, at least 5's on the d6's and in the 16-20 range on d20's. This should increase your average noticeably. I'll need a description of the dice, as detailed as possible, and you may wish to switch to new dice with a distinct pattern -- Tiger's Eye or Rose Quartz or something no one else at the table has.
Warning: Dice may begin to glow under Ultraviolet Light or set off airport security alarms. Dice may also feel warm or cool to the touch.
Premium Service: $39.95/month
I will meditate five times per week on both you and your dice, helping you subconsciously alter your hand movements to roll more effectively while also affecting the balance of the dice. This should help all dice rolls significantly, regardless of what dice you use. I'll need a detailed description of the dice you plan to use regularly, and I'll also need you to wear some signifier so that I can lock onto you -- for example, wearing a special wristband while you sleep and while you game.
Warning: Dice may cause damage to table by sheer kinetic force being exerted through them. Also, you may experience unwanted side effects, such as abnormal sexual potency and stamina, regrowth of hair despite prior baldness, and sudden inheritance of large amounts of money.
Gold Option Service: $79.95/month
In addition to Premium Service, I'll be available once per week for up to four hours at a time, to do visualization exercises WHILE YOU GAME. Because the best results happen immediately, I'll not only be helping you overall, but I'll be helping you directly while you game. It's vitally important that you wear the wristband at these times.
Warning: DM may suddenly develop a crush on you as the Chi energy makes you that much more of a Charismatic presence. Wear loose clothing during games, as you may experience sudden growth of muscular mass, and in rare instances, actual increase in height by one to two inches. Try to wear sunglasses so that, on the off chance that beams of power suddenly start shooting from your eyes, people will have a better chance to avoid being blinded or bisected by the energy.
Act now, Chris! Better Dice-Rolling can be yours!
-Tacky
![Big grin :D :D](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7)