D&D 5E Why Good Players do not play Player Characters

[Charles Rampant]

It is a well known fact that many players insist on playing the game in a badwrongfun manner. The primary way in which they do this is by providing less than 99% of the expected maximal DPR for their choice. In addition, they tend to insist on playing suboptimal choices, here defined as 'things that exist in the game'.

Instead, any truly Good Player will make sure to follow the needs of his team, and instead pick one of these superior options. Sometimes the DM will try to resist these Good Players, because of some trifling concerns over 'balance', 'fun', 'narrative', or 'for God's sake man, just relax and enjoy the game', but you should know that Good Players will do whatever the team requires, so long as those requirements focus exclusively around DPR.

Here the superior, recommended options.

Lich

Liches have very good DPR. They also are basically immune to being killed, and have almost no reason to go on adventures, two very important qualities for Good Players to pursue.


Tyrannosaurus Rex

T-Rexes have very good DPR, and with a generous enough interpretation of the rules can make good Paladins as well. You should insist that the DM have every encounter take place outdoors though - your fun would be severely impinged by concerns over your fat ass not fitting into the dungeon.

There are many other options, but perhaps the point has been made...

 

[Oofta]

Your T-Rex is obviously incorrect. Don't you know that the best sword EVAR was teh katana?

You have already failed.

 

[Valetudo]

Is this what we have come to?

 

[Warmaster Horus]

This is why the Sith are the heroes of Star Wars.

 

[jaelis]

This is why the Sith are the heroes of Star Wars.

Because they are actually T Rexes?

 

[Warmaster Horus]

Because they are actually T Rexes?

Wasn't Count Dooku called Darth Tyranus?

 

[manduck]

That T-Rex picture has become one of my favorite things. I'm glad to see the inclusion of a flaming sword as a T-Rex would settle for nothing less.

I also must confess to being a bad player. My character's DPR is currently 1,000,732.000175 and I could have taken a feat to make it 1,000,732.000176. I know I've failed my group and I find it difficult to face them...

 

[MonkeezOnFire]

The t-rex even has feathers as suggested by modern findings so you know it must be accurate.

 

[lowkey13]

*Deleted by user*

 

[JediSoth]

My group's wizard often polymorphs into a t-rex. Then all my bad guys die horribly.