Yet Another Problem Player Thread

[Ramien Meltides]

So I've got this player in my group - there are 5 players in total, with myself as the DM - and we're having some communication issues. Things have recently gotten so bad that I'm giving serious thought to cutting this player loose to save myself the aggravation.

Here's the setup: Player 1 is my good friend and roommate. Player 2 is also a good friend. Player 3 is a great guy and becoming a good friend. Player 4 is an acquaintance that I play other games with and have known for a good while - seems like a decent fellow (helped me move recently).

Player 5 is not a friend, just an acquaintance (i.e., we don't really hang out or see each other outside of the gaming table). Player 5 also has his own game going right now to which he has invited myself and Player 1. Player 5 is also the one with whom the problems are occurring.

Issue #1: Participation
I like to reward participation and extra effort from my players. One method we use to do this is a round-table of each character's achievements during the game after the session. There's a reasonable time limit (we try not to spend more than thirty minutes on this), and I consider it to be a very cool way to end the game on a high note. Player 1 is VERY into this method, and Players 3 and 4 never seem to mind taking part - after all, everyone gets bonus xp's this way - Player 2 is only "kinda" into it.

Player 5 refuses - soon as the game is over, he's gone. Poof! His reasoning makes sense, he just prefers not to participate and the activity is not mandatory.

The group also does a bit of blue-booking in between sessions. For those who may not know the term, blue-booking describes activities performed by characters when not at the table (generally through e-mail). I also award bonus xp for this activity. The group all participates in blue-booking to various degrees. Player 5 chooses not to, on the basis outlined above.

Recently, I attempted to engage Player 5 more fully in the game by introducing a subplot involving his family - his PC's mother wasn't dead after all, but had been instead incorporated into some horrible brain-computer research! Player 5's PC is a scientist, so this seemed like an interesting path he could explore. Player 5 said he would rather not roleplay along this line and would prefer it if his PC's mother was not involved. I changed the circumstances per his request.

Issue #2: Communication
I just seem to have a hard time getting across to this guy, and I feel like I have spent significant effort in the attempt.

First example: One player couldn't make it to the regularly scheduled session, so I asked the group if we could shift things one day to accomodate the player. I was simply checking to see what (if anything) could be done. Player 5 assumes that the regularly scheduled game day is cancelled and schedules a different game on that day. Players being players, we managed to get everyone together for the regularly scheduled day...except Player 5. From that point on, I made it a point to type in all caps WE ARE NOT CANCELLING if we needed to talk about rescheduling.

Second example: So Player 5 can't make it to the session. There's quite a bit of science-y stuff happening, so I asked him if he would like to get some advanced info on what the group would be encountering so that he could respond to it in-character and I could relay that to the players on the game day. He agreed.

I diligently worked up a file in science-speak for him to look at and eagerly awaited his response so I could prepare it to give to the players that weekend. I waited...and waited. And waited.

A few days before the session, I e-mailed him asking for whatever he had at that point. His response: Sorry, can't possibly get around to that until after the weekend.

To say that I was dissapointed was an understatement. I understand being busy, but we're talking about several days here - plenty of time to let me know further in advance. I wrote him back saying it was a real shame that the opportunity was wasted, and I received a lecture in reply saying how I shouldn't expect people to do any work outside of the gaming table.

....so that's the situation. Right now I'm disinclined to put any extra effort into the game for his character. Looking at the above issues, any of them taken on it's own is pretty minor. All together, I just feel tired. I don't want to make this guy uncomfortable (he's actually pretty decent in person), but I think the game might be better off without him - or at least, I would feel better about how I spend my time in relation to the game without him around.

What do you folks think?

 

[sniffles]

The group I belong to involves a similar player. He is just not really into roleplaying. He does not get involved in our in-character email discussions. And he often understands the situation differently than everyone else. It can occasionally be very frustrating to play with him.

Ultimately it's your decision. If it's too much work for you to deal with this player then you should cut him loose. We have decided to cope with our similar player in those ongoing games he was already involved in. But we have started another campaign in which he was simply not invited to participate, and we do find a certain level of relief not having to deal with his issues.

You should probably consult with the other players in private, however. You don't want to assume that they are equally willing to let this player go, even if they are not close friends with him.

 

[Ramien Meltides]

Sniffles, that's a good point. I had been planning on talking things over with the other players before taking action.

 

[Piratecat]

He sounds like a nice guy with a different gaming style than the rest of your group.

If he's actually fun while playing, I'd keep him but relegate him plot-wise to the "cohort" status: someone who is involved in other peoples' plots, but who doesn't really have his own. I'd certainly tell him I was doing so, though, to make sure that there were no misunderstandings.

If he's a nice guy but not fun when playing, I'd probably gently let him go, talking to him in private and letting him know it's just a style clash. This is a tricky situation, and you don't want to bruise egos if you can help it.

 

[Ramien Meltides]

PCat! Yes, exactly - you've grasped the core of the issue. I went all-out today, as a matter of fact, trying to approach the problem as gently as I could and see if we could meet in the middle somewhere. That attempt failed, unfortunately, and is why I came here today.

 

[Wolfwood2]

PCat! Yes, exactly - you've grasped the core of the issue. I went all-out today, as a matter of fact, trying to approach the problem as gently as I could and see if we could meet in the middle somewhere. That attempt failed, unfortunately, and is why I came here today.

Hmmm. I'd peg this guy as your classic "casual gamer" who just wants to show up, play, and leave without thinking about gaming again until next week. Only one thing doesn't fit. You said he's running his own game. How come he has time to do planning and prep work for his game and not for yours?

Anyway, it sounds like he directly identified the point of contention between you in his e-mail. He's only willing to devote a very finite amount of his time to your game and no more. You've got to decide if you're satisfied with that. If you're not, tell him so.

 

[Amazing Triangle]

I think he is just not really into the game as it is. Usually I find that my players get like that when they don't like how things are being played. I mean I can understand weighing in different on RP vs Combat. But what he needs to be told is that the way he is playing is hurting the group dynamic (after you speak to your other players).

If he doesn't understand why you are doing this. Discuss with him the different things that he has done that you don't like. Maybe telling him these things would open his eyes to it.

Personal reccomendation:
If the other players do not like his style: Boot him
If they are ok with him: He needs to "put up or shut up" as it were

 

[Piratecat]

Interestingly, I've found that the other players often appreciate it when they're really into a game and a casual player leaves. It helps a lot when everyone's style matches.

 

[ColonelHardisson]

I received a lecture in reply saying how I shouldn't expect people to do any work outside of the gaming table.

That's pretty much the assumption I've had to make in the past. I was lucky if my players had read the rules for the game I was running, let alone getting them to do any kind of homework beyond the gaming table. It doesn't sound like he's what I'd call a "problem player." He just sounds like, as others have said, he is more into it as a casual hobby. With as much trouble as I've had getting groups together, that's a lot better than nothing.

 

[Chimera]

Player 5 refuses - soon as the game is over, he's gone. Poof! His reasoning makes sense, he just prefers not to participate and the activity is not mandatory.

The group also does a bit of blue-booking in between sessions.

Player 5 chooses not to, on the basis outlined above.

Player 5 said he would rather not roleplay along this line and would prefer it if his PC's mother was not involved. I changed the circumstances per his request.

Issue #2: Communication
I just seem to have a hard time getting across to this guy, and I feel like I have spent significant effort in the attempt.

I diligently worked up a file in science-speak for him to look at and eagerly awaited his response so I could prepare it to give to the players that weekend. I waited...and waited. And waited.

A few days before the session, I e-mailed him asking for whatever he had at that point. His response: Sorry, can't possibly get around to that until after the weekend.

I received a lecture in reply saying how I shouldn't expect people to do any work outside of the gaming table.

Have experienced the same thing on both sides of the screen: As a GM and as a fellow player. Heck, experienced a lot of that with one GM who would be extremely available for a day or two, then completely disappear for weeks - to the point where the rest of us were actively wondering if the game was over due to GM failure. Then he'd reappear for a few days before completely vanishing again.

Some people just aren't that into the game.

That pretty much sums it up. They walk away the very second the session ends, put their character away and don't bother to think about it until the second they once again sit at your game table. These people can be very frustrating if you're expecting Enthusiasm and Involvement.

I'd say: Don't expect anything out of him. Lower your expectations. He doesn't want to blue-book, then he gets nothing special that everyone else gets. He falls behind or has less cool stuff because of it, oh well. Feel no guilt, feel no need to make it up to him. That's the way you prefer to play and he has CHOSEN to opt out of that portion of the game.

Don't expect him to make choices, don't expect him to read e-mails. But at the same time, don't hold up any decisions or situations just because he's uncooperative and non-communicative. He made that choice, he should live with the consequences: Namely that other people make the decisions without him and that things occur without his active participation.

If he whines that this isn't FAIR (see my sig) or that you shouldn't do these things away from the game table, your one and only defense is that this is the way you run the game, he knows it, and he chose not to be a part of that aspect of the game..

Period. End of Defense, End of Explanation.

You don't have to dump him, you don't have to resent him. That last part is especially important. You can't control everyone, you can't force him to change. But at the same time, it is not necessary for you to change your preferred method of play, to feel any guilt or shame about continuing to play your way....and you shouldn't come to resent his not meeting your standards to the point where you feel necessary to part company or try to punish him.