Your character does WHAT?!!!

[Fenros]

In a group I'm currently playing in, a friend of mine usually has pretty good clarity of thought. He'll sometimes find the path to a solution before any others.

However, recently he must've had a brain fart or something.

Our party is traveling through some pretty nightmarish terrain that erupts magical fire randomly from time to time. Much like the 'Fire Swamps' in Princess Bride. Except the fires are much much bigger. I mean really huge.

We had just finished surviving a particularly nasty eruption that singed many party members. The DM says to us that we here some noises off in the distance. By the way the noise is described to us many in the party believe they must be insect like.

My friend wants to get ready to do battle with them. So he announces to the DM that he is going to get out his bedroll and soak it in oil, so that when the insects appear he can light it on fire and throw it on the them.

We were like, "What the?!?!"

It took a while for us to stop laughing. Poor guy....it was so embarrassing for him.

 

[Neowolf]

(Sunless Citadel spoilers...)
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I was running Sunless Citadel, and the players had made it up to the first encounter with the White Dragon Wyrmling (the one with the pit in front of the entrance). The Dwarven Fighter had fallen in and managed to climb out on the side that allowed him entrance into the dragon's chamber. The Halfling Rogue managed to fall in after the dwarf had gotten out (rolled a 2 on his Jump check, d'oh!). The rogue, who didn't know exactly where the dwarf was (the dwarf was still in the doorway), decided to get creative. Well, we all know what a great combination creativity and dice are. He figured that since the white dragon was breathing ice, it would be hurt by fire, and so tossed up a jar of lantern oil. The way the dice fell, it splashed all over the dwarf as well as the wall beside him. The rogue still didn't know what was going on (we've got a strict rule in my group about telling each other things that their character wouldn't realistically know), and tossed up a lit torch.

Can you say "toasted dwarf"?

The two characters had words after the battle was over.

 

[Wolfspider]

Bloodstone Blunder

A group of four high level characters, a ranger, a wizard, a fighter/mage, and a straight fighter, were at the point in the epic Bloodstone where they had to face Orcus on his home plane.

The four heroes stood opposite the Demon Prince, getting ready to attack, when suddenly the fighter (played by a fellow named Scott) declared that he was attacking his fellow adventurers with intent to subdue them. Attacking with surprise, he knocked them all out in one round. He then declared his undying loyalty to the Lord of the Undead. Orcus rewarded the fighter by tapping him with his wand, killing him. He then had the three other adventurers tortured for many many years before fashioning their remains into undead chamber pots.

After I had described the final fate of the party, everyone sat in silence for a while. The player of the wizard asked Scott quietly, "Why did you do it?"

Scott, his face somehow both filled with blood and flushed with whiteness, explained that he thought that if he could trick Orcus into thinking that his character was on his side, then the party would be able to able to strike with utter surprise later.



Mind you, he didn't mention anything about this brilliant plan earlier....

 

[Dalenthas]

The PCs were prisoners on the bottom deck of a hobgoblin prison barge. The psion says "I know how we can escape! I'll use finger of fire on the wall! Its made of wood, right?" Luckily for him, the other PC said "NO YOU DON'T!" before I could start laughing maniacly.

 

[Grim]

I got lots of these...

Return to the temple of elemental evil spoilers below
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I had a super low wisdom dwarven barbarian. In RtToEE, one of the first things you fight is a big green, or was it blue, dragon. So my character climbs a tree, dive bombs it, and falls to the ground, lossing about half his HP. The dragon then lightning bolts him, so he has maybe 12 hp. So he climbs another tree and dive bombs it again. Instead of landing on its back, he sort of bounces of its wing and falls to the ground. He dies at -48 HP. But i got raised for lots of money.

Later there is this evil alter at the very bottom of the temple. So my character starts taking all the stuff off it. The DM asks me how much stuff I take. I tell him I take everything (an evil sword, 2 alter candles, 3 weird sculptury thingys and the altar cloth) So he counts up the items, and rolls on the "BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO GREADY PEOPLE WHO TOUCH THE UNHOLY ALTER" table, and i go insane twice, loose 90% of my stenght, dex, wisdom, and con, get cursed twice (once for blindness, the next for paralysis) and i think some other bad stuff...

once we destory the rest of that part of the temple, the mage claims that he should get to have the evil sword, since he will use it more. Does that even make sense? giving a sword to a mage instead of a fighter because "he will use it more?" NO! so i challenged him to a duel. And he won, because he turned invisible, levitated away from me, and kept on hitting me with damage spells. I tried shooting him down, but he had shiled, mage armor, and some other thing on, so i couldn't. I only hit him once, bringing him down to 1 hp, but it still wasnt enough.

Later, I got sick of that character and switched to a Cleric, who recently became a werebear because at the time i thought it would be cool, so i purposly failed my fort save to counter. Now whenever we enter battle, i cant cast spells because as soon as i take damage i go nuts and start rending everything...

 

[Jack Haggerty]

Three characters... A Ranger, a Monk and a Wizard... All first level.

They ambushed a half dozen orcs how had built a road block across a country road. Several were already dead due to some very effective hilltop sniping by the ranger.

The orcs retreat, hopping on their horses. The monk and wizard give chase, hopping on their horses. The monk hurls sling stones at orcs in vain. The orcs return fire with bow and arrow. The wizard takes down two orcs with a well-placed magic missile and a very lucky ray of frost. One of the orcs is lucky enough to wound the monk's horse with an arrow. The horse panics, and the monk spends the next two rounds hanging on for dear life.

The last two orcs continue riding off down the road.

The wizard says, "I go after them."

I say, "Your character does WHAT?!!!" He was out of spells at this point, mind you.

The wizard says, "I'm going to chase them down and kill them, or they're going to kill me!"

"Alright," I say.

He chases after the orcs for another round. When they turn around to shoot arrows at him, they realize that the are only being chased by a single poorly armed, and unarmored human. The orcs stop, draw their scimitars, turn around, and charge.

They both hit. They both threaten criticals. One of them makes the critical.

18 hit of damage on a human wizard with 6 hit points. Even if had a Constitution of 18, he wouldn't have survived.

It was my first player kill in something like five years... and my only 1st level player kill... ever.

 

[UD]

The Scene: An ex-druid vampire gnome(me - don't ask, a very long reason) is standing before 4 high level clerics of some drow god of the undead. He tells the to go f*** themselfs when asked to help them out. He was promptly hit with 3 Empowered Searing light spells and a Forcecage. B****cks!

 

[Grim]

Lets see... before I had my dwarf (see above), I had an elven rogue/ranger. I was a first level rogue at the time. So we did the "Burning Plague" free WotC adventure.

In the first room is a trapped mine cart. My character notices a thin wire hanging from the ceiling that will break when the cart is touched. So i tell everyone to wait, and i take 20 shooting arrows at it. It breaks, a thunderstone falls, and I wake up the entire dungeon. I never tried to trip a trap again.

Later, everyone is infected with the plague, and by the time we kill a bunch of kobold zombies, we all have like 2 HP. We enter the last room, me going first, the rest of the party with its slow movement rate following behind. We are short on time because we know that whatever is in the room is casting spells, and we don't know when the plagues secondary effects set in. So to save time i went first.

I roll a listen check, and figure out the exact square that the evil spellcaster is in. So i shoot an arrow. I roll a 20 (natural), and a 20 (also natural) on the confirmation roll. My DM rolls the cover chance dice, and my arrow *misses.* IT MISSES!!! WHAT KIND OF RULING IS THAT?

So then the orc cleric hits me with an Inflict Serious Wounds spell, and I go to -12. I'm dead. I get raised, but am behind in experience. Combine that with the other deaths and XP drains my Dwarf gets, and by the time we are 7th level, im 5th.

So i get mad and roll up a new character at average party level, luckly 7th, and now i have a cleric.

And the mage's player, who has never died, and has probably suffered less than 50 dammage total (like ever in the history of his char's use), and is almost a level higher in XP than the rest of us, who have all died at least once, gets angry and threatens to quit because my character is "too powerful" and that its not fair that I get to start at the same level as the rest of the party.

And thats just in this campain. Don't get me started on last year's campain... GRrr.. stupid dnd group... Stupid mage...

But the weird thing is that its fun anyway... ramble... ramble.. ramble...

 

[Purple]

Ahh the memories.

While playing (long ago) the module 'The Ghost Tower of Inverness", I was playing a magic-user, and the other two in the party had the thief and monk. At one point, we came up against a fire giant. While I pulled out my Decanter of Endless Water, to try to keep it back from me while the others attacked, I was let down in a spectular way. Here I am, attempting to dodge boulders and hose down the giant, and my friend and my brother take their characters past the giant to get the treasure.

Another time when I was the DM, we were playing either the first or second of the Dragonlance modules (waaaaaaaaaay back when), when two dragons landed in front of the (low level) party and demanded their surrender. One of my players, playing on of the fighters, declairs "I will run up to one of the dragons and tie him up, like roping a calf."

*sigh*

It was at least 10 minutes before I could explain what happened when a dragon breaths fire on a 3rd level character.

-P

 

[Grim]

Must stop laught... coughing up lung... BLLLEAH... eeewwww...