Let's Write a Bad Module

Room 31: Latrine of Doom (subtitled: "Oh, crap!")

Read to players:
"Your adventuring party enters this 3' x 3' room. The smelly odors forcibly remind you of the potty at Big Al's Discount Ale House and Shoe Repair. No, really. Even if you were thinking of something grand and sweeping and metaphysical, such as how many devas can dance on the head of a pin, you aren't anymore. Nope. Definitely thinking of the potty at Big Al's. No choice in the matter.

"So anyways. Yeah. It smells. Bad. There's a white porcelain bowl with a small metal handle. Inside the bowl is some water. At the bottom of the bowl is an odd white lozenge. There is what appears to be a roll of white parchment on the wall right next to the bowl.

"That's all that's in the room. Oh, except for a small sink. The sink is dripping water. Drip, drip, drip. It's dripping so much, that the power of suggestion takes over and you all have to go. Real bad. No choice. Even if you went before you left. Even if the last encounter made you wet your pants. Nope. Too bad. You gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now."

The toilet bowl is a mimic. The water in the bowl is a water weird. The toilet paper is actually one long scroll with Explosive Diahrrea Runes cast on it. The white lozenge at the bottom of the bowl is actually a Urinal Cake of Vecna. Heck, the entire 3' x 3' room is actually a hollowed-out (but very much alive and very much pissed) gelatinous cube with cheap panelling.

This room can be used to kill the player characters who hate you. If you've been running this adventure for more than one encounter, that should mean "Everyone". If the party kills the mimic, the water weird, and the gelatinous cube, there's a water pipe that is somehow big enough for everyone to fit through, to get them to the next encounter.

StupidSmurf said:

Room 31: Latrine of Doom (subtitled: "Oh, crap!")

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((Ahhh, our second toilet encounter of the module already. Surely a sign that every aspiring 12-year-old dungeon writer puts a WC in their modules. Or, perhaps a sign that the entire dungeon is just one big latrine.))

Eluvan said:

#27

Beyond the 10' by 100' chamber with no doors or windows is a long, slender hall, 20' by 20'.

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Erratta: Ooops, we forgot. One of the bats is using the AXE OF MORGOSH. Really.

kenobi65 said:

((Ahhh, our second toilet encounter of the module already. Surely a sign that every aspiring 12-year-old dungeon writer puts a WC in their modules. Or, perhaps a sign that the entire dungeon is just one big latrine.))

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The toilets are right after an encounter with a tarresque and an encounter with a dragon. Somehow, I think they are well placed.

BiggusGeekus said:

The toilets are right after an encounter with a tarresque and an encounter with a dragon. Somehow, I think they are well placed.

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TPK followed by TPF (Total Party Flush).

kenobi65 said:

Erratta: Ooops, we forgot. One of the bats is using the AXE OF MORGOSH. Really.

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Check the edit on the cave room....

BiggusGeekus said:

The toilets are right after an encounter with a tarresque and an encounter with a dragon. Somehow, I think they are well placed.

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Well spotted, Biggus!

32. Send in the Clowns

Boxed Text said:

Princess Aravaine, known to be the naughty sister to Prince Maug, who is cousin to the guy who cleans toilets in the Royal Castle, who once caught sight of the King, waits in a lonely passage that leads from here into a larger chamber.

Once she sees you, Princess Aravaine is suprised and lets out a minor yelp. Minor in that the yelp itself is not old enough to drink. She turns and looks into the larger chamber and shouts "Intruders!" and then runs, not walks, into the larger chamber.

You have no choice but to follow her inside. You find a larger chamber, larger in that it is indeed larger than the passage, but not the largest chamber you have ever seen. It is slightly less on the large side than the largest chamber you have ever seen, but definitely larger than the average chamber you have seen. But it is definitely what you would consider a large chamber. This cannot be stated enough. Large, large, large.

Once you have decided exactly how large you think this chamber may be, and it's pretty large, you see the Princess. She is neither dallying nor kibitzing, and she is not wearing a floral gown. Her expression is kind of a cross between a smile and a race horse. It does not take more than 30 minutes to take all this in. At that time, she shouts, "To me, my guardians!"

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Princess Aravaine has as her guardians 12 Clown Elementals. They attack from all sides. Roll 1d6 to see if the party is surprised. 1-2 party is surprised. 4-6 clowns are surprised.

Clown Elemental. AC 13, HD 3d8+3. HP 24. Honking noises +3. 2d4+2 Wis dmg. AL Nutso.

The Clown Elementals, while outrageously silly, are neither taciturn nor dour. They do not possess any sort of nuclear devices nor soda crackers. They will attack the party unless Princess Aravaine tells them to stop.

The princess might be persuaded to help the party find their quarry if they succeed on a DC 20 Diplomacy check. The party can also try a DC 20 Forgery check to see if they can fake her out with a note from the King letting them pass. Princess Aravaine does not have any secret compartments that can be mentioned in polite company.

When the Clown Elementals are defeated, or Princess Aravaine lets the characters pass, there is a door on the far side of the very large (but not the largest the characters have ever seen) chamber. The door is not made of cheese. It is not locked and not trapped, but if any of the characters insults the door in any way, it will attack. The door is actually a polymorphed Wood Elf, so use those stats if the door attacks.

kenobi65 said:

Erratta: Ooops, we forgot. One of the bats is using the AXE OF MORGOSH. Really.

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I made the appropriate correction, as the original was obviously a typo. It now reads "...under the bed bat in encounter 27."

Thornir Alekeg said:

Well, I don't really know, but is this a Wheel of Time module? It sure sounds like Robert Jordan's style

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Only if it mentions embroidery, and has princesses bathing together while guarded by their sh'amal'amara'madingd'ongs.