Tharivious
First Post
Over recent months, the boards have been burdened by personal stresses, confrontations, frustrations, questions, comments, and threadsurrection of uplifting threads of days gone past. So, in the spirit of those uplifting threads, I figured I'd offer my own dose of humour. Some of this is inspired by recent events, some of this is built on the all time great issues of yesteryear, all of it is intended to be enjoyed as what it is: Humour.
Though it is all a joke, some of the information is actually useful, just phrased in a humourous way. It's possible for comedy to be educational, after all!
Disclaimer: I have a fairly dry sense of humour, and might have a bit of a scathing tone at times. If you take such things personally, this thread probably isn't for you, and you should turn back now. However, if you think you might be guilty of some of these things but are able to laugh at yourself and those around you, read on, and enjoy.
With that said, I bring to you 20 examples of flawed logic, common mistakes, complaints that can be easily solved, and other such fun things, that I hope you can all laugh at (you, in this case, being those that haven't turned back after reading the disclaimer).
And just for fun, because I'm in the right mood for it:
Feel free to add your own, and let the humour grow. Vent, vent my friends, but vent in a funny way! Remember, check your anger at the door.
Though it is all a joke, some of the information is actually useful, just phrased in a humourous way. It's possible for comedy to be educational, after all!
Disclaimer: I have a fairly dry sense of humour, and might have a bit of a scathing tone at times. If you take such things personally, this thread probably isn't for you, and you should turn back now. However, if you think you might be guilty of some of these things but are able to laugh at yourself and those around you, read on, and enjoy.
With that said, I bring to you 20 examples of flawed logic, common mistakes, complaints that can be easily solved, and other such fun things, that I hope you can all laugh at (you, in this case, being those that haven't turned back after reading the disclaimer).
- #1: Where do I start? All of the good ideas have been done before...
Nonsense. Just because ideas have been done doesn't mean that ideas have been exhausted. Everyone has their own unique way of playing their characters. Put your own spin on it, find your own twist. This goes for storylines too, just look at how Hollywood keeps turning out movie after movie. Are they new stories? Of course not, but they aren't all identical, and many of them are still enjoyable (ignore the insipid garbage many studios are putting out now, don't let the failures of overpaid yes-men get you down). - #2: But that's hard to do. I want to have an easy time of making something different from everything else.
Tough luck. A lot of us have seen it all over the years, be it drunken Irish martial artists or obsessive compulsive vampires that can speak without rhyming (both me! Ha, bet you didn't think I'd make a target of myself, did you?!). If you want to do something new, you're going to have to work on it, or accept the fact that your roleplaying is going to have to be what keeps your character new and different from the others. - #3: That new book [movie/video game/comic book/whatever] was awesome! Time to make the greatest character ever by copying it!
Or the worst case of plagiarism (probably an exaggeration, but it's still bad). Unless you can twist the concept cleverly enough to be somewhat unrecognizable, people will catch the pop-culture reference and do one of two things: Find it mildly amusing as a novelty act, or brand you derivitive, and ignore you from then on out. Add to this the issue of retcons, sequels, and other official material that is likely to complicate your storyline, and it usually isn't worth the effort of building so heavily off of someone else's material if you don't know the creator personally. - #4: I kick puppies and stab little babies in the head. I am teh ev0l!!!
No, you are a bad cliche that has watched too many Saturday morning cartoons on the Fox network from the early 1990s. Evil doesn't do those things unless they're so weak that pushing around helpless cute creatures is the only way they can get their kicks. That's right, acting like this makes you look like a toadie. You will be laughed at by all of the truly evil characters, targetted for beatings by the good aligned characters, and generally ignored by the neutral types. You can play this sort of evil if you want to, but don't be surprised when you wind up in debt to some higher villain who just hauled your rear-end out of the way of that paladin's lance and really do become the toadie that this sort of behaviour makes you appear to be. - #5: Okayz... Then... I'll be the kewtest thing evar and make puppies and kitties look mean.
Fine, but you're getting my dental bills. Being good aligned is one thing, but playing a pile of raw cane sugar is another entirely. Yes, good aligned characters can be incredibly sweet and kind and good natured. But they can just as easily be grumpy, surly brutes that won't help you up out of the mud, but will still stand up and fight to defend the weak if something really unfortunate happens. Just like not all evil kicks puppies, not all good has to give you a toothache. - #6: Everyone hates me because of how I play my character now...
I highly doubt that. And even if they do, does it matter what people that judge you personally based on your portrayal of a fictional character think? People can give advice, people can make suggestions, but if you think that they hate you, then find other people to talk to. We can't have a lot of sympathy for you if you let a few bad apples make you think that everyone thinks the same way. And remember, second hand (or worse) information is rarely reliable. Just because you hear something doesn't mean it's true, and depending on your source of this information, it could be an outright fabrication to begin with. - #7: Ph34r me! I am teh p0werful!
No. Your grandstanding about thrashing entire nations from canon D&D settings or conquering entire well-known planes of existence is not cool. It is not entertaining. It is not appreciated. As a matter of fact, it is something that gets laughed at, and rightfully so. Going back to Myth #3, too much recognizability will only get you ridiculed or a mild dismissive chuckle. Likewise, bragging about thrashing Elminster (or Mordenkainen, or Drizzt [no matter how appealing the idea of thrashing Mr Angsty around might be], or whatever), even if your character is level 40 compared to his level 34 ("But the book says..." - It doesn't matter what the book says!), will not get you street cred, it will get you the same sort of look that you give the shouting derelicts on city street corners that go on about the end times drawing near. Likewise, claiming to have slept with The Simbul is just not cool - I need say no more. Conversely... - #8: LIES. Everyone ph34rs me, no one will go to the clearing when I'm the one to fight!
If you claim Phenomenal Cosmic Power, in or out of character, and wave it around like a banner carrier at war, odds are good that no one wants to face your character in combat, because they've seen that road before. If your character is powerful enough to cast eighteen spells before anyone else can blink, or if you have a single attack that can roll enough dice to crush someone's skull (by which I mean physical, plastic dice - if your damage pool is closing in on half the bones in the human body, you may want to rethink why you did such a thing), chances are you fall into this category. - #9: But you make that sound like a bad thing. Everyone else is just so powerful, why shouldn't I be powerful too?
No, I don't make it sound like a bad thing, because it simply is a bad thing. This is a freeform roleplaying environment where the stats don't matter, so yes, being all powerful is a bad thing. When it comes to freeform, it is paramount that you not have the skeleton key to all problems, otherwise, you run into the new problem that no one will build a storyline with you, because the solution is always too easily found. As far as anyone else being powerful, no that does not justify ramping up your own powers. Not all characters are as powerful as they seem, and not all are as weak as they seem. The difference is, some players flaunt powerful characters more than others do, and it is usually these ego-stroking players that become the "Ooooh, they're so powerful!" stereotypes because they forget to accept weaknesses in return for that power. Odds are also quite good that such powerful characters aren't actually that powerful to begin with (for example, a spellcaster that seems to be using spells from all across the gamut probably isn't as potent with all of them as one who focuses on a single variety). Likewise, characters that have a particular speciality might appear very powerful when engaged in that speciality, when their other aspects are quite weak. Remember, everyone has their flaws, even the titans of the uber-set. - #10: Oh, I get it. My weakness is kryptonite, but no one else can have kryptonite. Is that cool?
Unless your name is Kal-el and you're from Krypton, in which case you might want to look at Myth #3, no, that's not cool. A weakness is only a weakness if it actually becomes a factor in the character's existence. Now, bear in mind that weaknesses can even be a social thing, an addiction, or a mental habit, such as a penchant for a certain sort of person, a drinking problem, or having to count out everything that they do, becoming very agitated and uneasy if prevented from performing their fixation. Be creative, but leave room for others to actually find the hook and take hold once in a while. - #11: Oh, okay. So my character has a weakness for women, and will cling to any woman he sees. Better?
Not really, no. While it might be entertaining to some, it can also be incredibly annoying to others. Remember, unless you're aiming to be hated (which isn't always a bad thing, everyone needs something to hate once in a while), clinging in such a way to half of the characters you're likely to come across is likely to make you a fair number of enemies in character, and cause a degree of frustration in players out of character who just want to be left alone for a while. This is particularly annoying if your character is untouchable in combat, since blindly pursuing every potential romantic dalliance is likely to get you challenged to a duel. - #12: So, moderation is the key?
Now you're getting it. Just like with the power level of the character, the role that their quirks play should be set in moderation. Moderation keeps quirks from becoming gimmicks and overwhelming the personality of the character. Quirks should enhance the character, not define their entire being. - #13: I just started a new love story for my character. It's going to last forever!
If you manage that, not only will I be shocked, but I want to be your agent when you sign your book deal on making relationships last. Real life fact: more than half of all marriages end in divorce, particularly true among second marriages. If the odds are against actual people, the odds are no better or worse for fictional characters. It's possible that the relationship can last, but it's likely to be just as stressful and filled with conflict as real life relationships. - #15: Got it, ISRP relationships are like real relationships. I'm going to hook up with the other player then, just to make sure.
Whoa there tiny, odds are slim to none of that working out. Remember, everyone on this site has a real life to go back to when they leave the computer behind. There are fair odds that the person you're dealing with could be married, underage, or of a gender not corresponding to their character's. Not only that, but the odds are even better that the person on the other end of that computer connection has no interest in a romantic hook up built off of an in-character thing. I'm not saying it can't happen, because I've seen it happen, but don't go looking for it, you'll only make matters harder on yourself and those around you. - #16: But everyone seems to interact so much.
Well, yes. That's going to happen in a community. People will form friendships, they will form bonds, and they will form groups of like-minded individuals. Guess what? We're human, even if we are merely represented by a bunch of 0s and 1s that convert to data on your screen. - #17: Some community this is. Look at all the arguing that's going on.
Yeah, and your point is? Humans, remember. We as a species wage open war, political conflict, territorial disputes, and petty feuds. Not everyone is going to get along with everyone else. People are generally civil here though, but everyone has their limits. Every two years or so, some new trend files through the community that leads to complaints, which in turn leads to people getting tired of the complaints. This too is human nature, as we all have our breaking points. Try to understand where the frustration is coming from. People that have been here longer have gone through the same problems, but accepted it, and moved on. Naturally, if they have to see others struggling through it, and have their advice rebuked at every turn, they're going to get frustrated. Likewise, there will always be camps that can't get along with each other based on their personal mindsets. Stat-junkies don't see eye-to-eye with plot-players, combat-masters don't always appreciate romance stories. We have our differences, accept them, and move on. - #18: Ok, so we won't all get along, but some will. Now to make the people that I like stick to my plans and run their storylines at my convenience!
Try that again in slow motion, that was quite the mental leap. It doesn't work that way, young padawan. You can't make people do anything here, you can ask, you can convince, you can even prod once in a while, but you can't force it. If you really want a storyline to go by your schedule, put something together on your own, or find a storyline that is already moving at a pace you like. Moreover, people change their own plans due to real-life influences, and can't always maintain their storylines at the rate that others would like. Have patience, and you'll do fine. - #19: Okay, I've got three storylines to start and finish in the next seven days. This week is going to be the best ever! [fast forward to two weeks later] I'm so bored...
I'm not surprised. If your storyline has a planned duration of one week, I advise training your attention span to become more useful than that of a gnat. A week is not a story, it is a prologue. If you are finding yourself bored because the storylines you involve yourself in are over in a matter of days, reconsider the storylines that you're getting into. - #20: But I want it nooooooowwwwwww!!!!
You can't have everything handed to you immediately. Just because this is the age of instant gratification, does not entitle anyone to immediate reward without putting the effort into what they're doing. We are not a microwaved dinner. You cannot place us into a box, press 3, 0, 0, and Start, and expect a meal that's going to stand by you. If you want something satisfying, you need to marinate, prepare, and roast that turkey dinner, the old fashioned way. If you want fast food, be prepared to be hungry again in an hour or so. This is the problem created by the modern-era: Technology has advanced so much, that the current generation of teens and early-20-somethings have not experienced the era of having to wait for what they want. Have patience, good things come to those that wait. Yes, I know that I'm 22 as of right now, but I prefer the traditional way of life practiced by my ancestors that walked the earth... well, that are still walking the earth.
And just for fun, because I'm in the right mood for it:
- #X: You're mean, you know that?
Yes, I do know that, and I'm quite proud of it. I generally dislike humanity, and take a sarcastic and cynical outlook to the world around me. Why, then, is this on a list of flawed logic and fallacies? Because once you get to know me, I'm actually not a bad guy. So look past the surly attitude, and laugh. Or else.
Feel free to add your own, and let the humour grow. Vent, vent my friends, but vent in a funny way! Remember, check your anger at the door.
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