Gaming Pride / Gaming Shame

Nifft · Sep 3, 2008

So, how do we all feel about D&D?

Personally, I hide my gaming by default. It's not something I mention when people ask about hobbies. I'm more likely to mention computer games (particularly those I've contributed to) than pen & paper, at least until I get to know people.

Why is this? Because I don't want to be defined by D&D. It's something I do, not something I am, if that makes sense. I don't want it to be the first association people make when they think of me.

Anyway, I'm curious how other people relate to gaming in general, and D&D in specific.

Cheers, -- N

PS: Inspired by this very classy response from Wayne Charness which makes me feel cautiously optimistic regarding gamer stigma. (Please don't discuss political stuff in this thread, though.)

Nightchilde-2 · Sep 3, 2008

I'm open with my gaming. I don't get in peoples' faces with it, but if someone at work or somewhere happens to notice one of my gaming books (D&D or otherwise), I'll gladly answer any questions they have.

Dragonbait · Sep 3, 2008

I try to hide it. I figure if I say that I play D&D, people will think I'm a nerd. Turns out people just assume I play D&D even if I don't say anything about it... "Yeah.. I play D&D on Friday nights.""Oh. I kind of figured that you did.""..Oh.."I know a number of people who are very open about it. Several friends of mine (a football player and an ex-Marine) are very open about it. Several don't speak of it openly in public. It's that whole stupid social stigma thing that's more self-percieved than anything. Most of the time people have no clue what D&D or RPGs are. They think of video games or board games.

Protagonist · Sep 3, 2008

[isp/enworld posting mishap]

El Mahdi · Sep 3, 2008

I don't hide it, and I'm more than willing to tell people I play DnD. When I was in the Air Force, my job was (mostly) an Avionics Technician, or in Air Force parlance, a Pointy Head - basically just a way of saying a tech nerd (as opposed to crew chiefs or APG - the more mechanical side of Air Force aircraft maintenance - which were called knuckle draggers or worse, nose pickers).* So I figured if I told people I played DnD, at worst they'd just see me as the nerd that they already considered me. Conversely, if someone thought I was a Devil Worshiper because I played, well, that could only be cool. On the serious side however, I enjoy breaking stereotypes and peoples perceptions. I enjoy telling people I play D&D since most people who don't play, but have heard about it, have a preconcieved idea of what gamers look and act like. They usually don't expect a crusty old retired NCO to be into DnD. So, I don't hide it and I even try to have some fun with it. *Doesn't it reassure you that your highly trained military professionals can be sooooo sophomoric, but oh well, there it is.

Protagonist · Sep 3, 2008

I used to be fairly defensive over mentioning d&d when I was a teenager, but nowadays I have embraced my inner geek

I have also worn this shirt more than a few times to university, so I am officially "outed" as a gamer there. ^^ Re: Nifft's admitting to playing video games: Somehow it seems really absurd how accepted video games are, while p&p rpgs are still stigmatised.

Nightchilde-2 · Sep 3, 2008

Dragonbait said:
I try to hide it. I figure if I say that I play D&D, people will think I'm a nerd. Turns out people just assume I play D&D even if I don't say anything about it... "Yeah.. I play D&D on Friday nights.""Oh. I kind of figured that you did.""..Oh.."I know a number of people who are very open about it. Several friends of mine (a football player and an ex-Marine) are very open about it. Several don't speak of it openly in public. It's that whole stupid social stigma thing that's more self-percieved than anything. Most of the time people have no clue what D&D or RPGs are. They think of video games or board games.

I was like that for a long time; never told anyone I gamed except the people that were going to get close to me personally. Then, one day, around age 30, I decided "I like video games. I like roleplaying. I like comic books. And I don't care what anyone else thinks because this is who I am." And lo, did it bring about a sense of inner peace.

Kzach · Sep 3, 2008

Normally I just don't care what people think of me so I tell anyone and everyone flat out that I play and I say it with pride.

I recently started a job where your social interaction with other staff members can have a big impact on how well you succeed in the organisation. And I am feeling that it may be prudent not to mention that I play D&D there as there is most definitely still a stigma attached to the hobby.

If anything, WoW has made this worse, not better.

Halivar · Sep 3, 2008

My social circle is a venn diagram: gamer-nerds on one side, preppy-socialites on the other side. The overlap has two people. My policy with the "cool" side is simple: don't ask me about Dungeons & Dragons if you don't want to hear about it. I invite people over to my house to cook for them all the time, and I don't hide my D&D/fantasy novel bookshelf or my vast comic-book collection. In fact, there is a 1-in-3 chance that guests will show up with the previous session's map/minis/books/dice still out on the dinner table. Some people roll their eyes; others shrug it off. Nobody goes, "Oh, cool!!!"

EDIT: Funny: one time some of my girl friends posed with my minis and took pictures while I was cooking in the kitchen. They put them up on Facebook. Everyone was, like, what the heck?

Theo R Cwithin · Sep 3, 2008

I've found it just doesn't come up much. I don't volunteer the info because it doesn't occur to me to do so, I suppose. If someone asks about the gaming books on my shelf, sure, I'll talk to them about it, but I feel no compulsion to say "Hello, my name is Jimbo, and I play Dungeons and Dragons!"

Whenever it has come up, there's never been any negative reaction, at least not in the last 15 years anyway. Actually, the oddest reactions I get are from certain gamers who sometimes seem surprised by the fact that I don't play video games or MMORPGs!