Affairs

Just heard "Me and Mrs. Jones" by Billy Paul on the radio. This is another of those songs that I loved since I was young, but it wasn't until I was a adult that I understood what it was really about.

Have you ever been invloved, in any way, with an extramarital/relationship affair? As a participant, as a witness, as a friend, as a victim? What are your thoughts on the subject?

Bullgrit

People are too stuffy and possessive. Maybe some people can just sleep with one person for all of their life, but not all. We should stop the hypocrisy, especially if you are from the school of thought that it is about controlling women's uterus to make sure men aren't spending resources on another man's genes.

I haven't since I've been married but I have cheated, have been cheated on and have seen friends - married and not - cheat and be cheated on. It's almost like it's a pretty natural thing.

For me, though, it's out of my system. Plus the potential financial cost makes it far less than worth it.

Never been cheated on, never cheated. Have seen a bunch of it, though...including once (paradoxically) in a so-called "open relationship".

IMHO, people should be a lot more upfront on their views of monogamy, because when the pairbonders mix with the rolling stones, its always a mess.

Yup. There ain't many ways to do this sort of thing wrong but if ya ain't clear, well, some pretty damaging mistakes can happen. Oh, and it helps to be honest with yourself first, too.

My thoughts?

Never do business with an (unrepentant) adulterer: a man who cheats on his wife will also cheat you.

Weird to admit on this site, but I've never cheated on someone, but I've been "the other guy" a few times.

Bullgrit said:

Have you ever been invloved, in any way, with an extramarital/relationship affair?

Click to expand...

No, and I really hope I never am.

As a participant, as a witness, as a friend, as a victim?

Click to expand...

Again, no. However, I'm aware of a guy in my band who recently had an affair and is now suffering the consequences. It's actually quite sad - it was a stupid mistake, if he had the time over he wouldn't do it, he still loves his wife... but she is divorcing him.

(I should note: I am in no way excusing his behaviour, or suggesting anything other than that he was in the wrong. He clearly was, and will admit that himself. Also, I don't know his wife at all - all I see is his side, where someone I know is in pain.)

What are your thoughts on the subject?

Click to expand...

The Golden Rule applies - do unto others as you would have them do to you.

Cheating on someone is not a good thing, whether you are married or not. If you don't want to be in a relationship then end it, and then go be with the person you want to be with. And if you don't want to do that, because the cost of breaking up the relationship is too high, then perhaps you shouldn't be cheating in the first place? If nothing else, it will probably be much less difficult for all concerned if you end things then begin your new relationship, rather than cheat, get found out, and have the whole thing explode at once.

(In the past, I would have had more sympathy for extramarital affairs, since marriage was for life and much harder to end. But it is now relatively easy to dissolve a marriage, so that justification is largely moot.)

Having said all that... I'm very aware that life is a pretty messy business, and that everybody is under different stresses, has different weaknesses, and so on and so forth. So, really, the above is a statement of principle, but not necessarily something that will stand up to reality. Mostly, I'm just grateful that I've not been involved, and hoping that I will continue to not be involved.

I've been the "other guy" (and I suspected one of my girlfriends long ago of not being particularly faithful), but very much in a casual sense. It's not something I'm comfortable with, or proud of. Personally I feel that if you're in a relationship, quite apart from the love aspect, you should respect your partner. And that includes not carrying on behind their back.

If I found out that someone was having an affair or cheating, I wouldn't say anything about it, or get involved in anyway, unless it was one of my (handful of) closest friends. I'd probably tell them to think carefully about what they were doing, but for the rest I'd try to ignore it. If it was the partner of my close friends I might be a bit more forceful about getting them to sort out their act.

I never understood this sort of thing and I find the underlying dishonesty incomprehensible.

Then again, I must say that being honest and forthright about relationships is so difficult, for reasons on both the social and the personal level, that I can understand why it's appealing for people to plow ahead with life without ever talking to their partner about what a relationship is to them and about how they actually feel towards each other.