Dungeons & Dragons - The Musical

[Dannyalcatraz]

Ok...you asked for it!

(Well, you really didn't, but you're getting it anyway)

Hero 1: "Anything you can kill, I can kill more of!
I can slay anything better than you!"
Hero 2: "No you can't"
Hero 1:"Yes I can!
Hero 2: No, you can't
Hero 1: Yes, I can
Hero 2: No, you can't
Hero 1: Yes, I can, yes, I can

Hero 2: Any bow you can pull, I can pull harder!
......In archery, I'm greater than you
Hero 1: No, you're not
Hero 2: Yes, I am
Hero 1: No, you're not
Hero 2: Yes, I am
Hero 1: No, you're not
Hero 2: Yes, I am, yes I am

Hero 2: I can slay a dragon with a single arrow
Hero 1: I can slay a dragon with only the bow
Hero 2: I can live on bread and cheese
Hero 1: And only on that?
Hero 2: Yes
Hero 1: So can a rat

Hero 2: Any keep you can breach I can breach faster
Hero 1: I can breach any keep faster than you
Hero 2: No, you can't
Hero 1: Yes, I can
Hero 2: No, you can't
Hero 1: Yes, I can
Hero 2: No, you can't
Hero 1: Yes, I can
Hero 2: No, you can't
Hero 1: Yes, I can
Hero 2: No, you can't
Hero 1: Yes, I can

Hero 2: Anything you can bend I can bend farther
Hero 1: I can bend anything farther than you
Hero 2: No, you can't
Hero 1: Yes, I can
Hero 2: No, you can't
Hero 1: Yes, I can
Hero 2: No, you can't
Hero 1: Yes, I can, yes, I can

Hero 2: I can drink my liquor faster than a flicker
Hero 1: I can do it quicker and get even sicker
Hero 2: I can open any safe
Hero 1: Without being caught?
Hero 2: Sure
Hero 1: That's what I thought (you crook)

Hero 2: Any weight you can hold I can hold longer
Hero 1: I can hold any weight longer than you
Hero 2: No, you can't
Hero 1: Yes, I can
Hero 2: No, you can't
Hero 1: Yes, I can
Hero 2: No, you can't
Hero 1: Yes, I can, yes, I can
Hero 2: No, you can't - Oh! You can!

Hero 1: Armor that you can wear I can wear better
......Dressed in your armor I'd look better than you
Hero 2: In my coif
Hero 1: In your mail
Hero 2: In my greaves
Hero 1: In your helm
Hero 2: No, you can't
Hero 1: Yes, I can, yes, I can

Hero 2: I can jump a hurdle
Hero 1: I can wear a girdle
Hero 2: I look great in leather
Hero 1: I can fill it better
Hero 2: I can do most anything
Hero 1: Can you bake a pie?
Hero 2: No
Hero 1: Neither can I

Hero 2: Any sword you can swing I can swing faster
Hero 1: I can swing any sword faster than you
Hero 2: No, you can't
Hero 1: Yes, I can
Hero 2: No, you can't
Hero 1: Oh, yes, I can
Hero 2: No, you can't
Hero 1: Yes, I can
Hero 2: No, you can't
Hero 1: Yes, I can
Hero 2: No, you can't, can't, can't
Hero 1: Yes, I can, can, can, can
Hero 2: No, you can't
Hero 1: Yes, I can

 

[Asmor]

The Hero, Wizard and Fighter are on their way out of the forest when a nimble young lass jumps out from behind a tree.

Rogue:
Well well well, where might you three be going?

Wizard:
We are heading to the hills to meet an old friend. Who might you be?

Rogue:
Don't worry about that, I'll ask the questions, gramps. Now, I'm sure you just didn't realize, but this road's private property, and you need to pay a toll.

Hero:
A toll?

Rogue:
A toll.

Wizard:
There's no toll!

Rogue:
There's a toll!

(singing)

Rogue:
A toll!
To pass through here you must pay a toll!
If you're a cheapskate your head shall roll!
To pass through here you must pay a toll!

Wizard:
(sighing) A thief...
There is no toll on this road, you thief!
This I know and not merely believe!
There is no toll on this road, you thief!

Cleric:
You fob!
You don't know who you're trying to rob!
Harry's a wizard and this guy's Bob.
You don't know who you're trying to rob!

Hero:
Leave! Run!
With one cut of my sword you'll be done!
It will be easy-- heck even fun!
With one cut of my sword you'll be done!

Rogue:
Darn it!
I'd not realized you three were so fit.
Now I found myself knees-deep in... poop.
I'd not realized you three were so fit.

(Talking)

Rogue:
Please, accept my apologies and I'll be on my way.

Wizard:
Very well, you're lucky we're on a quest and cannot be delayed.

Cleric:
Yes, there is a terrible dragon that must be destroyed!

Rogue:
A dragon?

(singing)
Fighter:
A dragon!
We three shall slay a dragon!
We must not del--

(holding up his hands and shouting)
Wizard:
Stop that!

Rogue:
A dragon's lair can be heavily protected... It seems to me you could use some help from someone skilled in the art of adventuring.

Wizard:
And I suppose you're just the person, right?

Rogue:
Great, glad we're agreed. Off to the hills to find this friend of ours!

(Fade as the other three argue with the rogue)