A D&D relationship issue

[Dannyalcatraz]

Lets not sell Jane short- she may just surprise us all, and be more of a "tough broad" and less of a "hothouse flower."

Still, if she does join the group, be aware that someone may feel the need to tweek her sensibilities from time to time and be gratuitously crude or profane.

Just like it would be unfair of her to demand that they change for her, it would be equally unfair of them to intentionally treat her thus. In a work environment, that would be called "creating a hostile work environment." In a game group, that would be called "majorly uncool."

 

[Korgoth]

I sympathize regarding the issue of religious gamers because I am one. The issue is complicated because a religion will identify certain moral absolutes, but each person who is a believer will also have an individual temperment. For example, the health of a person's prayer life and the amount of time they devote to the study of sacred texts is not necessarily connected to whether they drink alcohol, smoke stogies or habitually speak in a loud and strident manner. You might have a timid backslider or a raucous saint.

Some of the issues might actually be issues of temperment. For example, my EPT group contains those who habitually use invective and those who rarely (or in one case never) do; some who espouse dangerously erroneous religious and political views and others who are right-thinking and just. But we're all of the appropriate temperment to get along... and there have been a few who were of incompatible temperment who sadly ended up departing our company voluntarily. I would have preferred if they stayed (though there's 8 in the group including me, so we're not in any trouble) but that's how it goes sometimes.

A person might have made a prudential judgment to avoid the society of people who do X or Y; that could be a purely rational judgment unrelated to their temperment. So it won't do to be dismissive in any case.

I suppose the bottom line is that if you feel that you or your group engage in disreputable behavior, now is an opportunity to shape up. But if you behave in a reputable fashion, as reasonable adults, then you're not really bound to change much to accomodate this newcomer (regardless of the merits of her theological ideas). If your group behaves reasonably then it's up to this girl to decide if she likes the group enough to deal with your foibles (whatever those happen to be; we all have them). If she is presented with a reasonable environment in which to socialize and decides that it isn't what she's looking for, then that's OK for her.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

I sympathize regarding the issue of religious gamers because I am one.

Hey, me too!

I'm sure that you had to endure your share of religious relatives, friends, mentors, etc. who thought you were in dire peril of going to H-E-double hockey sticks because of D&D.

Glad to hear you got through it!

And I hope Jack & Jane can too.

 

[Asmor]

There's entirely too much good, level-headed advice in this thread. So in order to balance things out, I recommend inviting her and suggesting that the group is ripe for proselytizing and she might want to bring a few extra bibles.

Meanwhile, you tell the rest of the group they'll get a 10% bonus on experience points for every commandment they can break during the game, and a free magic item for each of the seven deadly sins which they can indulge in.

Finally, put on some Slayer, Marilyn Manson, or any random black metal; make some popcorn; sit back and enjoy the show.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

You forgot serving baby-back ribs...made with real babies.

 

[radja]

ofcourse, to appease Jane you may want to give Jane a 10% bonus to experience points if she does especially biblical things, like stoning a wizard..

 

[Wycen]

My suggestion is do a dry run. Invite her to witness the proceedings, but not actually play (though of course comments from the peanut gallery are expected).

Ultimately it is better she decide to play or not, rather than be persuaded by all the situations I foresee.

 

[Kzach]

When in Rome, do as the Romans.

She is coming into your game. Therefore she has to abide by the customs and conventions that are already established. If you went to her home, would you be able to curse and blaspheme?

 

[Mark Chance]

Tell your buddy she's free to come in and join the game, but not until after you've explained to her that you're an adult running a game for adults....

The implication being that if one doesn't game with cursing and barmaid-cleavage jokes then one isn't an adult?

 

[Jack7]

I sympathize regarding the issue of religious gamers because I am one. The issue is complicated because a religion will identify certain moral absolutes, but each person who is a believer will also have an individual temperment. For example, the health of a person's prayer life and the amount of time they devote to the study of sacred texts is not necessarily connected to whether they drink alcohol, smoke stogies or habitually speak in a loud and strident manner. You might have a timid backslider or a raucous saint.

Some of the issues might actually be issues of temperment. For example, my EPT group contains those who habitually use invective and those who rarely (or in one case never) do; some who espouse dangerously erroneous religious and political views and others who are right-thinking and just. But we're all of the appropriate temperment to get along... and there have been a few who were of incompatible temperment who sadly ended up departing our company voluntarily. I would have preferred if they stayed (though there's 8 in the group including me, so we're not in any trouble) but that's how it goes sometimes.

A person might have made a prudential judgment to avoid the society of people who do X or Y; that could be a purely rational judgment unrelated to their temperment. So it won't do to be dismissive in any case.

I suppose the bottom line is that if you feel that you or your group engage in disreputable behavior, now is an opportunity to shape up. But if you behave in a reputable fashion, as reasonable adults, then you're not really bound to change much to accomodate this newcomer (regardless of the merits of her theological ideas). If your group behaves reasonably then it's up to this girl to decide if she likes the group enough to deal with your foibles (whatever those happen to be; we all have them). If she is presented with a reasonable environment in which to socialize and decides that it isn't what she's looking for, then that's OK for her.

Well-stated.