A D&D relationship issue

[Herschel]

ofcourse, to appease Jane you may want to give Jane a 10% bonus to experience points if she does especially biblical things, like stoning a wizard..

Man, now you tell me. I can't begin to calculate the amount of XP I've missed over the years.

If she's game, she'll realize she's joining YOUR (collective) game and bring pizza. Sausage and Mushroom is one of the great diplomatic tools in the universe. Then she may or may not ask for certain things to be thought of.

 

[Janx]

People have pretty much hit on all the salient points an warning signs.

A newbie should expect to join the group as is. They are the strangers who should try to fit in or leave.

An SO joining the game has some many red flags that you gotta watch out for a different game being played, lest it ruin your table. This is also why the newbie doesn't get to make requests or demands.

GMs make the gods for their game world. They are fake gods (not false gods). If the GM wanted to model the real world, he'd have done so. Since this is a game with fictional religions, the PCs should worship a fictional god that the player feels comfortable with. How hard is it to pick the "nicest" god in the game? What your PC does in a fictitious world does not reflect on the player's values. I'm pretty sure your preferred real world deity gets your morals when you pick a good god and have a Good alignment. Anybody who can't come to that conclusion probably has a number of other personal restrictions that are going to clash with gaming.

At least for me and my players, nobody pays attention to the religion in the game, unless they are playing a class that requires it. It never comes up.

Ultimately, don't change your game. Talk to Jane if you can. Be wary of bringing her in.

 

[Mallus]

Here's what I'd do:

I'd try to make Jane welcome. Really, I would. Frankly, I wouldn't concern myself with her reasons for joining the group. At least, not until a problem arose. "Judge not lest ye be judged" and all...

But... I'd also cordially and honestly explain to her the tenor of the group. Be up front that she might not like everything that's said at the table and the group won't change for her, however, she's still welcome. Leave the choice up to her. Be honest, but don't try to make the decision for her.

And... don't focus on her religion. This is a people issue. If she does play, and wants to play a cleric of Jehovah, make it clear that the game is about fantasy, and no real-world religions are used, out of respect for them.

Also, try to avoid speculating about her motives. No good can come of that. Maybe she has the best of intentions, maybe not. But she's important to a friend of yours, so at least give her the benefit of the doubt.

You can't prevent other people from behaving like pricks, but you can prevent yourself.

 

[catsclaw227]

Here's what I'd do:

I'd try to make Jane welcome. Really, I would. Frankly, I wouldn't concern myself with her reasons for joining the group. At least, not until a problem arose. "Judge not lest ye be judged" and all...

But... I'd also cordially and honestly explain to her the tenor of the group. Be up front that she might not like everything that's said at the table and the group won't change for her, however, she's still welcome. Leave the choice up to her. Be honest, but don't try to make the decision for her.

And... don't focus on her religion. This is a people issue. If she does play, and wants to play a cleric of Jehovah, make it clear that the game is about fantasy, and no real-world religions are used, out of respect for them.

Also, try to avoid speculating about her motives. No good can come of that. Maybe she has the best of intentions, maybe not. But she's important to a friend of yours, so at least give her the benefit of the doubt.

You can't prevent other people from behaving like pricks, but you can prevent yourself.

This is basically what I was trying to say, only Mallus' response was more eloquent.

I should hire you to type most of my posts for me.

 

[Turtlejay]

It was mentioned that her PC would likely want to worship God, that could spark some religious problems. . .for that I'd make sure she understood this was a make-believe game in a make-believe world, and that would detract from it's make-believe nature. If she has problems with her PC worshipping a fake god, there is no rule mandating worship in D&D. It can be a less emphasized area of her character.

And let me be one of the only ones saying that this can be a good thing. How else is our hobby going to grow, if not by people sharing it? In my circle of gaming friends, two guys have introduced their significant others to gaming. Both girls may have not been gamers when they began, but they do seem to enjoy gaming and both have caught on to the rules and the game fairly quickly. Rough patches exist whenever personalities differ, so don't make this about religion or relationships when it could possibly work out splendid, and when failure likely has nothing to do with either of those things.

Jay

 

[Engilbrand]

I like to swear. I have a group of friends who are predominantly Christian. Around them, I tone it back a lot. I ran some D&D for them a few years ago, and it went really well. I was running some Eberron modules, and I matched the game to what they expected. It was fun.
As a player, though, in a preestablished group, I'm not going to change the way that I do things. If I'm being a douche as a person and a friend points it out, then I'll stop. If I'm not, then I'm not going to change. If I were told that someone was bringing in a girlfriend, and she expected me not to swear or make any comment that could remotely be construed as sexual, I would refuse. Not a problem.

DM- "Hey, Mark. Jake wants to bring his girlfriend in. I told him that it would be okay on a trial basis. She has some conditions. As you know, she and Jake are rather religious, so she wants the game to be PG. She doesn't want to hear any swear words, and she doesn't want any sexual comments to be made."

Me- "HA! That's too damn bad. That's not the game that we've been playing, so that wouldn't be fair. Also, f___ that. If she joins us, she'll need to get over it. Will I tone it down a bit for a while as I get to know her? Absolutely. But if she calls me out on anything, I'll let her know exactly what the issue is."

Does that make me seem like a douche? Possibly. The people who know me know exactly what to expect, though. In a way, I would consider Jake an idiot if he didn't expect me to act this way, especially because I would be upfront about everything.

Recommendation: Tell her that she will need to get along with the group and it will be up to her to ask people to change the game. If they want to, fine. If they refuse, then she doesn't have a right to complain.

I don't believe that personal religious convictions have anything to do with a roleplaying game. I hold a lot of very traditional values, but I don't play my characters that way. I'm not religious, but I've played religious characters in a few different ways. (Dogs in the Vineyard rocks!) In much the same way that I wouldn't swear if I were entering a very conservative game and was asked not to swear beforehand, she shouldn't expect for her convictions to be allowed to trump the other people in the group.

 

[Remathilis]

A long time ago, a girl who was a friend asked to play. She was fine with cursing and such (though out of respect, the bawdy humor got toned down; no one said anything, just a general silent consensus) but she wanted to play a cleric of "God." My simple answer to her was "I understand you not being comfortable with a character worshiping a 'false God' but I don't like using real faiths in my world. Besides, do YOU want me acting as the Voice of God for this game?"

She debated the idea of being a generic cleric (2e: one with no deity but served a higher cause of goodness) but settled on bard instead. She never did write down a deity on the character sheet, btw.

Another point to the OP: What is your Male:Female ratio? She might become more comfortable if she sees other women playing and interacting and drop some of the preconceived notions of crude, barbaric gamer geeks.

 

[Henry]

The implication being that if one doesn't game with cursing and barmaid-cleavage jokes then one isn't an adult?

Two words, my good man: Ale, and Whores.

 

[SolitonMan]

I am utterly appalled at the tenor and content of the responses on this thread! Not one of you has asked the OP the relevant question:

Is Jane hot?

If yes, by all means invite her to the game, but beware that she may just end up distracting the other players. If not, then I suppose some of the previous posts may contain a glimmer of relevant advice...




Disclaimer: The preceding post is an exercise in late in the week office humor. No offense was intended with the content of this post. No animals or children were harmed during the creation of this post.

 

[Mallus]

I should hire you to type most of my posts for me.

Before any money changes hands I should probably mention that I suffer from periodic lapses in judgment and occasional mild idiocy. Also, I'm really fond of puns.