When did Entitled become a bad word?

[Janx]

I suspect this thread touches on politics. please try to not actually talk about politics or insinuate anything about any political party.

I'm genuinely curious, is all. And Enworlders have a good track record of knowing more than me.

It seems to me, that in the last decade, the word "Entitled" or "Entitlement" has been used in a negative connotation.

Heck, it just showed up in a thread about MMOs.

I suspect that some speechwriters incorporated the word to prove a point, and it's kind of stuck in the vernacular.

And while "entitled" isn't a word I'd choose to use too often in natural speech, the way its getting used nowadays and the negative connotation it now carries means it has become a shorthand for saying "you aren't allowed to have that or any variation of that because you expect to recieve it."

From the MMO example, I get that you shouldn't expect your friend to stick with you and your hobby instead of going off on his own to play his new MMO hobby. As the example usage was, you aren't entitled to exclusivity on your friend's free time.

However, what I'm seeing in the usage of the word "entitled" is a complete disregard that maybe you should give somebody something. Like respect. Courtesy. Attention.

After all, if you've been such good friends, helping each other through tough times, gaming, etc, and you've now got this new MMO hobby that takes up 100% of your time, don't you think the people who've been there for you, deserve something?

Maybe your friends don't have a guaranteed right or requirement to your time, attention or respect. That doesn't mean they aren't worthy of it, needing of it, or owed it by you for all the things they've done for you.

I feel that playing the Entitlement card, while having some valid points, belittles these subtle, important aspects of human relationships. Given the negative connotation it seems to carry nowadays, maybe it's not helping conversations.

 

[Olgar Shiverstone]

It's all those kings, queens, princes, dukes, and other 'titled people lording it over everyone else.

 

[Kaodi]

Here in Canada, it was probably when David Dingwall uttered that immortal phrase, " I am entitled to my entitlements. "

 

[tuxgeo]

I suspect this thread touches on politics. please try to not actually talk about politics or insinuate anything about any political party.

I'm genuinely curious, is all. And Enworlders have a good track record of knowing more than me.

It seems to me, that in the last decade, the word "Entitled" or "Entitlement" has been used in a negative connotation.
< snip >
However, what I'm seeing in the usage of the word "entitled" is a complete disregard that maybe you should give somebody something. Like respect. Courtesy. Attention.
< snip >

[Yeah, that's a difficult one -- talking about "Entitlement" without touching politics. Ouch!]

Philosophically, do "rights" inhere within people? Or are "rights," instead, merely bequeathed upon people through social action, with the comcomitant result that they can be as easily revoked through later action? In my estimation, that's part of the issue.

Frankly, I would change the question this way:
"Entitlement" isn't the real issue! Rather, that's simply the latest buzzword that is (now being) used to refer to an age-old human problem, specifically the quantity of duty that is due to our friends and our associates.
(It's something that people have always worried about.)

 

[Umbran]

[Yeah, that's a difficult one -- talking about "Entitlement" without touching politics. Ouch!]

It shouldn't be too hard, because you can take it not from the political angle, but from the personal angle, like the aforementioned thread, which was about personal entitlement, not governmental.

 

[Mage of Spellford]

I believe that "entitlement" has negative connotations because in general it refers to an individual or individuals gaining something at the expense of others. If it were zero-sum then it would not be negative, but if a person says that I am "entitled" to have "you" pay for this for me, resentment ensues. I am using pay in the "give up" or "forego" context, not necessarily $

In order for someones entitlement to be met, someone(s) else has to provide for the entitlement. By its nature entitlement means the "provider" has no choice and that means the "entitled" person has an unfair influence over them.

Mk

 

[Janx]

I believe that "entitlement" has negative connotations because in general it refers to an individual or individuals gaining something at the expense of others. If it were zero-sum then it would not be negative, but if a person says that I am "entitled" to have "you" pay for this for me, resentment ensues. I am using pay in the "give up" or "forego" context, not necessarily $

In order for someones entitlement to be met, someone(s) else has to provide for the entitlement. By its nature entitlement means the "provider" has no choice and that means the "entitled" person has an unfair influence over them.

Mk

Thanks for answering. I'll try to formulate a counter-pointas we go here.

I will admit that I probably have a political bias. I hear the word "entitlement" from a group I disagree with, and it now has built up a negative association. We're not going there, but just to point out where bias from me can come from.


Back to your point, which I'll re-paste here:
"in general it refers to an individual or individuals gaining something at the expense of others"

I think that every nice thing I do for somebody else comes at my expense. If I help an old lady across the street, it is consuming my time, because she's old and slow.

I am inclined to perform what I call drive-by-acts-of-kindness, whereby it is fairly trivial to do so. Helping the old lady across the street that I am already going to cross is a minimal expense of time on my part. If she was not going the same direction, I'd be more put out, and less inclined to help.

Let's get back to doing nice things for people. Say I help you change your tire on your car on the side of the road. It's hot, sweaty work in Texas. I might get hit by a passing car because that kind of thing can happen.

Socially, you owe me. I helped you, you owe me a favor and a thanks.

Ethically/philosophically/religiously, there is the concept that I should do nice things without expecting anything in return. Basically, I should NOT expect you to pay me back, when I do my good deed.

Under similar reasonings on human behavior, when somebody helps you, you should thank them, and try to help them in return if you can (or "pay it forward" and help somebody else).

Humans may shortcut this logic process to conclude that, when I help you, even if I don't expect payment, you should pay me back, therefore, I can in effect, expect re-payment otherwise you are socially defective.

This concept isn't such a big deal on a single helpfulness event. But if I keep helping you and you keep not thanking me and never help me back, you are a Mooch. Society doesn't much care for Mooches, as they are a sign of a bad friend.

What's this got to do with Entitlement? It seems to me, the concept of Entitlement is hinging on expectation. Expectation of the thanks/repayment or of the initial help.

What I fear, however, is phrasing things the way the word gets used, it disregards what the situation was about. Helping somebody, or being a friend.

Let's windthat to the MMO example, because I see my flavor text might get shifted into politics (not my intent, honest).

In the MMO thread, somebody suggested that not being happy that your friend ditched you to spend his life hugging his MMO is akin to you feeling Entitled to your friend's time. That's a paraphrase, and not a quote.

When we throw around the word Entitled like it gets used nowadays, I think we lose something. Sure, your friend does not have to play D&D with you if he likes playing WoW more. But he does owe you something as your friend for all the friendiness you've given him in the past. Technically there's no friend-police to make sure he follows up on his debt.

You are not Entitled to anything from him. But he does owe you something.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

"in general it refers to an individual or individuals gaining something at the expense of others"

I think that every nice thing I do for somebody else comes at my expense. If I help an old lady across the street, it is consuming my time, because she's old and slow.

<snip>

What's this got to do with Entitlement? It seems to me, the concept of Entitlement is hinging on expectation. Expectation of the thanks/repayment or of the initial help.

That isn't where entitlement becomes a dirty word. It becomes so when there is an expectation of the initial help. Or, putting it differently, when one assumes a duty to exist where none in fact does.

It is good to help the woman across the street. It is bad when she expects you to because she thinks it is is her right.

IOW, the bad element of entitlement is not about expecting payback, it's about expecting pay forward.

Translating to gaming- which is where I think this was inspired- expectation becomes a problem when a non-GM player expects to be able to do "X" because it is part of the game's assembled books, even if doing "X" would be deleterious to the campaign in question, and was thus excised from the campaign by the GM. (Or was excised because the GM didn't like "X", or what have you.)

By assuming the mantle of GM, a person assumes a duty to present an enjoyable role-playing experience. He does not, however, assume a duty to cater to every last one of each player's desires. This is because there is a corresponding duty by assenting to be a player in a GM's campaign, namely, to abide by the rules & parameters of the campaign as set forth by the GM.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Double post.

 

[Janx]

That isn't where entitlement becomes a dirty word. It becomes so when there is an expectation of the initial help. Or, putting it differently, when one assumes a duty to exist where none in fact does.

It is good to help the woman across the street. It is bad when she expects you to because she thinks it is is her right.

IOW, the bad element of entitlement is not about expecting payback, it's about expecting pay forward.

that sounds pretty clear.

It was off-putting to me, because of my pre-existing bias to the word Entitlement, and hearing it said in a way that sounded dismissive to the person who's friend disapeared to play an MMO.

My friend can quit D&D to play an MMO 24x7, but that's a little whacked, and not nice to do to your friends. Calling me Entitled makes it sound like I'm the one with the problem. (note: in the MMO thread, I was not involved in that part of the conversation, I'm just using myself as an example).

Using the grannie at the crossing light example, she doesn't have a right to guaranteed help in crossing the intersection. but something's wrong with society if everybody walks past her without offering to help.

If Entitled is the new word to describe extremism in expecting of others, there should be a comparable word to describe callous disregard for others feelings and needs.

In the case of the MMO addict, the friends who are left behind have hurt feelings that they have been totally abandoned by the addict. that's not nice to do, and maybe the MMO player likes his new game better than D&D, but totally ignoring friends is not the same thing.