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- Thread starter Piratecat
- Start date
Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
Judgment of Match 2-1: Alsih2o vs. Macbeth.
Maldur:
Long story, short story, fantasy or modern, you both know how to spin a tale.
My vote goes for Macbeth, That story gripped me, while I know AlSiH2O can do better
p)
Arwink:
Macbeth – Grow
The introductory paragraph is a little shaky – there’s not enough happening, and the beginning of the next section is a much stronger beginning full of conflict and tension. The story has a lot of style to it, but occasionally the repetition detracts from the impact a little. It comes back to an overstatement – either Adam is ready or he isn’t, and after we’ve grasped that fact it’s best to move on and get on with the story. After a while I got the feeling that Macbeth was dragging things out in order to get all the images into the concept rather than maintaining the narrative.
With a little editing and shortening, this story would make a great style piece – a short, sharp story built around an interesting idea and image.
As it is, it just drags out a little to long and repeats itself a few times to many.
Alsih2o – It’s All in Your Head
I have to admit that Clay caught me a little off guard with this one – he manages a voice in the beginning that doesn’t even begin to hint at the strange turns the story will take by the time it’s complete. There’s a great deal of control, the weirdness is well handled and perfectly understated, and the narrative flows naturally throughout the length of the tale. My only two complaints, such as they are, would be the choice of a writer as the main character and the decision to frame the story as a letter. The former is only a weakness in that it’s a common choice when making a decisions about characters – there’s something fundamentally attractive about writing about a writer. The latter doesn’t seem necessary for the story – it holds up without being framed as a letter.
Judgment
This round goes to Alsih20, who continues to impress me with the cohesiveness of his stories and the interpretation of images. Both stories are strong, but bhile I like Macbeth's use of the images within a surreal environment, I think the collection seems slightly more seamless when inserted into Clay's tale.
Piratecat:
It was experimental and surreal, and darn if Macbeth's story didn't work.
It's not perfect; there's too much repetition and hand-wringing over the same basic premise, and it could be tightened up with some editing. Nevertheless, I thought that the premise was extremely clever. Turning the photos into a metaphor could be a disaster if handled poorly, but it was well written; there was enough insightful imagery and interpretation to provide the right sort of atmosphere.
As they played right into the surreal nature of the story, the photo use was very impressive. The bear trap, the examination of his own head... nice work on these.
Alsih2o's entry starts calmly and swats you on the side of the head with a change of pace... and changes again, and again. It's almost as if it's several disparate (and interesting) stories merged into one. We have the drag queen and bar incident, the gremlin in the head, the descent into mass murder and cannibalism. I'm not sure that each story twist flows into the next smoothly, though; I'm left with a feeling of disconnection, wondering why the story was framed as a letter and wishing that the plot twists had been better telegraphed from the beginning. Parts of the story were brilliant, and there were some powerful and vivid images, but it felt like the images were driving the plot more than usual. That was distracting to me.
Speaking of which.... the gremlin was vividly presented, especially in details such as the mayfly, and "fey" was integral to half the plot. C'mere and Touch were just throwaway images. I didn't find that any of the images really surprised me in how they were used.
Overall, I think that the story would have been somewhat stronger if the vivid character of Pat hadn't been eaten halfway through. The balance of the narrative really changed at that point, and the consequences of this act set the story off kilter. There was a hanging logic hole that wasn't addressed (didn't anyone notice the fiction published as the missing Shermain?) I also think that framing the story as a letter added unnecessary complexity, partially because it presented us with inconsequential names that we then had to keep track of in case they arose in the story.
My judgment is for Macbeth. He gives us a dramatic improvement over his first round story, trying a difficult approach that pays off.
FINAL JUDGMENT: 2 out of 3 for Macbeth, who will go on to the second round.
Maldur:
Long story, short story, fantasy or modern, you both know how to spin a tale.
My vote goes for Macbeth, That story gripped me, while I know AlSiH2O can do better
p) Arwink:
Macbeth – Grow
The introductory paragraph is a little shaky – there’s not enough happening, and the beginning of the next section is a much stronger beginning full of conflict and tension. The story has a lot of style to it, but occasionally the repetition detracts from the impact a little. It comes back to an overstatement – either Adam is ready or he isn’t, and after we’ve grasped that fact it’s best to move on and get on with the story. After a while I got the feeling that Macbeth was dragging things out in order to get all the images into the concept rather than maintaining the narrative.
With a little editing and shortening, this story would make a great style piece – a short, sharp story built around an interesting idea and image.
As it is, it just drags out a little to long and repeats itself a few times to many.
Alsih2o – It’s All in Your Head
I have to admit that Clay caught me a little off guard with this one – he manages a voice in the beginning that doesn’t even begin to hint at the strange turns the story will take by the time it’s complete. There’s a great deal of control, the weirdness is well handled and perfectly understated, and the narrative flows naturally throughout the length of the tale. My only two complaints, such as they are, would be the choice of a writer as the main character and the decision to frame the story as a letter. The former is only a weakness in that it’s a common choice when making a decisions about characters – there’s something fundamentally attractive about writing about a writer. The latter doesn’t seem necessary for the story – it holds up without being framed as a letter.
Judgment
This round goes to Alsih20, who continues to impress me with the cohesiveness of his stories and the interpretation of images. Both stories are strong, but bhile I like Macbeth's use of the images within a surreal environment, I think the collection seems slightly more seamless when inserted into Clay's tale.
Piratecat:
It was experimental and surreal, and darn if Macbeth's story didn't work.
It's not perfect; there's too much repetition and hand-wringing over the same basic premise, and it could be tightened up with some editing. Nevertheless, I thought that the premise was extremely clever. Turning the photos into a metaphor could be a disaster if handled poorly, but it was well written; there was enough insightful imagery and interpretation to provide the right sort of atmosphere.
As they played right into the surreal nature of the story, the photo use was very impressive. The bear trap, the examination of his own head... nice work on these.
Alsih2o's entry starts calmly and swats you on the side of the head with a change of pace... and changes again, and again. It's almost as if it's several disparate (and interesting) stories merged into one. We have the drag queen and bar incident, the gremlin in the head, the descent into mass murder and cannibalism. I'm not sure that each story twist flows into the next smoothly, though; I'm left with a feeling of disconnection, wondering why the story was framed as a letter and wishing that the plot twists had been better telegraphed from the beginning. Parts of the story were brilliant, and there were some powerful and vivid images, but it felt like the images were driving the plot more than usual. That was distracting to me.
Speaking of which.... the gremlin was vividly presented, especially in details such as the mayfly, and "fey" was integral to half the plot. C'mere and Touch were just throwaway images. I didn't find that any of the images really surprised me in how they were used.
Overall, I think that the story would have been somewhat stronger if the vivid character of Pat hadn't been eaten halfway through. The balance of the narrative really changed at that point, and the consequences of this act set the story off kilter. There was a hanging logic hole that wasn't addressed (didn't anyone notice the fiction published as the missing Shermain?) I also think that framing the story as a letter added unnecessary complexity, partially because it presented us with inconsequential names that we then had to keep track of in case they arose in the story.
My judgment is for Macbeth. He gives us a dramatic improvement over his first round story, trying a difficult approach that pays off.
FINAL JUDGMENT: 2 out of 3 for Macbeth, who will go on to the second round.
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Ao the Overkitty
First Post
Well... Congrats Macbeth.
I'll admit I can't always make it through everyone's story, but I always enjoy reading alsih2o's writings.
I'll admit I can't always make it through everyone's story, but I always enjoy reading alsih2o's writings.
Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
Note that the third illustration in the photos for Match 2-3 is by Sialia. Photo use is getting slightly tougher. Zhaneel, I was thinking of these photos and grinning when you asked about erotica, because they don't precisely lend themselves to the story form.
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