101 jokes about the four different PC types.

[Dark Jezter]

One of the classic pieces of RPG humor is the Four types of Player Characters. Now, since "101" threads have been so popular around here, I figured I'd jump on the bandwagon. This time, the thread could give the joke an 3E D&D slant.

In case you're unfamiliar with it, the four basic player types are...

The Real Man: The guy who fears nobody, and rarely backs down from a fight.

The Real Roleplayer: This player who has 10 pages of backstory for their character.

The Loony: The character who does weird stuff for the sake of doing weird stuff.

The Munchkin: Everybody should know who this guy is.

Okay now, I'll get the ball rolling...

When creating a PC...
The Real Man: Half-orc barbarian with a greataxe.
The Real Roleplayer: Half-elf bard who is feeling angsty about being an outcast.
The Loony: Svirfneblin expert with skill points loaded up in Perform (Exotic Belly Dancing).
The Munchkin: Half-dragon half-dwarf sorcerer with a family heirloom that grants +6 to all saving throws... at 1st level.

When facing an army of several thousand orcs...
The Real Man: "If you retreat now, you'll all be spared. If not, every one of you will die."
The Real Roleplayer: "Noble orc chieftan, I come representing the lords of the seven great nations, and I'm here to propose a deal that will be mutually beneficial to both of our great societies."
The Loony: "Bring the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!"
The Munchkin: "I cast fly, improved invisiblity, and haste upon myself, which I all had prepared as quickened spells. Then I summon a planar ally while casting delayed-blast fireballs over the army... Let's see, how much expirience will 10,000 orcs provide?"

When having a romantic randevous with the object of their affection...
The Real Man: "Gimme some sugar, baby!"
The Real Roleplayer: "Oh, my fair maiden. Thou eyes are like the sea after a storm, thy hair is like gold crafted by the finest dwarven smiths..."
The Loony: "I brought along a feather, a goat, and a pink tutu!"
The Munchkin: "Is she a succubus? Please tell me she's a succubus so I can slay her and get some expirience."

When dividing up the treasure horde after a tough battle...
The Real Man: "Just give me my fair share so I can spend it on ale and whores."
The Real Roleplayer: "When will the killing stop? I feel that I will forever be doomed to witness bloodshed in the name of gold and glory, O woe is me..."
The Loony: "I ignore the treasure and instead cut the ears off our slain enemies to make a necklace out of."
The Munchkin: "I roll a diplomacy check to convince the other PCs to give me their share of the loot... a 36! They not only give me their loot, but they also willingly part with things they had before the adventure!"

 

[Terwox]

#5

After freeing a lone goblin from a beartrap...

The Real Man: ooc: "No, I meant I wanted to take the goblin out of the beartrap, but leave his leg in it."
The Real Roleplayer "Run free, and cause no harm!" *bloody teardrop* "Oh, he reminds me of my youth as an orphan, yet without the curse of being a dhampir." *walks off into the sunset, alone*
The Loony: ooc: "Ok, once the goblin's free, I set the beartrap off on my own leg, and while the goblin is confused, I shoot him in the face."
The Munchkin: ooc: "Quit trying to talk to the stupid thing! I stab him for... 34 points of damage, he's dead let's go! Wait I check his pockets while no one is looking. 26 on pick pockets!"

I like this idea a lot!

 

[Timothy]

When summoned before the king to accept a quest:

The Real Man:Fear not king, we'll do as you do, in return for your daugthers hand
The Real RolePlayer:Ah! The great and Noble king coomands us! We can only listen and follow whatever this wise men wants us to do! All hail the king!
The Looney:Will walk to the jester, pull of his jester's cap and proclaim himself to be the new king!
The Munchkin: Okay, we''l do waht you want, now about that reward... (takes out calculator)

I like this thread!

 

[Zappo]

#7

Upon turning into a vampire:

The Real Man: seeks out the master vampire in order to kill him and become normal again.
The Real Roleplayer: convinces the DM that he should roll Will saves to avoid frenzy; when such a save fails, feasts on the munchkin and then mourns him for hours.
The Looney: starts playing gags from Dracula, Dead and Loving It.
The Munchkin: picks up rubber and pencil; "so, that's +8 to Strength and if I pick Quicken Spell-like Ability..."

 

[Dark Jezter]

#8

When selecting ability stats to invest in...
The Real Man: Puts his two highest ability numbers into strength and constitution.
The Real Roleplayer: Wisdom and intelligence.
The Looney: Puts his two highest stats in charisma and intelligence... and he's playing as a dwarf fighter.
The Munchkin: Re-rolls over and over again until he has at least two 18s and he has no stat lower than a 13.

 

[HalfElfSorcerer]

#9

When told to send word back to a town concerning some event...
The Real Man: Deliberately sends the messenger along a dangerous route, then goes along to protect him.
The Real Roleplayer Demands to use a convoluted process involving placing the Seven Stones of Communication in the High Tower to send the message using an ancient artifact.
The Looney: Hires a messenger named "Word." He sent Word back to the town. Get it?
The Munchkin: Hires every messenger in town and slays them all. Loots the bodies. Demands xp.

 

[demiurge1138]

#10
Favorite EN World Boards
Real Men: enjoy General RPG Discussion
Real Roleplayers: spend all their time posting Story Hours and milling around the In Character forums
Loonies: spam HIVEMINDs with requests for toast.
Munchkins: complain that the DM doesn't give him experience for visiting EN World.

#11
Favorite Familiars
Real Men: don't play wizards.
Real Roleplayers: have raven familiars, and spend hours conversing with them.
Loonies: have Hypno-toads.
Munchkins: have half-fiend multiheaded tarrasques.

Demiurge out.

 

[Dark Jezter]

#12

Favorite drink to order in taverns...
The Real Man: "Get me a mug of strong dwarven ale."
The Real Roleplayer: "Vintage wine from 1344 Dalereckoning... That was a very good year, I was still a young elf at the time..."
The Looney: "A single plum floating in purfume in a man's hat."
The Munchkin: Potions of Heroism.

 

[DM with a vengence]

#13
The party runs into a large door covered in various runes of warding and warning.
Real Men: Go back to town to gather rescources for the coming battle, then open it with axes.
Real Roleplayers: Conduct hours of research on what may lie beyond.
Loonies: Urinate on it.
Munchkins: Charge!

#14
The party is hired by a local wizard to hunt a creature for spell components.
Real Men: Get guides and go hunting.
Real Roleplayers: Determine if the creature in question is endangered.
Loonies: Buys orange vest and cap.
Munchkins: Slay the wizard for the XP!

 

[Felix]

#15
When faced by a serious moral delimma:
The Real Man says "ferk it!" and charges in.
The Real Roleplayer hews and haws. He asks advice from all the clerics in town. Casts divination spells resulting in "weal and woe." Performs a scene in a graveyard holding a skull and yammers on about some schmoe named Yorick.
The Loonie shouts "WOOHOO HOOHOO WHOOHOOHOO" and goes off into the distance bouncing on his head Daffy Duck-esque.
The Munchkin asks what he has to roll to get the answer right.