Cthulhudrew
First Post
Like a few others, I thought it was pretty apparent that Spike was going to get his soul back from the first scene where he leaves Sunnydale on his motorcycle, and was watching closely to see how the writers played the whole thing out as well. That being said, here's my take on the quotes that were given about the object of Spike's quest:
The incident has him questioning his very nature, something he hasn't had to do in centuries. He's existed as a vampire for a long time now, a sentiment he again expresses here:
See, he's not supposed to feel things like "remorse" for attacking humans. Even when the chip stopped him from attacking them by inflicting him with pain, it was just a physiological reaction, not an emotional/mental one. Like shocking a rat when it goes the wrong direction. He didn't attack people because he knew it would hurt, not because he gave a rat's behind about them.
Except when he nearly raped Buffy. Now he's feeling pain that isn't and wasn't generated by the chip. If the chip worked with her, he *might* be able to rationalize his feelings as aftereffects of the shocking, but it doesn't. There's something else going on. But he's just a soulless demon, right? Why should it matter to him? He's a monster, as all of the Scoobies (including Buffy) are so keen on reminding him. Not a man.
No argument there. He's convinced (at least at this point) that the chip is the source of his troubles. That if he is able to remove the chip, the status quo will return, and the shades of grey that have arisen between him and Buffy will be black and white once more.
There's plenty of room for interpretation. Yes, the castration remark is referring to the chip, and at this point, Spike believes that removing it will solve his problems.
But there's that little (beat) remark. A beat indicates (traditionally, in the world of theatrics) a shift in the character's thought process. A change from what has been occurring previously. In this case, it seems pretty apparent to me that his remarks about "be(ing) like I was", while in reference to removing the chip, have actually prompted another thought in Spike's head- one which has led him to the idea of being like he was *even before the chip*.
He's just had the revelation of getting himself a soul.
Originally posted by Wayside
SPIKE
What have I done?
(then)
Why didn't I do it? What has she
done to me?
(Why didn’t he do it? Why didn’t he rape her?)
The incident has him questioning his very nature, something he hasn't had to do in centuries. He's existed as a vampire for a long time now, a sentiment he again expresses here:
SPIKE
Everything used to be so clear.
Slayer. Vampire. Vampire kills
Slayer, sucks her dry, picks his
teeth with her bones.
SPIKE
That's how it's always been. I've
tasted the life of two Slayers. But
with Buffy...
(hating himself)
This isn't the way it's supposed to
be. It's the chip. Steel and wires
and silicon. It won't let me be a
monster. And I can't be a man. I'm
nothing.
See, he's not supposed to feel things like "remorse" for attacking humans. Even when the chip stopped him from attacking them by inflicting him with pain, it was just a physiological reaction, not an emotional/mental one. Like shocking a rat when it goes the wrong direction. He didn't attack people because he knew it would hurt, not because he gave a rat's behind about them.
Except when he nearly raped Buffy. Now he's feeling pain that isn't and wasn't generated by the chip. If the chip worked with her, he *might* be able to rationalize his feelings as aftereffects of the shocking, but it doesn't. There's something else going on. But he's just a soulless demon, right? Why should it matter to him? He's a monster, as all of the Scoobies (including Buffy) are so keen on reminding him. Not a man.
SPIKE
The chip. Little Jiminy Cricket,
gnawing bits and chunks.
Spike puts his fingers to his heads probing harshly as if he's going to gouge the chip out with his bare hands. Clem eyes him with concern.
(Ambiguous? I think not)
No argument there. He's convinced (at least at this point) that the chip is the source of his troubles. That if he is able to remove the chip, the status quo will return, and the shades of grey that have arisen between him and Buffy will be black and white once more.
SPIKE
She thinks she knows me. She thinks
she knows who I am. What I'm capable
of. She has no idea. I wasn't always
this way. It won't be easy, but I
can be like I was. Before they
castrated me. Before...
(a beat)
Then she'll see who I really am.
(If they had just left out the castration remark, this could be ambiguous, but it isn’t. It’s referring to the chip. There’s no room for interpretation).
There's plenty of room for interpretation. Yes, the castration remark is referring to the chip, and at this point, Spike believes that removing it will solve his problems.
But there's that little (beat) remark. A beat indicates (traditionally, in the world of theatrics) a shift in the character's thought process. A change from what has been occurring previously. In this case, it seems pretty apparent to me that his remarks about "be(ing) like I was", while in reference to removing the chip, have actually prompted another thought in Spike's head- one which has led him to the idea of being like he was *even before the chip*.
He's just had the revelation of getting himself a soul.