Are you a good-

[Kisanji Arael]

I didn't used to be a good friend at all. I took what I needed from them and then messed with them-- though never when they were down. I'm not scum. Then, in eighth grade I was at a summer camp and I had a dream that woke me up in a cold sweat. I won't tell you all of it but at the end I walked out of my house and saw a weak, bloodsoaked wolf. I had the innate sense that it wanted to tell me something, but right before it did, I awoke. You don't need to interpret that for me-- it's obvious what it means now. So now friendship is everything to me. I'd do a lot for most of my friends--- at least bury a body, if not in my own basement. But above those, I have three people that I would do anything for, down to killing or dying. Their names are Ben, Bill, and Emily; I'll tell you their names even though you don't know them.

Of the three of them, only Bill knows about and believes my little promise. Bill is one of those people who will be kind even when he knows it will make things worse because he has to believe that it will make things better. He isn't the bravest or the strongest, but he's the friend that I keep running into in my worst hours. Sometimes he can't do anything, though more often he can. He has pulled me out of the shattered parts of my mind enough that he has earned my loyalty. For Bill, I will shield anything.

Ben has heard me say that I'll do anything, but I don't think he believes me. The two things to know about him are that he is very pragmatic and VERY intelligent. He believes in human nature, and that's why he wouldn't believe in my loyalty. I'll help him make his dreams come true though, if he'll let me. I suppose, to play off my shield comment, that I will be Ben's sword.

And then there's Emily. She doesn't know anything about this; I've never told her. But in her, there is a sense of kindness and purity (though not innocence) that I have yet to see replicated elsewhere in the world. I don't know what I'd be for her if she asked. I'd walk her to her car; kick a wolverine that was after her. It really doesn't matter; I can't say no to anything she asks of me. I guess the simplest answer is anything.

These three are my barrier. Both Bill and Emily are kind; Ben and Bill are school smart; in Ben and Emily's eyes, I see hope for the world. And I need to have all of those things. So I draw off of them by being around them. Doubtless, without them I would just be another Columbine copycat. I was already very accepting of murder before my little revelation. But now I can say that I'm human, both emotionally and mentally. And for that, I would do anything.

 

[fusangite]

I'm a true friend. But I find that if you get your life sufficiently entangled with someone else's, it is inevitable that you will cause them a bunch of damage as well as helping them out. The best way to express how good a friend I am is to quote Wes Anderson's The Royal Tenenbaums when Royal, the main character, is explaining how he has come to know his longtime friend Pagoda:

Royal: He saved my life, you know. Thirty years ago, I was knifed in a bazaar in Calcutta. He carried me to the hospital on his back.
Ari: Who stabbed you?
Royal: He did. There was a price on my head and he was a hired assassin. Stuck me right in the gut.

 

[Rel]

In short, I'm this good of a friend and so are my friends. I've seen it proven.

 

[Desdichado]

Would you drive hundreds of miles to get your friend from a sticky situation, missing a day of work, and leaving a pissed off spouse to get to your friend in need?

I don't know how good a friend I am based on your examples (certainly I'm not that good to everyone) but the quoted statement didn't make much sense to me. My wife is my best friend, so pissing her off to help someone else seems kinda silly. Not only that, my wife is totally supportive and understanding of me trying to be the best person I can be; she wouldn't get pissed off if I went to go help bail some friend out of trouble. I might have to fight her over which of us would go, but if it were me, she'd totally support me there.

But yeah, I'm everything you mention to my family. No friend, no matter how good, comes between me and my family, though. And since I don't have anyone beyond my wife and kids nearby, they're the only family that really enters the equation.

 

[BlackSilver]

Joshua, I was just trying to generalize with the examples I gave.

So many relationships in our lives go by so fast. I was curious about other people, and the relationships they have with their friends. I have some great friends, and I was hoping to see some other examples of things that people have done for their friends.

It is a small wonder that your wife is your best friend. My GF is mine, so I understand the love and the companionship you have and feel.

It is hard work to have a great relationship, so few people want to work at maintaining relationships. When things get tough they step to the side of their resonsiblity in maintaining those realtionships.

Do not let great friends go. Do not let people you love slip through your fingers because of pride and lack of work. Relationships worth having are worth working at maintaining. The pay off is the relationship- the laughter, having someone to talk to in hard times, and the companionship that you have when things go well (when you need someone to share the good times with).

Enough philosophy. Please speak of your friends, tell us the great things they have done for you and/or the great things you have done for them.

 

[Nifft]

It turns out I'm Chaotic Evil... screw 'em, they don't do anything useful for me.

-- N

 

[ragboy]

even after i found out he slept with my girlfriend.

I have a friend like that. Not that he's slept with any past girlfriends, but he's one that I wouldn't begrudge that fact.

I have three friends that I would literally jump on a grenade for, and we've all been friends since around the 7th-8th grade... (20+ years). I went to war with one, started several businesses with the other two.

I think for me, a friend is someone you would jump on a grenade for, but also someone that avoids getting grenades thrown at them, precisely because they know you'd do it -- and what the stakes are (especially since all but one of us is married with kids now), etc... And we've tested each other's friendship to some pretty insane degrees over the years. Everything from money to women to long separations, etc.

It's good to have people like that, for those that have reported not having close friends. Strange feeling, but good.

 

[Harmon]

Good friends are very hard to find.

Very, very true.

Hold them with open arms when you get them, keep communication lines open (don't let them do things that can harm your relationship), and speak often about things that arn't part of your main reason for being friends (my two remaining friends are gamers, so most of our conversations are related to gaming).

 

[Pigeon]

I was a bit of a bully in school. Not physical but I did a lot of teasing and making fun at other's expense. The main people i did this to were people on the fringes of my friendship group. I wasn't alone in this, my friendships have always been based on a mutual sense of humor and sometimes the joke becomes at someone elses expense

I regret it now, and am still in contact with a lot of the people I used to tease. I'm sure that they have put it all behind them, and I'm pretty well liked, but I make a point of standing up for them when others start putting them down.

I feel these days I'm a pretty good friend, and also a pretty good aquaintence. I put myself out for people and try to consider there feelings before opening my mouth. I don't think I'd ever hide a body or jump on a grenade for a friend - but that's mainly because I would never do anything to damage my daughters future... she would always come first.

 

[BlackSilver]

I wrote some stuff, but deleted it again because I was getting depressed. Draw your own conclusions.

Dakkareth, taking an optimistic view of life is sometimes a hard thing to do. Take stock in the friends you have. Speak to those that you think of as friends and ask them to define your relationship.

You would not have posted here without something to say, however depressed you feel life is not so bad that you can’t find one person to call friend here.

If you have a little trouble with finding a friend then reach out to people you don’t know- hold the door for a stranger, at the grocery store let the person with a few items cut in front of you with your basket load, strike up a conversation with the person next to you in, while you wait in a line (don’t be freaky, just be kind), and don’t be afraid to smile at people. Being polite and kind will help you feel better about yourself, and find the optimistic view in life.

Now I doubt my "good" friend belief.

Harmon, I find it very hard to believe that you are not a good friend. I do not know how you are in person, but I see you here, and you have impressed me with your moral choices. Standing by those that quite obviously think of you in a not so friendly tone, while you defend them as a friend. You have made your apologies, and done all you can do (standing by a promise when most would have abandoned it).

You have stepped in to defend those being wronged, and you have stated that you have taken action to defend and help others when no one else would (how true this is, I can not know from here, but I have a feeling that what you have said is truthful enough).

One day we will meet in person, and I will call you Friend.