Blood Loyalties (Roger Zelazny's Amber) UPDATED 7/30/04

[Goddess FallenAngel]

I turn from gazing out the pane to look at Flora. "Truthfully, dear aunt, my avoidance of the family is not new. Most of the family makes me fairly uncomfortable - save Benedict and Corwin, and in the past, Deirdre." I sip my wine and look at her. "I am a very forthright person, Aunt, and most of the family is not."

I take another sip, letting the flavor roll off my tongue. "Forgive me for being blunt, but there it is. I had thought of making myself scarcer about Amber before this current emergency. Now, I feel compelled to stay. It is my duty."

I turn away and lean myself against the windowpane, my profile towards Flora. "I will attempt to make connections with the others of my generation if it pleases you, Aunt. You are correct in that I should at least do that." I wave away the subject.

However, as I speak of my discomfort with most of the Elders, Flora’s eyes pick up... what is perhaps a twinkle of sorts. "My dear, I do wish to make one distinction for you. Bluntness is one thing – crassness another. Just because you wish to speak plainly is no reason to speak rudely. Speaking of Julian." She smiles lightly. "And not that I think you have offended me with your frank words, I merely wish to remind you that you can be both plainly polite or plainly impolite. But I appreciate that it becomes difficult to care for people whom you know are at the very least circumspect and evasive, if not outright deceitful. But try not to hold my brothers and sisters too responsible for how they were raised. Father was... somewhat willful, and his temper and delight turned very fast. Children are wont to compete with one another - and especially as our mothers tended not to remain available for long, Father was the judge and jury of all our affairs."

She thoughtfully stares down out the window, straining to make out some of the city far below. "If I were a more cynical person, I might suspect the dear King of purposefully creating an environment in which it would be impossible for any one person to acquire so much influence as to possibly supplant him. But to be honest, I believe he just didn't notice the side effects of how he treated his children." She breathes out slowly, and draws another breath after a moment.

"But I am glad to hear your resolve to defend Amber and her people. We will need such resolve, I suspect - that and so much more. I am glad to speak to you now, to learn your mind, while..." She turns her eyes away from the world outside, and matches my gaze, strong and yet pained. "I don't know how much longer I can expect to remain free - we lost our best students of both war and the supernatural early on, so we have never had even the remotest idea what was assailing us. But the pace has increased over the last three days, and I fully expect that one more will go missing today."

She has drawn her Trump deck from a pocket, and is rifling through it, pausing occasionally. "But these wonderful cards suggest that they are not dead - merely out of touch, out of range. So I am hopeful. Not for the now, but for the future. I have a hope that you and your cousins will, after much struggle, solve this riddle and rescue us. But it will require a sense of purpose such as you have declared. And so, I am comforted to hear your words."

I take her disguised admonishment as what it is; I was being rude, after all. I show little reaction to most of her news, feeling too run down to even care at this point. If it happens, it happens... Although I do feel sorrow at those lost to us, I don't believe that they are dead... and there is nothing I can do to protect anyone from the same fate. Except lend my sword arm to Amber should She need it. Still, I feel compelled to at least speak some comforting words, regardless of if I believe them or not. "Perhaps we are incorrect in that assumption and none will fall this soon. It is possible that a more forthright attack will be launched soon - as terrible as it is to say, I would prefer to hope for that rather then more of these disappearances."

Flora nods. "I agree - an open assault, even the gunfire we heard during the Interregnum, would be music to my ears compared to the terrible silence of the Castle's halls of late. It wears upon me like a heavy woolen coat in the middle of a desert." She sighs and turns. "But I am still here now, and there is much I can still do for Amber - and for you, if I can." She smiles warmly and openly - and it seems without pretense or posture.

 

[Goddess FallenAngel]

I debate changing the subject and bring up the individual I had spotted in the infirmary before finally deciding that I may as well. She's here, and we are having this little 'heart-to-heart' chat... I stifle a sarcastic laugh before it begins. "Aunt, I saw someone while I was being tended to by the Doctor that I feel I should know. Perhaps it is the shock of the past few hours," I gesture at my appearance with my burned hand, "but I cannot link a name to a face." I describe the man with the katana and wakizashi.

Flora listens patiently to my description. "Well, I cannot guarantee it, but it sounds as if you have met Sterling, albeit briefly. Sterling is a family friend, and has been for a very long time. He has served many of my brothers well in some of their more... private affairs. Recently, I believe, he had taken Shiro under his wing, and it was Sterling who brought Shiro to Amber. I would really have expected him to be with Shiro - tomorrow is rather an important day, and I suspect that Shiro will have questions on how to proceed. The infirmary, you say? Hmmm. I have no idea why he would go all the way down there. But the fact that he excused himself to a private room does not necessarily mean he had business there. Keep in mind that anyone can use a Trump, and that many Shadowdwellers know sorcery - as Sterling does, indeed. He may have already reported seeing your... find... to someone."

I nod at her words. "Well, it matters not at this date, Aunt. I can hide the sword or carry it openly, but I doubt it will take long for word to get about that Corwin has fallen to our unnamed enemy as well. What would you and Bleys, as the only two to whom I have told of the sword, wish me to do?" I set my empty glass down and turn to face her with a raised eyebrow. Of course, what they desire me to do naturally won't necessarily be what course I follow, but it is polite to ask advice of one's elders.

"What you should do with the item you have secured? I can't say I know at all what would be best." Flora lets her eyes linger on the sheathed sword on my endtable. "I must say I don't always know my brother's mind, but if Corwin has given it to you - especially in the circumstances you describe - I am most reluctant to interfere. Keep it safe - but that is obvious. I do not believe it should be made known to the citizenry that Corwin and Greyswandir have become separated, and I would ask that you work to keep that from becoming known to them. After that, if you believe that you should share the knowledge with someone, I cannot say that you should not. But always a warning - not every child of Amber is as dedicated to it as you are. Some may desire some of her more potent treasures for themselves. You are indeed a strong and powerful champion for the sword, and the kingdom - but prudence is ever a watchword within these walls."

She starts to move to the door. "You appear tired - and dwelling on this is wearying even to me. I will go rejoin Bleys - while he is a good negotiator and knows the houses of Chaos well, I am his best source for information on the needs of the City and of the Golden Circle. You should really rest, now. We anticipate almost all of the younger generation arriving at the Castle tonight or tomorrow morning, and are planning a luncheon to get acquainted and to pool whatever information we have." She smiles and nods at your table. "That will be for you to hide or divulge at your discretion - Bleys will merely include Corwin's name amongst those of the lost."

I smile at Flora and move to the door. "I thank you for your time to speak with me, and for your... openness of words. I will think upon our conversation. Surely we will speak more often." I bow low and open the door for her. "Please rest, aunt - you look almost as tired as I am." I give another genuine smile. "Let us hope for the best - mayhap we will wake up tomorrow and this will all be a bad dream."

Flora smiles in sympathy and caresses my cheek briefly. "Thank you, Killashandra. You give me hope." With that, she walks gracefully out the door and closes it behind her.

I feel very, very tired. It's been a long and stressful day, and I have much to consider for tomorrow. I decide that I have enough energy left in you for a few bedtime preparations, but I can feel the call of the soft sheets and quilts in front of me, and their allure is growing harder to resist.

I lock the door behind Flora and drag myself to my bed, detouring only long enough to move Greyswandir to my bedside table. I sit heavily on the bed and remove my boots and belt; I lay Sha'kar, unsheathed, on the bedside table as well and mentally bid him to be watchful. Without any more ado, I strip and fall into my quilts, into the depths of unconsciousness. Morpheus steals over my frame quickly and easily - the day's trials and tribulations have come to a close. I dream in fractures and fragments. Images of Corwin, Bleys, Flora, Huntington, and of the landscapes of Averdor swim around inside my dreamscape. Throughout it all, though, there is a dark undertone - a note of ominousness and foreboding that I cannot escape. Eventually, however, the dreams come to an end as I sleep a harder sleep, borne of exhaustion and fatigue.