SteelDraco
First Post
Can I count on you to poison my opponents to help you keep your pride intact, then?
CERAMIC DM March 2012
Can I count on you to poison my opponents to help you keep your pride intact, then?
Wild Gazebo
Explorer
I do not deny the nonacceptance of this wholly unfabricated event that must never pass as long as you say so.
maxfieldjadenfox
First Post
I really enjoyed both of your stories, Steel Draco and Wild Gazebo! The best thing about CDM is how one set of pictures can inspire such different stories!
Round I: Match 5
maxfieldjadenfox's Let Sleeping Gods Lie
vs.
UselessTriviaMan's The Caretaker's Gift
Let's to it, shall we?
1) Writing Skill & Style: You guys are good. Seriously, very good. In the face of two beautifully crafted settings, thoroughly enjoyable characters, and fantastically engaging plots, what is there to judge here? Typos? Not that I noticed. Spelling, grammar...nothing I can really readily see.
The telling of Caretaker's tale through the eyes of a street urchin and the relatively short but thoroughly evocative descriptions of his and Digger's day-to-day life in the streets was brilliantly done. The wonder and awe of a large fantasy city was, for me, brought to life. Every character, even the barely seen gnome (I'm going to assume) "artificer" of some sort and the kindly Brahmin priest feel like complete three dimensional character with barely a sentence or two devoted to them. The great black cloaked and antlered helmeted Huntsmen who would as soon skewer you with their spears as look at you, who from a child's point of view seem to me like giants. I don't want to meet them! Just wonderful. Everything wrapped around the (presumably) ongoing battle between servants of conflicted gods.
Sleeping God's story is equally evocative. Again we are served up with an ancient battle between deities...this time in our own world. The characters are equally solid, the use of the mythology intriguing. The actual battle between Pashupati and Ravana was again wonderfully evocative while maintaining a well written conservation of word. I loved the Rakashas bursting out of the statues. I thought the introduction of Gupta and Hiran was a bit clunky. Rather, maybe, it was the scene change and the necessity thereof that bothered me a little. There was nothing wrong with Gupta or Hiran themselves. The whole bit about the railroad workers and finding the stone and Charles Masson was a cute tidbit and creative way to tie in the location (though I had to google him to find out what the reference was or was meant for) but I don't think it much helped to further the story, really, and feels kinda unnecessary.
All in all, however, if that is the only thing I can really say about the style/skill portion, that's really not a lot. Let's see if things diverge a bit more in the other categories.
2) Picture Use: Again, difficult difficult difficult. Use of the temple site for both stories work well as pivotal locations in each.
That contraption/astrolabe/armillary-wutzit was also used well if somewhat literally in Sleeping Gods. The same image in Caretaker offers us, not only some magical containment device, but uses the figure beside it in a most creative way, altering the dimensions of our perceptions to have him be the sphere's gnome creator. Nicely done.
Caretaker also delivers with the old man, as I originally took him, in passing, as a colorful but ultimately inconsequential "NPC" only to find, it's actually all about him! The use of the old man in Sleeping Gods was weak, I thought. Using him as astrologer/summoner was fine, but again, the description is of literal picture because he was "put and stuck" there in just that position by the god seemed very forced, very "just [literally] stick it here", to me.
The antlered lady, I have to say when I saw that pic I couldn't really think of what to expect from each. Both stories used her to great effect, one as the foil, one as the savior. Nicely done by you both. In retrospect, the priestess of the Hunt and the (demi-?) goddess of another antlered mythological figure equally seem so obvious to me. But you guys thought of them and I didn't. So, well done to you both there.
I think Caretaker's getting an edge here for consistently strong and a couple of more creative uses.
3) Personal Enjoyment: Both read well. Both used the pictures well. Both plots pulled me in and had me eager to read "what's next." What's a judge to do?
This is not great reasoning, but this is the "Personal Enjoyment" portion after all. Simply put, I'm more of a sucker for some "fantasy world" fantasy than "supernatural stuff in the real world" kind of fantasy. Not a good reason but there it is, personal taste. I just plain enjoyed The Caretaker tale better.
I'ma say it again, "You guys are good." Both stories are very well done and writings you should both be very proud of.
I am almost ashamed to say, based on my own personal preference moreso than anything else, Steel Dragons' vote for winner of Round I: Match 5 goes to...
UselessTrivaMan
All of you guys gotta start submitting some sloppy, spelling and grammar error riddled, poorly thought out characters with disjointed plots. This is just getting too hard!
maxfieldjadenfox's Let Sleeping Gods Lie
vs.
UselessTriviaMan's The Caretaker's Gift
Let's to it, shall we?
1) Writing Skill & Style: You guys are good. Seriously, very good. In the face of two beautifully crafted settings, thoroughly enjoyable characters, and fantastically engaging plots, what is there to judge here? Typos? Not that I noticed. Spelling, grammar...nothing I can really readily see.
The telling of Caretaker's tale through the eyes of a street urchin and the relatively short but thoroughly evocative descriptions of his and Digger's day-to-day life in the streets was brilliantly done. The wonder and awe of a large fantasy city was, for me, brought to life. Every character, even the barely seen gnome (I'm going to assume) "artificer" of some sort and the kindly Brahmin priest feel like complete three dimensional character with barely a sentence or two devoted to them. The great black cloaked and antlered helmeted Huntsmen who would as soon skewer you with their spears as look at you, who from a child's point of view seem to me like giants. I don't want to meet them! Just wonderful. Everything wrapped around the (presumably) ongoing battle between servants of conflicted gods.
Sleeping God's story is equally evocative. Again we are served up with an ancient battle between deities...this time in our own world. The characters are equally solid, the use of the mythology intriguing. The actual battle between Pashupati and Ravana was again wonderfully evocative while maintaining a well written conservation of word. I loved the Rakashas bursting out of the statues. I thought the introduction of Gupta and Hiran was a bit clunky. Rather, maybe, it was the scene change and the necessity thereof that bothered me a little. There was nothing wrong with Gupta or Hiran themselves. The whole bit about the railroad workers and finding the stone and Charles Masson was a cute tidbit and creative way to tie in the location (though I had to google him to find out what the reference was or was meant for) but I don't think it much helped to further the story, really, and feels kinda unnecessary.
All in all, however, if that is the only thing I can really say about the style/skill portion, that's really not a lot. Let's see if things diverge a bit more in the other categories.
2) Picture Use: Again, difficult difficult difficult. Use of the temple site for both stories work well as pivotal locations in each.
That contraption/astrolabe/armillary-wutzit was also used well if somewhat literally in Sleeping Gods. The same image in Caretaker offers us, not only some magical containment device, but uses the figure beside it in a most creative way, altering the dimensions of our perceptions to have him be the sphere's gnome creator. Nicely done.
Caretaker also delivers with the old man, as I originally took him, in passing, as a colorful but ultimately inconsequential "NPC" only to find, it's actually all about him! The use of the old man in Sleeping Gods was weak, I thought. Using him as astrologer/summoner was fine, but again, the description is of literal picture because he was "put and stuck" there in just that position by the god seemed very forced, very "just [literally] stick it here", to me.
The antlered lady, I have to say when I saw that pic I couldn't really think of what to expect from each. Both stories used her to great effect, one as the foil, one as the savior. Nicely done by you both. In retrospect, the priestess of the Hunt and the (demi-?) goddess of another antlered mythological figure equally seem so obvious to me. But you guys thought of them and I didn't. So, well done to you both there.
I think Caretaker's getting an edge here for consistently strong and a couple of more creative uses.
3) Personal Enjoyment: Both read well. Both used the pictures well. Both plots pulled me in and had me eager to read "what's next." What's a judge to do?
This is not great reasoning, but this is the "Personal Enjoyment" portion after all. Simply put, I'm more of a sucker for some "fantasy world" fantasy than "supernatural stuff in the real world" kind of fantasy. Not a good reason but there it is, personal taste. I just plain enjoyed The Caretaker tale better.
I'ma say it again, "You guys are good." Both stories are very well done and writings you should both be very proud of.
I am almost ashamed to say, based on my own personal preference moreso than anything else, Steel Dragons' vote for winner of Round I: Match 5 goes to...
UselessTrivaMan
All of you guys gotta start submitting some sloppy, spelling and grammar error riddled, poorly thought out characters with disjointed plots. This is just getting too hard!
phoamslinger
Explorer
how about if in our Round Two stories, all of us agree to omit all vowels after the first letter?
sppsdly, aftr a whl, yr sppsd t b abl rd tht wy and it wld dfntly mk it mr exctng fr yr jdgng, eh?
whch rmnds m, I nd t g bck and rd "A Void" agn...
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mythago
Hero
I can't believe you put "hands", "stone balls" and "hard time" together and didn't make a smarmy remark. The strain of the contest must really have gotten to you!
Deuce Traveler
Adventurer
My Comments
[sblock]
I've been reading the stories again and just wanted to say that my two favorite yarns so far are Steel Draco's unnamed piece and The Caretaker's Gift by UselessTriviaMan.
For Steel Draco's piece, I have to admit I don't enjoy horror, and I believe that evil Germans are an overused trope. However, I do love weird tales and this falls firmly into that sort of fiction. The characters and scenario left a strong impression after I finished the piece, so it is a tale I won't soon forget.
I also liked the Caretaker's Gift because it deals with normal boys dealing with a threat bigger than they can handle and I admire how their character is developed through the story. Not to leave any spoilers, but I didn't believe the final character should have gotten the gift as it seemed to make the transference more about proximity than spiritual worthiness. Still a good tale, though.
[/sblock]
[sblock]
I've been reading the stories again and just wanted to say that my two favorite yarns so far are Steel Draco's unnamed piece and The Caretaker's Gift by UselessTriviaMan.
For Steel Draco's piece, I have to admit I don't enjoy horror, and I believe that evil Germans are an overused trope. However, I do love weird tales and this falls firmly into that sort of fiction. The characters and scenario left a strong impression after I finished the piece, so it is a tale I won't soon forget.
I also liked the Caretaker's Gift because it deals with normal boys dealing with a threat bigger than they can handle and I admire how their character is developed through the story. Not to leave any spoilers, but I didn't believe the final character should have gotten the gift as it seemed to make the transference more about proximity than spiritual worthiness. Still a good tale, though.
[/sblock]
UselessTriviaMan
Explorer
[sblock]Thank you very much, Deuce. I realized too late that I didn't include any explanation about the transference of the Gift. I meant to say that the Caretaker actually selects his own successor - Digger had already been chosen by the previous Suraiym, and at the end Digger chose his own best friend. I should have included something poignant about how, in the end, roles were reversed and Digger ended up taking care of the narrator.[/sblock]
Deuce Traveler
Adventurer
[sblock]
Yes! If you had added that piece of about the tranference it would have tightened up the story quite nicely.
[/sblock]
Yes! If you had added that piece of about the tranference it would have tightened up the story quite nicely.
[/sblock]
