Rodrigo Istalindir
Explorer
Hey, Mirth, you mind shrinking or sblocking that pic? It's playing hell with the page formatting. Spent 20 minutes trying to figure out why I had oddball line breaks in the post preview.
CERAMIC DM March 2012
Mirth
Explorer
Done, sir.
Gregor's Judgement
FINAL ROUND
Piratecat's 'Pillars of the World' vs. Rodrigo Istalindir's 'The Inquisitor'
Congratulations to both of you for making it into the final round. I believe I've voted for both of you in the previous rounds and I'm pleased that this is the showdown at the end. I really dig the stories you two write so lets see what you offer up in hopes of taking the crown!
Writing Style and Skill
What is there to even say here? You're both rock stars with the written word and while I noticed one typo at the end of Rodrigo's piece it was hardly relevant in terms of judging. You're both equally matched in terms of style, use of language and flow. This battle will be won in the next two categories, so lets turn our minds to picture use and enjoyment.
As an aside, I think we've learned that Enworld is stacked with talented writers so I think future Ceramic DM competitions can do without a judgement of writing style and skill. Years of writing adventures, reading modules and books and just plain being nerds has made everyone a stellar writer!
Use of the Photo Elements
Piratecat, you do again what you have continued to do throughout this competition: you build your images into the story before they are formally used as illustrations. The prime example is Slink who we know can have multiple heads / can be whatever he wants when Mallister scratches his head in the tower. Using the weird cat picture later only cements this. I also think you did something particularly clever with the picture of the Inn. I enjoyed that the ‘Leaning’ is the building in the picture, but you used the image to illustrate Mallister scaring away the crows. Well done. The lord of earth is used well and makes sense in the context of your story. The dead creature serves satisfactorily as your dead water lord, but it feels a bit hand waved in. Also, the end of the world image is good: it works really well because we know we’re looking for a place where the oceans are being stolen away.
Rodrigo, the picture of the man and the inn is really well used in your piece. I think you distilled your whole story, or at least the mood from that image. The shack serves as a central set piece where part of the story takes place, the man is clearly our inquisitor protagonist and the vibe from the image leaks into your dark, dark story. The statue is alright, and it’s a nice touch for the history of your world, but I don’t feel much connection to the story itself since we do not have much resolution following Jon's revelation at the end. Similar to your opponent, the dead creature is kind of tossed in there as the true form of the Prior and while I think your final image of the waves/sinkhole is a kind of clever way of finishing off the story it too felt a bit stamped in. However, I dug the cat image. We get a bit of a tease when Jon is chasing the demon in the woods and its voice is a chorus. This foreshadows either many enemies or linked consciousnesses. When the demon is revealed and the picture is used, it works incredibly well.
Personal Enjoyment
Piratecat, I thought Pillars of the World was a great short story. I was picking up on a bit of an Oryx and Crake beginning with your Mallister serving as Atwood's Snowman interacting with a child of Crake. As per usual, you serve up some delicious characters and fill them with tiny details that bring them to life. I could expand on this, but I think everything positive I've discussed with respect to your previous stories is repeated here - kudos for consistency in this department. Speaking of little things, there are some sparks of deep creativity in this piece such as the tidal story about the sea god needing to be pleased by the song of the moons in order to swell or recede. It a small part, but memorable. There was a bit of inconsistency with Mallister when he puts his hand on Timothy’s shoulder. He’s blind so while he can hear the boy, its unlikely he’d be able to touch him accurately. Again, small issue but it broke the illusion for just a moment in your story. What I really enjoyed about this story of epic level adventurers (who may be the ones who ventured into the Temple of Elemental Evil!?) is the touch of 'humanity' you give them. Sure they can effectively be immortal, but what they need is friendship and in some cases, peace and quiet. I enjoyed the idea of a tavern that the adventurers kept for themselves and eventually, over the years made it something like a magnificent mansion (something PCs would do for sure!). I also chuckled at the Otyugh poo joke (from an old post here on Enworld … I forget whose sig its on). On the negative side, the story started really strong and detailed and then felt slightly rushed as the plot picked up. The ending is the best example of this and I was kind of hoping that you'd play out the newly reformed friendship of the party members. All in all it was a really great story and know that I will be stealing the idea of a dagger made from a fallen angel’s hatred (that sounds so freaking rad).
Rodrigo, I definitely dug your 'Inquisitor' tale. I really picked up on a cool melding of fantasy worlds which you may or may not have purposely done. There was a strong taste of a dark Kingkiller Chronicles thing going on and it could almost be set in that world’s past. Then I felt like you tossed in a dash of the Warhammer world and it resulted in a really sexy marriage for a dark setting. Stylistically I enjoyed the simultaneous timelines of future and past going on, but it occasionally got a touch confusing. Alot in your story is also not clarified or filled in and while I understand that that was what you were going for it created a war within me between appreciating the style and shaking my fist at the heavens for lack of detail. On another positive note, your protagonist is a strong character and I can feel his sadness at the loss of relationship with his son, the increasing dread following his understanding that a demon had possessed his child and the gut wrenching of his final loss. The added pain of realizing his faith is corrupt was a nice cherry on top of this black sundae. Ultimately though, I really wanted to know more about your world and the background. I'm craving more about how and when the demons infiltrated the church, what exactly happened to those petrified saints, etc.
Final Verdict
This was a solid match up and both stories were great. You're both titans of the written word and your imaginations have given everyone in this competition a run for their money and inspired a lot of us for our own games, creative writing or just day dreaming. Thank you to both of you for your strong performance in the final.
It is a shame that I must pick one of you as my choice to win the competition, but those are the rules I must follow them. In the end, I made my decision based on the writer who used the images more creatively and who spun a tale that that more powerfully used those pictures to drive their characters, settings and plot.
My vote for the winner of Ceramic DM is Piratecat.
FINAL ROUND
Piratecat's 'Pillars of the World' vs. Rodrigo Istalindir's 'The Inquisitor'
Congratulations to both of you for making it into the final round. I believe I've voted for both of you in the previous rounds and I'm pleased that this is the showdown at the end. I really dig the stories you two write so lets see what you offer up in hopes of taking the crown!
Writing Style and Skill
What is there to even say here? You're both rock stars with the written word and while I noticed one typo at the end of Rodrigo's piece it was hardly relevant in terms of judging. You're both equally matched in terms of style, use of language and flow. This battle will be won in the next two categories, so lets turn our minds to picture use and enjoyment.
As an aside, I think we've learned that Enworld is stacked with talented writers so I think future Ceramic DM competitions can do without a judgement of writing style and skill. Years of writing adventures, reading modules and books and just plain being nerds has made everyone a stellar writer!
Use of the Photo Elements
Piratecat, you do again what you have continued to do throughout this competition: you build your images into the story before they are formally used as illustrations. The prime example is Slink who we know can have multiple heads / can be whatever he wants when Mallister scratches his head in the tower. Using the weird cat picture later only cements this. I also think you did something particularly clever with the picture of the Inn. I enjoyed that the ‘Leaning’ is the building in the picture, but you used the image to illustrate Mallister scaring away the crows. Well done. The lord of earth is used well and makes sense in the context of your story. The dead creature serves satisfactorily as your dead water lord, but it feels a bit hand waved in. Also, the end of the world image is good: it works really well because we know we’re looking for a place where the oceans are being stolen away.
Rodrigo, the picture of the man and the inn is really well used in your piece. I think you distilled your whole story, or at least the mood from that image. The shack serves as a central set piece where part of the story takes place, the man is clearly our inquisitor protagonist and the vibe from the image leaks into your dark, dark story. The statue is alright, and it’s a nice touch for the history of your world, but I don’t feel much connection to the story itself since we do not have much resolution following Jon's revelation at the end. Similar to your opponent, the dead creature is kind of tossed in there as the true form of the Prior and while I think your final image of the waves/sinkhole is a kind of clever way of finishing off the story it too felt a bit stamped in. However, I dug the cat image. We get a bit of a tease when Jon is chasing the demon in the woods and its voice is a chorus. This foreshadows either many enemies or linked consciousnesses. When the demon is revealed and the picture is used, it works incredibly well.
Personal Enjoyment
Piratecat, I thought Pillars of the World was a great short story. I was picking up on a bit of an Oryx and Crake beginning with your Mallister serving as Atwood's Snowman interacting with a child of Crake. As per usual, you serve up some delicious characters and fill them with tiny details that bring them to life. I could expand on this, but I think everything positive I've discussed with respect to your previous stories is repeated here - kudos for consistency in this department. Speaking of little things, there are some sparks of deep creativity in this piece such as the tidal story about the sea god needing to be pleased by the song of the moons in order to swell or recede. It a small part, but memorable. There was a bit of inconsistency with Mallister when he puts his hand on Timothy’s shoulder. He’s blind so while he can hear the boy, its unlikely he’d be able to touch him accurately. Again, small issue but it broke the illusion for just a moment in your story. What I really enjoyed about this story of epic level adventurers (who may be the ones who ventured into the Temple of Elemental Evil!?) is the touch of 'humanity' you give them. Sure they can effectively be immortal, but what they need is friendship and in some cases, peace and quiet. I enjoyed the idea of a tavern that the adventurers kept for themselves and eventually, over the years made it something like a magnificent mansion (something PCs would do for sure!). I also chuckled at the Otyugh poo joke (from an old post here on Enworld … I forget whose sig its on). On the negative side, the story started really strong and detailed and then felt slightly rushed as the plot picked up. The ending is the best example of this and I was kind of hoping that you'd play out the newly reformed friendship of the party members. All in all it was a really great story and know that I will be stealing the idea of a dagger made from a fallen angel’s hatred (that sounds so freaking rad).
Rodrigo, I definitely dug your 'Inquisitor' tale. I really picked up on a cool melding of fantasy worlds which you may or may not have purposely done. There was a strong taste of a dark Kingkiller Chronicles thing going on and it could almost be set in that world’s past. Then I felt like you tossed in a dash of the Warhammer world and it resulted in a really sexy marriage for a dark setting. Stylistically I enjoyed the simultaneous timelines of future and past going on, but it occasionally got a touch confusing. Alot in your story is also not clarified or filled in and while I understand that that was what you were going for it created a war within me between appreciating the style and shaking my fist at the heavens for lack of detail. On another positive note, your protagonist is a strong character and I can feel his sadness at the loss of relationship with his son, the increasing dread following his understanding that a demon had possessed his child and the gut wrenching of his final loss. The added pain of realizing his faith is corrupt was a nice cherry on top of this black sundae. Ultimately though, I really wanted to know more about your world and the background. I'm craving more about how and when the demons infiltrated the church, what exactly happened to those petrified saints, etc.
Final Verdict
This was a solid match up and both stories were great. You're both titans of the written word and your imaginations have given everyone in this competition a run for their money and inspired a lot of us for our own games, creative writing or just day dreaming. Thank you to both of you for your strong performance in the final.
It is a shame that I must pick one of you as my choice to win the competition, but those are the rules I must follow them. In the end, I made my decision based on the writer who used the images more creatively and who spun a tale that that more powerfully used those pictures to drive their characters, settings and plot.
My vote for the winner of Ceramic DM is Piratecat.
Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
Gregor, I wanted to thank you for the very quick response and the thoughtful, detailed analysis you've given us. It's tremendously useful.
More comments, sblocked for the convenience of the other judges:
[sblock]
While I was surprised that Mallister's touch drew you out of the story - it hadn't pinged on my "unrealisitc" radar as a problem - some of your other comments really hit home. In particular, I now see a wonderful way to end the story that hadn't occurred to me at the time. I'm well aware that conclusions are my biggest challenge when it comes to Ceramic DM, and I think you've helped me figure out one way to work around being so abrupt.
Likewise, on my walk today I thought of an easy way to have better foreshadowed Olhydra's true appearance, giving the actual picture more weight. Next time.
I've never heard of Oryx and Crake, but I'll look them up. I'm so glad you caught the "otyugh" joke. This story was my love letter to high level D&D, even stealing the baddies from the old 1e Fiend Folio, and it felt right to slip in an EN World story that really defines the game for me.
So anyways, good analysis and criticism. Thank you.
[/sblock]
More comments, sblocked for the convenience of the other judges:
[sblock]
While I was surprised that Mallister's touch drew you out of the story - it hadn't pinged on my "unrealisitc" radar as a problem - some of your other comments really hit home. In particular, I now see a wonderful way to end the story that hadn't occurred to me at the time. I'm well aware that conclusions are my biggest challenge when it comes to Ceramic DM, and I think you've helped me figure out one way to work around being so abrupt.
Likewise, on my walk today I thought of an easy way to have better foreshadowed Olhydra's true appearance, giving the actual picture more weight. Next time.
I've never heard of Oryx and Crake, but I'll look them up. I'm so glad you caught the "otyugh" joke. This story was my love letter to high level D&D, even stealing the baddies from the old 1e Fiend Folio, and it felt right to slip in an EN World story that really defines the game for me.
So anyways, good analysis and criticism. Thank you.
[/sblock]
Good luck Piratecat and Rodrigo!
Sadly, I won't be able to see/read the verdicts of my esteemed fellow judges as I'm leaving on a jet plane tomorrow morning. I'll be venturing into the Andes mountains on a week-long hike and camp before jetting off to the wind-swept isle of Curacao for a belated honeymoon with my wife. I'm hoping to find the Lost City of the Mountain Kings and pray that our guides in the Guild of the Crimson Alpaca will be capable in seeing us through the sojourn.
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone in the competition for giving me the pleasure of reading and judging your stories. As a past Ceramic DM competitor (and one who lost his fight to Piratecat many years ago) I know how difficult this challenge can be. I now know that judging is vastly more tricky. What amazes me about Ceramic DM, and Enworld as a whole really, is how honourable, bright and real everyone is. Its rare, on the anonymous information superhighway, to find a community of brilliant, creative and genuinely good people. Yet, everyone who participated in this competition exemplified sportsmanship, good nature and a simple genuine desire to hone their word craft. You literary champions have honored me by allowing me to examine your works and it has been an absolute treat being a part of this.
Good luck you finalists and congratulations to everyone who drew their pen from its scabbard and slashed, stabbed and riposted their way through an amazingly entertaining Ceramic DM.
Fare thee well!
Sadly, I won't be able to see/read the verdicts of my esteemed fellow judges as I'm leaving on a jet plane tomorrow morning. I'll be venturing into the Andes mountains on a week-long hike and camp before jetting off to the wind-swept isle of Curacao for a belated honeymoon with my wife. I'm hoping to find the Lost City of the Mountain Kings and pray that our guides in the Guild of the Crimson Alpaca will be capable in seeing us through the sojourn.
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone in the competition for giving me the pleasure of reading and judging your stories. As a past Ceramic DM competitor (and one who lost his fight to Piratecat many years ago) I know how difficult this challenge can be. I now know that judging is vastly more tricky. What amazes me about Ceramic DM, and Enworld as a whole really, is how honourable, bright and real everyone is. Its rare, on the anonymous information superhighway, to find a community of brilliant, creative and genuinely good people. Yet, everyone who participated in this competition exemplified sportsmanship, good nature and a simple genuine desire to hone their word craft. You literary champions have honored me by allowing me to examine your works and it has been an absolute treat being a part of this.
Good luck you finalists and congratulations to everyone who drew their pen from its scabbard and slashed, stabbed and riposted their way through an amazingly entertaining Ceramic DM.
Fare thee well!
phoamslinger
Explorer
[sblock] actually PC's wizard hiding on the beach reminded me of Patrick Rothfuss' Name of the Wind.[/sblock]
phoamslinger
Explorer
another end of the world, gods & men vs something apocalyptic, and the good guys lost...
the main character would be going to all the remaining powers to try to stop the end of the world after the final battle created a world ending event. the cat would have been part of a nightmare scene with Morpheus, master of Dreams.
it looks like the ocean scene inspired a similar feeling to you and Rodrigo
