alsih2o
First Post
Maldur:
Firelance Vs. NiTessine
Firelance gets my vote as he gives a complete story not just an intro
Piratecat votes for Firelance, with a promise of forthcoming comments.
Alsih2o:
Firelance- Straight off I like the idea of the tow specialist. Magic is usually treated as some mysterious force or over described. I like the immediate mood created by the opening exchange. This extends into the familiars conversation with a livng relative of the original mage. Cool.
Then she invokes a evocation. Techno-babble and magic speak drive me crazy, they are hard to do well and glare when a mis-step is taken. I am not sure on correct usage here, but that jump made me itch. J
LOVED the parachute pic usage. Loved it.
The battle scene gets a little hard to keep up with, but comes through strong.
I just wish there was more to the ending. It is a really strong story that gets tied together in what seems to be a rush.
All around, this is a good story. I like the picture usage. This is one of those I wish I could read when more than three days of effort went into it.
NiTessine- Hmm. This screams game. It seems like something that maybe is the first chapter of a larger context.
The picture usage is semi-solid. I like the idea of the perpetual motion man, but not the fact that he is just there. The parachute is pretty strong, the cat makes me want more.
I think if this went somewhere I would be forced to consider it as a real winner. I have tried this type of story myself, and I didn’t make it work. I don’t think NiT did either.
NiT is usually a very strong writer, maybe he is suffering form my high expectations?
Judgement- Firelance provided more, and did it more strongly. He gets my vote.
Decision: Firelance advances in a unanimous decision.
Firelance Vs. NiTessine
Firelance gets my vote as he gives a complete story not just an intro
Piratecat votes for Firelance, with a promise of forthcoming comments.
Alsih2o:
Firelance- Straight off I like the idea of the tow specialist. Magic is usually treated as some mysterious force or over described. I like the immediate mood created by the opening exchange. This extends into the familiars conversation with a livng relative of the original mage. Cool.
Then she invokes a evocation. Techno-babble and magic speak drive me crazy, they are hard to do well and glare when a mis-step is taken. I am not sure on correct usage here, but that jump made me itch. J
LOVED the parachute pic usage. Loved it.
The battle scene gets a little hard to keep up with, but comes through strong.
I just wish there was more to the ending. It is a really strong story that gets tied together in what seems to be a rush.
All around, this is a good story. I like the picture usage. This is one of those I wish I could read when more than three days of effort went into it.
NiTessine- Hmm. This screams game. It seems like something that maybe is the first chapter of a larger context.
The picture usage is semi-solid. I like the idea of the perpetual motion man, but not the fact that he is just there. The parachute is pretty strong, the cat makes me want more.
I think if this went somewhere I would be forced to consider it as a real winner. I have tried this type of story myself, and I didn’t make it work. I don’t think NiT did either.
NiT is usually a very strong writer, maybe he is suffering form my high expectations?
Judgement- Firelance provided more, and did it more strongly. He gets my vote.
Decision: Firelance advances in a unanimous decision.
