D&D 5E Dealing with a trouble player and a major blow up

[Dausuul]

I think it's at least part of the issue.

No, it's really not. The guy showed up to play at Majoru's table (in a public game yet!), threw a tantrum mid-game, and ran out, leaving his girlfriend and their buddy stranded. Even if Majoru were the worst DM in the world, it wouldn't explain that behavior. This is not an issue caused by bad DMing, and better DMing won't fix it.

 

[iserith]

No, it's really not. The guy showed up to play at Majoru's table (in a public game yet!), threw a tantrum mid-game, and ran out, leaving his girlfriend and their buddy stranded. Even if Majoru were the worst DM in the world, it wouldn't explain that behavior. This is not an issue caused by bad DMing, and better DMing won't fix it.

As I have repeatedly said in this thread, there is no excuse for the player's behavior. But something is setting the guy off and based on the OP's description of his or her game, I'm betting it has something to do with the approach to the game which I know to be frustrating to certain players (including myself). I submit it's worth looking into critically even if ultimately nothing changes except the player roster.

 

[steeldragons]

I think it's at least part of the issue. And really the only issue the OP can reliably control since he or she has no control over other people. In these kinds of situations, I believe a little self-reflection is a good idea.

I would agree with the statement "a little self-reflection is a good idea" in just about all things/areas of life.

But the OP has been quite forthright. He has been "going over it in his head." Is forthright and cognizant about his DMing style, attitude toward this player, personally, and the past relationships involved.

The fault in this particular scenario (from all the information at hand) is the [gaming?] attitude and behavior of the player.

This is a grown man in a public space, throwing a hissy fit turned temper tantrum, shouting and creating a scene, and storming out on and LEAVING -not just some friends that he drove there- but some friends and his girlfriend of 8 years!

I don't care if it was a D&D session, a dinner party, a backyard BBQ or a gala fundraiser, the player's reactions and behavior were inappropriate and uncalled for, at best, and at worst belie some underlying emotional/behavioral/personality issues.

Dump him from your table, dump any table he's sitting at, and dump any people that would support/defend his actions and behavior.

 

[iserith]

I would agree with the statement "a little self-reflection is a good idea" in just about all things/areas of life.

But the OP has been quite forthright. He has been "going over it in his head." Is forthright and cognizant about his DMing style, attitude toward this player, personally, and the past relationships involved.

The fault in this particular scenario (from all the information at hand) is the [gaming?] attitude and behavior of the player.

This is a grown man in a public space, throwing a hissy fit turned temper tantrum, shouting and creating a scene, and storming out on and LEAVING -not just some friends that he drove there- but some friends and his girlfriend of 8 years!

I don't care if it was a D&D session, a dinner party, a backyard BBQ or a gala fundraiser, the player's reactions and behavior were inappropriate and uncalled for, at best, and at worst belie some underlying emotional/behavioral/personality issues.

Dump him from your table, dump any table he's sitting at, and dump any people that would support/defend his actions and behavior.

Again, I offer no excuses for the player whatsoever. I do offer things for the OP to think about going forward that might benefit him or her after the dust settles.

 

[Dausuul]

As I have repeatedly said in this thread, there is no excuse for the player's behavior. But something is setting the guy off and based on the OP's description of his or her game, I'm betting it has something to do with the approach to the game which I know to be frustrating to certain players (including myself). I submit it's worth looking into critically even if ultimately nothing changes except the player roster.

It may be worth looking into, in the sense of "What insights can I glean about my own DMing style from this whole business?" However, it has nothing to do with the problem at hand, which is what to do about the player in question. Even supposing it were possible, through better DMing, to prevent the guy from going apes***, I would not want to DM a game where I had to worry about a player going apes*** because I had an off night. (And frankly, I doubt it is possible.)

When somebody acts like a jerk, it is not productive to focus on how you can avoid triggering the jerk into behaving jerkishly. Focus on how you can get the jerk out of your life. If you want to do a little self-reflection afterward, fine... but even then, self-reflection is much more productive when you're judging yourself against the reactions of reasonable people.

 

[iserith]

It may be worth looking into in the sense of "What insights can I glean about my own DMing style from this whole business?" However, it has nothing to do with the problem at hand, which is what to do about the player in question. Even supposing it were possible, through better DMing, to prevent the guy from going apes***, I would not want to DM a game where I had to worry about a player going apes*** because I had an off night. (And frankly, I doubt it is possible.) This problem exists outside the game, and that's the place to deal with it.

My advice stands as something to consider about the situation in addition to, not the exclusion of, the advice of others.

So dump the player(s), if that's what it takes, but also view it as an opportunity to think critically about one's approach to the game.

 

[Bawylie]

It seems like maybe you've got interpersonal issues rather than game issues. You have this gal pal who's a roommate, then this guy comes along and you can't stand him, but he snatches up your gal pal. You've been talking trash behind this guy's back, and now he knows... And this is on and on and on.

I'm sure I've seen a teen movie about this. Do you have some unresolved feelings over the gal pal? Are you certain this dude's behavior is as bad as you're suggesting? Maybe you've got some rival-goggles going on.

It sounds like you got friend zoned, and blame the rival, and don't enjoy the situation. From what I gather, his behavior is crap, but tolerable to the rest of the social circle.

I'm not saying you're wrong, or lying, or even unfairly categorizing the guy's behavior. I'm just getting the sense that it's about the girl. And if it is, your best choice may be removing yourself from that circle.

That said, I don't know you or anyone else involved. I'm just a rando on the Internet. 15 yrs chasing a gal pal is too long tho, if that's what's down.

 

[vandaexpress]

So... OP, I could be wrong. And it's probably rude of me to even bring it up, but this sounds like so many situations that I ran into in the past with old groups. So I'm just gonna level...

I get the impression that this whole thing is really about the girl. Maybe it's not completely about her, but it sounds like she's a pretty vital lynchpin in the drama, or her opinion of people.

There is so much emotional toxicity in this situation, there are people talking so much smack behind other people's backs and its coming back to bite them, romance, meltdowns. It's like Waterdeep 90210. This has absolutely nothing to do with OP's DMing style and everything to do with emotional friction from a player that doesn't like OP and is undermining his games, a situation which has been exacerbated by OP's "friend" sharing his negative opinions with the problem player.

There's a lot of blame and social flubs going around here with multiple people, and its going together about as well as gasoline and fire.

The guy has issues, but if I were to find out that someone told my girlfriend that I'm stupid, you better believe I would have a grudge against that guy. Especially if my girlfriend was taking his side in arguments. I'd be like why are you supporting him, huh? I could even see some people taking that grudge to the extreme and trying to portray that guy as an incompetent DM. "He's the real idiot! I'll show him!" etc. This doesn't seem like a DM style thing at all, it seems like a contest of pride between two important men in this girl's life.

This is one reason why I have a 'draconian' preference my players not date each other and I, as a DM, definitely do not date my players any more or play with anyone that I have that kind of emotional connection with. It goes sideways too easily and next thing you know, you have two girls at eachothers throat about whether or not to cast moonbeam - it has nothing to do with the spell, and everything to do with their personal drama with each other. One of the earlier posts talked about a DM that didn't care about his players or whatever, I think it's healthy to keep an emotional distance in some cases from the players to avoid these kinds of situations, though.

Get out of there, OP. Get a new group of friends. Break contact with the old ones. Dude seems abusive. Girl seems to be exacerbating his issues. They aren't interested in fixing this. An apology is not forthcoming. Just move on.

 

[Bawylie]

Mind meld!

 

[vandaexpress]

Mind meld!

Hahaha, seriously, 4 minutes apart! Wish I had seen your post before I started mine, could have saved me a good 15 minutes or so. I was kind of surprised no one else had mentioned it earlier. Glad I'm not the only one who thought this...