DM as Entertainer - Not as Equal

[Retreater]

I was discussing with my wife my perennial topic of being stressed by running games. She asked me why it's seemed to become an issue recently - after all, I've been running multiple games weekly for years.

I told her that it could be a culmination of more than a decade of this schedule, but I also began thinking of how my games today are different than what I had in the past.

Past games: Let's get together and meet for lunch or drinks and then go play a game. The game is secondary to hanging out, spending time with friends, etc.
Current games: Let's meet up at 5:00, be ready to play after 5-10 minutes of chit-chat. We'll play D&D, go home, and then not talk until the next game session.

My current games feel like punching in a time clock. They're more stressful than fun for me.
Part of this is playing online, but my in-person group (entertaining teenagers) is also a stressful situation that can feel like work.

This is just an observation. I'm not sure what to do about it.

 

[TwoSix]

If your gaming group isn't either your friends or in the process of becoming your friends, then I don't really see the point in playing with them. If they're people with whom you don't want to banter with before the game starts or in-between games, my recommendation would be to move on. I've been playing for 30 years, but I'm not at the point of my life where I want to play just to play anymore, and it sounds like you're reaching that point as well.

 

[Mannahnin]

My current games feel like punching in a time clock. They're more stressful than fun for me.
Part of this is playing online, but my in-person group (entertaining teenagers) is also a stressful situation that can feel like work.

This is just an observation. I'm not sure what to do about it.

My regular online games also normally include a socializing phase, especially at the start. The ones comprised of IRL friends with whom I used to regularly play in person especially so, but the smaller online game I'm in right now (only 4 of us including the GM, though some big games I played during the pandemic would have 8-10) has gotten increasingly chummy and there's a definite social aspect.

 

[overgeeked]

When you think something is important and serious business, you treat it differently than you do when it’s a silly game, play time, or an excuse to hang out. Shifting your focus back to prioritizing hanging out with friends having a laugh first instead of serious business D&D first might help.

 

[billd91]

I like playing with people who aren't my close knit group of gamer friends. In fact, I do it every year running Adventurer's League at Gamehole Con... once a year. And I think that's a difference at work here. As an introvert, running games for people can be costly in mental energy. It costs a substantial amount more to do it for strangers or people I'm not already friends with, so I'm willing to do it only one or two 4-day weekends a year. Gaming with friends that I'm social with away from the table is a whole lot easier, both in my own energy and in getting on the same page about how the game plays in style and content, so running 4 sessions a month indefinitely is far less a burden.

 

[payn]

Part of this is getting older. Folks get jobs, married, etc... The time for hanging out becomes a premium and folks want to optimize it. Moving into online gaming is also a step back in richness of communication. You don't have that face to face and tactile interaction. For many, this isnt an issue, but for some it can feel like a sea change.

Not sure what you can do about it, but I have been isolating my experiences. I jump into things easily, but make sure the commitment level is low. I try and dial it up once I find like minded gamers that I enjoy their company beyond the game itself. Its a process, but once you find the right formula its worth all the effort.

 

[MichaelSomething]

You gotta know when to hold'em;
Know when to fold'em;
And know when to walk away.

 

[payn]

You gotta know when to hold'em;
Know when to fold'em;
And know when to walk away.

More or less this. Get picky about who you play with, what systems you use, and which campaigns you choose. Lower the commitment by starting with one shots and smaller bite size adventures. Work up to a regular outing once you got the solid set up on all fronts. Dont be afraid to politely walk away from groups that dont work out for you.

 

[Ralif Redhammer]

My current games feel like punching in a time clock. They're more stressful than fun for me.
Part of this is playing online, but my in-person group (entertaining teenagers) is also a stressful situation that can feel like work.

When I've had games that have been consistently stressful, it's been because something needed to change. Something has to be causing the stress. Unfortunately, frequently it was that a player or even multiple players needed to get the boot. But sometimes less drastic action was all that was needed...like just finishing the campaign/game and starting a new one.

I generally look at the DM's position in a gaming group as like being the lead singer in a rock band playing live to an audience. If I'm doing my job right, everyone is going to be watching and listening to me. But if there aren't decent musicians on guitar, bass, keyboards, drums, oboe, whatever, then no matter how good I am at singing and giving the crowd something to watch, it's not going to work.

 

[Clint_L]

When I'm running my home game with mature friends, it's completely for fun, and in my ideal evenings I'm spending a lot of the time listening to them carry the story while I sip my adult beverage and chortle away..

When I'm running games for teenagers it's at work, and though there are fun moments, it's part of my job. We're not going to hang out and have a beer later, or something. It's not the 1970s.

So in that situation, it's still trying to keep them engaged and having fun, but it's much more hands on, and it's a completely different vibe. Presumably, OP, you don't really hang out with teenagers normally (if you do, then it's a whole different discussion) so what you are describing sounds like a job. But you're not being paid, so if it's not fun, why are you doing it?

Unless they are family?