DM as Entertainer - Not as Equal

[Retreater]

So in that situation, it's still trying to keep them engaged and having fun, but it's much more hands on, and it's a completely different vibe. Presumably, OP, you don't really hang out with teenagers normally (if you do, then it's a whole different discussion) so what you are describing sounds like a job. But you're not being paid, so if it's not fun, why are you doing it?

Unless they are family?

There's some family involvement, yeah. I don't hate running for them, but it's draining after a while. You know, 5 teenagers and all that.

 

[FitzTheRuke]

I'm the opposite: My IRL group drinks and chats about politics and TV shows for 2/3 of the game. It's great social time, don't get me wrong, but we get almost NOWHERE in the game, where when we were younger, we were much more serious about playing. I'd prefer something more of a middle-ground.

 

[Incenjucar]

Knowing what motivates you and pacing yourself are very important. Play with people whose goals coincide with your own, and play at a frequency that leaves you wanting to play slightly more than you do. I would generally recommend running shorter games until you find a group that matches your interests and then expanding the campaign when you find the fight team. Running games multiple times a week is also A LOT. I generally only DM once every two weeks when doing long-term campaigns, and even that ate into my social life super hard.

 

[ThrorII]

I'm the opposite: My IRL group drinks and chats about politics and TV shows for 2/3 of the game. It's great social time, don't get me wrong, but we get almost NOWHERE in the game, where when we were younger, we were much more serious about playing. I'd prefer something more of a middle-ground.

Our in-person group (some of us have been playing together for 16 years, many of us for 10+ years) spends an hour or so chatting, drinking whiskey and smoking cigars, talking politics, work and home life - just catching up. We play every other Saturday for 4-5 hours, the social hour is prior to "game time".

But we also will sometimes get together for a BBQ outside of game nights, or go see a movie together, etc. We're friends. But at the table, it is time to put on our 'game face'.

 

[FitzTheRuke]

Our in-person group (some of us have been playing together for 16 years, many of us for 10+ years) spends an hour or so chatting, drinking whiskey and smoking cigars, talking politics, work and home life - just catching up. We play every other Saturday for 4-5 hours, the social hour is prior to "game time".

But we also will sometimes get together for a BBQ outside of game nights, or go see a movie together, etc. We're friends. But at the table, it is time to put on our 'game face'.

Sounds good. I think our problem is that there are a couple of players that arrive at 5pm and a couple that arrive at 6pm (we play weekly on Tuesdays from 6-8:30pm). I have NO problem whatsoever with the chitchat from 5-6. Love it, even. But I'd like to get started before 7pm, and the chitchat seems to start over when the later people arrive. I mean, I don't want to disinclude them, which is why I put up with it, but I'd like to play, too!

 

[ThrorII]

Sounds good. I think our problem is that there are a couple of players that arrive at 5pm and a couple that arrive at 6pm (we play weekly on Tuesdays from 6-8:30pm). I have NO problem whatsoever with the chitchat from 5-6. Love it, even. But I'd like to get started before 7pm, and the chitchat seems to start over when the later people arrive. I mean, I don't want to disinclude them, which is why I put up with it, but I'd like to play, too!

Perhaps a simple GM email? "Hey guys, I really enjoy our pre-game visits, but it seems like we've fallen into the habit of bringing them into our 'game time'. This cuts our adventure time down significantly. Let's try to focus after 6:00pm on game time. Thanks guys!!"

 

[ninjayeti]

It sounds like maybe you are going in with the mind set of "I need to entertain these people" rather than "We are are all here have fun together." Yeah, a GM has a responsibility for prepping the game, but everyone involved should have a responsibility for making the game fun for the rest of the group. If you are carrying that burden than it is not surprising that you are feeling stressed out.

Instead of focusing on everyone else's fun, consider what is/isn't making the game fun for YOU. Are you putting unrealistic expectations on your performance? If so give yourself permission to be good (and enjoying yourself) rather than perfect (and stressed out). Do you want your players to do more RP? Be more proactive? Figure out ways to encourage that behavior. Maybe you just need different players who mesh with your personality better.

Whatever the case, treat your own fun as if it were just as important as your players' and I suspect you may begin to solve your issues.

 

[Eyes of Nine]

If your gaming group isn't either your friends or in the process of becoming your friends, then I don't really see the point in playing with them. If they're people with whom you don't want to banter with before the game starts or in-between games, my recommendation would be to move on. I've been playing for 30 years, but I'm not at the point of my life where I want to play just to play anymore, and it sounds like you're reaching that point as well.

I agree with this, although one use case that may apply is potentially this scratches a creative itch that you can't get otherwise

 

[FitzTheRuke]

Perhaps a simple GM email? "Hey guys, I really enjoy our pre-game visits, but it seems like we've fallen into the habit of bringing them into our 'game time'. This cuts our adventure time down significantly. Let's try to focus after 6:00pm on game time. Thanks guys!!"

Good advice! However, I think I've done that a half-dozen times. Everyone agrees, and we try harder for a while, and then we slip again. It is what it is. I'll just keep doing my best to get things going, and keep them going, and not blame us too much when we slip up. At least everyone is having fun!

 

[Lanefan]

Current games: Let's meet up at 5:00, be ready to play after 5-10 minutes of chit-chat. We'll play D&D, go home, and then not talk until the next game session.

My current games feel like punching in a time clock. They're more stressful than fun for me.
Part of this is playing online, ...

As a player I sometimes find online play brings the same sort of not-as-much-fun vibe, for similar reasons.