Female gamers: Weal or woe?

[danbala]

Edit - I've never really considered a "guys poker night" game. I wouldn't want to give up the regular heterogeneous group, but I bet an all-male game would have a different vibe.

You might want to try it. I have been gaming on and off again in different periods of my life. When I was in my 20s our groups always included wives/girlfriends.

But we are now in our low 40s, our girlfriends have become wives and the wives are not very interested. The group has turned all males anf frankly the "guys night out" vibe is probably the chief draw at this point.

 

[PetriWessman]

Hmph. I honestly don't remember when I last ran a game for an all-guy group. My current regular game group consists of 3 girls and 2 guys, and I don't recognize anything like the OP is describing. Everyone plays wildly different characters (and no, there is no stereotyping based on gender there that I can figure out). Everyone is relaxed, and the talk can get more than a bit raunchy at times without anyone getting uncomfortable. We used to play Exalted, that's on temp break now and I'm running a Pathfinder minicampaign using Burning Wheel rules, after that I plan to run Orpheus (or maybe Geist) for a while, and then return to Exalted. So no game type stereotypes that I can figure out, either.

I think it's more a case of age than gender. The OP and his group sounds pretty young. We're in the 35-45 age bracket, and that makes a hell of a difference to attitudes as compared to teenagers.

...or maybe it's location. I'm in Finland, and there are a lot of female roleplayers here (much due to popularity of LARPs, which also trickles over to tabletop).

 

[PetriWessman]

I'd be careful about generalizing this experience. I've certainly known women (and men) who fit that description. But I know plenty of women who are much more into the combat than the fluffy stuff.

Yeah. While statistically women are probably more prone to be interested in roleplaying and social maneuvers, and guys more in combat, when you get down to specific game groups and individuals those statistics don't mean much.

Of the three girls in our group: one plays a low-compassion humorless Lookshy sorcerer-engineer turned ninja demon summoner in Exalted and a doomed exile Elf in Burning Wheel. One plays a commerce-fixated ex-Dynast in Exalted and a disease-ridden (male) guttersnipe in BW. One plays a young (male) "best swordsman in Creation (in training)" hothead in Exalted and a old(ish) witch in BW.

I'm failing to see any of the sterotypes, there. In fact, the most pacifist character in our Exalted game is played by a guy

 

[Philotomy Jurament]

Since [high school], and continuing into the "married with children" phase, I don't think I've ever had a group that didn't include members of both sexes.

Huh. That's no longer true. The group I'm in, now, is all men.

 

[Dice4Hire]

Huh. That's no longer true. The group I'm in, now, is all men.

My impression is most groups are all men. I know mine is and has been for a decade

 

[CharlesRyan]

The thing is, everybody's experience is narrow. Unless you move around a lot or are a fanatical con-goer, you've probably gamed with the same dozen people (or maybe the same four) for years. And when other gamers have joined that clan, they've been brought in by the existing members, so are likely to be similar in outlook.

In other words, for every one person who says "I've always played in male-only groups, therefore it seems to me that's the norm," there's someone else (like me, for instance) who says "I've always played mixed-gender groups, therefore that seems like the norm."

 

[Rel]

I think that the bottom line is that, if you've got players that you are happy with, it doesn't matter what gender they are. I played for years with a couple of women in our group and it was fun. For the last several years it's been just the guys and we certainly didn't feel like we were missing out by not having a woman in the group. Now my wife is playing with us again and I don't think we're missing out by not having it be just the guys.

 

[NewJeffCT]

I have been playing D&D for about 30 years now, though there were a few times I was not gaming (early to mid 90s the longest stretch)... I've probably gamed with nearly 100 guys between middle school, high school, two colleges and 3 college campuses, and several jobs. I've gamed with 4 women in all that time, including 2 in my current group. I have generally found that women in the group have a calming effect on most of the guys (most being the key there.) no matter if they're into the role playing or combat.

In fact, the two women in my current group are a human archer cleric who has a special bow that allows her to "shoot" her healing spells, so she spends most combats shooting party members to heal them and not killing bad guys. The other woman is playing a tank of a goliath barbarian who has more hit points when raging than any other 2 party members combined. So, she gets into the thick of things and is also a damage sponge due to high hit points and poor AC. So, quite different characters.

And, I did mean a calming effect on most guys. About 10-11 years back, we had a new gamer join our group and he spent most of his time there leering at the one woman we had in the group - so much so that she was uncomfortable with him there. And, if you knew this woman, you would know it would take a LOT to get her to complain. But, that was the guy's problem and not hers.

 

[Similkameen]

Having played d&d almost exclusively with an all male group, the concept of a female gamer is somewhat foreign to me. In the dozen or so sessions I've played with female players, I've found that female gamers, by virtue of their gender alone, change the gameplay experience dramatically.

Most of the time it's a headache.

Hear me out now, I've got nothing against female players. They're awesome and everything. The problem arises mostly with the male players whenever there's a female present. They almost always act differently. Some guys will hold back from being their normal selves and restrain themselves from cracking potentially offensive jokes where they otherwise wouldn't hesitate. Some guys will go out of their way to try to impress the female, in game or otherwise. I've wanted to pull out my hair during sessions where guys spent the entire 3 hours chatting up the girl, distracting her and everyone else from the session and holding it up.

Has anyone else had similar experiences? How do you deal with it? I want to include a few female friends into my gaming sessions but I don't want the atmosphere of the group to change.

If you want to include female gamers then talk to your players now, and see what everyone wants. It will change the dynamic, and there is sexual tension when you add them. It can be really good, if everyone is open to the change of new players, women, and possibly people learning the game. I liked the suggestion in an earlier thread of running a parallel game to get the changed group up and going before disturbing the existing one.

I have recently been invited to join my son's game (I first started playing DandD in the 80s with a large singles mixed group). He consulted his friends ahead of time, and they have been cool with it. I have found some of the ageist comments in this thread annoying. I'm not sure why guys who are nerds or virgins or young should have any more difficulty playing well with the other gender. That has certainly not been my experience.

It seems to me that the advice of keeping any sexual attraction off the gaming table is the way to go.

And yes I've seen good female gamers, and recently was at a con with an upstaging female who slowed the game down completely. Disappointing to me and the guys there who were very patient with her.

 

[Zinovia]

Funny, somehow every gaming group I have been in has had at least one female gamer.