Funniest Thing you have heard at the gaming table

[Kweezil]

Something that happened in tonight's session.

The game: SLA Industries (cyberpunk without all the lightheartedness, as one friend described it)

The PCs (myself included) have been hired to retrieve a box for a high-up, that was stolen from a warehouse in Downtown. After several wild goose chases and firefights with far too well-armed opposition we get our hands on the box. And the sting comes out, the whole thing is some rivalry between two high-ups in Cloak Division (SLA's CIA, essentially), both using highly illegal methods and hardware. So I decided to secretly shop them both in to Internal Affairs before we got in too deep, and hoping to net some kudos with our superiors in the process.

It turns out Internal Affairs are very interested, and in addition tell me that they have been keeping a very close eye on the group for a while, and that I was to act as their eyes and ears, and their executioner, if necessary. Being the sociopathic fellow that I am, I accepted.

About 5 minutes later, when I got back to the rest of the PCs, the GM turns to me and asks "So, when exactly did you turn off your comms headset?"

D'oh

 

[Comert]

we are exploring a dungeon. We come to a jail like place.
player: I look around. What do I see?
DM: There are several cells seperated by iron bars. There are some old skeletons in some of those cells. There are spider webs here and there around the ceiling. The torches have long finished, you can see their burn marks near their holders.... blah bla bla.... ah, and the skeletons are walking!!!

 

[dkoz]

DM: "You just arrived in the port city and are in search of a good stout ship with hardy sailors to carry you to you final destination. After you question some dockhands you discover that the best sailors in the city can be found at a tavern called the Pink Harpoon."

Our DM was making things up as he went and was going to name the tavern the "silver" or "gold" harpoon, but one of the players mentioned the color pink in a side conversation. I guess the color just worked its way in the DM's mind. Needless to say we all had a good laugh.

 

[Sialia]

Rogue returns from scouting expedition, sans two companions. Reports to remaining group that there are Thri-kreen on the other side of the ridge, and that his companions have been killed.

Party Member: "How did they die?"
Rogue: "Quickly. "

 

[pogre]

From my old WFRP campaign

An Amusing Jimmy Ratspike Tale
The party was trying to save a small village north-west of Almarr that was soon to be assaulted by a Goblinoid horde. A Wood Elf of noble bearing who had stopped in the local coaching inn on his way through refused to help the party. Jimmy's threats probably did little to help gain the Elf's cooperation. The party still managed to save the village, but they were extremely mad about the Elf's attitude.

A plan of revenge was hatched, the infamous Elf s***-trap. A pile of horse dung was placed over a large bear trap outside the Elf's room. The whole thing was set afire, and someone knocked on the Elf's door. The Elf opened the door, and alarmed at the burning pile before him - stomped on the fire. With a sickening crunch the trap tore into the Elf's leg. The party left the happy little village giggling all the way.

Returning through the village sometime later the adventurers learned that the Elf had to have his leg amputated just below the knee. Some in the party felt a pang of guilt, but Jimmy Ratspike and most the others laughed even louder at this news.

Over the next few weeks as the party tracked through the Olde Realm's wilderness they were continually sniped at late at night. Most of these arrows did not do much real damage, although Jimmy Ratspike seemed to be the main target. Much to the frustration of the entire party the source of the arrows could not be discerned.

Finally, after one late night sniping the Ranger character discovered an unusual track in the morning. The track consisted of a humanoid foot print with a deep impression next to it, as though a pole had been sunk into the ground. It was then they realized the Elf s***-trap victim was on their trail. Jimmy Ratspike became enraged shouting vows to Grungni for revenge. Really, a common place occurence.

A week later the Elf's luck ran out as the party set a clever trap for him which he could not avoid. The Elf surrendered in a most noble manner, but Jimmy would have none of it. He had the Elf stripped naked and prepared for combat, unarmed. He sharpened his axe with glee as he prepared for vengeance.

The combat was as lop-sided an affair as could be arranged. The Elf had only one advantage - he was quicker. The helpless, naked Elf delivered a bare handed blow to the Dwarf's stomach. It was an incredible blow which did amazing damage, and had the Dwarf barely retain consciousness. The laughter of his comrades, and his pure rage was probably the only thing that kept him standing. The rest of the combat went the Dwarf's way as he quickly decapitated the Elf.

[In WFRP a critical hit can take out the most experienced adventurer if you roll enough 6s]

The party never allowed Jimmy to live down the Elf s***-trap incident. Anytime he declared himself the greatest combat machine in the world they quickly pointed out he was nearly beaten by a naked, one-legged Elf!

 

[Sanackranib]

Re: Re: funny . . .

What causes 44d6 damage and has a saving throw?

It was some 9th level spell from the epic handbook. I guess I was under the incorrect assumption that the epic lev book was for players 21st level or higher. apparently the stuff in it works pretty darn good for killing off PC's who can only cast 3rd level spells too. - result was a big firey blast body and room distroyed.

 

[Imhotepthewise]

One very sleepy DM asked of a PC when the fighter was going to attack a demon:

"are you using your THROWING spear?" thinking magic spear of distance

raucous laughter ensued

another...

stuttering

"are you stinging flings at it?" (flinging stones at it)

another...

a frustrated high level fighter rolls several 1's fighting a bugbear, finally lands one with a natural 20. X3 damage and location chart fueled the declaration:

"...can it take 115 points in the neck, @@%^&$% it!!!!!"

oft repeated, oft missed.

 

[Sanackranib]

funny

another thing said in a game I played in was:

Pc (after a crit) hy I've still got 5 hp left lets rock . . .

 

[Saint Brendan]

One player is known for his bodily gas, which makes us play in a well ventilated room..
While playing his minotaur character, and using his scent abilty, he tried to find the path of a fugitive stating:
"I continute to smell"
At which point we all replied, "yes you do"

 

[jmucchiello]

I've only split one side on this thread. So bump.